Finding the Thing Within (12 page)

***

Everything was organized for the following Saturday, at five o’clock in the afternoon, Rosario and Lorenzo arrived at Francesco’s place in the country. Federico, Georgia and her son David were already there. David was a big guy, twenty years old, beautiful and tall. His hair was cropped short and dyed so light that it was almost yellow. He had a thin trace of a beard that conferred upon him an air of masculinity. Rosario introduced Lorenzo to those meeting him for the first time.

They set about trying to organize the work to be done and decided upon the proposed position of the cistern, the same as before. This time there was a greater risk because there were only people holding it. They tied rope around its base and while Francesco and Federico hauled it upward, Rosario and Lorenzo pushed from below. Davide was helping out alternately with both efforts.

“Come on!” commanded Francesco “Just a little more then we can edge it towards the left...now!” Although Federico was fairly short, he had a barrel chest and was actually very strong. Rosario implored the others from below to not let go of the ropes, or else both he and Lorenzo would be mashed by the falling weight. The job took a long time and with all the effort in the hot sun, in no time they were all sweating profusely. David decided to take off his tshirt and Rosario turned to his mother and pulled a face as if to say, “He’s so hot!”

Lorenzo kicked him and when he asked why, Lorenzo replied, “So you learn.”
Rosario rubbed the spot where he had been kicked and Giorgia laughed. Eventually the cistern was heaved into the right position and connected up. It was anchored in place with large stones. It was just beginning to get dark and Rosario suggested they walk to a cave nearby. It was a natural cave whose entrance was hidden from sight by a large tree and enormous creepers hanging down from the rock above.
It wasn’t safe to go in because there was a part where the rock had collapsed, and there was the risk that it could happen again at any time. Rosario grabbed hold of Lorenzo’s arm under the big tree, and, making sure Francesco was some way off, kissed him passionately. Lorenzo was reticent; scared that they would be seen but the recent abstinent period had increased his desire. It was short but sweet and intense.
Coming back in the car, Lorenzo stroked Rosario’s chest and said to him, “But you can’t understand how much I like you!”
Rosario put on some opera and sung along heartily with the baritone.

“Voi congiuraste, voi congiuraste contro noi signore! E noi e noi clementi perdonammo. Qual vi piglia or delirio a tutte l’ore di vostra figlia a reclamar l’onore...”

“Wow you have an amazing voice! What is it?”

“It’s Verdi’s Rigoletto, and this is one of my favorite bits.”
“Have you never studied singing? You’re really good.”
“Yeah, I know but I should have thought about it earlier, it’s too late now...and he launched back into voice.”

***

The following day Rosario was ecstatic. So many wonderful things were happening, he thought again of the old woman and her cards, could it be that she had been right? He sat before his computer and wrote:

“Every day that passes I think of you more and though I don’t understand exactly why, every day I love you more and more. I should ask you about what’s happening to me, you who know more about these things. I close my eyes, and think of you. People phone me, and I think of you. All day and everyday I think of you.

I was so horny as soon as I saw you yesterday, in the country, with your wild-man stubble...I understand that I shouldn’t be telling you this since you’re about to do exams, but what can I do? That kick you gave me was intentional.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Rosario

“Hi babe, as always I was rushing out yesterday and had not time to write to you. I didn’t see that girl again, and I want to say something to her. Set her mind at rest. But I didn’t want to deal with heavy things right now, since the day has been hard enough. Well I can’t keep putting it off; sooner or later I'll have to tell her. I don’t want her to get too close and then have to hurt her. In the last few days I’ve been feeling closer to you too...it’s very strange. Because this kind of feeling I’ve only experienced with three people in my life...then sometimes I think that maybe I have this affection for you because you’re the first person that I’ve really opened up to, with whom I can express myself. But in recent days I wanted to meet other gay guys...who are intelligent and with whom I can speak about certain things, and yet the level of trust I have with you is deeper, I don’t get on nearly so well with anyone else.

