FIRST ONE DOWN: A Paul Sutton Novel (13 page)
"It's an amazing view from where I'm sitting too," she said, feeling her cheeks blush again and surprising herself at being so blatantly forward with him.
"You know how to make a man blush."
"Oh, I don't know about that, Colonel, I'm just a girl in the presence of a guy who I find fascinating and handsome. I guess you bring it out in me," she said, batting her eyelashes at him once again. She could see how uneasy her flirting made him and she found it mildly amusing, but more than that, she found it to be quite flattering.
"'Just a girl' is definitely not a phrase that I would use to describe you. You are much more than that. But, I think you are aware of the ability you have to suck a man in, and I feel rather fortunate to be the current object of your flirtations. I desire to learn the story behind the girl. So, tell me, what man was crazy enough to let you escape his clutches before I came on to the scene?" Andrew asked.
The question hung in the warm air between them for a moment while Kali thought through how much to divulge, and how. How would she ever be able to explain her past to a new man in her life? How could she fully explain the past four years of her life to anyone, even herself, she wondered? Placing her chin gracefully on her folded hands that were lifted up near her face, she inhaled deeply and raised her shoulders up. Exhaling, she set her hands back on the table and was in shock at what she was about to reveal, even as the words left her mouth.
"I've spent the past two years of my life trying to get over a man. A man who I gave my heart to, no questions asked. A man who I learned some valuable lessons from. A man who gave me the insight I needed to know what I do and what I do not want from a relationship. It's been a tough journey from the girl I was, to the woman you are sitting across from tonight and I am so happy to be here, to have reached this side of the shore. I'm happy to be here with you, Colonel."
Looking down for a moment and then back up, across the small wooden table, and fixing his focus directly on her eyes, Andrew spoke the words that would stay with her for a lifetime. "I don't know you that well, but it pains me to think of any man hurting you. What many of my gender don't realize is just how fragile your gender is, or the power we have to build a woman up or break her down. I learned this with my late wife. I watched her go from having a bright light in her eyes when she looked at me, when she planned for us, and our future together, to eyes that were dull and lackluster just a few short years into our marriage. I've spent a great deal of time reflecting on that relationship. What I gave, and what I didn't. Mostly I think about what I took from her. Things I shouldn't have been allowed to take. I took her dreams away; I turned her fairytale into a structured, routine existence that had mostly to do with step-by-step instructions on how to reach the goals that I thought equated to a successful life. The part I failed to write into that plan was magic, fun, togetherness, carelessness, passion. I didn't make time in that plan to sleep in, to get away together, and to learn to cook or dance together. I wrote a plan for two people to lead separate lives in an attempt to build for a future we would never realize, even if she were still here, because somewhere along the way, we lost each other. And, without each other, I know now, those goals I had set and planned for us to achieve, well, they didn't matter in the end. Even if she had not been taken from me the way she was I would have lost her eventually." Placing his large hands over hers, he looked off into the distance for a moment and then back into her eyes again and continued. Kali was too awestruck to interject at that point, and he didn't leave much room for her to do so.
"To sit here across from you, such an amazing woman, and see the hurt in your eyes as you try to sum up the reason you are single, and how you got here, in a few short sentences; it's impossible not to see that you are like my Laura. Lost in the void that a foolish man left in your heart. And, although I can't go back and change your past, or mine, what I can do is try to ease the road you're on in some way, even if a small way. And, not to satisfy a need to ease my own guilt over the ways I failed in my marriage, but because I sincerely care for you. I knew it, I felt it from that first time I touched your shoulders. It was as if your energy seized me, rendering me helpless to fight against letting myself be overtaken by your beauty, your inner beauty, Kali. You may see me as some big, hard ass Marine who doesn't think deeply, who doesn't feel deeply. If you do, I understand, that's the image I put off - on purpose. But if you don't believe I think about you or that I feel for you deeply, you're wrong. I might have bumped into your life at an inopportune time, hell, it's definitely not what I came out to San Diego to do. But, I believe that everything happens for a reason, and the truth is, you have saved me from falling further into the big black hole that I was plummeting into before the day I met you. For that, no matter where we end up, together or not, I owe you. And, I am going to do everything in my power to show you that a man can love, wholly, with intention and purpose, to satisfy more than his own selfish needs. I promise you that I will never hurt your heart. The look in your eyes that I saw moments ago, that's not a look that will ever be in those beautiful, dark eyes because of something that I did. What I hope for you, and for me, is to replace that with a bright glow brought about by the realization that fairytales exist for girls like you, for girls exactly like you, Kali. You may have been the first one down that day we met in the hallway, but I was falling right after you."
