First Time in Forever (11 page)

“The timing is bad. If he wins in November, he’ll want me by his side for all the Christmas functions.” Skylar put her glass down, her eyes miserable. “And I hate the way things are right now, Em. I bump into my parents and it’s as if we’re strangers. The only thing I’ve ever done right in their eyes is date Richard Everson. They want me to go home to Long Island for the holidays.”

“You said you weren’t putting yourself through that again.”

“I know what I said. They want me to bring Richard. And he wants to go, of course, because he needs my father’s support. So I’m facing a miserable Christmas with my parents, being held up as an example of a daughter who wasted her life. My younger brother passed the bar exam by the way, so I’m now officially the only non-lawyer in the family.” The smile stayed on her face, but her voice was thickened. “Whatever happened to the fairy-tale Christmas we used to dream about, Em? What happened to ice-skating, roasting chestnuts and family fun? Christmas in my house is about as much fun as a day in the Supreme Court.”

“You can’t give up your exhibition, Sky. They should be excited for you! They should— On second thought, don’t get me started on that one.” Emily flopped back against the sofa. “Can you believe this? On the outside you have the perfect family, but you’re no better off than I am.”

“I know. My friendship with you and Brit has been stronger than anything I’ve had with my family.” Sky stared down into her glass. “The other reason I don’t want to go home for the holidays is that I’m afraid Richard is going to make some dramatic gesture.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. He’s hinting at marriage again. He thinks it will help his image.”

Emily almost spilled her wine. “He wants to marry you because he thinks it will garner him public approval? What about what you want? And, more to the point, what about love?”

“I asked that exact same question.”

“And?”

Skylar took a mouthful of wine. “He told me not to be ridiculous. Said that of course he loves me. That goes without saying.”

“Love should never go without saying.” Emily felt a flicker of unease. “You did tell him how you feel about marriage?”

“Of course. I’ve always been honest about it. He knows it isn’t what I want. For me a relationship should be held together by strong emotions, not a piece of paper.” Some of the sparkle in her eyes dimmed. “Do you think I’m too romantic?”

“For believing in love? No, but that isn’t what matters. What matters is finding a man who understands and respects your views, whatever they are.” And she was fairly sure Richard wasn’t that person. Emily found his charm superficial and manipulative rather than genuine. She would never have put him with someone as creative and sensitive as Sky. It was like sending an armored tank to catch a butterfly. “Relationships are hard. Finding someone who wants the same things as you is rare. Finding someone who understands you, even rarer.”

“Are you about to tell me you had that with Neil? Because I won’t believe you.”

What had she had with Neil? She wasn’t sure she could put a name to it. “It was an easy relationship.”

“Is easy another word for boring?”

“Maybe. It was safe. I was with him for three years and not once did I ever feel confused about my feelings.” She’d known Ryan two days, and her feelings had been all over the place.

“It was your lucky day when he dumped you. The only thing I don’t understand is why you didn’t dump him first. You deserve so much better. All you need to do now is throw out everything black in your wardrobe.”

“I like black.”

“It makes you fade into the background.”

“That’s exactly where I want my body to be. In the background. You have no idea how many men have had conversations with my chest.”

“And I bet you managed to get them to look into your eyes two seconds after you opened your mouth. You’re bright and witty, Emily. Your body is your body. It’s the only one you have, and you shouldn’t feel you need to hide it.”

“You don’t understand. Even Neil agreed that my breasts, if not exactly my worst feature, were unfortunate.”

“He said that? I’m glad you told me because now if I ever get the chance to kill him, I’m going to make sure it’s a slow death. Why do you think he said that, Em? Because underneath the surface he was a jealous creep, and he didn’t want other men looking at you.”

Emily tried to picture Neil jealous. “I want people to take me seriously.”

“I understand. Look at this blond hair—” Skylar lifted a handful of pale silk “—do you think people don’t prejudge me? Of course they do, but I don’t care. I love my hair, and if they want to take it as a sign that my brain is minuscule, then it will give me all the more pleasure to prove them wrong. This isn’t about the way you relate to men. It’s to do with your mother.”

Emily examined her nails. “Maybe.”

