Finding Us (18 page)

When I see Jeremy and Ava together it makes me long for that, for something I missed out on.

I’ve helped Ava build sandcastles for the last two hours. She was having problems keeping her little eyes open so I took her back to our blankets and towels where she crawled up next to me and passed out. Jeremy comes over and covers her in a towel so her precious little skin doesn’t burn.

“If I move her she’ll never go back to sleep.” Jeremy explains why he doesn’t just take her back to the house.

“I was the same way. Maria, my nanny, used to find me fast asleep in the weirdest spots. She never moved me, just covered me and let me be.” My chest tightens at the thought of Maria. I miss her and feel bad that when I wrote my parents off, I wrote her off too.

“Ava is a light sleeper like her mom.” Jeremy stares out over the ocean, “Me, on the other hand, I can sleep through anything.”

“I can’t believe you have a daughter, Jeremy.” I say as I run a finger through the sand, making different shapes and watching the sand quickly fill it back in.

“I kind of can’t believe it sometimes either. I love that little girl with all my heart. I wish things could have worked out with her mom and I but,” Jeremy shakes his head. “It is what it is.”

I want to ask what happened with them but I figure if he wants me to know he’ll tell me.

Knox, Rex and Summer walk over to where we are laying out on the towels. Knox shakes his head, spraying me with water from his hair.

I shirk and then cringe when I remember Ava next to me fast asleep. “That’s cold.”

Knox sits next to me, “It is not. If your little side kick would have let you come in the water with us you would know that it really isn’t that bad.”

Jeremy chuckles, “Jealous much?”

“Shut up, Asshole.” Knox quips back while glaring at his best friend.

Rhea comes up next with Tanner following right behind. They lay down on their towels next to each other, on the other side of Jeremy. We are all sitting around talking about nothing and everything. The boys crack jokes on each other and everybody laughs in all good fun. I love just sitting back and listening to all the banter between everyone. This is what it feels like to have real, true, friends. I have a small sense of jealousy because other than having Summer I really never had anyone else. It didn’t bother me so much back then but now that I see what I missed out on, it really bothers me.

Suddenly, realizing Cade is missing from the group, I look around for him. Last I saw he was messing with a bunch of girls that were playing volley ball.

“He left with one of those girls he was talking to about an hour ago.”

I lift my sunglasses from my face, “How did you know that was who I was looking for?”

Knox runs a finger along the side of my thigh and in its wake he leaves a trail of goose bumps.

He smirks, knowing what he’s doing to me. “I just knew.”

And that shuts me up. He just knows. I position my sunglasses back on my face and lie back on my blanket. Knox reaches over and grabs for my pinky with his. After a few minutes I drift off to sleep.

“Princess Jasmine,” Ava yells at me.

I lie there with my eyes opened, knowing she can’t see them through my sunglasses.

“She’s sleeping little lady.” Knox says from the other side of me. “She’s pretty while she’s sleeping isn’t she?”

Ava giggles, “She’s butiful like a pretty, pretty, princess.”

I can’t stop the smile that breaks out on my face. “You’re the prettiest princess there is.” I reach up and tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. Little Ava’s scrunches up her little nose and smiles back at me.

My stomach growls so loud it causes Ava and Knox to laugh. “Well I guess we know who’s hungry.”

“I hungry too, Uncle Knox.” Ava bats her little eyelashes at him.

Knox goes to stand up and holds a hand out to me and Ava. “Well I guess we better go see what Daddy is cooking for our
princesses
.”

I’m in awe of this man standing in front of me right now. Knox will be such a good dad when the time comes for him. He treats little Ava as if she was his and not many men around our age would do that. Yeah, they would pay attention to her and protect her, but Knox goes above and beyond that. He plays right along with whatever she wants. She has him wrapped around her pretty little finger.

