Finding You (3 page)

4 - Charlie

‘The swell’s getting higher on this side. It’s going to be rough.’ Roberto’s immediate observation as we’re heading at some speed out of the bay does nothing to settle my stomach. He hasn’t filled me in yet on the
urgent
reason he needed to see me this afternoon, and I haven’t brought it up. I’m starting to think he was more nervous about the operation on his infant niece than he let on. He wanted a first-hand account from the chief surgeon on it, and this was the best way to get it.

Except he hasn’t asked me about the op yet, either.

‘
What
?’ he barks at me now. ‘What’s with the white-face? Still nervous of boats, brother? After all this time?’

‘Not nervous of boats,’ I tell him. Bugger me if he’s going to see it. ‘Tired.’ He knows what from.

‘How did it go, the operation on the child?’ My brother’s face softens immediately – I was right.  Finally, he slows down the boat, killing the noise so he can listen to my response. The answer matters desperately to him, just as I thought. The infant I operated on today is Eva’s niece. She’s family.

‘She’s the smallest person I’ve ever had to do a procedure on,’ I tell him. ‘You do know the finger was completely severed?’ My brother’s lips twitch slightly, and I know he won’t want to hear the details. ‘But it went well. There were no complications.’

‘She’ll recover fully?’

‘She should.’

His relief is palpable. ‘Her parents will be very grateful to you, Carlos
. I
am very grateful to you ...’  

‘You’re welcome.’ He’s taken this as a personal favour but I’d have done the same for anyone if I could. ‘Julia and I do appreciate everything you’ve done to help us out too, Rob,’ I tell him now.

Rob shoots me a look that is full of remorse.

‘I am only sorry that I did not do more to help Hadyn sooner. That I didn’t believe there was anything more that could be done.’ My brother’s shoulders sag a little as he says this and for the first time, I recognise the toll that the last year has taken on everyone in the extended family, not just us.

‘It’s been a difficult time,’ my older brother admits in a rare display of vulnerability. ‘We have all prayed for you, Carlos. Every day.’

If our grandmother Agustina could see this—
I feel my spirits lift—
if our mother Conchita could see it, Roberto and I working out our differences, just being human towards each other, how proud they would be.   

‘I’ve not worked for four months.’ I clear my throat and change the subject after a bit. ‘Today’s operation has only made me realise how much I’ve missed it.’

‘I swear, it’s nothing short of miraculous what you surgeons can do.’ I catch a glimpse of un-looked-for admiration in my brother’s eyes. ‘I used to think you must have chosen to be a surgeon for the good pay, but these days,’ he admits a little reluctantly, ‘I’m not so sure.’

‘Blood and guts don’t make me queasy, Rob.’

He grins ruefully, expertly steering us smoothly over the next wave, which lifts the boat up high.

‘Only the sea does that, no?’ He nudges me now, drawing my attention to an area of the bay suddenly visible on the shore. ‘Hey. Mum and Dad used to own that property down in Calle Rosa, you remember?’

‘My God,’ I screw up my eyes. It’s just a pin-prick, a tiny square of mauve where the bougainvillea still drapes extravagantly over the wall. ‘You can still see it from here. It’s still
there
...’

‘Yes, it is. When we were kids, we used to swim out to the buoys over there and look back,’ he recollects. ‘You always waved.’

I smile. ‘I used to imagine our Dad was on the porch, watching out for us.’

‘
Hombre
!’ my brother slaps his leg good-naturedly. ‘He wasn’t looking out for us. He was probably at work!’

‘Mum, then.’ I cast him a sideways glance.

‘Mum,’ he repeats. Do I catch a hint of sadness in my brother’s inscrutable face now? The memory of that ritual catches me unawares and it makes me a little maudlin. It comes from a time when I had no trouble identifying where
home
was, maybe?    

Does Rob remember all the same things from the past that I do, I wonder?  Our parents’ red-tiled apartment just on the outskirts of the fishing village of Arenadeluna; my mother’s table that was always groaning with food, a wooden cross above every bed, church on Sundays, and a thousand affectionate relatives perpetually coming and going whose names all sounded just the same. Does my brother remember that? 

