First Time: Penny's Story (First Time (Penny) Book 1) (34 page)

“
I think Sophie would rip
your hair out at the roots,” he said.

Okay, he had me there. But why the fuck was
Ian joking at a time like this?

“
But there was no romancing
going on tonight,” he continued, still with that tone that
suggested I was being needlessly worried.

That only made me more suspicious. “Oh
please. You’re an architect, Ian. You do office buildings. What,
are you going to build Glynn world headquarters or something?”

I didn’t need to make that
sound as snarky as I had. But my heart felt mean, and at the very
same time, it felt broken
and
reluctant to make Ian feel bad. It was an awful
combination.

I saw his calm slipping a little at the
implied insult. “No, I was planning on designing a hotel. Like I
told you before. Can we either discuss this in my car, or at
another time? Because I don’t feel like having our first argument
in the lobby of a restaurant.”

“
Well, I didn’t feel like
running into my boyfriend with a hotter, more age appropriate
billionaire in the lobby of a restaurant, so maybe we don’t all get
what we want,” I snapped and turned for the door.

“
Aren’t you supposed to drop
off a brace?” he asked.

“
I already did!” But he
probably thought that was a lie. He’d seen me walk in and right
back out. I bet he thought I’d stalked him to the restaurant or
something.

You’re so
pathetic
, I sniped at myself as I walked,
head down, to Ian’s car. He didn’t say anything, but tension
radiated from him. He was really mad. Why did he get to be mad,
when he was the one who’d done something awful?

I shouldn’t have agreed to the ride home. It
would just give him time to lie to me. The smart thing would have
been for me to walk away, and then just…

Then just what? Ride it out
until he dumped you?
It would have hurt
worse, then, because I would live in constant fear of it. It was
better to bring it up, now, and get this all over with, even though
the thought of it made my chest hurt.

We got into the car, and he turned on the
engine but didn’t pull away from the curb.

“
Are we going?” I
asked.

“
I don’t want to fight and
drive. Do I get a chance to explain here, or have you just decided
that I’m stepping out on you?” he asked, and I felt a stab of
shame.

“
You don’t have to talk to
me like I’m a child, just because I’m angry,” I managed through
gritted teeth. “How do you think it looks, you calling me and
leaving a voicemail saying we can’t get together tonight because of
work—which, by the way, I totally understand—and then, you’re out
with a woman, an ‘old friend’ who doesn’t even work in your field,
let alone at your firm?”

“
I should have been more
specific. It wasn’t business within the firm. Carrie is looking for
a team to design her next resort. And because she knows
me—”

“
How does she know you?” I
demanded. Because I couldn’t imagine a scenario in which my
boyfriend would know a hotelier who was frequently called the
world’s richest MILF by the tabloids.

“
She started in
architecture. We worked together thirty years ago, and we’ve kept
in touch on and off. It’s nothing sinister, I assure you.” He
groaned in frustration and dragged a hand down his face. “And I
really don’t appreciate your condescension.”

“
When did I
condescend?”

“‘
What, are you going to
build Glynn world headquarters or something?’” Even without
altering his accent, he repeated my inflection
accurately.

I sucked so much sometimes. My anger deflated
into exactly what I didn’t want to feel, foolish and immature. “I’m
sorry. That was really uncalled for. I just… I was intimidated. And
shocked. When you said you had a work thing, I was envisioning you
and several other people, not you and one stunning blond.”

“
I would have much rather
been with one particular stunning blond this evening, but I had to
meet a potential client, instead.” He shook his head. “Have I ever
done anything to indicate that you shouldn’t trust me?”

He had me there. I slouched down, staring at
my hands in my lap so I wouldn’t have to look at him.

“
I know that your last
boyfriend did something horrible to you,” Ian began, his voice
softer. “And it’s perfectly natural that you’re suspicious. But I
promise, there is no other woman on this planet that I want to be
with more than you. I wouldn’t risk what we have for something as
stupid as a one-night stand with Carrie Glynn, or anyone
else.”

