First Time in Forever (25 page)

Lizzy relaxed her hold on his shirt. “Are you afraid of storms?”

“Not storms, but there are plenty of other things that scare me.”

“Like what?”

He hesitated. “I don’t like hospitals. I don’t like the way they smell or sound. I’ll do just about anything to avoid going into one.”

Lizzy pondered. “But what if the doctor said you had to go to the hospital?”

“Then I’d go.” His hand stroked her hair. “Being afraid doesn’t mean you don’t do something, it just means it isn’t easy and you have to try a little harder than other people.”

“Aunt Emily?” Lizzy was looking at her. “What scares you?”

Loving and losing.

And she hadn’t faced that fear. Instead, she’d done everything she possibly could to live her life in a way that meant she could avoid it.

Emily stirred the sauce in a mindless, rhythmic movement that required no attention.

The only sound in the kitchen was the faint simmer of liquid and the heavy patter of rain against the window.

“Aunt Emily?”

“The sea,” she croaked. “Until today I was afraid of the sea. You have to let Ryan finish the story.”

His eyes fixed on hers, he carried on with the story, his tone and the words he used making it all too easy to picture Abbie’s struggle during that terrible storm.

As the rain sheeted down the windows, Emily found herself picturing the girl trying to keep the lamps burning in the lighthouse and take care of her three sisters and sick mother, while the sea boiled and lashed at her home.

Lizzy listened, absorbed. “What do you think Abbie was afraid of?”

“I don’t know. Whatever it was, she didn’t let it stop her keeping those lamps alight and protecting the shipping in that terrible storm.”

“I want to hear the part where she rescues the hens—”

He’d already told that part of the story, but Ryan repeated it, and Emily sent him a grateful look. There was something intimate about sharing a thought that came with no words, and her chest warmed as she turned back to her sauce. She could feel his eyes on her, feel him watching every movement as she stirred the sauce until it was smooth and perfect.

“I love the sound of the rain on the roof,” she said. “Close your eyes and listen.”

Lizzy closed her eyes. “It sounds like an army with heavy boots.”

Emily smiled. “It does.” She looked at Ryan. His jaw was dark with stubble, his hair curling slightly from the rain. She wanted so badly to touch it, to slide her fingers into it and drag his mouth down to hers as she had the night before. The atmosphere was heavy, filled with unspoken need, the silence eloquent. His smile was intimate and deeply personal, and her response to that smile was so powerful it was hard to breathe through it.

She’d never realized that not touching could be so arousing.

He must have felt the same way because he shifted slightly in his seat.

Lizzy opened her eyes and tightened her grip like a monkey. “I don’t want you to go.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” His voice was husky. “But I need to help Emily, so will you cuddle Cocoa? She hates storms, too.”

Distracted by this new responsibility, Lizzy scrambled under the table with Cocoa.

Emily’s heart rate quickened as Ryan stood next to her. He covered her hand with his and stirred the sauce, his mouth close to her ear

“I’m hungry.”

She didn’t dare look at him. “The food won’t be long.”

“That isn’t going to help me.” His voice shimmered with wry humor.

The urge to kiss him was almost unbearable, and she wondered how she was going to make it through an evening without being allowed to touch him.

“Ryan?” Lizzy’s voice came from under the table, making them both jump.

He kept his eyes on Emily’s face. “Yeah?”

“You should hug Emily, too, in case she’s scared.”

“Oh!” Flustered, Emily almost dropped the spoon. “There isn’t any need—”

“Great idea.” Ryan removed the spoon from her hand, slid his arm around her and pulled her against him. “Are you scared, Emily?”

She placed her hand on his chest, intending to make a flippant remark and push him away, but she could feel the steady beat of his heart against her palm, and instead of pulling back she curved her hand up to his shoulder.

“I’m not afraid of storms,” she said quietly.

“But you’re afraid of other things.” His voice was low, and she knew this conversation was no longer for Lizzy’s benefit.

She was afraid. Not of the storm and not of him, but of her own feelings.

His cheek brushed against her hair, and she could feel the warmth of his hand low on her spine. She was pressed against thick, hard masculine pressure, and desire blurred her vision and her thoughts. It was obvious that his frustration matched hers. She wanted his mouth on hers so badly she almost dragged his head to hers right there and then.

