Finding the Right Girl (A Nice GUY to Love spin-off) (13 page)

“Well that explains it. Over the past few months, your mother has quickly become one of South Beach Miami’s rising stars in the feminine beauty product sales catalog biz. They’re even going to let me start selling some of the male beauty products as well. Isn’t that fabulous?”

The feat of her mother sticking out a job for a few months was in fact, pretty fabulous. “That’s great, mom. And you really sound happy about this one.”

“Oh, I am. This is definitely my calling.”

One of her many. Her calling last summer had been radio commercial acting. And before that, it had been a phone service rep position that she’d deemed perfect because all it had required her to do was read out of a manual. But of course, she’d quit the job three days later because, well, all it had required her to do was read out of a manual.

But at least it beat the work-from-home scam from three years ago. That one had ended with Tessa having to wire five thousand dollars to her mother to tide her over until the sports equipment testing job finally panned out.

“So mom, I met this guy,” she blurted out, cutting to the chase.

“Oh honey, how wonderful! You haven’t dated in…wow, when
was
the last time you dated?”

That would be never. Thanks for remembering.
She sighed. “Anyway, like I was saying, I met a guy. And he’s pretty great.”

“Okay, give me all the details. What’s he do for a living?”

“He’s a high school business teacher.”

“Good, so he’s not a freeloader. Those are fun to play with for a night, but getting rid of them is such a pain.”

As utterly bizarre as this conversation was, this was actually the longest and most engaged conversation Tessa could ever recall them having. Dropping onto her couch, she settled in and tried to wrap her brain around the entire experience.

“Is he handsome? Does he work out a lot? Ooh, what color are his eyes?”

Tessa’s breath caught in her throat at the thought of just how handsome Brian was. “Yes, he’s pretty gorgeous. Um…I’m assuming he works out a lot because he’s also a football coach at the high school where he works.” Was that a squeal on the other end of the phone line? So surreal. “Um…and his eyes are amazing—an ocean blue most of the time.”

“Oh, he sounds just yummy. I’m so happy for you, sweetie.”

Irrationally, Tessa felt like she was going to start crying. She couldn’t remember the last time her mother had ever been so attentive, so affectionate.

“His name is Brian, by the way. And he has a fantastic daughter in middle school.”

A stark pause and then an almost horrified, “
A daughter?
Oh, Tessa, no.”

Aaand
, they were back. The way her mother said her name never failed to make her feel two inches tall and far more than a dollar short.

“
Tessa
, you can’t date a man with a child. You won’t be able to avoid getting serious.”

She paused a beat before admitting, “What if I’m thinking of getting serious?”

Her mother gasped. “You can
not
be thinking of having a long term relationship with this man, Tessa. It’s just not right. You know as well as I do that this would just end in heartbreak for everyone involved. Especially if he has a daughter. He’s probably looking for…well, someone a little different from you.”

“He and Skylar both know about my being a dropout, mom. He didn’t think anything of it.”

“So you’ve told him
everything
?”

Tessa remained silent.

“That’s what I thought. Have a heart. Don’t take this any further. He sounds like a very nice man who deserves better.”

Better than me.

“Tessa, darling, you know I love you. And you know I want you to be happy. But not at the expense of someone else. Besides, why are you even looking for something serious anyway? Look at my life. A hot, brand new model every few months to drive around, nothing to tie me down. The world is my oyster. I couldn’t be happier. Take it from me, there is simply no better way to live.”

Tessa could think of a thousand better ways to live.

And she could picture Brian in every single scenario.

“I know you think I’m wrong about this; but I also know that you
know
I’m right. You should just end it now. Before it’s too late. Let the man be happy.”

Right, because he’d be miserable with me. She couldn’t take anymore. “Mom, I’ve got to go. I forgot I need to head over to the care home in a half hour.”

“Oh, that’s nice. You’re still doing that volunteer work?”

Everything HD related was always ‘volunteer work’ to her mother; she simply couldn’t comprehend it in any other context.

So it didn’t really matter whether she answered her or not.

“I really got to go. Thanks for chatting with me, mom.”

“You’re most welcome, dear. That’s what I’m here for.”

Tessa wasn’t going to touch that one.

“Bye mom.”

B
RIAN CAME BACK
in from his run and knew something was wrong the second he stepped foot in the door.

He was already racing across the house to Skylar’s bedroom even before the muffled sounds of her crying hit him fully. He practically took the door off its hinges as he burst through, expecting to see a scene not unlike a post-apocalyptic disaster zone.

It was worse.

“Honey, what’s the matter?” He eased over to her window seat, where she was curled in a tight ball trying her best to get her crying under control. “Are you hurt?”

“I c-can’t s-stop,” she stuttered, her breathing heaving in and out uncontrollably.

Brian ran out to the kitchen and returned with a paper bag. Holding it over her mouth, he squeezed her hand and said in the calmest voice he could, “Just breathe, honey. Keep your eyes on me and just breathe nice and easy, in and out. Don’t think about anything else except for the sound of your breathing.” He nodded encouragingly when her gasping breaths started to slow. Removing the bag, he continued in a soothing murmur, “Okay now we have to do the belly breathing, remember how we used to help mom? Slow deep breath in through your nose, fill your belly up…and then out through your mouth. Good, just like that. Just a few more, honey, take your time.”

Meanwhile, Brian was on the verge of hyperventilating himself.

The five minutes it took for Skylar’s breathing to return to normal were the longest of his life.

