Finding Us (24 page)

I squeeze Marie a little harder, “Of course I’ll be back. I hope to have you at my place sometime too.”

Marie places a kiss on my cheek. “Be brave my sweet girl and listen to Knox, he has dealt with a lot.”

I pick up my purse and get into my car to make my way back to New York and demand answers from Knox. When I finally fight through all the traffic I stop at my apartment and take a quick shower. Summer isn’t home so I don’t waste another minute and go right to Knox’s apartment and hope he’s home.

I take a few deep breaths before knocking on the door. My heart is beating like crazy.

When the door opens Knox stands there for a second before he wraps his arms around me and pulls me in for a hug. I don’t return it because I’m still pissed off that he’s blown me off for a month and even more so now I know what he hasn’t been able to share me.

“I’m so fucking sorry Jasmine, so sorry.”

I pull back and hit my fist against his chest as the tears pour from my eyes. “Why Knox? You just up and left me in the middle of the night after making love to me for the first time and I haven’t heard from you since.” I sob.

He grabs my hands from his chest and pulls them behind him, he holds me tightly against his chest as I crumble. I’m so hurt and confused. I thought he loved me.

Once I’ve got a little more control of myself he leads me into his apartment. The apartment is set up like mine with the open floor plan, but his apartment is huge compared to mine. Every room is doubled in size. Everything is so clean and organized. Knox takes a seat on his black leather couch and pulls me down on his lap, laying my legs on the cushion. He reaches up with both hands and cups my face.

“I fucking missed you so much. I can’t even begin to explain how much.” He tries to kiss me but I turn my face away from him. I can’t kiss. He’s lucky I’m even sitting on his lap but I’m only doing it for me. I’ve missed him too and I just want to be close to him even if it’s just for a few minutes.

“I love you Jasmine. You crashed into my life and left my head spinning. I was in a bad place for years until you came along. I was looking for revenge, an outlet for my anger, but then you came along and ripped that all to shreds.”

“You weren’t what I was expecting either, Knox. You know I fought to stay away from you until I just couldn’t do it anymore.”

After a few minutes my body relaxes into his and all the fight leaves me. I’m home, Knox is my home. Yes we have a shit load of stuff to work out, but right now in this second I don’t want to think about any of it.

Knox stares into my eyes with passion and love, “I love you Jasmine.” He whispers.

He leans his forehead against mine and kisses me a few times. Knox and I make love on his couch until both of us are so spent that we can’t even move. We fall asleep in each other’s arms until dawn when Knox wakes and moves us to his king size bed. We curl under the covers together.

Knox lies on his back and I have my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat. “When my parents were killed in the car accident they had my pregnant girlfriend in the car with them.” Knox’s voice is groggy with sleep. “Five years ago your mother killed my parents and girlfriend.”

All the air whooshes out of me, yes I know all of this already but hearing it from him just makes me hurt for him.

My voice is shaky, “She’s not my mother,” I laugh bitterly. “Marie is.”

After a few minutes my body relaxes into his and all the fight leaves me. I’m home, Knox is my home.

His breath catches, “You know?” Knox asks.

I nod my head, “Yeah, I talked to Marie yesterday. She told me everything, Knox.” The tears start up again.

“I’ve known about all of that for a long time Jasmine.” Knox moves me and sits up against the headboard. “Let me start from the beginning. Vivian crashed into the car that was being driven by my dad. He, my mom and Savanna were driving to South Carolina so that I could propose to her.”

“She was everything to me, my best friend and my other half. Vivian took it all away from me that night. My parents were traveling down the highway and saw a driver ahead of them swerving. They called 911 to report the driver. Savanna was texting me for a while, telling me what was going on. After about a half hour there was still no sign of the cops and my dad was getting impatient. She said that my dad was just going to speed past them and hope that whoever was driving didn’t cause a serious accident.”

“That was the last that I heard from her that night. I was about eight hours away Jas, eight. Her texts stopped coming shortly after she told me that my dad was passing the drunk driver. When she didn’t answer my text I called her. No answer. I called both of my parents. No one answered. Rex was at a graduation party and wasn’t answering his phone either. He was pretty close to them according to where Savanna told me they were. After an hour of getting nowhere I jumped in my car and headed home. I was in no condition to drive but I had to find them.”

“My pregnant girlfriend who is with my parents could possibly be hurt and I had no way of knowing. I was freaking the fuck out, thinking the worst but praying at the same time for the best. I was about half way home when I got the phone call from her dad. He refused to tell me anything except that he asked that I make it back as soon as possible. A bone chilling feeling sunk in after we hung up. He didn’t need to tell me but I knew it wasn’t good. She was either injured severely, she lost our baby or I lost the both of them.”

I’m bawling like a baby and my body is shaking.

“Savanna was twenty weeks pregnant. We had an ultrasound appointment set up to find out the sex of the baby at the end of the week. We talked for hours about whether or not we wanted to know what we were having.” Knox’s eyes glaze over. “I secretly wanted a boy but I never told her that because she wanted a girl.”