The effort of holding back simply increased the erotic intensity of the moment.

Every sense was exaggerated. She could hear the relentless patter of rain on the roof and the soft bubbling of the sauce on the stove. She felt the warmth of his breath on her neck and the slow stroke of his fingers on her spine.

His hand cupped her cheek, and when she looked into his eyes she saw heat and raw desire.

She’d never wanted anything or anyone as badly as she wanted him.

Her stomach tightened.

His mouth was so close to hers he was almost touching her.

“Emily?” Lizzy’s voice came from under the table where she was still playing with Cocoa. “I can smell burning.”

The moment was broken.

They rescued the sauce, and later, much later, after a supper of mac and cheese followed by blueberry pie, Emily tucked Lizzy into bed.

The thunder had moved on, leaving only the rain, and Emily flicked on the tiny lamp by Lizzy’s bed. “I’m going to leave the door open, so if you want me you just have to call out.”

“Will you be downstairs?”

“The whole time. I’ll be able to hear you.”

“Will Ryan be there, too?”

“For a while, but then he’ll be going home.”

“I like it when he’s here. I wish he could stay.”

I wish he could stay, too.

“He has to go home.” Emily tucked the patchwork quilt around the little girl and the bear. “And you need to go to sleep.”

“Maybe he could do a sleepover one night, like I did with Summer and Harry.”

Emily felt her tummy tighten. “We’ll talk about that another time.”

“Can Cocoa sleep on my bed tonight in case the storm comes back?”

“I’ll ask Ryan.”

“Can we swim in the sea again tomorrow?”

The questions were endless, a ruse to postpone the moment when Emily left the room.

“It depends on the weather.” She sat on the edge of the bed and stroked Lizzy’s hair. “Are you still scared? I could sit with you if you like.”

“No.” Lizzy’s eyes were drifting shut. “I’m going to think about Abbie in the storm. She was brave.”

“She was.”

“Emily?”

She paused, waiting for another question. “Yes?”

“I love you.”

Caught off guard, Emily felt her heart miss a beat and the breath jam in her throat.

It hadn’t been a question, but still a declaration like that demanded a response and how was she going to respond?

Of all the things that scared her in life, this scared her the most.

More even than walking into the sea and swimming.

She thought of what Ryan had said about fear. She thought of Abbie keeping the lamps burning in the storm.

And then she closed her eyes and took the leap. “I love you, too.”

*

“I
S
SHE
ASLEEP
?” Ryan offered her a beer, but Emily shook her head and walked to the window, her expression dazed. “What’s wrong?”

“Everything.” She wrapped her arms around herself, staring straight ahead. “I’ve lived my whole life trying to stop this happening.”

Ryan put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him. “What?”

“She told me she loved me.” Her voice shook slightly, and he saw emotion shimmer in those green eyes, along with something else.

“And that scared the hell out of you.”

“Yes.” She took a deep breath. “I can’t do this, Ryan. I don’t want this.”

“You don’t want her to love you? You’re scared because she’s putting all her trust in you, depending on you?”

There was a long silence, and then she lifted her face to his. “No, I’m scared because I love her back.”

“Emily—”

“She’s been with me for a matter of weeks, and I was so sure I had this under control.”

“Feelings are the hardest thing in life to control.”

She raked shaking fingers through her hair. “What am I going to do?”

“Same thing everyone else does. You’re going to take life a day at a time, enjoy the good parts and deal with the bad.”

“The bad broke me.”

“You were a child and you were alone. You’re not alone now.” He pulled her against him and lowered his mouth to hers. “Tell me why you ran out on me this morning.”

“I needed to pick up Lizzy.”

“Next time, wake me.” He kissed her and heard her moan softly. “How soon do you think Lizzy will want to go for another sleepover?”

“Not for a while.”

“In that case I am going to be taking a lot of cold swims in the sea.” He lifted his head and smoothed her hair back, searching her face. “Do you regret it?”

She shook her head. “Do you?”

It had been the best sex of his life.
“No.” He could feel her curves against him and had to use all his willpower not to strip her naked and press her back against the sofa. “But Kirsti saw you leaving, and I had to endure half an hour of questions, none of which I answered.”

“Oops. Awkward.”