‘What about that small yellow canary who lived in a cage just outside our grandmother Agustina’s bedroom window?’ I nudge my brother now. ‘He would sing his heart out every morning, stuck in his tiny cage. I promised him I’d set him free one day.’

Rob gives me a strange look.

‘Did you?’

I shake my head. ‘Na. Our grandmother would have killed me if I’d let him out.’

‘And then maybe the cat would have killed the bird too,’ he says in all seriousness. I laugh. He’s right. ‘There’s a price to go with having your freedom, sometimes,’ he says quietly and I know what he’s saying; that there are advantages to be had in not claiming it.

‘I left Spain many years ago, left the Spanish half of my family behind, but family do matter ...’ I concede. Who else do you have to stand by you when you’re in a crisis?

He nods, thoughtful, then says, ‘You’ve seen our father recently, Carlos? He’s okay?’ 

I last saw him in November. I sigh. Not so recently, when I come to think of it. I give my brother a terse nod.

‘He knows who you are, though? When you go see him in the care home?’ My brother seems almost mellow today,his concern touching.

‘His carer Rolli does a sterling job,’ I tell Rob. ‘As for whether Dad knows me or not … he drifts in and out. You know how it is with dementia: the past is often clearer than the day in front of them.’

 ‘Maybe, for the old, it is more beautiful?’ Roberto suggests unexpectedly. He doesn’t often get too sentimental over most things. There must be something in the air today, because neither, usually, do I.

He pulls a face then, seems to remember himself.

‘There are some bottles in that cold unit.’ Hands still poised on the steering wheel, Rob indicates with his head for me to fetch a couple of cold beers.  I open his for him and hand it over. The quiet out here has a quality all of its own. It isn’t complete quiet, I’m aware; far away, there are seabirds calling. Every so often, there is a creaking sound coming from beneath us, below the deck. Some little waves smack against the side of the boat. The sea has calmed considerably now we’re further out in the bay. We’re still listing from side to side a little, but the lurching in my stomach has practically subsided. Maybe I’d make a sailor after all?

‘So you and Julia will be home soon
,
’ he says. ‘You two still planning on getting wed?’

I let out a breath. ‘It’s part of the bigger picture,’ I confirm. ‘Now that Agustina’s no longer around, it won’t be in Spain but still ...’

He nods, and now I see a small smile form on his face.  ‘Does Lourdes know?’

I stare at him. ‘Does Lourdes know
what
?’

My brother spreads his hands amiably. ‘
Nada, hombre
.  People just thought ... you know, just a few months ago ... before your boy was found,’ he raises his eyebrows at me meaningfully. ‘The way things were looking between you and your ex ... it all could have gone a very different way there, no?’

‘No,’ I say decisively.

‘Naturally,’ he says evenly, ‘You want to marry the mother of your son, and that is not Lourdes.’

‘No,’ I say, curt. ‘It is not.’ There’s a few minutes’ silence while we both chew on that for a bit. ‘Life doesn’t always work out the way you expect it to,’ I concede after a while. ‘And that’s ... it’s not always a bad thing.’

‘No. We have to change plans sometimes, that’s true.’ My brother slows the boat down a tad, readjusts our position. ‘Today, for instance. We won’t get back till late. You and I will both miss Antonio’s birthday party this evening, you realise?’

‘I realise.’  I put the bottle to my lips. The beer is cold, refreshing on my tongue.

‘Julia is okay taking Hadyn to the party without you?’ He looks at me curiously.

‘She’s fine with it.’ 

‘That’s good.’ He nods approvingly. ‘She’s not a jealous woman.’

‘There is no reason why she should be, Rob.’

‘Na.’ His gaze holds mine for that split second more than necessary. He takes a swig from his bottle. ‘Julia’s a good woman, Charlie. A good
mother
. You couldn’t ask for better.’

