First Kiss (Heavy Influence) (24 page)

“I played the song for them and they liked it, for the most part,” I offered.

“That’s good news…and I suppose this has t
o do with the girl your mother told me has been coming over?”

Zing
– I didn’t realize my mom had been on to Aly and I. My heartbeat speed up. This must be what happens with lie-detector tests.

I couldn’t lie to him. Why? Facts were the facts. “It has everything to do with her. Her name is Aly, by the way,” I admitted, truthfully. “I’ve never been more inspired by anything, let alone
by any one person.”

My heart raced faster with this
admission. I wished Notting were sitting in front of my face instead of on the phone.

“I see. We can meet before practice, see you soon.”

I turned, facing my guitar and fragmented lyrics popped in my head. I grabbed my guitar and a note pad. The melody flowed, along with the words, from my mind out through my fingers tips with ease. Clarity was instantaneous. Each feeling, emotion and vision I’ve had of Aly over the last week appeared in hard form in front of my eyes. Thoughts whipped around, images of our younger years ran past my minds-eye.
Her innocence, she was like a blank canvas, just opened and new
–
dreams of you –
that’s what I was doing, dreaming of that first moment. Those few words echoed back at me.
I’ll wait for you
- I would have to. I had no choice. The human side of me wanted to just go for it, and Aly’s willingness to allow me to have my way, made it that much harder to think of anything else. I sat writing one-liners and kept thinking back to the way she looked at the party. I wished she didn’t have to leave.

I could hear my mother clinking around in the kitchen as I walked out of my room.

“Jake,” my mother called out.

“Yeah,” I responded trying my best
to look relaxed as I walked in.

She was cutting a Cantaloupe and the brewing coffee aroma wafting through the air caught my attention. I grabbed a large white mug out of the dish rack. I slowly poured the hot black liquid into my cup and locked in on the swirling steam as it rose in every direction. That’s how I felt last night, hot and outta control.

“Are you feeling ok,” her voice rang out.

“Yeah, why,” I asked, irritated – already bothered by what was to come.

“You look flushed, come here.” She started to walk toward me.

I waved her off.
“Naw, mom, stop, I’m fine. I just got out of the shower.”

She looked at me sideways and purs
ed her lips. “Ok, if you say so.” She resumed cutting her fruit, glancing up at me from time to time. “So, is there something you want to talk about?”

She caught me off guard,
again
. Were her motherly instincts kicking in? She was gonna crap when she found out Notting was on his way over to talk to me, alone,
without her
. My mother had always been a driving force of the band along with Notting, ever since my dad died. She knew everything, every single nuance about every person that had anything to do with the band or me. I’d never really spoken to Notting about anything other than music and guy stuff that didn’t include girls I liked.

Things had definitely become complicated. “Uh, Notting is coming over here to talk about the band stuff and whatever.”

I delivered the news like it was no big deal, but just as I’d thought, the air sucked out of the room. She stopped cutting and slowly placed the fruit in a bowl. She then folded her hands on the counter. She looked up at me and her stage-mother persona kicked into full gear.

“So, there is something you want to
share with me,” she said slowly, insinuating.

I really didn’t want to deal with her. She was a control freak when she wasn’t in the loop one hundred per
cent, but his situation was different. I no longer wanted her to know everything about my life, specifically my love life.

“Mom, it’s nothing. We’re talking about music. Some things I’m workin’ on and I just want his opinion, it’s no big deal.” I walked over grabbing some fruit, tossing it into my mouth and kissed her on the cheek. “Really, if it was important I would tell you.”

“I’m just surprised to hear it,” she said, tersely. “He didn’t mention it.”

“I
just talked to him, Mom.” I replied, agitated. I couldn’t help but shake my head. “Speak of the devil.”

We could hear the front door shut and Notting calling out for my mom – “
Hello Katie love, surprise.”

“There you are,” he said, making a beeline
for my mom. “And you too, I see.” He looked over at me with his sly smile then focused back on my mother. “Good morning, my dear.”

Notting greeted my mother with his refined English accent, planting a kiss on her forehead. He was a smooth operator, the textbook English gentleman if you ignored all
the tats etched up and down his arms. He was a lifelong family friend. He’d been our rock since dad died all those years ago. He’s as close to a father figure as I’d get, and I totally dug him. If I had to have a guy role model, I was glad it was him. I felt sorry for him, he was madly in love with my mother, and I knew she loved him too; but for some reason she wouldn’t take things to the next level. She wouldn’t let him stay over, ever. I knew it had to do with me, her trying to set some sort of an example.

My mother’s relationship with Not
ting was something that always gnawed at me, too. I always attempted to write a song about her, letting go of someone that was no longer there. She needed to let go of the past, but wouldn’t. The guys would think that was lame too, I thought. Not rock or punk enough or whatever they always thought. Mike was the one who always had a negative opinion. I was sick of him. I didn’t want to sing about shit that was meaningless to me anymore. I didn’t care if those songs got us to where we we’re at. Bottom line, it was time to move forward. I wanted to broaden my range musically and lyrically…more melodic. I wanted to play around with more sounds. I wanted new pedals. I wanted our guitars to fill the space with more intricacy and texture.

“I’ll be in the garage, whenever you’re ready, Notting,” I said. Looking my mother in the eyes, I walked away without saying anything to her. She irr
itated me with her overbearing hovering.

             
“What, I’m not invited?” Kate said miffed.

             
“No, you’re not,” I paused, but kept walking. “I’ll tell you everything later.”