This tells me that you really are a special person, a person that I can laugh with, 'make love' with...with such a feeling of naturalness. Every day that passes you become more and more an essential part of my life...just one thing, it kills me to hear you complaining, also because I know why you do it...I’m talking about our past lives hidden in lies, phone calls, whispers and ephemeral and fleeting encounters. I want more too, and am sorry that I can’t give more but my situation is in the shit. And I don’t know what to do about it. Anyway, this is a whole other bundle of problems and I’ll have to deal with it at some point, now I have to get back to studying. Last night I dreamt that we were together, guess which role I had! I loved it. See you later. I really care for you. Ciao,

Your little Lorenzo.”

As the days passed, everything was going smoothly, all except his job, which was getting him down. He was giving little importance to the matter with Mr. Bassetti, but thought he should ask for a straight twenty million and a percentage of the sales. If they didn’t accept that he could then always just take what they offered. He sent the request and waited. No reply was forthcoming and Rosario thought that maybe he had been too cheeky and asked for too much, and that they had given up on his idea. He called a number of times but Mr Bassetti was never available, they assured him that he was away on business. Days passed quickly, turning into weeks still with no reply. He complained to Lorenzo who comforted and encouraged him.

Part 14

One day he received a message:
“Dear Mr Mollica,

I’m sorry for the delay in replying, but it’s been a particularly busy period. We have looked at your offer and frankly we can’t offer such a large lump sum for a project still very much at the drawing board stage. We have spoken with our technicians and focused on certain problems relating to the connections and investments of the frames, casings and flat cables. Furthermore, as you must be well aware, the product would have to be accompanied by a complete publicity campaign, to distinguish it from products already on the market.

We are available to start work and to look at the actual viability of this project with a potential consequential production phase but we all need to believe in this project. Although the idea was yours, you believed that the majority investment would be made on our part, providing you agree.

There for, we think that an acceptable offer would be that you would be paid when and if the project comes to fruition. This does not exclude the possibility, once the viability is established and production under way, that a sum could be paid during the transfer of the ownership rights.

We look forward to a positive response from you. Kind regards,
Gino Bassetti.”

Rosario’s heart sank. He told his friends and eventually decided that he had no choice but to accept Mr. Bassetti’s offer.

He arranged instead to go to the beach with Lorenzo. This time Rosario was wearing long shorts because he had no wish to scratch his legs again walking through the brittle spiny undergrowth that lay off the path. Considering that Lorenzo would make him take the long way again to avoid being seen from the hetero beach. And he did. The hours passed by serenely. They went for a swim and sunbathed and they stayed arm in arm for hours. At a certain point Lorenzo said, “Tomorrow I have my exams, finally they’ll be over with, I can’t take it anymore. After the fifteenth of July I’m going to go with Tullio, his girlfriend and another friend to Lampedusa Island.”

“You’re going away? And leaving me here alone all

July.”
“Only for a week. I need to relax. Recently I’ve
been studying so hard and think I deserve a little rest.” “Yeah of course you deserve it, but you know I can’t
stay alone, and you know how important sex is for me. If
you’re not here I don’t want that it should happen with another.”
“You can be strong, you can wait for me. We’ll
speak on the phone all the time.”
“Sorry, did you say there were four of you? Tullio
and his girlfriend, you and your friend. Who is this ‘friend’?
Where did he come from?”
“He’s called Domenico and I’ve known him for
years.”
“How old is he?”
“Thirty-two.”
“Gay?”
“What? Don’t be stupid! He’s straight, and has a
girlfriend.”
“Why isn’t his girlfriend going with you then?” “She’s not coming because she can’t.”
“Are you going to camp?”
“No, we’re renting a cottage there.”
“OK so great, Tullio will be sleeping with his girlfriend, which means you’ll be in with this ‘friend’. What’s
going to happen then between you two in the middle of the
night!”
“Don’t be silly, nothing’s going to happen, you’ll
see.”
The afternoon passed by and when they were leaving Rosario was a little down. A few days had passed
without them seeing each other and Rosario’s real reason
for this was to understand his own feelings and also perhaps to punish Lorenzo in some way for always saying that
he wanted to open up with his friends and his life but then
not actually doing anything. He always needed more time.
Rosario couldn’t really understand any of this; he wanted
Lorenzo to be an important part of his life, and vice versa.
Now he was off to Lampedusa and Rosario was sick about
it. Lorenzo called him later but he had answered coldly,
then he found this email in his inbox:

“I just phoned you and have to say you were so cold I could feel the ice in your words...I am so scared of losing you and maybe I already have...This scares the hell out of me, I think I never managed to get past your free spirit..If you do want to change things along the lines you seem to want, you should know how strongly I feel about you..I’m just a bit sad tonight, I don’t know...just at the thought. Goodnight. Your Lorenzo.”

***

Several more days passed until it came time for Lorenzo’s departure for Lampedusa. They said goodbye on the phone and promised to stay in contact by phone. Really though, the next morning, when Rosario woke him up by phoning him at nine o’clock, excusing his just woken voice, he said that it was going to be impossible for Rosario to phone him due to the bad network coverage on the island, and that, because the only place with decent reception was the main village, he would phone Rosario each day after their excursions on the island. In fact, whenever Rosario did try to phone him, the phone was always switched off. On the other hand he received a call from Lorenzo, telling him about what they had done that day. He told about him about beautiful days of sea and sun, and about a fisherman he’d met and and talked to a few times. One evening, not having heard from Lorenzo at the usual time, he tried again to phone Lorenzo’s cell phone. A young girl answered and said that Lorenzo was having a shower and would call him back.

“I said I was going to phone you. Why did you have to phone?”
“It was past nine and you usually phone me at half eight, I thought I’d surprise you. Who was that girl?”
“Tullio’s girlfriend, anyway wait until I phone you.”
“Fine. How was today?”
“Oh great, we spent the whole day at the beach then went out on a boat. The sea here is amazing, full of tiny little fish that come around you when you dive in. I’m having a great time here.”
Rosario, feeling alone and disconsolate, continued going to the same spot at the same beach, and arriving early, usually found “their” rock free. He had a few occasions when he could have betrayed Lorenzo, but he didn’t. He liked him too much, even if sometimes he pretended on the phone that something had happened just to make him jealous. One Sunday he met Carlo and Matteo; a couple that had been together for ten years, and he stopped to talk.
“Did you hear I’ve got a boyfriend?”
“No, it’s not possible! You that always said you were a free spirit and criticized us for staying together for so long.”
“I suppose sooner or later it had to happen to me too, don’t you think?”
“Who is he? Do we know him?”
“Maybe not, he’s hetero and doesn’t hang around in gay circles. He likes girls.”
Both Carlo and Matteo burst out laughing.
“So you’re a woman now are you? You don’t look much like a woman!”
“Don’t be pricks about it. He likes girls and he likes me, ok?”
“You're deluding yourself. You want to believe that but if he goes with a man he can’t be all that straight now, can he?”
“Come on! I’m not saying he isn’t a bit gay but he he’s one of those who hang around a hetero crowd and you can’t tell by looking at him.”
“Well that’s better.”
So Rosario asked a question that he had been curious about for a long time.
“So are you two completely exclusive to each other sexually, you’re neither of you interested in other guys?”
“Of course there are others we like but we just do it in three and thus save our relationship.”
“And if he likes one of you?”
“We only agree to those who are just up for a threesome,” and they went away.
Rosario was left to his crossword and thoughts of where Lorenzo was and what he was doing right then. He was thinking again of how he might be starting to love him and a line came to him from
la traviata
that went:

“Oh gioia essere amati, amando.” [Oh what joy to be loved and loving.]

The afternoon progressed with little event. In the evening, Lorenzo phoned and told him that he would be traveling the following day and they wouldn’t be able to see each other until the day after that. Rosario waited for two days. Lorenzo phoned again to say that he had arrived safe but then for one excuse or another he kept postponing their meeting. In the end it was ten days they hadn’t seen each other and Rosario was going crazy without Lorenzo, he wanted to see him, kiss him, to feel those fantastic legs, and make love to him.