Tears threatened, and though I could hold
those back by blinking, I had to sniff to keep watery snot from
falling. I looked up, hoping to distract myself by looking out the
windshield, but it was fogging fast. “Cheating is never about a
one-night stand. It’s a symptom of a bigger problem.”

“
That’s a bit trite, isn’t
it? What have you been reading?”

He was too eager to joke about this, and that
sent my distrust levels sky high once more. I glared at him. “I’m
not a child, Ian. Don’t treat me like one.”

“
I’m sorry. Now I’m on the
one who’s condescending,” he apologized. “Go on. You said you were
intimidated. Why?”

I couldn’t keep up my anger. My despondency
was too strong. “I just turned twenty-three a few weeks ago, Ian.
I’m working at a job I got with a degree I didn’t want in the first
place, I have practically no money, no idea of what’s going to
happen in my future… I am the definition of
not-having-your-shit-together. And you’re so… I mean, you have your
own firm, you’ve accomplished things, you’re actually doing what
you want to do—”

“
No, I’m not,” he
interrupted. “I’m not doing what I wanted to do. I wanted to be an
artist. I wanted to go ‘round Paris sleeping under bridges and
sketching beautiful, tragic women in cafes. I never wanted to be an
architect. It was just something I happened to be good
at.”

“
I forgot about that.” How
could I have forgotten about that?

“
Well, sometimes, I do, as
well. And believe me, that’s almost worse than knowing that I’ll
never have that life. Forgetting your dream, that’s a hell of a
thing.” His words hit me like a battering ram of truth. Forgetting
your dream
was
a
terrible thing. But not allowing yourself to have it in the first
place…

“
You’re worried that I would
want to be with Carrie Glynn? Why? Because she has money?” he went
on.

“
No.”
Yes.
“I mean, the money does figure
in. But it’s more about the overall picture. The reason she has
that money is because she’s confident and accomplished and
successful. Literally everything I’m not.” I shrugged. There was no
way I could articulate why seeing him with Carrie Glynn had
disturbed me so much. They had just…looked right.

“
Exactly. She’s everything
you’re not,” he agreed. “Which is why I don’t want her. I want you,
Penny. Not the opposite of you.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that.

“
You mentioned her age. Is
that another thing…”

“
Yeah.” I nodded in vehement
agreement. “Yeah, your age is intimidating, and it’s something that
I haven’t brought up before because… I don’t know. I’m afraid that
I make you feel bad about being older than me. But you make me feel
bad about being younger than you.”

“
Oh?” He sounded
incredulous, which only made me more defensive.

“
Yeah. You make these little
comments all the time about how old you are in comparison to me.
‘My knees used to be able to do that,’ or ‘humor an old man.’ If I
complain about something, you just brush it off with, ‘imagine how
you’ll feel in thirty years.’ Why would you want to be with me, if
I make you so self-conscious and self-critical?” I stopped myself,
because my voice became shrill. “It just made sense to me, when I
saw you with her. Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who doesn’t
make you feel like Methuselah?”

“
I never said I felt like
Methuselah, did I?” he asked. Then, he waved it away. “No, I know
that’s not the point. I— Penny, when I say those things, they’re
because
I’m
intimidated. You’re so beautiful, and you have so much energy
and optimism… I say those things because I feel dishonest if I
don’t remind you that you can do better.”

And that was the problem. My boyfriend, for
all that his age should have brought him wisdom, was a fucking
idiot. “I don’t want better. I want you.”

He gazed at me expectantly.

Ah.
Just like I wanted him exactly as he was, he was happy with me
the way I was, too.

He laughed softly. “You’re not out there
looking for someone better. I’m not, either.”

I hadn’t trusted him.

I should have trusted him.

I was the worst girlfriend in the world.

