FIRST ONE DOWN: A Paul Sutton Novel (8 page)

When Nate made it down to the sand, the beach was almost completely empty except for two other runners. He could see Kali running up the beach in his direction, hugging along the water line moving swiftly to the side, away from the water, as the waves rolled in and threatened to get her Nike's wet. He had watched her do this on other occasions, but in this moment, it felt as if he were witnessing this for the first time. The mere sight of her made his heart feel warm, his cold exterior began to melt away and all he wanted was to run towards her, scoop her up in his arms and take her away with him.

As she approached his location, Nate watched her face for a sign of recognition. He was standing there along the sandy shore, looking towards her, and she came to a complete stop about ten yards away from him. The expression on her face was one Nate could not read entirely. It appeared to be a mixture of shock, happiness and sorrow all at the same time. He was sure, if he could look into her eyes, there would be a deep hurt that would be painful for him to absorb knowing it was brought on by his own actions. Knowing he had caused her emotional pain.

Walking towards her slowly, he reached out one hand as if to offer some sort of relief from her pain. He wanted to soothe her, to comfort her and to bring her into his embrace. Although she didn't recoil, she didn't reach out for it either. She stood there, staring blankly up at him and he could see tears begin to roll down her face from behind her dark sunglasses.

"Don't cry baby, please don't cry," Nate said, looking down at her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked flatly.

He thought about his answer for a minute, knowing that she would not approve of him tracking her movements through the running app. He opted to answer her with a half-truth, "I wanted to see you, I couldn't stay away another day longer. I need you Kali."

Nate watched anger overcome her. She clenched her fists at her sides, bit her bottom lip hard and said, "You have no right to see me, you have no right to follow me or try to talk to me. You have no right to text me and you have no right to make me cry. You lost those privileges, Nate, when you screwed one of my friends." She looked down at the sand, and her tears turned to full blown sobs.

She didn't pull away when he placed his hands upon her shoulders and pulled her into his arms. Holding her tight as she continued to sob, he felt her clenched fists relax and her arms make their way to his lower back. Being able to breathe in her scent again, after all this time, took Nate right back to that last time they were together. Nate questioned how he could have been such a fool. How he could have put their relationship in jeopardy the way he had. And all for another woman who didn't make him feel anything beyond lust. Kali made him feel with his heart, the heart he hadn’t known he possessed. He had opened her eyes to a whole new world, he thought, but she had opened his to a new world also.

Breaking their embrace and gently pushing her back away from him a half step, he pulled her chin up and stared down at her beautiful tear stained face. He pushed her sunglasses up onto the top of her head and stared deep into her dark brown eyes. With the back of his hand, he brushed the wetness of her tears off of her flushed cheeks, and smiled warmly down at her.

"I did not have sex with Olivia. I would never do anything to hurt you, Kali. I wish you would believe me."

"You did have sex with Olivia, I know you did, Nate, and for you to stand here, look me in the eyes and lie, only adds insult to injury. I know she was at your house that night, and I know that's why you wouldn't let me come in. Stupid me - I was coming over to comfort you. I didn't want you to be alone, I didn't want you to wake up on Christmas morning and be all alone with your memories of that day from your childhood and the sadness it brings. I wanted to be there to soften the blow somehow. I was thinking about you, Nate. About
your
feelings. And you...you were thinking about you, too. Only you. Isn't that how it usually is, Nate? You get what you want, when you want it, and screw what anyone else wants or needs." She said, her tone cold, full of anger and pain.

Kali moved back away from him, put her sunglasses back over her eyes and began to run up towards the lot. Nate stood there for a few seconds contemplating how to try to unravel the web of lies he had spun to cover up what he was hiding about that night. He ran after her, and as he caught up to her, he grabbed the back of her arm and stopped her abruptly, catching her off guard. She spun around and the flash of fury he saw in her immediately had him aroused.

"Damn it Nate, why are you doing this? Why can't you just let me go - allow me to walk away and put the pieces of my life back together?"