Ava takes off running in her little flip flops, kicking sand up behind her while Knox chases after her. She’s screaming and laughing, having a great time. I noticed that everyone had left and the only stuff that is here are the towels and blankets that we were lying on. I shake the sand from them; slip my flip flops on and go back up to the house to find something to eat.

The closer I get to the house I smell the yummy aromas coming from the grill. Jeremy is standing at the grill in only a pair of black basketball shorts and I notice that his hair is wet. “Knox is actually letting you cook on the grill?” I tease as I step up onto the deck.

Jeremy closes the lid and smirks, “Well someone has to feed the
princesses
.”

“Daddy!” Ava yells.

“Yeah?” Jeremy answers right away.

“I’m itchy.”

Jeremy shakes his head and sets off towards his daughter. “Alright let’s go get you in the bath to get all the sand off. Then I’ll get you something to eat ok?”

Ava holds her hand out to Jeremy, “Ok Daddy.”

Tanner is sitting up on the counter in the kitchen, freshly showered too. “Tan, can you watch the grill. I gotta give her a bath real quick.”

Tanner nods, “Yeah I got it man.”

I follow behind, in need of a shower myself. Jeremy picks up Ava and throws her tiny little body up in the air and she giggles. “Again Daddy.” And so he does it again until they get to the stairs.

“Princess Jasmine, where you going?” Ava asks me when she notices I’m following behind them.

“I’m going to go take a shower. The sand makes me itchy too.” I explain to her.

Jeremy carries Ava up the stairs then sets her down and they walk towards the bathroom but Ava tugs on Jeremy’s hand. He squats down next to her and she whispers in his ear. He looks back to me and then to Ava.

“You’ll have to ask her.” He whispers loud enough so that I can hear and try to figure out what’s going on.

Ava shakes her head and then wraps her little arms around her daddy’s neck and I just want to melt into a puddle. This little girl has stolen my heart and I’ve only known her for a few hours. No wonder Knox is the way he is with her. She’s such a little sweetheart.

I close the distance between us and I kneel down so I’m eye level with them. “Ava, what do you want to ask me?”

I see her arms tighten around Jeremy’s neck and he rubs his large hand up and down her back. He turns his head and whispers in her ear, “Do you want me to ask her for you?”

She nods her head.

“Ava wants to know if you’ll give her a bubble bath.” Jeremy gives me a half smile. These are the times I’m sure he is wishing that her mom was still in the picture.

I place a hand on Jeremy’s shoulder and squeeze a little. “Of course I will. Does Princess Ava have everything a princess needs in the bathroom?”

Ava lifts her head and looks to Jeremy.

“Yeah, I’ll show you where everything is and grab some clothes for her.” Jeremy stands back up and mouths, ‘Thank you.’ to me. I stand up and catch a glimpse of Knox’s swim trunks in the doorway to his bedroom. He doesn’t make himself known, so I just let him be.

Jeremy starts the bath water and Ava helps him with the bubbles and then she begs her daddy for pink water. I’m confused for a second until I see him reach back into the cabinet under the sink and he gives his daughter two little pink tablets. She throws them in the water and within seconds her water turns pink.

Jeremy kisses the top of Ava’s head and leaves the bathroom.

I play with Ava while she takes her bath; she stays in there until her little fingers are all wrinkly. We wash her hair and her body and she giggles when I wash her pretty little pink toes. I turn to reach for the towel that is sitting on the sink and I see Knox watching me from the doorway. He doesn’t say anything at all but gives me a sad smile and walks away. What was that look for? Did I do something that upset him and not realize it? Is he mad I didn’t come right up to the bedroom and steal a few minutes of alone time with him? I shake it off for now and grab the towel. I get Ava all dried off, dressed in a little red, white and blue sundress. I brush her dark hair out and decide to side braid her hair.

Ava turns in the mirror to see herself, “That’s butiful.”

“A beautiful braid for a beautiful little girl,” I pick her up from the sink and set her down; she reaches for my hand and we walk out of the bathroom together. On our way downstairs Ava tugs on my hand. “Where’s Uncle Knox?”

