First Kiss (Heavy Influence) (43 page)

             
“Stop being so melodramatic,” I begged. “You’re outta control, always making a big deal outta stuff, stop it.”

             
I knew I took risk by leaving Arizona, but sitting there seeing my mother in a heap of disappointment made me realize it was a totally a terrible idea, regardless of everything else going on with Mike. I apologized for not thinking clearly. I never mentioned Aly’s name until Kate brought her up again. We were both calm and I admitted a little more of how I felt.

“I’m in love with her,” I confessed. “But I’m not gonna say anything to her. I’m not gonna go there yet.”
I was beyond shocked that my mother said nothing of it.

Back outside I
approached the van. I could see Bobby and Marshall were already out waiting for me.

Bobby took a long drag off his cigarette and shook his head. He knew I’d been caught. “Dude, is your mom a raging mad at us?”

“Where’s Aly?” Marshall asked concerned.

“Dude, sorry, game’s over.” I shrugged. “K
ate caught us in the driveway and yeah, pretty much.” Feeling strange, I rambled on. “Uh, so yeah, I guess you can take the van and I’ll get it tomorrow.”

             
“My shit’s still at the hotel,” Bobby said and dropped his cig on the ground, stepping on it.

             
“I’m sure they’ll grab your things.” Marshall reassured him.

             
I stared bewildered at my lifelong friend and his new
boyfriend
.

***

              As I shut my front door quietly, I heard Kate calling out my name from her bedroom. The flicker of the TV was the only thing lighting the way. Walking in, I was hit by the scent of her and clean sheets, the comfortable smell of home. It brought me back to when I was younger and would lay in bed with her to feel safe. A wave of guilt and remorse washed over me. I pushed the feelings down.

             
“I’m gonna go get my pain meds, be right back.” I announced as my mom got under the covers pulling them up to her chin.

             
Drained and anxious I popped the lid off the bottle and shook out one lone pill into my hand. I wondered how long it would take to work. I popped it into my mouth and swallowed it without water. I wanted to see Aly again as soon as possible and sent a text:

-
       
HEY, THINGS R GONNA BE FINE. GONNA TALK TO KATE A BIT MORE. I’ll TEXT WHEN I’M DONE. WANT YOU NEXT TO ME.

She pinged back right away:

-
       
OK, SEE YOU SOON.

It was nearly one in the morning. I felt like the life had been sucked out of me. The only constant was the pain in my hand. I stood in the doorway of my mother’s room, wondering if she’d fallen asleep. I walked in sitting on the bed next to her
, kicking off my shoes. I didn’t want her to be mad at me. I wanted this whole thing to settle down, but it seemed to only be getting worse. What the fuck was gonna happen with my band? Now that Bobby professed his gayness and Mike was out? Would I have to look for two replacements? Bobby said unequivocally he didn’t want to leave the band, did that mean he would continue living a secret life? As much as I wanted to talk to my mother, I didn’t want to hear it from her either. I just wanted her happy and
quiet
.

I rested back on the pillow and instantly felt as if
I sank three levels. An immediate relief to the constant pain I’d been feeling took hold. I was now floating, painless and relaxed.

“Man, t
hose meds worked just like that,” I slurred out, surprised at the looseness of my tongue. “Geez, I’m so tired.”

“You ne
ed to sleep,” My mother said, patting and rubbing my arm. “We have much to work through, Jake. We’re still not done talking about what’s happened.” Hearing her sigh loudly, it echoed in waves through my brain. I felt paralyzed, like I couldn’t move even if I wanted to, as if I was encased in a plaster body cast. I felt so heavy. My eyelids felt like they had sand bags holding them shut.

