Finding Solace (43 page)

 
"
Sadie,
tonight happened for a reason. I wanted to show you
that I want more than just sex from you. I wanted to see for myself that we
could have fun together with the sexual part taken out. I realized I like you
more for just being you. Don't get me wrong, you’re the sexiest female I have
ever laid my eyes on. And for that reason alone, there is no fucking way I can
let you out of my sight without feeling those lips on mine." He grabbed my
face firmly and took my mouth like he owned it. I whimpered which only fueled
his quest. I had no control over my hands as they ran up his arms and down his
chest. Then I released him, only to start back at his bulge and up under his
shirt to his abs. I wanted him so bad. He pulled back and rested his forehead
to mine looking me in the eye.

 
"There
is no question in my mind that when I finally have you, fireworks are going to
go off."

 
"Is
that because we will have waited so long the world will want to
celebrate?"

 
"I'm
just waiting on you, girl.
Biding my time to shine."

 
He pulled
back to peck my lips and rub his nose back and forth against mine in the
sweetest manner. Then turned and walked back to his car.

 
"I'll
see
ya
around, Sadie."

 
"Yes,
you will. Good night, Ash, and thanks again for an amazing night."

 
I got in my
car and drove off with a huge smile on my face. I could get used to this.

 
When I
pulled in my parking space, the last thing I thought I would see was Colt
standing on my porch. I got out and walked up to where he stood.

 
"Hey there, handsome.
Want to come in?"

 
"That
would be great."

 
I unlocked
the door and opened it for him to walk in first. He waited for me, like a
gentleman, so I went inside. He closed the door and sat down on the couch while
I put my purse on the counter. I walked around to the kitchen and asked if he
wanted a beer while I was getting one for myself.

 
"I
would love one."

 
I walked
back into the room and tossed it to him.

 
"So
what did you do today?" He looked like he was just making conversation with
the question but it threw me off guard.

 
"I
worked and then went over to a guy I know, Ash's house. What about you?"

 
"I packed
mostly. It’s crazy thinking about leaving for good."

 
"It’s
awful if you ask me. I'm going to miss all of you like crazy."

 
Colt came
over to me and brushed the hair off my neck.

 
"Is it
wrong for me to be here?"

 
"Why
would you ever even ask that?"

 
He leaned in
and kissed me softly once.

 
"Being
with you the other day made me not able to think about anything else after. I
didn't know how you felt about me coming here to see you." He kissed me
again softly.

 
"Colt,
I told you, I miss you. I hated not having you."

 
"So it
bothered you?" His kiss deepened this time. "Can you show me how
much?" When he took my lips again I was gone, lost. Transported back in
time where nothing had ever happened to tear us apart and we were whole. I
missed this so much. He grabbed me and laid me down on the couch hovering over
me. His lips, oh those lips, they were so soft and tender. He cupped my head,
rubbing his thumbs back and forth on my forehead. He took his time making sure
he sucked on my lips until they were good and swollen. When he lifted himself
slightly he said, "Sadie. I can't believe that this could be the last time
I get to have you. I want to do this right this time. Can you let me do
that?"

 
At first I
didn't answer him. It wasn’t like I had any doubts what so ever about having
sex with him. It was accepting that this might be the last time that was
killing me.

 
"Colt, I
didn't think I would get this chance again. I would do anything in this world
to feel you inside of me one more time."

 
That was all
it took. He pulled my shirt off and undid my bra. He slipped my pants off and
then my thong. I was naked and dripping wet at the sight of him. He had taken
off his clothes and the man standing before me was the man that held my heart.
He scooped me up and carried me upstairs to my bedroom. He sat on the bed and
had me wrapped around him. We continued to kiss. His hands massaged every part
of my body. When one of them brushed the inside of my thigh I shivered from the
chills I got. Colt caught on pretty quick. His other hand massaged my inner
thigh higher and higher. I rocked to give him the idea of what I needed.

 
"Remember,
beautiful, my way."

 
I stopped
and let him show me the way he wanted things to go. I was just so happy to be
in his arms again. He kissed me down my neck, licking along my collarbone and
then down further to circle around the weight of my breast. Teasing and
taunting me. I was dripping wet and felt I could do nothing. His tongue stayed
on my chest but his fingers found their home. Colt slid back and forth until I
was about to explode from frustration. He knew it too. Then he was stretching
me for what was to come and I couldn’t wait. His mouth started to travel lower
and then lower still until he was where I truly loved him to be. His tongue knew
my body like a road map he had memorized. It did not take long before I was
shaking uncontrollably from orgasm. Colt came back up to kiss my neck and said,
"Now you’re ready, aren’t you?"

 
"I need
you. I really need you."

 
That was all
he wanted. He was inside of me seconds later. He felt incredible! All of me
squeezed around him as if I were welcoming him home. Colt reached down and
grabbed me to pull me in firmly. He stayed in one spot pulsing inside of me. He
may have gotten himself worked up but I knew he was not finished. He just
needed to gain more ground. When it seemed he was ready again, this time a
sense of softness took over the whole atmosphere. He looked me in the eye and
at that moment I was ready to confess it all. He never let his eyes stray. It
was just Colt and me. No problems. No regrets. It was only us in our purest
form, just as close as God would let us be. His hips moved in slow circles
making sure they were hitting exactly where they needed to. He was in this for
me, I could tell. We had been together enough times. You learn what the other
person likes. Colt has always been good, but never had he taken this much time
to ensure my pleasure and he was coming at me with everything he's got. And
then it hit me. He was saying goodbye. I started to cry and I saw the look in
his eye. He knows I know.