“Not maybe. She used her body because she had a pathological need for attention and didn’t know any other way to get it. You’re nothing like her.”

“Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I see similarities.”

“Change your mirror. I am going to take a pair of scissors to your clothes. It’s time you stopped hiding. You deserve a grand passion, and your breasts deserve to have a life outside the rigid confines of corsetry.”

Emily stared wistfully into her wineglass. “I’ve never had a grand passion. I’ve never felt that strongly about anyone. I’m not sure I want to.”

“That’s because you associate passion with the sleazy encounters your mother had. But that wasn’t passion. That was opportunistic sex.”

Emily thought about the constant parade of men when she was growing up. The cramped apartment had been busier than Times Square in July. The walls had been paper thin, the lack of air-conditioning adding to the oppressive atmosphere of the place. She was fairly sure her mother hadn’t been a passion addict, just an attention addict. “Lana inherited some of her traits. She had that same desperate need to be the focus of attention.”

She’d worked hard to be the opposite, but in doing so she’d put a label on passion as something to avoid, which had proven to be easy enough until now.

She thought about Ryan and the way he made her feel. Of the sexual awareness simmering beneath the surface of every interaction. “Do you see a future with Richard?”

Skylar lay back on the sofa. “He has many qualities that I admire. He knows what he wants and he’s determined to do what he has to do to get there.”

“And he wants you.” She didn’t voice her uneasy suspicion that Richard saw Skylar as an acquisition, a tool to enhance his political appeal.

“Yes, but there’s no escaping the fact that we’re different. He has a five-year plan. I have a five-minute plan.”

“I love that about you.”

Sky finished her wine and put her glass down, “How is it going with Lizzy?”

“It’s tough. I feel like I want to tie her to me so that nothing bad can happen.” Emily toyed with her glass. “I don’t trust my ability to keep her safe. I don’t have the skills for this.”

“Yes, you do, but you’re scared.” Sky took her hand. “It’s understandable after what happened. You’re an intelligent woman, you should understand that.”

“What I know intellectually doesn’t change how I feel emotionally.” She stared down at Skylar’s slender fingers, relieved to be able to talk about it. “When I got that phone call, I thought Puffin Island was the perfect place to bring Lizzy. Secluded, miles away from her home, but I didn’t think about the other things.”

“You mean the sea?”

“Yes. I couldn’t have brought her to a worse place. All my phobias are concentrated in this one small island.”

“You love this island. We spent every summer here when we were in college.”

“That was different. I didn’t have a child to care for. I could think about myself. I helped Kathleen in the garden, I walked up through the woods, I spent time in the kitchen with her learning to bake—”

“So, you can still do those things.” Skylar put her glass down. “You don’t have to go to the beach, Em.”

“It’s right outside the door and she keeps asking.” She took a deep breath. “And I feel like a coward.”

“You’re not a coward. You had a terrible experience. And you’ve only been back on the island for a week. Give yourself time. There’s no shortage of things to do here. We just need to get her interested in things that don’t involve the sea.” Skylar suppressed a yawn. “I haven’t been to the harbor for ages. We’ll do that tomorrow. We’ll eat ice cream and you can take me to the Ocean Club. I want to try the chocolate milk Lizzy keeps talking about. And I want to meet Ryan.”

*

R
YAN
WAS
SEATED
at a table by the water talking to Alec when Kirsti strolled over to them.

“She’s back. I told you she was The One. She can’t stay away from you. And she brought a hot blonde for Alec.”

Alec didn’t lift his gaze from the book he’d been reading before Ryan had joined him. “I’m allergic to hot blondes.”

Ryan glanced over to the doorway, saw Emily and Lizzy and, behind them, another woman he assumed to be Skylar.

She was tall, her almost ethereal beauty emphasized by the dress she wore. A mixture of green and blue, it floated round her slim frame as she walked.

“She looks like a mermaid,” Kirsti muttered. “Alec, you are going to want to look at this.”

“In Greek mythology mermaids summon men to their doom.”

“You read too much. You need to watch more TV and play some video games. Rot your brain a bit like normal folk.”