With all of that said, he looked off into the distance again, and when Kali opened her mouth to try to form a response to the prettiest words she had ever heard come out of a man's mouth, her voice caught in her throat and tears welled up in her eyes. He looked back at her and gave her hands a light squeeze. The waiter arrived, as if on cue, to interrupt the beautiful silence that had fallen over the table.
"Have we decided on dinner?" the waiter asked.
With a chuckle, Andrew said, "I think we need a few minutes."
The waiter moved along to another guest table and Andrew pulled his hands away from Kali's and opened the menu. "What does the lady recommend?" he asked.
"The lady recommends that you order a bottle of wine," her voice quiet and her mind still trying to dissect every word that he had spoken to her.
Could this be real, she wondered to herself? Could this man truly mean the things that he just said to her? And, if so, how could he see that pain in her? How could he know so much about her? She thought she hid it well, all of the hurt inside, all of the humiliation she felt at the things she had allowed herself to do with Nate, and all of the pieces of herself that she had allowed to be taken away. How could this man sitting across from her possibly know all of that? She sat in her chair feeling naked, vulnerable and transparent. Fear began to creep in, and she fought the urge to run away. Sometimes the fear of allowing someone to see that deeply inside her heart was too much to bear. But, she felt safe with Andrew. Fighting against all the fear screaming inside of her to push this man away, she began to feel a stronger feeling of security - the feeling of knowing and, more importantly, believing, that he wouldn't hurt her.
The bottle of merlot Andrew ordered was delivered to the table by their waiter, who seemed eager to take their dinner order.
"The lady and I will have your Miso Ahi," he said, looking up from the menu at her for approval.
"Sounds wonderful," she said.
A smile came across Andrew's face again as the waiter filled each of their glasses before collecting their menus and venturing off towards the kitchen.
Andrew held up his glass, Kali followed suit and they clinked them together.
"To fairytales," he said, as his smile grew even wider.
"To fairytales," she mimicked.
Her eyes met his gaze and, for the first time in a very long time, she felt a warmth between her legs brought on by an innocent, yet strong sexual attraction. No thoughts of blindfolds, or chains, or pain. Just the unspoken promise of being taken. Passionately. Tenderly. Being taken, and loved.
Dinner arrived and after admiring the dishes, they dug in. Andrew told her of his years in the Marine Corps and about all of the far away travels he had experienced. Listening intently, she laughed at his crazy stories of funny incidents that had taken place in other countries amongst other cultures, and sat silently as he spoke of things that she was sure affected him in ways she would never be able to digest. Although he did not go into much detail, she could tell that he had some deep wounds from those years, and she made a mental note to tread lightly around such topics when in his presence. As Kali sat there, learning about this precious man, layer after layer, she couldn't help but wonder if similar experiences were responsible for forming the violent nature that Nate seemed to carry within himself. Andrew seemed so poised, calm and peaceful inside, and it made her question how the same type of experiences could have such a diverse affect on two different men. Realizing that Andrew had picked up on her mental check out, she shifted her mind's gears back to the present. It was hard for her to comprehend how Nate could force his way into her thoughts, even now, as she sat across from this man who earlier all but promised to be hers for the taking. She smiled and forcefully pushed Nate from her mind, reclaiming the space now absent his memory, for more worthy thoughts, for a more worthwhile man. For anything but Nate Warner.