Tomorrow would be a new day, a new attitud
e. I should get up and go to my room, I thought. I began wondering through the dark house toward my room. The hallway looked super long and distorted, like a funhouse. The lights were on in my room and shone brightly through the crack between the floor and the door. Did I leave my light on? I didn’t recall even going into my room. I squinted my eyes as I opened the door, expecting it to be shining brightly, instead the only thing on was the TV and
Aly
was sitting at the head of the bed wearing only her bra and panties, looking at me seductively.

My heart jumped and I felt an instant surge. Without a word I went for her, crawling up next to her kissing her neck. She sighed ardently, wrapping her arms around me pulling me onto her. I could barely breath. She smelled and tasted like sugar. She was so eager, without any hesitation and I couldn’t control myself. If she wanted me, I wouldn’t stop. She would belong to me one hundred percent. Rolling her on top of me, I removed her bra. The softness of her was nearly too much. She pressed into me, holding my face in her hands, kissing me hard and deep. This was unlike any other make out session we’d had. This was
gonna be it.

I heard my phone ringing, the musical ringtone blaring loudly. Who the hell could be calling at thi
s hour I wondered. My eyes sprung open, and it was daylight, shit. Lifting my head I realized I was in my mom’s room, in her bed, and thankfully, fully clothed. I quickly got up. What the hell? How long was I dreaming? Did my mom notice? I was mortified and I jumped out of the bed looking around the corner into the bathroom, she wasn’t there. Walking slowing into the living room, I saw her in the kitchen, on the phone, as usual. I quickly went to my room and looked around and it hadn’t been disturbed since I left on tour. Clean clothes were piled in nice neat stacks on my bed. I walked over opening the back door and padded out to the patio looking up at Aly’s house. Taking my phone out of my back pocket, I clumsily dialed her number with my good hand.

“Hey,” she said groggily. “What happened? I fell asleep waiting for you.”

“I’m sorry,” I said in a low voice. “I took those meds and passed out talking to Kate.”

“Awe, how’s your hand?” she asked concerned.

“It aches.” I paused, holding back asking her what I really wanted to ask her. “Um, think you can come over?”

“Is your mom home?”

“Yeah, but come the back way, so she won’t know.”

“Um, I’ll try, give me five minutes.”

41

Jake

I stared at my neatly made bed, picturing rumpled sheets and Aly as she was in my dream. It was the most sexed out dream I’d ever had. All the pent up desire was getting to me. Distracted by the piles staring at me, I began putting my clothes away. It was just after ten a.m. and I wondered what ever happened to Bobby, but didn’t want to call him. Checking my other texts message, there were several from Dump and one from Rachel. I didn’t begin to read them, not wanting to feel bad or mad or any bullshit for that matter. It was all over for now. I had to search for a new rhythm guitarist. I decided to put the word out.

Aly arrived still in her PJ’s. She stuck her head in and leaned against the door looking like the girl next door that she was.

“Hey, you,” she beamed. “Where’s your mom.”

I turned holding a finger to my lips. “Shhh…just in case.”

I jumped up goin
g to her and we hugged and kissed for a long moment.

Wiping my lips dry with the back of my hand, I needed relief. “Will you please type for me? I need to finish t
his email about a new guitarist,” I said and walked away, sitting on my bed. I was still exhausted.

“I can’t believe you’re gonna get rid of Mike. Are you sure there’s no way to work it out?” She said, sitting in front of the brightly lit screen computer screen.

“No. End of,” I said in finality and went into the bathroom.

“Aly?” My mother’s voice poked at my gut through the door.

“Hi. Um, Jake’s in the bathroom,” Aly stammered.

“Hey, mom, I’ll be out in a min
ute,” I said loudly, frantically finishing up.

“I didn’t hear you come in,
” Kate said in a questionable tone to Aly.

She was
gonna start in on her. I flushed the toilet and zipped my pants.

“Oh, yeah, I called Jake….” Aly attempted to explain, but I couldn’t have that.

“What’s up?” I cut in, breezing through the door swiftly, startling the both of them.