“Hours later I finally pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, it was the middle of the night. I said a prayer before getting out and facing all that shit. When the doors slid open I saw Rex first. He was sitting in a chair with his head hung. He must have sensed me because he looked up; his eyes were red and swollen. I looked around and didn’t see anyone else so I walked over to Rex. He stood and hugged me and said what I already knew. My parents didn’t make it. Rex broke down in my arms. There I stood in the middle of the waiting area while he sobbed. I refused to break down, I was now the adult. I had to be strong for Rex. When he collected himself I asked him about Savanna and the baby.”

“Rex had the look on his face, the look I prayed so hard not to show but it did anyway. He told me that he would take me to them. A nurse buzzed us through double doors and the overwhelming smell of sanitation hit me and I instantly wanted to throw up. We walked past a few closed curtains and then I heard sniffling and Savanna’s dad’s voice. I clenched and unclenched my fist a few times, trying to get myself in check. Nothing could have ever prepared me for what I saw.”

I have my hand covering my mouth, this is like a horror story no one should ever have to live through.

“Her face was unrecognizable. There were so many tubes and wires connected to her. When I stepped into the room, her father stood and placed a shaky hand on my shoulder. Her mom walked out of the room and into Rex’s arms for support.”

“Savanna’s dad asked me to sit down. I took his vacated seat right alongside Savanna. I reached for her hand and placed my other hand on our baby. The baby had just started moving a few weeks ago and anytime that I put my hand on her stomach the baby would move or kick, that time I felt nothing. I waited and willed our precious baby to move. Just a little flick, nudge, something, but I got nothing.”

As I continue to cry Knox pulls me back into his arms. I should be the one comforting him not the other way around. Hearing this from his point of view is so heartbreaking. I can’t even imagine the pain he must have gone through.

Knox entwines our fingers together, “I looked over to Savanna’s dad and asked what was going on with them. He gets choked up. I know it’s not good, not at all. Savanna’s mom breaks down in the hallway and keeps saying ‘no’ over and over again when he delivers the blow that she’s brain dead. My world stopped. My heart stopped. I stopped breathing. He explained that they kept her alive until I got there so that I could say goodbye. Her dad turns to leave without another word, giving me time to say my goodbyes.”

“Rex walks in and asks what he can do. I just shook my head and told him that just being here was enough. He stood in the corner of the room, out of the way. I stood and folded the blankets down Savanna’s body and rest my head on her stomach. I told our baby how much I loved both of them and that I was sorry I’d never been able to meet him or her, but at they would get a chance to know their mother and to watch out for each other up in heaven.”

How does someone ever recover from something like this?

“I placed a kiss on her stomach and pulled the covers back up. I kissed Savanna on the lips and told her all my plans that I had for the night and how I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I took the engagement ring that I bought her and placed it on her hand and dropped to my knee and proposed to her. I knew I would never get an answer but I was ok with that. It was something I needed to do for myself.” Knox’s breathing gets harder and his voice is shaky. “I kissed her once more before telling her I loved her for the last and final time. I walked out of the hospital and went home.”

“I couldn’t be there when they pulled the plug on my girlfriend and unborn child. It just seemed cruel in my eyes even though I knew it is what they had to do. When I got home I packed everything of hers up. Every picture, piece of clothing, all the baby stuff and put it all in bags and threw it in the trash. I took a shower and sat in the chair in my room trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do with my life now that everything was gone. The only thing that kept me going was Rex. I needed to be strong for him. He had no one and neither did I.”

“My parents were buried three days after they passed and Savanna and my baby were two days after that. I never cried, never grieved. What was the point? It wouldn’t bring them back. Before leaving the hospital I promised Savanna I would make whoever did this to my family pay.”

“After the investigation was over I knew who killed my family. Everything was swept under the rug like it never happened. I couldn’t let that happen. I needed revenge.”

I agree with Knox that Vivian deserved to pay for what she did to them.

“I watched your family from a distance. I knew where you went to school; I knew what kind of car you drove. I knew everything about your family. I hired a private investigator and uncovered who your real mother was. You up and disappeared after graduation. It took me a little while to find you but I didn’t really have to look hard because you kind of just fell into my lap. I thought I was finally catching a break.” Knox brings our hands up and kisses the back of mine. “Only problem was, I fell for you. I fell so damn hard. My plan was to get you to fall in love with me and then I was going to crush your family like your mother did to mine. I was going to lay it all out on the line that Marie was your mother and not Vivian. I started out fine but that night at Club Mango I couldn’t resist you anymore.”

I shake my head back and forth. “My god Knox.”

We lie there for a while not talking, both wrapped up in our heads.

Self-doubt creeps in and I start second guessing everything, my mind reels about our relationship. Am I a replacement for Savanna? I look just like her. When he tells me he loves me, does he mean it? Is he hiding anything else from me?

Can I trust Knox and believe what he tells me is true and be able to move forward with him?

Knox nudges me, “Talk to me.”

I close my eyes, “Knox I need some time. I need to sort this all out.”

Knox doesn’t say anything as I slip out of his bed and dress. When I’m done I steal a quick glance in his direction. His head is resting against his headboard and his eyes are closed.

“Knox?”

His eyes open, they are filled with remorse and so much pain and through all of that there is love there.

“Give me some time.”

He nods and closes his eyes again.

I just laid it all out for Jasmine. She knows everything. Time will tell what happens next.