First Time: Penny's Story (First Time (Penny) Book 1) (26 page)

“
You can’t really plead
innocence yourself,” I said, laughing to keep my tone light. “You
believe in the family curse.”

“
The family curse?” Mother
frowned. “There isn’t any family curse.”

“
I’m intrigued.” Ian turned
to me with a small smile. Finally, he looked like he wasn’t having
the worst time of his life. Probably because I’d caught my mother
being hypocritical. “What’s the family curse?”

“
I’m dying to hear it,
myself,” Mother said, and I glanced at Father. His brow was
crumpled and serious, as though he were trying to
remember.

“
You know, the curse where
if a woman in your family sleeps with a guy, that means he’s her
true love, and if you do anything to mess it up, you’ll…never…” I
hadn’t spoken it aloud very often, not recently enough it rolled
out of my mouth without examination. As I said it, I heard how
stupid it was.

“
Oh…” Mother made a “tch”
sound with her tongue as she remembered. “That story? Darling, that
was years ago.”

“
I know, but—”
Story
?

“
We made that all up,”
Mother said, clearly disappointed that I hadn’t figured it out by
now.

“
After what happened with
Ashley, we couldn’t be too cautious,” Dad chimed in.

“
You…” I swallowed a sudden
lump in my throat. “You lied?”

“
Outright forbidding you
from mooning over boys wouldn’t have worked.” Mother was right;
they’d tried, and it hadn’t worked. But lying to me, warning me
that my life would be ruined by even one sexual experience? They
couldn’t have actually done that.

Had they?

Panic breached a wall in my heart, flooding
me with every painful memory of all the times I’d been called a
cocktease, every time a guy had broken up with me because I was
“frigid” or “stuck up”, every time I’d truly wanted to have sex
with a man I had feelings for but didn’t because I’d been too
afraid…

She went on. “You were so obsessed with tarot
cards and horoscopes, so we exploited that a little.”

“
We didn’t think you’d keep
on believing it,” Father said, taking another sip of his wine. “It
was like the Tooth Fairy, or Santa Claus.”

“
The Tooth Fairy,” Ian
echoed quietly.

“
But for years… You guys,
I’ve been afraid my entire adult life—”

“
We told you that you took
all that superstitious nonsense too seriously,” Mother reminded
me.

“
But you actively encouraged
this superstition, didn’t you?” Ian asked, and my already roiling
guts cramped harder. Was he actually confronting my parents? Oh
god, they would make a scene. And then they would make it my
fault.

“
Penny…developed early,” my
father said, clearing his throat uncomfortably. “And she was never
the brightest bulb when it came to people. Animals, yes,
science…but she didn’t exercise the best judgment.”

Mother nodded sagely. “We were sure she was
going to be an unwed teenage mother, and we did not have the
patience for that, at all.”

“
This has affected Penny her
entire adult life, you realize,” Ian pressed. “You don’t feel even
a little guilty about that?”

Mother laughed pleasantly. “Try parenting a
disappointing child, Mr. Pratchett. Then, you’ll understand that
desperate measures must sometimes be taken.”

Hot tears sprang to my eyes.
It was one thing to be so thoroughly demoralized by my parents; I
was used to that. But to have it happen in front of
Ian
? God, it was so
humiliating. It wasn’t just that he was finding out about my flaws.
He was finding out that I was completely worthless and unlovable.
And if my
parents
knew that, how would I hide it from anyone else?

I balled my hands into fists beneath the
tabletop and squeezed so hard my nails dug into my palms. I
wouldn’t let myself start crying in front of all of them.

Ian pushed his chair back so suddenly, my
mother and I both jumped.

“
I’m sorry,” he said,
standing. “But I can’t sit here and listen to this,
anymore.”

“
Excuse me?” Mother gasped.
Her eyes bulged a little. She was going to go nuclear mode, just
like she did when a store wouldn’t accept a return.

“
No, excuse you.” Ian
pointed a finger at her. Red was creeping up his neck above his
collar. “I’ve never in my life seen a parent treat their own child
like this. Look at her. She’s beaten down, and you’re enjoying
it.”

