Finding Solace

 
Finding Solace

Barbara
Speak

This book is a work of fiction.
Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s
imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events,
locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

 
 
I want to take you on a journey, my journey.
My life hasn't always been easy. I haven't always made the best choices. I was
just hoping for a little of your time; time for you to open up your mind and
escape through my life, instead of having to think about your own. What I am
about to walk you through is tough to read in parts, but isn't life that way?
My name is Sadie and this is my story to tell.

 
CHAPTER
1

 
Something
was making a God awful sound in my dream. Adam Levine had just confessed his
love for me when an alarm or horn went off. I begged him to continue with what
he was saying, when it went off again. Now I was getting pissed. It was the
third time that pulled me completely from my dream into the reality of my
bedroom and my cell phone ringing. Without opening my eyes, I reached over and
grabbed it, pressed answer and placed it next to my ear.

 
"Well,
Well, Well. Sleeping beauty finally awakens from her slumber.”

 
“What’s up,
Heather?”

 
“I wanted to
ask you if you were up for going to the alley with me
tonight?
”

 
"Heather,
I am exhausted, not tonight. Every time I go, I end up feeling like total shit
anyway.”

 
"But
Shawn said they will all be there! Come on Sadie, I really want to see Jason! I
will do the dishes and the laundry for a week. Whatever you want, just please
come with me." Heather has always been one for the dramatics. She’s had a
crush on Jason for the last six months and was apparently hell bent tonight was
going to be her night.

 
"Whatever.
I’m in, but it’s going to be an early night for me. I can’t afford to be
nursing a hangover tomorrow." What I really wanted to do is go back to
sleep but Heather seemed more desperate tonight than ever before.

 
"Oh,
thank you,
chica
. I just need you to walk in with me
so I don't look like I came there just for him. All you have to do is stay for
an hour or so. I will have Jason begging to get in my pants, I just know
it." I laughed secretly to myself knowing full well she probably wouldn’t
even talk to him.

 
Heather is
my best friend. She and I met in the 10th grade when her parents bought the
house a couple of doors down from mine. We have been inseparable from day one,
so after we graduated it was inevitable we would end up living together. I love
her like a sister, so saying no at this point would be downright mean.

 
The “alley”
as we refer to it, is a bowling alley that all of our friends that work at a
club called ‘Bar 51’, hang out at on Monday nights. Being that most of the
employees are students at the University in town, it had been declared the hot
spot. ‘51’ is open every day but Tuesday's. This meant Monday night is the
weekend, per say, for the employees. It also helped that whoever runs ‘51’,
worked out a deal that all employees from the bar could bowl and drink for
free. In exchange, the same went for the bowling alley employees.

 
"Alright,
I'm getting up now. What time do you want to meet there?"

 
"In an hour.
Were you planning on sleeping the rest of
the day away or what?" I looked at the clock and it was eight thirty. What
the hell? I could swear I’d only slept for maybe a half hour, but since I laid
down at five o’clock, that obviously was not the case.

 
"You
stand for eight hours cutting hair in heels, my feet were killing me. Now you
need to let me get off the phone so I can get in the shower. Wait! Where are
you?"

 
"I’ve
already been home. You were so dead to the world you didn't hear me. I'm going
through Burger Max as we speak. I need to make sure I have some food in my
stomach before I get my drink on." That was my girl. Heather is a power
drinker. She can put men to shame when it comes to shots.

 
After I got
off the phone, I went to get ready. Not feeling really into tonight, I dried my
hair into its natural wave and put on a pair of skinny jeans and an off the
shoulder shaker sweater. It was October in Illinois and I was not feeling the
need to freeze for sexiness. It was the bowling alley for Christ sakes.

 
 
I can’t say that I am ugly. I mean, that would
be a lie but I am average. Okay, maybe a little above average. I am five foot
four, and a size four. My hair is thick, a pretty auburn color and it hangs
just below my bra strap. I have freckles that spray over my nose and cheeks
that I have always hated, but most people tell me they are what makes me, me.
You
know,
that kind of average mid-west girl. After a
dab of lip gloss and one last glance in the mirror, I was out the door.

 
When I drove
over to the alley, I spotted Heather's car immediately. I couldn’t miss it if I
tried. She owned a 1997 Ford Tempo, also known as the cream cruiser. She
claimed to love anything that was cheap on gas, insurance and she could pay
cash for it. I parked next to her and was shocked to find that she wasn’t
waiting for me in it. After repeatedly calling her phone with no response, I
headed in, wondering why I was there in the first place if she went in without
me.

 
Walking
through the doors always gave me anxiety due to the fact I was not yet twenty
one and I had been drinking from the bar for the past year. But not long after
I walked in, I spotted Heather. She was waving me over to the usual group of
guys that have quickly become like brothers to me. Mike, Bryan, Dave, Shawn and
Jason had obviously already been at it a while because with each welcoming hug
came a slur of words or a stumble in their step. That was the boys for you
though. Heather was as usual, pounding down enough shots to catch up. So I said
my hellos and headed over to the bar.