“Not really. I’m immune to Kirsti. Let me know when you and Lizzy want to go out on the boat again.”

“You’d take her again?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

She gave him a long look. “I guess I’m a little surprised. You make no secret of the fact your preference is for a child-free life.”

“I’m suggesting a boat trip, not inviting her to move in. I like Lizzy. She’s been through a trauma, and I know how that feels. And it’s the only way I can spend time with you.”

There was nothing more to it than that.

He had no idea why people insisted on making things more complicated than they were.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

T
HE
REGENERATION
OF
Summer Scoop took place the following weekend.

Lisa had bought the paint and supplies, and Ryan had managed to enlist an army of volunteers from the students who frequented the island over the summer months. They arrived in a minivan emblazoned with the logo of the Marine Center, ready to pitch in for the reward of free ice cream.

Skylar, who had flown in for the weekend, put herself in charge of the interior. She’d discarded the option of plain walls in favor of a mural. She and Lisa had pored over designs, before finally agreeing on an ocean theme.

“It needs puffins,” Lizzy had announced firmly, and so puffins had been added to the design.

Skylar had given all three children paintbrushes and small pots of paint, and put them in charge of painting the sand under her strict supervision.

“She should be a teacher,” Rachel murmured as she joined the group outside, painting the exterior. “I’m going to try and tempt her to do a few weeks at Camp Puffin next summer.”

Years of weathering and chipped paint vanished under several coats of glossy blue that added cheer to the front of Summer Scoop.

Lisa had bought wrought-iron bistro tables and chairs from an online auction site and was busy cleaning them up. “I bought them from a lady in Bar Harbor who is moving to live with her daughter in Canada.”

“They’re fantastic.” Emily watched with half an eye as Lizzy painstakingly added to the sand. “Did you talk to Doug about lowering the rent?”

“Yes. I said exactly what you said I should say and he agreed.”

“I thought he might.”

“I can’t thank you enough.” Lisa wiped her forehead on her forearm. “Finally, I feel as if there might be hope. Without you I think I would have given up.”

“You wouldn’t have.”

“I certainly wouldn’t have thought of all this. And I wouldn’t have been able to persuade everyone to help.”

“That was Ryan. He always says that islanders can be the most irritating people alive until you’re in need, and then they’re the best.”

“He’s right. And your friend Skylar is a talented artist.”

Emily glanced across to Skylar who was painting a puffin on the rock. “Yes. Her career is taking off. She has an exhibition in London in December.”

“Jewelry?”

“Among other things. She’s produced some stunning glass sculptures inspired by photos a colleague of Brittany’s sent her from Greece. Lily is an expert in Minoan ceramics, and Sky has been working with her. This new collection will be a modern take on ancient artifacts or something. The colors were inspired by Greek islands so lots of swirling blue and white. She’s calling it
Ocean Blue
.”

“Does she have a studio?”

“She rents space in another artist’s studio. He’s a glass artist.”

Her friend had confided that Richard hadn’t seemed pleased either with the amount of time Skylar was spending in the studio, or her growing success.

Emily wished they’d had more time to talk about that, but in between entertaining Lizzy and giving Summer Scoop a face-lift, there hadn’t been time to explore the personal.

They worked through the day, pausing just long enough to eat the pizzas Ryan ordered from the Ocean Club.

While Lisa supervised the children, Emily sat on one of the chairs next to Ryan.

“Why is it that whenever I see you there are a million people around?” He spoke in an undertone, and she glanced at the small crowd who were transforming Summer Scoop.

“They’re working miracles.”

“Leave Lizzy with Lisa, come back to my place and I’ll work some miracles of my own.”

She felt her cheeks warm. “I’m helping the community.”

“I’m a member of the community, too.” He pushed the pizza toward her. “And talking of that, an oceanfront cottage has come up at the Puffin Retirement Community.”

She paused, a slice of pizza in her hand. “Are you thinking about Agnes?”

“I’m not thinking about it—she is. She’s struggling to cope in Harbor House. The truth is the house is too big for her, and it’s hard for her to see her friends. She’s been thinking about next steps. She’s asked me to take her to see it on Monday.”

“Doesn’t Hilda already live there?”

“Yes. That’s part of the reason Gran wants to move. To be closer to her friends.”