"So, did I pass the test?" he asked.
"Test?" she questioned, her mouth turned up in a half smile.
"Yes," he said, with a snicker, "you said if I 'played my cards right' you would take me to one of your favorite places."
"Oh, yes!" she squealed, clapping her hands together like a kid, "I forgot about that. Yes Colonel, you passed the test. You aced the test."
Standing in front of the Marina House, Andrew reached in his pocket for the keys to the rental car and as he was pulling them out, Kali placed her hand on his and said, "You won't be needing those. My favorite place is right there," she said, pointing in the direction of Words By The Cup which was just steps away from the restaurant.
"Words By The Cup?" he asked, a puzzled look on his face, "What is that?"
Kali grabbed his hand in hers and pulling, led him to the back door of the coffee house. As they walked inside she said, "This is the home of San Diego's best cappuccino and the most amazing collection of books and novelties in the city." She looked back at him, stood up on her tippy toes, and pulled him close. Whispering in his ear, she said, "This is where I come to escape, to think and to soak in the goodness of life. It's my safe place. It's my shelter. And, I couldn't think of a more fitting place to take you to right now." With that she moved her face slightly and brushed a light kiss on his cheek then, tugging his hand again, led him to the coffee bar.
After Carmen made two perfect cappuccinos and set both cups on a tray, Andrew picked up the tray and followed Kali up the stairs to the top floor. He laughed to himself, marveling at the perfect view he had, and thankful he chose to follow behind her. Watching her dress move side to side along with her hips, as she climbed the stairs made more than just his heart flutter. Once they made it to the top floor, he set it down on a small, round, stained glass table next to the wooden rocking chair that Kali sat in. He sat down next to her, and admired the place. It really was an interesting collection of books and novelties, and very quaint. It had a peaceful feeling about it, like going home after an extended time away. He could see why Kali felt safe here, he understood soon after walking in the door why this was one of her favorite places.
They settled in to the cozy rocking chairs, side by side, and sat there for a few minutes sipping their cappuccinos in comfortable silence. Andrew's hand found hers, and she turned to look at him.
"You know how my marriage ended and I have admitted my shortcomings in that marriage to you. Frankly, I'm a bit taken aback at being so candid with you. You seem to bring that quality out in me," he said, with a smile that left his face as quickly as it came. "If you are comfortable telling me, I would like to know what ended the relationship that you spoke of earlier tonight."
Kali's posture became tense and she shifted her legs, crossing them so that her right foot was free to tap away. She set her coffee cup down on the small table and turned away from Andrew, looking straight ahead and steeling herself for the story she was about to hear herself say out loud. Her mind raced wildly as she grasped for the right way, the right order to tell him about how she came to have a broken heart.
"I'm not sure I'm comfortable disclosing the whole story or the details that have turned into years of tear stained journal pages. It was a tough time in my life. Lost is probably the easiest way to sum up the last two of the past four years," she said, her voice sounded shaky, even to her. But, she felt she owed Andrew some type of explanation, after all, she was the one who opened the door with her earlier statement.
"I got involved with someone that was wrong for me. I knew he was wrong for me early on, but by the time it became apparent, I had already fallen in love with him and I stayed. I allowed him to do things, and I did things that I am not proud of. There are some doors that once you go through, there's just no going back, y'know?
In the end, it came down to a question of loyalty. He was carrying on something inappropriate with a co-worker, a friend. I caught them on Christmas Eve in 2009. Really, the rest is history. I have spent my time trying to get over him, trying to get over us. I'm sure you can understand how difficult that can be when there is no resolution. You just wake up one day and your relationship is over. No planning, no choices to make. The decision is made for you and you are left to pick up the pieces and move on."
Andrew felt a sharp pain in his stomach. December 24, 2009 was the same night that Laura was killed. He stuffed back the pain and looked at Kali, "I'm sorry to hear that. Your friend? A work colleague? How did you deal with that? I can't imagine having to have that in my face everyday at work."