“
Look here,” my father
started, but Ian held up a hand.

“
I’ve looked. And I’ve seen
enough. For fuck’s sake, you’re like a pair of fairy tale
monsters.” He turned to me. “Penny. I love you. And I’m sorry to
make a spectacle. But I can’t be here for this. You’re welcome to
come with me.”

I looked from him to my parents and back, my
mouth open. I was helpless to say anything. What if I made my
parents mad? I’d already disappointed them so much in my life.

He must have surmised an answer in my
pleading expression, but I didn’t know how, since I hadn’t made a
decision, myself.

Ian held up one hand and backed away. “Call
me when you’re ready to talk about this.” He turned to my parents,
a muscle ticking in his jaw. “Enjoy your evening torturing your
daughter.”

Stony silence fell over the table. Both my
mother and my father glared at me, their expressions screaming
triumphantly that they’d expected this to be a disaster, and it had
been. And, while my pain tightened into a hard little ball in my
chest, I realized that the only person in this room tonight who
truly cared about me at all had just walked out the door.

I stood and knocked my chair over. “Oh,
poop!” I bent down and picked it up, grabbing my purse as I righted
it.

“
Sit down, Penny!” my mother
ordered. I didn’t listen. I didn’t care if they never spoke to me
again. Keeping them wasn’t worth letting Ian go. I ran toward the
door.

My heart pounded but not from exertion. From
the fear that he was walking away, and that if I didn’t catch him
before he got in his car, that would be it. No phone call would
ever erase the memory of me choosing those assholes over him. And
after he’d defended me.

I plunged out the door. Ian was walking down
the sidewalk, fast, but before I could say anything, he turned
abruptly and headed back. His eyes were down, so for a second he
didn’t see me. When he did, anger and apology warred on his face.
Apology won out, but as he tried to speak, I cut him off. “No. No,
let me say what I want to say first, okay?”

He’d turned around because he’d been coming
back for me. That was all that mattered.

I wanted to jump into his arms, but an
invisible force field of shame stopped me. “What you did for me
tonight… No one in my life has ever stuck up for me the way you
just did. No one has made me feel…” Tears filled my eyes. He’d done
all that, and I’d seriously almost stayed in my seat there in the
restaurant. “No one has ever made me feel so loved and so
safe…”

“
Hey, hey,” he said, taking
me in his arms right there, despite the stares of the couple
passing us to go into the restaurant. “You don’t deserve to be
treated the way they treated you in there. And they don’t deserve
you. You are so much more than a bank account or a job.”

He stepped back and put his hands on my
shoulders. “You’re Penny-Fucking-Parker, all right? A whole person
who has thoughts and feelings and ideas that impress me every day.
God handed them a gift when he gave you to them, and they’re
fucking miserable and ungrateful for it? Fuck them. I love you. And
I want you to love you as much as I do.”

I knew Ian was religious, but he’d never
really brought it up strongly. The fact that he would now made me
believe him, more so than I might have before. And it was strangely
humbling.

“
Come on,” he said, putting
his arm around my shoulder. “We still need dinner, and you need
cheering up. I’ve got an idea.”

We walked to his car and drove away in
relative silence. I thought of my parents back at that restaurant,
what they must be saying.

I bet they were arguing with the waiter about
not paying for any of the food we’d ordered. That made me absurdly
happy.

After a few blocks, I realized Ian was
driving toward my neighborhood. “Are you expecting me to cook for
you at my place?” I teased, the anxiety in my chest easing
somewhat.

“
I thought that you could
use some profound spiritual guidance.” He didn’t say any more, but
as soon as we turned onto the street, I knew where he was taking
me. It was the little Chinese takeout place where we’d bought our
illicit picnic on our first date.

“
They do have the best
fortune cookies,” I said, and I laughed, because if I didn’t, I was
going to start crying all over again.