"Can you do that, Kali? Can you go on, move on without me? I know I can't. I can't let you go. I have tried, every single day, for two years. You are a part of me, you make me feel. I feel nothing worth feeling without you-just coldness, loneliness and emptiness. Tell me what you want - what can I do to bring you back where you belong?"

"Belong? Belong, Nate? I don't belong to you anymore. I was willing to do anything you wanted. I gave up who I was to be with you. I gave in to all of your needs, I did as you asked, when you asked, and I never questioned you. I did things with you Nate that I still have nightmares about, and I gave up a part of me that I will never get back. I will never be whole again because of what I gave you, what I allowed myself to be when I was with you," she said turning away again.

"You gave it all willingly, Kali, or don't you remember it that way? I told you what was going to happen, each time, before it happened. You're right, you never questioned me, or the things that we did together. You craved it. You wanted it. And, you might have nightmares Kali, but my guess is that you fantasize about the nights we spent together far more often that you have nightmares about them." Nate turned her gently but insistently to take her hands in his and squeezed them tightly, trying to somehow force an alternate reaction from her. Trying to lower his voice some he pleaded, "Tell me I'm wrong, tell me you don't love me and that you didn't love what we had together, Kali. Tell me! And I will walk away and never bother you again," his voice was still loud enough that people in the lot started looking in their direction.

She hung her head down and her body shifted back and forth as if she were rocking herself, trying to soothe herself. Trying to figure out her next move. He knew what that move would be, and she knew that there was no way she was going to walk. She knew there was no way that she could walk away from him, not again.

Walking towards her SUV, Kali looked back over her shoulder at Nate and asked, "You coming?" The smile on his face was worth a million dollars, at least to her it was.

"I will follow," was all he said as he walked towards the Audi, parked in the space right next to hers.

She picked up her phone and called the office to clear her day. For a brief second as it began to ring she prayed it would go to voicemail, Kali didn't want to talk to Tessa. She was afraid that her voice might give away the fact that she was about to tell a lie. Something she never did. Except for Nate, because of Nate. Damn, what was she getting herself into she wondered as the message tone chimed, "Tessa, it's me. Something has come up, and I am going to have one of my girls take my clients today. I just wanted to let you know. I love you and I am okay. See you tomorrow morning," she hung up quick, looked in her rear view mirror at the Audi on her tail, and flashed a wicked smile.

Once back at Kali's condo, Nate followed behind her, watching the sway of her hips as she walked to her unit, lost in thoughts of having her nude body next to his again, feeling her hands upon his flesh, and being consumed by his desire for her. They walked through her front door, and Nate closed it behind them. Without a word he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, her bedroom. The condo unit wasn't that large, and it crossed Kali's mind as being a bit off that he knew exactly where he was going. She shrugged it off as a lucky guess and got lost in the moment. He set her down on the edge of the bed and kissed her closed mouth, pressing hard against her lips. He pulled away and it occurred to her that he wasn't wearing the usual mask, the one few people could see. He seemed open and at peace. It was a welcome change, and she secretly hoped that this time would be different. That this time he would love her through the duration of the time they were about to spend together. That had never happened before. There was always a point during their sexual encounters where he disappeared into some dark place within himself and what emerged was harsh, cold and sometimes evil. A shiver ran down her spine at the thought of that evil; she had experienced it. She had taken part in it. There were occasions when she desperately craved it.

"I want you to stand up and undress for me, Kali. Will you do that?"

Looking up at him, without thinking, she did as he asked. Knowing the exact order that he preferred, she began with her shoes and socks, then her hair-tie came out. Looking at him, seeking approval, and receiving it by the slight nod of his head, she removed her running pants. He stood up and moved towards her. Stopping within inches of her quivering, taut body, he kneeled, his hands reaching out to run lightly over her bare skin from her ankles, up her legs and stopping on her hips. He hooked his thumbs on the sides of her panties and pulled them straight down to the floor. Knowing what he wanted next, she raised her arms straight up and stayed perfectly still while he pulled her tank top up and off of her torso. He moved away and sat down on the edge of the bed, watching and wanting. She waited for his nod and then lifted her sports bra off, exposing her pale, full breasts. She then cupped her own breasts with her hands, rubbing her nipples between her thumb and index fingers all the while watching the lust grow within his glorious body. She felt the wetness intensify between her legs.