Ryan’s gaze was fixed on Emily. It had been two days since he’d seen her, and he’d had to force himself to stay away and give her space. He saw her smile at something her friend said and felt something clench in his gut. There, right there, was the real Emily. He wanted to capture that smile and follow it to see where it led, but it vanished quickly, and she was watching the child again, as if she were afraid she might blow away in the breeze. He understood that the responsibility was new to her, but he sensed there was more to her overly protective attitude than the unfamiliarity of unplanned parenthood. “Give them the same table as last time.”

“It’s reserved for the couple sailing that racing sloop. There will be pistols at dawn.”

“I’ll handle them. Give it to Emily.”

“You’re the boss.” With a shrug Kirsti moved away to welcome her new customers.

Convenience should have made Emily take the seat with the best view of the water, but instead she switched with her friend so that she once again sat with her back to it.

Pondering the possible reasons for that, Ryan tried to focus on the conversation with Alec. “So, you’re planning to see Selina while you’re in London?”

Alec wrapped his hand around the beer. “Yes, but that’s one encounter that will be as brief as possible.”

“I don’t understand how the two of you ever got together.”

“Never underestimate the mind-distorting power of great sex.” Alec stared broodingly over the ocean. “Before me, she dated bankers and mega-rich city types. She wanted adventure and thought I was a sea-loving version of Indiana Jones. I took her kayaking on our honeymoon.”

Ryan raised his eyebrows. “White water kayaking?”

“No, just plain old sea kayaking. Her hair got wet. Let’s talk about something else.”

“I’ve got a better idea.” Ryan stood up. “Put your book away. We’re moving tables. You’re going to talk to a live human instead of reading about dead ones.”

“Dead ones are more interesting, and they don’t bleed you dry. And I am not moving tables. I like this table. It seats two people which means no one can join us.”

“I own this place,” Ryan murmured. “If you don’t move, I’ll physically eject you.”

With a sigh, Alec looked up. “Are you meddling with my sex life? Because I have enough of that from Kirsti.”

“No. I’m meddling with my own, and you’re my wingman.”

“I’m not a good wingman.”

“You’re the perfect wingman. You’re so bitter and twisted, you make me look good. Stand up. We’re going to join them for lunch.”

Alec’s gaze flickered to Skylar, and just for a moment he stared. “Women like her don’t eat lunch. They order it, make you pay and then push it round their plates.”

“Every time you think like that, you’re letting your ex-wife win.”

“She has won. She has a large chunk of my income and my house in London.”

“You have plenty of income left, you can stay in a hotel when you travel to London and you have your freedom. Seems like a good deal to me.” Ryan gave him a slap on the shoulder and strolled across to the group on the other side of the terrace. Lizzy sat, swinging her legs, and she reminded him so much of Rachel at the same age, he smiled. “Cute hat.”

Her face brightened. “Ryan! Can I play with Cocoa?”

“And there was I thinking you were pleased to see me, but it’s all about the dog.” He winked at her. “She’s with my grandmother, but you can visit anytime. They live in the big white house with the wraparound deck just up from the harbor. If you wanted to walk Cocoa, you’d be her favorite person.”

Lizzy instantly turned to Emily. “Can we?”

“Sure.” Her gaze flickered to his, and he saw color warm her cheeks in the moment before she turned to introduce her friend. “This is Skylar.”

He was tempted to ask Skylar if she’d babysit while he took Emily for a long walk along the beach followed by sunset-watching from the king-size bed in his apartment, but instead he reached across and extended his hand.

“I’ve heard about you from my grandmother.” He took the chair next to Emily, leaving Alec no choice but to sit next to Skylar. “This is Alec Hunter. You have to excuse him. He’s half British, but their weather isn’t bad enough for him, so he spends most of his time here with us in Maine. He’s a historian.”

Alec’s greeting was little more than a curt nod, and Skylar’s gaze flickered to Alec’s rough, handsome features and lingered for a moment before returning to Ryan.

“What was your grandmother’s name?”

“Agnes Cooper. You gave her friends a jewelry class once.”

“I did. I remember her well. She was wonderful.” A smile spread across her face, and Ryan saw warmth and humanity beneath the surface beauty.