 
"Don't
say anything, beautiful. Let this be what it always is for us, okay. Let me
make you feel good."

 
I just
nodded my head. Words would not come to me. This was the most heartbreaking
thing I had ever gone through and having pleasure connected also, I didn’t know
how to process it. Every time he pushed and pulled it felt more like it was
connected to my heart. I couldn’t let him go. I reached out and grabbed his
arms and then I pulled him down to me. He put his arms underneath mine wrapping
them around me. In all the time I have been with Colt nothing had ever felt
like what I was experiencing. I never wanted this to end. But that's not life.
All good things come to an end eventually. I realized this as my body started
tensing up. I was building up to a high that I don’t think I have ever felt.
Every muscle in Colts body was as taut as it could be. I knew we were both
almost there. He rocked in me a few more times and then we both exploded. Both
of us were gripping on to the other as if we were afraid to fall. But wasn't
that just it. We were falling. Whether it was falling in love or falling from
grace it was falling just the same. And it hurt. The tears never stopped
running down my face. Not from the second I realized what was happening. As we
laid there in the aftermath, Colt just held on. I looked at the clock and
realized from when we started this, two hours had passed. How is that even
possible? It had only felt like ten minutes. There would never be enough time
and I just realized that also. Now would be the point where I could confess my
heart, confess it all and there would be nothing to lose. Knowing he was
leaving in a matter of days really confirmed to me, there was also nothing to
gain. I had missed my opportunity just like everyone had been telling me. Colt
never spoke a word, therefore neither did I. I was home but I felt like it was
burning to the ground all around me. We laid there together holding on for dear
life, until sleep found the both of us.

 
The next
morning I woke up alone. Somehow I knew I would. That was his goodbye. I
gripped my pillow and let out a wail, "NO!" How could I let this
happen?

 
It took a
while to drown myself in pity before I could even function. As I laid there all
of the memories we had shared came back to me. With them, came the clarity I
needed to move past this. I was not the same girl who met Colt almost two years
ago. I have always known he would leave, that was the deal we made. I protected
myself by not telling him how I felt. It could have hurt a lot more to lose him
that way. I was able to have him in my life the whole time he was available and
I needed to be thankful for that. I heard a noise downstairs and jumped out of
bed. Could he still be here after all? I grabbed some clothes and raced down to
see. When I got to the bottom of the steps, Heather was in the kitchen making a
bowl of cereal. My heart broke again. She looked up at me and said, "Hey
girly, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

 
It wasn’t
that I was not happy to see her. I just couldn’t fake a smile at that moment.

 
"Sadie,
what happened?"

 
Could I tell
her? What was I going to say? That I knew it was going to end. She did too.

 
"Colt
came by last night."

 
"Really,
so you guys finally talked?"

 
She really
needed to come around more often. She was way behind.

 
"Yeah,
we met the other day and worked everything out."

 
"So
what did he say? What is he going to do about Maddie? Please tell me he’s going
to sue that bitch."

 
"No,
he's not. It’s a long story, but the short version is that he's walking away.
He wants support, not criticism, so don't give him trouble about it if you see
him."

 
"Holy shit!
Okay. That's going to be hard to do. I
think he's making a huge mistake."

 
"Well,
I kind of agree with you but it’s his mistake to make. He just wants what's
best for her. And he's trying to do that."

 
"Did
you guys get in a fight? Your face is swollen from crying. So I would like to
know what he did to hurt you, if you guys are supposed to be all good
now?
"

 
"He
didn't do anything wrong. There was no fight. He just said goodbye in his own
way."

 
"What
do you mean? Did you tell him finally?"

 
"No.
And I never will. Heather, if it hurts this bad now, can you imagine if I threw
it all out there how I would feel? There is no point anymore. He's leaving. I
always knew this was coming. I just need to accept it. Life goes on
right?"

 
"Oh
Sadie, why are you both so stubborn? You could’ve had it all if you just would
have confessed."

 
"Or I
could have had none of it. I'm okay with my choices. I’ve got a ton of great
memories to hold on to. That might not have been possible if I had listened to
all of you."

 
"I'm
going to say the same thing I've been saying one more time. It’s your life and
you make the calls. If you really believe that, then I have no choice to
support your decision."

 
"Thank
you…. I think."

 
Heather
walked over and hugged me. It was exactly what I needed. She and I would always
be the best of friends. No matter how little time we got together any more.
Speaking of which...

 
"Heather,
do you want to move out? I won't be mad. It’s just...”

 
"No!
Why would you say that?"

 
"You’re
never here and I just thought maybe...."

 
"No. I
love being with Jason, don't get me wrong, but I only have a little while
longer to have my own separate space from him before we are together for life.
I may not be here often, but knowing I can come have a break from him is bliss
sometimes."