“I don’t know.” I answer honestly.

Rhea is heading upstairs and stops to greet Ava, “Hey Girly. I like your braid.” Rhea reaches forward and gives it a little tug.

Ava reaches up and pats her hair, “Tanks, Princess Jasmine did it.”

“Hey, can you bring her down to Jeremy? I need to jump in the shower real quick before dinner.” I ask Rhea.

“Sure.” Rhea turns, careful since she’s on the steps, and squats down, “Climb on, Girly.”

Ava giggles and throws her arms around Rhea’s neck and her legs wrap around her body, holding on.

I take the steps two at a time, hoping I can catch Knox in his room so I can find out what’s going on with him. I swing open the door and there he is lying across his bed on his stomach. He’s only wearing a pair of black cargo shorts and a grey wife beater, the muscles of his arms and shoulders on full display.

Knox either hasn’t heard me come in or he is looking intently at something on the bed. I tip toe over to him and crawl my still sandy body onto the bed. Knox jumps when my fingertips brush against his leg. He quickly leaps up from the bed and walks over to his dresser and slides whatever it is he was looking at in it. Knox scrubs his face with his hands.

“Everything okay?” I ask in a soft smooth voice when I really just want to jump up and find out what has his mind in another place.

“Yeah,” He climbs back on the bed and rolls on his back with his arms behind his head. “Ava all cleaned up?”

I lie my head on his chest and run my fingers between each abs muscle, when I get down close to the button on his shorts his stomach constricts and defines his muscles even more. “Yeah, I had Rhea bring her down to Jeremy.” I lift my head and gaze into smoldering blue eyes. “Talk to me Knox. Tell me what’s going on with you.”

I feel his breath hitch for a second before letting out a loud sigh, “You don’t miss anything do you?”

I nudge him with my shoulder, “Not really.” I lie my head back down on his chest, afraid that he’s about to reject me. “What were you looking at when I walked in?”

Knox freezes.

When he doesn’t answer me, I slowly shift my head up so that I can just barely see him through my eyelashes. He has his eyes tightly squeezed shut and it looks like he’s in physical pain. I try to sit up, clearly he isn’t going to be answering me, but he wraps his fingers around my wrist.

“Don’t go.” Knox says with a shaky voice.

I pull my wrist away, clutch it to my chest and rub it with my other hand. He didn’t hurt me physically but emotionally he had. I know when something is bothering him. I just wish he would admit it when I ask. If he’s not ready to talk about it right now that’s fine but at least admit something is wrong.

“I’m just going to take a bath.” I whisper back softly.

I close the door to the bathroom but don’t shut it completely, hoping to give Knox a sign that I want him to come to me when he’s ready. I adjust the water to the perfect temperature and allow it to fill the tub while I strip off my sandy bikini and I pull the hair tie from my hair. Once the tub is filled a little way I dip my toes in, testing to make sure that the water is comfortable. I slip in and sigh in relief as the warm water washes over my slightly sun kissed skin. I rest my back and head against the tub and let my eyes close and just relax.

The door creaks open but I don’t open my eyes because I know who it is. I just lay there and wait for Knox to make a move. I hear rustling of clothes and then I feel a hand on my shoulder, I open my eyes to a naked and sexy Knox standing before me.

“Sit up.”

I move up so that he can slip in behind me, when he’s settled he pulls me back against his chest and kisses the top of my head. Knox reaches for my hands and interlocks our fingers, resting them on my stomach.

“I was looking at a picture from my past.” Knox starts to say but I interrupt.

“Knox…”

“Shh, let me finish. That picture is the only one I have.” Knox sighs loudly. “There will never be another picture like that one. It hurts to look at it.” He groans and I hear the thump of his head hitting the tub. “I miss her Jasmine.” He says so low I barely heard him.

I rub my thumbs on the backs of his hands, “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

Knox and I are both lost in thought until I get a chill from the cooled water.