Kate looked at me sideways, tripping over her words. “I was going to water
the plants and I saw your door open. I went to shut it and…” she said, motioning to Aly.

“She’s helping me wit
h emails for Mike’s replacement,” I said, stepping in between them, wanting to protect Aly from her impending verbal bullets.

             
Kate’s eyes narrowed and an incredulous smirk sprouted at the corners of her mouth. “Ok,” she replied heading toward the door. “Notting is on the road already. You’ll need to be available at around three o’clock.”

             
“Fine,” I said coldly. We stared each other down for a long moment. Finally she turned and left without another word.

             
“Oh my God, she hates me. ” Aly looked at me bowled over.

I wondered that myself. “I don’t want her asking quest
ions, backing you into a corner,” I offered. “I can’t handle her anymore. She needs to find something else to obsess about.”

             
“And that means?” Aly probed.

             
“It means that if I keep letting her in, she won’t ever leave, she’ll just keep asking questions. I just want to have something that’s mine, alone.”

             
“I feel weird being here now, should I go?” she wondered.

             
“No,” I said sitting on the bed, looking at her perfect, clean face. “I like when you don’t wear make-up.”

             
She bopped up and sat next to me taking my hand. “Ok, no changing the subject.” She scolded playfully. “You know, why don’t you just tell her how you feel?”

I couldn’t help but smile at her simple way of thinking. “I told her last night
how I felt about you, Aly, and she kinda ignored the fact. Besides, let’s be real, how simple is it with your parents?”

“M
y life is incomparable to yours, besides my parent’s don’t know about you like
that
.”

She lifted my broken hand to her mouth and she kissed the hard casing of my cast. This act was nothing but heart tugging. “As long as I get good grades and don’t get complaints,” her voice trailed off. “In other words, as long as it’s quiet, they pretty much ignore all of us.”

“What I wouldn’t give for Kate to ignore me.” I sniffed, wishful.

“That’s what you say now,” she said placing my hand gently down on her thigh. “What I wouldn’t give to have my Dad cheer me on.”

“One extreme to another,” I said ironically.

“Yep. He hooks up the best training, the best tutors or whatever it is we need, but then he’s never around to see how well we’re doing.” Aly’s normally up beat aura turned gloomy. “I use to look out over the crowd at a game or school performance, searching for him or my mom. Mom would show up now and then, but Dad,
never
.” She shrugged, sighing deeply. “At least he cares enough to make sure we have the best coaches and stuff, I guess.”

“I’ll be there to watch you, Aly. Every chance I get,” I said, wrapping my arm tight around her shoulders. “We’ll cheer each other on…”

***

Waiting
for Notting and the others to arrive was nerve wracking. I paced back and forth over the worn and tattered area rug beneath my feet. The rug was what my nerves probably looked like, I thought, as I banged drumsticks against my thighs. Taking in the mess and the clutter surrounding me in my make shift studio, I felt overwhelmed even more. I had no motivation to clean. I used my broken hand as the persistent excuse to be a bum. I tossed the drumsticks over my shoulder walking back into the house. During his fuel stop Notting called to inform me I had to tell Mike today that he was out, in person, no other way would do. I wanted so badly to just send him a text message or email; however it wasn’t gonna go down that way. Instead, I sent him a text asking him to come over to get his stuff out of the trailer when it arrived.

-
       
DUDE – WE’RE GONNA HAVE TO TALK WHEN YOU GET BACK. YOU’LL NEED TO COME AND GET YOUR SHIT WHEN THE TRAILER GETS HERE.

I stood unmoving in the middle of my living room, waiting for him to reply with some smartass comment, but he never did. I sat and listened to the birds and the wind chimes blending together, they moved me to a place I longed to be more often. I closed my eyes and sunk deeper into the sofa. The coolness of the leather against my skin gave me chills. I reached out grabbing the nearby blanket and pressed deeper into its softness. I pictured a bird perched near the wind chime. It was as if we were writing a song together…