We ordered, and I didn’t go for the
guaranteed breath killers this time. When they gave us our food,
Ian suggested, “How about we take this back to my place? I have
something I want to show you.”

“
Okay. But first.” I reached
in the bag and pulled out our fortune cookies. “Let’s see what
these say.”

We sat in the car with the engine idling, and
Ian cracked into his cookie first. He read it and laughed. “You’ve
got to be fucking kidding me.”

“
What does it say?” I asked,
and he handed it to me, a huge grin on his face. I looked down and
read aloud, “‘An unexpected relationship will become permanent.’
You planted this!”

“
I swear I didn’t. But I’m
not complaining about the contents.” He nodded toward mine. “Go
on.”

I opened mine and fished out the paper.
“‘Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you.’”

My heart ached.

“
You know, we’re going to
have to stop doing this,” he said. “They’re not always going to
line up this well.”

“
I think it’s a sign,” I
said through the lump in my throat.

He put the car in gear. “I think you’re
right.”

I hoped he was right.

* * * *

Traffic was
surprisingly light, but the weight of the mood in the car wasn’t.
As we drove over the Brooklyn Bridge, I wondered if the heady
silence between us would bring the entire roadway crashing into the
river. Something had changed between us, and for the better. Which
should have been impossible, considering how well things had
already gone so far.

“
I’m sorry I’m not
talkative,” Ian said suddenly, quietly. “It feels like I should say
something profound.”

“
I know what you mean.” And
I did, although I couldn’t describe it.

When we got to his apartment, that feeling
intensified. We were solid and real to me, not potential. We’d
already happened, and now we just…were. And yet, things seemed
fragile, despite the permanence the fortune had promised.

“
I want to apologize,” I
said as we sat across the corner from each other at his dining
table. We’d poured our food out onto actual plates this time, which
was a nice change from eating off cardboard together.

“
For what?” he
asked.

Did he not know? “For my parents.”

He chewed thoughtfully, and took a swallow of
water before he answered. “Why would you apologize for them? You
can’t control the fact that they’re—”

“
Assholes?” I finished for
him, because I knew he was too considerate to say the word. “I know
it’s not my fault they act that way. But I’m sorry I exposed you to
them and how toxic they are. And I’m sorry I didn’t leave with
you.”

“
I shouldn’t have put you in
that position,” he said, looking away, the way he always did when
he was uncomfortable. This time, it was out of shame. I could tell
by the soft volume of his voice. “It was an ultimatum. You deserve
better.”

“
I do,” I agreed. “I deserve
you.”

After we finished eating, we took the plates
to the kitchen. The quiet was killing me.

It must have been making Ian jumpy, too,
because when he said, “Hang on a second, and I’ll wash these,” he
was way too loud.

He had a dishwasher, but I supposed he didn’t
want to run it for two plates and two forks and two glasses we’d
only sipped water out of. I thought I should still help, even
though there weren’t that many. “How about I wash, you dry? You
paid for the food, the least I can do is help with the manual
labor.”

“
Sounds like a deal.” He
jolted, his eyes going wide. “I remembered what it was I wanted to
show you.”

I’d forgotten he’d mentioned that outside the
restaurant. Now, I really wanted to know what it was. “Show
me!”

He reached up and flipped open a cupboard
door. Inside, there were things on the shelves. Cans of soup, and
boxes of pasta. A loaf of bread. Some quinoa and a packet of
sun-dried tomatoes. Oatmeal. Real, actual food.

“
You went grocery shopping!”
I squealed.

“
And look at this.” He
opened the refrigerator, and inside there were eggs, orange juice,
a couple of raw steaks and some leafy greens. “Now the beer won’t
get lonely.”

“
I’m so proud of you!” I
threw my arms around his neck for a quick hug.

“
I thought you might
be.”

As I turned to the sink and flipped on the
tap, he grabbed a dishtowel and threw it over his shoulder in
preparation for his duties. I was struck by a vision of him doing
the same thing with a burp cloth, juggling a baby—our baby—in his
other arm. I wanted that so badly my teeth clenched.