I shouted and let the door slam behind me. I hit the garage door opener and it lifted with its familiar squeaking and gyrating, walking out into the sunlight I glanced over at Aly’s house wondering if she was inside.

              “Alright mate, let’s get to it,” Notting said loudly coming out of the house and into the garage. He pulled over a nearby stool, slapping his knees.

My hands started to sweat as I walked back into the garage. I couldn’t believe I was going to talk –
girls
– with my surrogate father. Basically no matter how you sliced it, that’s what it was about, not music.

             
“Ok, how do you suggest I approach telling the guys that I want to switch it up, like permanently?” I asked, trying to avoid the subject as long as I could.

             
“This new song, have you played it for them?”

             
“Yes.”

“And? Did you ask for their feedback? It’s not rocket science.” He shrugged, chuckling.

              “Yeah, well, they were actually pretty positive. But this is the first song I’ve written without their input.” I said anxiously. “I’ve also been listening to a lot of 80’s new wave tunes. I have to admit, you grew up in a pretty rad music decade, so many ass-kicking UK bands, it’s crazy.”

             
“Those were quite possibly the best years of my life. That’s when I met your mother…” His voice trailed off in thought. I could tell he was reliving the moment. This was the first time I got it. What she meant to him. Maybe someday I’d ask about it. He finally continued, focusing back on me. “Perhaps if you’d admit to why you want to make changes they would understand. Honesty goes a long way.” Notting crossed his arms. “Do as I suggested and sit them down, like you have with me. They might possibly make what you’ve demo’d better, improving upon it. With Dump, he is in something with that Sienna, I’m sure he’ll understand more than you think.”

             
I took in a deep breath sighing out loudly. “Yeah, I suppose.”

             
“Now, on to this girl whose inspired you, your muse? Enlighten me please.”

             
“You remember Aly, right?”

             
“Vaguely. I do recall a young girl several years back with long brown hair and an infectious laugh. This is the same girl?”

             
“Yeah, that’s her.”

             
“Ok, so you’re writing songs about her?” Notting said a bit surprised.

             
“Things have been pretty… intense. You know, with Rachel and everything.” I paused, trying to figure out which way to take the conversation.

             
Notting took the pressure off.

“So Rachel is no longer in the picture, huh? I’m curious as to how she took that.” He chuckled again. “She was pretty obsessive about taking care of you.
Regardless of her motivations, she’s been there for you and the band, Jake.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me, Notting. Sh
e’s in love with me, apparently,” I said, shrugging. “I don’t feel the same way, and now it’s totally effed things up, that’s what I meant when I said – intense.”

             
Notting Frowned. “Jake, you make this right. I don’t need to know the details, but Rachel’s been around for a long time.”

             
“What’s that suppose to mean?” I asked, getting pissed. “I can’t help it if I’m falling for someone else. For me, we were always just friends. I made the mistake of hooking up with her, man. I didn’t realize it would be such a big deal. She thought because we hooked up, that meant we’d become official or something like that. I fucked up.”

             
“I’ll say you did.” He affirmed with his brows knitting together. “Whoa, well son, you certainly have something to deal with.”

             
We sat silent. I didn’t know what else to say. I felt relieved it was out in the open. Now it just had to heal, I thought, tapping a drumstick on the bench wondering if I’d see Aly later.

Notting’s voice broke the silence.

“You must take care, do you hear me? I’ve kept quiet because you were younger and I have to admit I was turning a blind eye to what may have been going on. However, now that we’re on subject, and you’ve professed your feelings for this Aly, I just hope you use better judgment than you’ve used with Rachel. Aly is young and impressionable. I believe it would be more disastrous to enter into anything too serious with her.”

             
My stomach dropped. It was too late to end anything. I couldn’t control my feelings for Aly. I was at a loss for words and over talking to him. I didn’t need him lecturing me about what I was already acutely aware of. 

             
“Don’t worry. I know what needs to happen with Aly,” I said in finality. I got up and headed toward the door, back into the house. “I need to take a piss.”

             
I lied. No wonder kids didn’t talk to their parents, it was a fucking downer, like they forgot what it was like to be young or in love. I stood still in the middle of my room. Did I just admit to being in love?

My hands tingled.

25

Alyssa

             
I was in the middle of the loveliest Jake dream, when I was awakened by a door slamming and my sisters muffled rant about who knows what. It was 9:15 a.m. and the air was too warm and thick. I kicked off the covers and let the breeze of the ceiling fan roll over me. Lying there I tried to make out my sisters words. She must be on the phone with either my mother or her boyfriend. My eyes were gooey. I glanced at my window and could see through the cracks in the window shade that it was sunny, no marine layer to deflect the heat today. It would be another day lounging by the pool and I was getting sick of it. I was sick of watching Nadine and Chris play kissy face and Nicole and Grant disappearing to be alone. Matt seemingly fell off the face of the earth when he found out about Jake and I still felt terrible about how it all went down.

Ly
ing there thinking of the dreams I’d been having of Jake embarrassed me. I never knew I could dream such dreams. He consumed me all night long, and it all seemed so real. Waking up dripping with emotion was driving me crazy. Jake had been in the studio until two every morning, and we hadn’t seen each other in days.

I closed my eyes and let my mind wander. I could picture Jake sprawled out on his bed, lying on his stomach with one arm under the pillow and one leg bent out to the side. I wondered if his back door was unlocked and what he would thi
nk if snuck over and woke him up. It gave me chills just thinking about it. He called me his muse in the last text he sent at twelve-thirty a.m. I would never delete any of the messages for the rest of my life. I even took screen shots and emailed them to myself, silly I know, but I couldn’t help myself.