“How you doing?” he asked gently when her eyes were no longer the size of saucers. “Ready for a glass of water?”

Skylar nodded, exhausted, and slumped against the wall while he went to get her a drink.

It took everything in him to remain silent as he watched her ease back out of her panic attack. Remembering how walking used to help Beth, and wanting to give Skylar a change in environment just in case that was the trigger, he held out his hand. “C’mon, let’s get some fresh air in the backyard.”

By the time they were both seated in the gazebo, she was looking relatively calm.

“You want to tell me what happened back there?”

Her gaze dropped to the ground, and she shrugged half-heartedly, “It’s nothing.”

“That was
not
nothing, sweetie. Do you need me to call your therapist? Schedule you an emergency appointment?”

At her smothered cringe, he grew even more confused. “Are you having a problem with Dr. Gibson?” She’d been going once a week for over a year now and never had he heard any complaints from either side.

“No, I just…I’m having a hard time talking to her lately.” She slid her focus over to the orchid plants woven into the far end of the gazebo. “I feel like we talk about the same things every week and…it’s like she can’t hear me, like no one can hear me. Except for Becky. And Tessa.”

Brian tensed. “So this is about the gene testing again?”

“Not just the gene testing. It’s all of it.” She shook her head and looked away. “You just don’t get it.” Her voice was starting to sound panicked again.

“They
can’t
get it, sweetie,” called out a calm voice approaching them. “Not unless you explain it to them.”

They both looked up to see Tessa walking across the lawn to join them.

When did she get here?

“Skylar texted me while you were on your run,” she explained, at his questioning look. “I got here as quickly as I could and I let myself in. You left the front door ajar.”

He had?

Everything had been such a blur. Still was. Skylar had been talking for nearly ten minutes now and he still didn’t have a clue how to help her.

Tessa sat down on the railing opposite of them and said quietly, “Skylar, it’s not that they can’t hear you, it’s that they can’t understand what you’re going through. You need to explain it to your doctors, to your father. I know you think they should get it because they already saw your mom go through it, but I guarantee you, they don’t.” Her eyes landed on his as she continued, “So just start from what you feel like when you wake up every day. Describe it if you can’t explain it. And go from there.”

Brian watched in horror as tears filled Skylar’s eyes again. How had he not known his little girl was going through so much agony? “I’m listening, honey. And I promise I’ll hear you. Just…talk to me, please.”

“It’s not every morning,” Skylar whispered as she looked up at Tessa, almost as if reaching for a lifeline before repeating, “It’s not every morning, but some mornings I wake up and I wonder if today’s going to be the day that I’ll know for sure if I have HD or not. And for the five or ten minutes that I sit there and think about it, I feel…almost happy. Like I can finally breathe again.” Her voice dropped a bitter note lower. “But then after that one short breath, it’s like I’m drowning all over again. I go to school and see my friends laughing and talking about stuff like what awesome things they want to do when they grow up… Normal teen stuff. I see them sitting there not worrying about anything really…something I never get to do. And when I see that, I get so jealous and sad and angry. And I just
can’t breathe
.”

Brian’s hand gripped the handrail tighter to avoid reaching for her.

A frustrated strength began vibrating through in her words. “I know everyone thinks it’s better for me not to take the gene test, and I understand why. If it comes back positive, all that tells me is that I’m going to get HD one day, and that’s it, that’s all it’ll tell me. Not when, not how. So I get it. Everyone’s worried that I’m going to get all depressed and give up. Or that I’m going to get all stupid with my life because I think I’m going to die anyway.” A shudder wobbled her voice. “But what everyone
doesn’t
get
is that not knowing makes me feel all of that anyway and more. I feel like I’m not getting to…I don’t know, accept it, or deal with it.”

Skylar paused, blinking in thought as if trying to find the right words. At Tessa’s encouraging nod, she turned to face him fully. “Okay, dad, pretend…pretend that an awful killer who knew all of your biggest nightmares was chasing you, and you were trapped, with no chance of getting away. And he told you all these horrible things he was going to do to make you suffer a long and slow death…and that he was going to start right away. Like tomorrow.” Her voice crackled on a broken cry as she bit out, “Now pretend he didn’t do it tomorrow. But he let you go for another day just so he could chase you, trap you, and tell you all those scary things all over again. Then again. And again.”

Oh, dear God.

“That’s what I feel every day. And I can’t ever stop being afraid because every day I wake up and it starts all over again. I wonder, I get angry, I get scared, and I just. Can’t. Breathe.”

He caught her as she crumpled down to her knees and cried in earnest now. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her as her tears ran without end, as the terrifying descriptions of what she’d been holding inside slashed thousands of knife wounds across his chest, flayed it wide open. “We’ll get you through this, Sky-bug,” he whispered against her hair. “We’ll do whatever we have to so you don’t feel like this anymore.”

How he was going to make good on that, he had no idea.

A
FTER WITNESSING
what had happened with Skylar, and what Brian went through seeing his little girl in that kind of pain, Tessa
knew it was finally the beginning of the end.

Looking at her bookshelf, she thought about the one Brian had in his house—chock full of once-in-a-lifetime experiences, happy candids, treasured mementos and souvenirs. While her own lack of memories and keepsakes was a reminder of all she’d never had, his abundance of them reminded her of all he’d once had and then lost.

So much loss already.

Opening her file cabinet, she pulled a copy of an article that would be getting published in a few months, one she felt strongly about, regarding an important issue she’d been involved in and spreading awareness about since she’d discovered her voice in the silence.