“And you don’t want her to go? It upsets you that she is thinking of leaving the house. You feel you should be able to do something to keep her there.”

“She’s lived there most of her life.”

“But people’s lives change, their needs change. What was right for a person five years ago or even a year ago, might not be right now.” She realized that she could have been talking about herself.

“She loves that house. Even on days when her arthritis is bad, she loves sitting and watching the boats and the people coming and going on the ferry. I’m worried she’s thinking of leaving because she doesn’t want to be a burden to me.”

“Have you tried asking her what she really wants?”

“She wouldn’t give me a straight answer.”

“She might if you were honest with her. I think you should take her to see it. I think you should keep your mouth zipped, let her look around and do what she needs to do to make a decision. Then you should talk. This isn’t about you, Ryan. It’s not about what you’re doing or not doing. It’s about what she needs and wants.”

They returned to the painting, and finally, as the sun was dipping down over the horizon, they finished. Lisa stood back and admired the freshly painted frontage with the new sign and the beautiful mural visible through the large window.

“I love it. I might cry.”

“Don’t cry,” Ryan drawled. “I hate bawling women.”

Emily noticed his eyes narrow slightly as Jared looped his arm around Rachel’s shoulders and kissed her on the head. “She’s an adult now,” she said quietly, and he pulled a face.

“I know. I still want to kick his ass for kissing my sister.”

“She looks happy.”

“She’s too trusting. And if he breaks her heart I
will
kick his ass.” He frowned. “Oops. Lizzy is crying. Someone is tired. Do you want me to—?”

“No. I’ll go to her.” Concerned, Emily scooped up Lizzy and knew immediately something wasn’t right. She put her hand on the child’s forehead and frowned. “You’re burning up. Are you not feeling well? Lisa, I’m sorry, I’m going to have to take her home.”

“Of course. Thank you for everything. Do you have medicine? It’s probably just a cold or something. Give me a call later and let me know how she is.”

Ryan walked with Emily to the car. “I guess we’ll have to postpone that romantic night.”

“She was fine when she woke up, and she was painting happily all day. It’s come on very suddenly.” She pressed her hand to Lizzy’s forehead again and felt a flash of unease. She was relieved Skylar was staying another night. It would be moral support.

“Give her lots of fluids.” Ryan opened the car door for her. “Don’t let her overheat, and if you’re worried get in touch with the medical clinic. You have the number?”

“Stuck to the fridge.”

“If you’re worried, call me. I’d come back with you, but we have a wedding at the Ocean Club tomorrow and things are a little crazy.”

“We’re fine, Ryan.” She strapped Lizzy into her seat. “I should go.”

She closed the door, and Ryan put an arm on either side of her, caging her. “As soon as Lizzy is better, we need to arrange another sleepover.”

For a moment she thought he was going to kiss her right there in public, but then he pulled away and she saw Skylar walking toward them, loaded down with art materials.

“Have I kept you waiting? I was taking photographs of the mural for my website. How’s poor Lizzy?”

“Feverish.” Emily knew she was going to be answering a hundred questions from her friend the moment they were on their own. “I’m going to get her home.”

“Keep her cool,” Ryan advised. “Don’t let her overheat.” He stood back so that Emily could slide into the driver’s seat. “I’m sure she’ll be better tomorrow.”

*

T
OMORROW
CAME
AND
Lizzy was worse. She was restless and fractious all morning, and by the time Emily dropped Skylar at the airport at lunchtime her temperature was high.

Skylar stared up at the sky. “Storm blowing in. I wish I could stay, but I have a meeting with the gallery. They’ve sold some of my pieces and need more, and I really have to do some work on my collection for the exhibition in December.”

“Of course you can’t stay. We’ll be fine. It’s just a cold, I’m sure.” She ignored the uneasy twinge in her stomach that told her it was something more.

She was a worrier, so she had to counteract that by forcing herself to be rational.

All the same she was up all night, checking Lizzy and keeping her cool. By morning, Lizzy was worse, not better. It was when Emily was changing her soaked T-shirt for the second time that she noticed the rash.

Icy calm, shaking, she bundled her into the car along with Andrew and drove her to the medical clinic, telling herself that it was probably just a virus, that kids got sick all the time and then got better again. Taking no chances, she called ahead to warn the clinic that she was coming.