‘I couldn’t,’ I agree.

‘She’s looking forward to being back in her own home, I imagine?’ My brother averts his gaze, changes the subject, and I sense there is now something else on his mind.

‘Very much so.’

‘You got a date for the flight? Soon as possible, yes? This weekend?’

I give a short laugh. ‘Not quite as soon as that. We’ll be flying out Wednesday.’

‘Wednesday? That’s five days.’ He goes oddly silent now, and a fine sea spray from the bow of the boat catches us both unawares. It’s
cold
. I fetch my jacket.

‘Is there some problem with that?’

‘Of course not,’ he tells me with a strangely pained smile. ‘The longer you stay, the more your family are subjected to local curiosity, the glare of the media here, that’s all.’

I shrug. ‘We’ve been here quite a few months already, Rob. We’re not exactly fresh news.’

‘No,’ he admits. He looks as if he’s about to add something else but then he thinks better of it.      

‘The embassy booked the tickets for us,’ I remind him. ‘They chose the date.’

My brother nods rapidly. ‘Well. What if I can get you some earlier ones?’ he offers generously.

Earlier than Wednesday?  I give a short laugh. ‘It’s good of you to offer. But after four months in Spain, there are a few things I’ll need to see to before we leave.’

 ‘As you like,’ he comes back shortly. The wind whips his dark hair up, sprays us both with a wet salt spray. For a moment, the water seems very choppy. He hesitates before adding, ‘Carlos, I have some bad news.’ So he has come to it at last. The
hiccup
. I feel my back go rigid as he says this. What’s he going to tell me now? That he’s overstretched himself, pulled so many strings to get us out, we’ve ended up entangled in some Gordian knot? That we can’t go after all?  I hold my breath. 

‘They are going to be letting Illusion out next week. I thought you should know.’

Illusion out. This is bad. But not as bad as a further delay in our departure.

‘No charges?’ I breathe.

‘As we thought, no charges. Julia was right. Illusion’s brother Diego did it. An opportunistic crime. The police maintain Illusion wasn’t involved with Hadyn’s abduction; Diego passed him off to her as his own son. He claimed his wife was unfit and begged Illusion to keep him hidden. Then he died in an accident  before he could take it any further. The police believe Illusion poses no threat to anyone.’ My brother looks at me apologetically.

‘You really think she knew nothing? Suspected
nothing
?’ I give him a disbelieving look and he shrugs.

‘We know the type of people she comes from. But what
we
believe is irrelevant. I thought you might prefer to take the chance to get your family out beforehand.’

‘Damn right I would,’ I mutter. ‘If Illusion’s coming out, we’ll be splashed all over the locals again.’

‘You will.’

And that isn’t the only potential problem.

I see from his face that Rob is there ahead of me. ‘I imagine you’d rather Julia didn’t get wind of her release?’ My brother puts it to me tactfully. ‘I know she’s been ... curious about Illusion, always asking
questions
of the family about this woman.’ He pulls a face and I know he is of a mind with me on the subject of Illusion; that the less contact or reference any of us in the family make to that woman, the better.

‘I need my family to move forward, Rob,’ I mutter, pained. ‘I want to leave Illusion behind, and everything to do with this sorry episode.’

‘I’m totally behind you.’ He nods in rapid agreement. ‘But what if Julia decides she wants to see this woman? Even worse—what if Illusion tries to make contact with
her
? There is nothing to stop her, you know. Nothing. Women can be so ... unpredictable about these things.’ He pulls a bemused face. ‘They can make things so
complicated
.’       

I stop and stare at my brother for a moment, seeing where he’s going with this. ‘You think I shouldn’t say anything to Julia?’

Rob does a softly-softly movement with his hands. ‘Sometimes, we men have to know things and not say them, Carlos. Julia doesn’t need to be upset any more. She has your son to concern herself with now and once she returns to the UK, Illusion will be history; she will never need to think about any of this again. Your only job is to get your family home, get on with your life. You agree?’