Wiping my tears, I insisted, “Just so you
know, I didn’t follow you here. I really did have to drop off
Amanda’s arm brace.”

“
I believe you. She was our
waitress,” he said evenly.

“
I was just coming back in
because I forgot the food she was bribing me with—” My brain made
an instant connection. “Wait, was Carrie Glynn the woman who told
her she should get acupuncture?”

“
Yeah, why?”

That was going to make this whole thing a lot
more bearable. I knew my jealousy and anger toward Carrie Glynn was
unreasonable, but it made me feel better to know that she was
embarrassing. I shook my head and smiled. “Nothing.”

“
Are we okay, now?” His
voice was painfully tight and hopeful.

Could I be a bigger asshole? I turned to him.
“We’re okay. I’m embarrassed that I didn’t trust you. But we’re
okay, as long as you can forgive me.”

“
I’ve forgiven people for
worse.” He leaned over the console to kiss me. The moment our lips
met, it felt as though all the awfulness and tension of the fight
simply melted away. Everything felt right, if not exactly as right
as it would in an hour or two.

“
All right,” he said when he
sat back. “I haven’t been home yet, and I have to feed Ambrose. Do
you want to come stay the night?”

“
Ah. You know…” Oh, I wanted
to. I really wanted to. But I’d already kind of crashed his evening
plans, and I didn’t want him to think I was hanging pathetically on
so he couldn’t hook up with his side piece later. I want him to
believe that I was confident and unthreatened, now that we’d
resolved our issue. As hard as it would be to turn him down… “I
don’t want you to think you have to—”

He put his hand on my arm. “Penny. Come home
with me. Neither of us wants to be alone tonight.”

“
Sure.” I had no willpower.
Or maybe he was just irresistible.

We stopped by my apartment so I could get my
stuff—was it pathetic that I already had kind of a bug-out bag
ready to go in these situations?—then went back to his place. That
awful cat was waiting for us, like a mom catching her teenager home
after curfew. Ian fed it and had a slightly disturbing one-sided
conversation with it as he did. Maybe it was a good thing I was
spending so many nights over.

It was rare that Ian and I didn’t have sex on
a night together. I think we were just both too tired to even think
about it. And even though make-up sex was supposed to be awesome, I
just wanted make-up cuddling. I needed to touch his skin and get
peacefully connected.

“
I wish we hadn’t fought,” I
mumbled against his shoulder as I lay snuggled at his
side.

“
It was inevitable. And it
was our first. We should celebrate.” Ian yawned. I felt guilty
staying over during the week, because he was always so
tired.

“
Well, I’ll pop the
champagne.” I closed my eyes, resolved to stop talking and get to
sleep. Then, it occurred to me that I’d overlooked a pretty big
detail in the middle of all our fighting. I sat up, blurting, “Oh
my gosh! Ian, I’m such an asshole, I didn’t even ask you about the
project!”

He startled, his whole body going tense, then
reluctantly relaxing again. “It’s the Bahamas project I mentioned
before. You could stop someone’s heart doing that, you know?”

I ignored his dire prophecy. “The one you
would have to go away for?” I chewed my lower lip. “Are you going
to take it?”

“
It looks as though I’ll
have to. It’s…going to be a lot of money.” He winced slightly as he
said it, like money was a bad thing. Or that I would think it
was.

Had he even
met
me? I’d researched his
probable salary before our second date. I’d been raised to worship
the god of money as fervently as he’d been raised to worship
Jesus.

“
So? That’s good, right?
You’ll get a lot of money for your firm?” The sheets slipped down.
His eyes fell immediately to my tits. It was like they had some
witchcraft power over him. I left them uncovered, just to take
advantage of that.

“
Yes. And I would take home
a pretty nice bonus, as well.” He paused, and something in his body
language, or maybe it was the tone of his voice, made my stomach
pole vault over my heart. “Enough that I would be…comfortable
settling down. Putting money back for a child’s college fund. Or
two.”