She badly wanted to call Ryan, but she knew he’d spent his formative years dealing with this sort of thing and now avoided it. And anyway, today was the day he was taking Agnes to see the retirement home. He already had enough demands on his time.

The threatened storm had been building for days, and huge angry clouds hovered above them. Out in the bay the sea bounced and foamed with anger. By the time Emily reached the medical clinic, fat raindrops were pelting the car.

The nurse practitioner was busy, but one of the physicians who covered the clinic on a periodic basis was available.

Emily almost stumbled as she gave Lizzy’s full name, reluctant to disclose her identity even to a medical professional bound to keep such details confidential.

If the doctor was surprised to find the daughter of Lana Fox on a remote island in Maine, she kept the thought to herself.

It took her less than five minutes to decide Lizzy should be transferred to the hospital on the mainland.

“My instinct is that it’s just a virus. Her throat is clear, her ears look fine, and normally I’d suggest waiting a few hours. But we have bad weather coming in, and I don’t want you trapped here with no access to a higher-level of medical care if she gets worse, especially as I can’t find an obvious source for the infection.”

Emily felt her stomach lurch. The fact that the doctor was sufficiently concerned to suggest a transfer to the mainland snapped the leash on her anxiety.

She wished she’d had the foresight to pack a bag.

And she wished yet again that Ryan were here.

While Lizzy lay, eyes closed, Emily pulled the doctor to one side. “I’m worried that it could be meningitis. Please, tell me I’m overreacting.”

The doctor hesitated a few seconds longer than was reassuring. “That’s just one of the options on the list. There are many others. I think it’s unlikely, but she has a high temperature and a rash so I have to treat it as a possibility until we’ve ruled it out. I’m going to give her an injection. The hospital will be able to do more tests. Try not to worry.”

Emily wondered why doctors said that when it was clearly asking the impossible. “What can I do?”

“Stay here while I call them. You’ll be more comfortable here than in the waiting room, and you’re my last patient.”

As the door closed behind her, Emily was engulfed by silence.

Looking at Lizzy’s listless form, anxiety overwhelmed her. Her heart, protected for so long, was exposed and vulnerable.

Desperate to hear Ryan’s voice, she pulled her phone out of her bag and was dialing his number when the doctor walked back into the room.

The phone slipped back into her bag, forgotten.

“I’ve spoken to the pediatric department on the mainland, and, given the weather forecast and the lack of facilities here on the island, they want you to come in. They’re expecting you.”

Emily stood up, on legs that felt more like water than flesh and bone. “I’ll take the ferry.”

“The last ferry left early because of the storm. There won’t be another crossing today.”

“Can we fly out?”

“Island Air has grounded all flights.” The doctor hesitated. “There is a private pilot willing to take you, but it’s your decision.”

In Emily’s mind there was no decision to be made. “Where can I find him?”

“Up at the airfield, but you need to hurry. The winds are increasing. Is there anything you need before you go? Anyone you want to call to be with you?”

She thought about Ryan, taking Agnes to the home. She thought about Skylar, back in Manhattan and Brittany digging somewhere in Crete.

She was on her own with this.

Emily looked at the bear in Lizzy’s arms. “We have the essential items.”

The doctor handed Emily a letter. “Give this to the doctors. My number is on there, so they can call me. The pilot’s name is Zachary Flynn.”

Zach.

The man who had broken Brittany’s heart.

The man whose photo had been stuck on Brittany’s wall for those first few months of college, so that they could all draw on it.

A million objections crowded her brain, and in among them was the fact that Zach was a man not known for being reliable.

Why was he prepared to fly when no one else was?

The doctor was still talking. “I’ll arrange for an ambulance to meet you when you land and transfer you to the hospital.”

Despite her panic, Emily forced herself to drive carefully on the slick roads. The filthy weather had driven the tourists indoors, so she encountered very little traffic on her way to the airfield on the north of the island.

Glancing in her rearview mirror, she checked on Lizzy who was lying with her eyes closed, her face flushed with fever.

The wind buffeted her car, and rain almost obscured her view. What if even Zach decided it was too dangerous to fly? What if the weather transpired against them and trapped them here?