Nate motioned for her to come towards him, and she came to the edge of the bed where he was sitting and kneeled down in front of him. "No baby, we aren't going to play our normal roles today. Today, you are going to allow me to serve you. Do you think you can do that, Kali?"

"Yes."

"I want you to tell me what you want me to do to you. What is the first thing that you want me to do?" he asked.

"I want you to kiss me like you mean it," she said, in a soft voice. She wasn't used to having a say when it came to where or how he touched her, and it felt awkward being asked to control the order of events.

"And, after that? What do you want me to do next, Kali?" he asked, encouraging her to lead him.

"I want you to put your fingers inside me."

"Where, Kali? Where do you want my fingers?"

"I want you to put them between my legs."

"Kali, you remember how this works, don't you? Do you remember how specific I have always been with you? You need to do the same. I want you to tell me exactly, and with very specific detail, what you want me to do to your body," he said.

She pulled back for a moment and looked down at the floor. This was not what she wanted. Why couldn't he just be normal, she thought? Why couldn't he just let it happen between them, without commands or requests or a verbal walk through of the entire series of acts? Feeling frustrated, confused but also intensely turned on as was the usual array of feelings about sex when she was with Nate, she complied.

"After you kiss me, I want you to put two fingers inside me. I want you to put them in deep and I want you to move them in and out slowly."

"And then?" he asked, urging her to continue.

"Then, I want you to turn me on my stomach and kiss and caress my body from my neck to my feet," she said and then went silent, staring off towards the wall on the far side of the bedroom.

"That's all, Kali? Do you want anything else from me?"

"Yes, I want you to love me, Nate. I want you to make love to me. I want you to fuck me like I am a woman that you adore, not like a piece of flesh that you can replace. I want you to see me, look at me when you're inside of me. I want to hear your voice saying that you love me while you are making me moan. I want you, not the masked, heartless version of who you play in bed. I want to see, feel the real you - the you who waited on the beach for me today, the you who told me about your childhood, the you who knows how to be soft. That's what I want, Nate. I'm just not sure if you know how to be that version of you."

The look on his face was as if someone had just smacked him; shock and fear flashed through his green eyes and his jaw muscles tensed forcing his lips open slightly. It was a look she had never seen. As she was laboring to come up with some sense of what he was thinking, he stood up, took her by the arm and swung her around violently causing her body to land sideways on the bed. He pressed his body against hers, straightening her out flat on her back, he kissed her on the lips hard for a brief instant. His kiss softened and their tongues met and, as their lips parted, she was lost in the passion of him and all that he was all over again. Her mind went blank but for thoughts of how his lips felt against hers, his body weight, heavy on top of her, was intoxicating. One hand was buried in her hair at the scalp, pulling with the slightest pressure, while the other held her jaw still as he worked his magic in her mouth.

He eased one side of his body off of hers and slid his hand down between her legs, parting her thighs and one at a time, laying them wide open. His fingers made their way to the dark swirl of hair beckoning between her legs. Slowly he slid two fingers as deeply as he could into her while pressing his other hand down on her lower abdomen. The way she moaned made him ache for more, and he found it difficult to fight the urges building within him. As his fingers made their way in and out of her, her hips began thrusting to meet his fingers and he could feel her becoming increasingly wet, her moans growing louder and her hips thrusting harder against his hand. Just before he was sure she was on the verge of climaxing, he pulled his fingers out and moved them to her mouth, shoving them in and forcing her to suck herself off of them. She didn't resist, her body was begging for more, and he knew he could easily take her any way he wanted her.