 
After only a
few steps I was quickly scooped up into the arms of Mike, which caused me to
scream from shock. He let me back down, laughing his ass off. “How can you not
be used to that yet, little one?" He said still chucking under his breath.

 
"Asshole!
You’re lucky I didn't have a drink in my hand
yet, or it would be on your head,” I said with a laugh. I love Mike. He and
Jason are brothers. I had known them for a while now. These boys are tough.
Mike fights MMA, while Jason boxes and is competing for Golden Glove. I haven’t
had the chance to meet the third Harrison brother, Tony, but I can only imagine
what he would be like. Mike looked at me, catching me daydreaming and said,
"Did you want to get carded or can I get you a drink?" He made a very
good point. I told him to just grab me a beer and headed back over to my
friends.

 
It seemed
Heather really was on a war path to get Jason to notice her. She was downing
her sixth shot and collecting the glasses like they were prized possessions. Jason
was even challenging her to another round. Who would have known that a drinking
contest was all it would take for these two?

 
 
Mike came back with four shots and two beers.
"Are you thirsty? Because you know only one of those beers are mine?"
Mike just smiled and handed me two of the shots and a beer to chase them down
with.

 
“Yeah right
Sadie, it’s on. Come on and have some fun with me. Since when do you want to be
a good girl?" Mike said with a devilish smile. How a comment like that
could ring so true to me. You have no idea how much I wish it didn’t.

 
I have been
doing some major damage over the past two years. After high school, when I
finally broke it off with James (the abusive asshole), I started partying
nonstop. Having sex with different guys but never getting attached, meant that
we could still be friends and they would always come back for more. And with
each time, I felt a sense of power. However, lately, I had been feeling
different. I really didn’t want the
power,
I just
didn’t want them to have it either.
Finding that balance was
trickier than I thought.

 
Three hours
later I found myself still at the alley. So much for my one hour
show
and go. In fact, I was shit faced. Bowling is not the
easiest thing to do sober, but holy shit, I had just rolled the ball into the
lane next to us. When I stepped back and almost fell trying to go down the
step, I realized I needed to sit down. Jason walked over to me and whispered in
my ear that he and Heather were leaving,
together
.
I could not believe she’d finally done it. I watched him walk over to her, take
her hand and then they were on their way out. Heather gave one last look over
her shoulder at me with a beaming smile on her face and mouthed the words, ‘Oh
my God’. I laughed, gave her two thumbs up and then watched them walk out the
door. Unfortunately that left me with a car I shouldn’t drive, no one to speak
of as my designated driver and Mike screaming at me from across the bar,
"Sadie, get your pretty little ass over here! I want you to meet my
brother Colt."

 
I got up
from my seat and started to walk over to the bar, thinking, “Colt? I thought
his brother’s name was something like Tony.” Was I that drunk that I didn’t
even remember their brother’s name? Whatever, I didn’t even care at this point.
As I was walking over to them it really hit me just how drunk I was. If it was
going to get Mike to shut up though, I would go as gracefully as a person in my
state could.

 
The last
thing I expected to see was the drop dead gorgeous guy standing next to Mike. I
rounded the last corner, allowing me the perfect view. He was tall, about 5' 10”,
with hair as black as night. It was cut short and looked a little unkempt but
it only added to his rawness. He didn’t need to worry about his hair though
because his eyes, God those eyes, it was like they drew me in. They were the
darkest brown I have ever seen and they just kept penetrating me. I continued
to walk but as I made my way over, I took in the tight fitted shirt that
expanded over his ripped muscles, the jeans that hugged him in all the right
places and of course, to top it off, he had black Chucks on his feet.

 
My walk
became one of confidence, or at least that was what I was aiming for. Just as I
was about to approach them, one of my legs got caught on the other somehow and
I tripped. I can’t believe I fucking tripped! Who does that? Well, a drunk girl
like me, that's
who
. Mike immediately put his arms out
to catch me but it was Colt my eyes stayed locked on. Mike made the moment even
more awkward when he said, "Way to make your grand entrance, Sadie."

 
 
I wanted to die from embarrassment but then
Colt took my hand and squeezed it. "It was one that I promise to never
forget." He said it with serious eyes but the smile he was giving me made
me feel like I was falling all over again.

 
 
Mike cleared his throat and said, "Sadie,
I don't think you've met Colt. Colt, this is my good friend Sadie." We
stayed locked into each other’s eyes. I was speechless until Mike cleared his
throat again. "Well, I guess it’s obvious that I just disappeared, so I am
going to go ahead and go."

 
"Wait,"
I said breaking eye contact from Colt. "Mike, I'm sorry. What do you want
to do?"

 
 
Mike looked back at us and said, “If you both
are up for it, let’s do another shot!"

 
That was the
last memory I have. The rest of the night became a blur. One big blur that I
will never be able to remember in its entirety.

CHAPTER
2

 
I
woke up the next morning and attempted to open my eyes but the pounding in my
head kept me from being able to. Why do I do this to myself? I rolled over to
stretch when my hand felt something that should not be in my bed. What… the… fuck!
Do I open my eyes? Yes, no, yes, no. What do I do? I slowly peeled one eye open
when what was looking back at me said, "Good morning, beautiful." Oh my
God!