Finding Peace (Finding Series Book 1) (21 page)

I can’t tell him what he said. It’s too soon. I’m not ready. “If I promise to tell you as soon as I’m able will you let it go? Now, isn’t the best time for me to relive that night.”

Letting out a big breath, he looks all around us. It's like he's searching for a way to calm down. Pressing his lips together for a moment, he speaks.

“Okay. I’m going to let it go for tonight, only because you just had another panic attack. Now answer my other question. What was the panic attack tonight about?”

I look down not wanting to look into his eyes. How do I explain this? “I got and read your letter today. I’ve not been in the best shape emotionally this past week. I’ve been working through everything that has happened. When I read the letter, the beautiful words you wrote broke my heart. I was so terrified that I had really messed up with you, that I wanted to talk to you. I couldn’t imagine having that conversation over the phone. I had to see you. So, I talked to Tessa, who talked her dad and Lisa into letting us come here tonight.”

I stop and take a deep breath. I raise my head to look up into his eyes. I swallow down my nerves and just say it. “When I didn’t see your truck here….” I have to stop again. I pull my lower lip into my mouth and hold it there. He reaches up with his thumb and pulls my lower lip free and runs his finger along it. I take in a shaky breath.

“What happened, Kayla, when you didn’t see my truck here?”

Prompting me to answer, I look back into his eyes. Seriously, I could get lost there forever. Blake smiles at me and I can't help it, I have to smile back. Sighing, he is just so beautiful. Yes, beautiful, hot, sexy, gorgeous. Choose whichever word you want. I nod my head yes and continue.

“I figured we wouldn’t be able to find you. I had your address and we were considering trying to find your house, however, Tessa nor I neither one can read a map.” I shrug.

He chuckles at me.

“I hate maps. They're so confusing and all those names and roads just run together. Let’s not even talk about how hard it is to fold them back up.”

We both laugh and he hugs me close again. “Anyway, I thought that was it. I’d never see you again and then I thought that maybe you weren’t here because you were with someone else.”

He lifts my chin and licks his lips. “That would never happen. So that’s why you had the panic attack tonight?”

I just nod my head and he lowers his to give me a slow, gentle kiss. It’s as if the world tilts on its axis. My head is swimming and I feel like I’m floating. It’s inebriating and I can’t get enough of it. We both break for air.

“As soon as I’d have found out you were looking for me, I would have found you. I was only waiting for you to make up your mind about what you wanted. I already know what I want.”

He then winks at me.

“I still say it, you’re impossible.”

Grinning, he reclaims my lips. Both of his hands are in my hair, holding my head as if he never wants to let go. I'm done for. My heart is all his and I don't want it back. Blake has seen me at my worst and it doesn't seem to bother him. But not only that, he's gentle with me, cares about my feelings, my welfare, and he's my perfect southern gentleman. I love him.

“Let’s go talk to Tessa and go somewhere. As much as I love to sit here and hold you on our bench, I want to go get you some food. Have you not been eating since you left? Some of these curves I love, seem to be a lot smaller.”

I swallow hard. I can’t tell him about the depression, because that will lead to telling him about my miscarriage. I’m really not ready to share that. “I guess I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”

“Too much on your mind to eat?”

He’s giving me a stern look. I look down at my hands. I can’t look at him and lie. It’s impossible.

“Okay, I guess that’s something else I’m going to have to let go for the time being. I am, however, going to feed you. So get up and let’s go get Tessa.”

He sits me on my feet in front of him, stands and wraps me in his arms, kissing me passionately. This man can kiss.

We walk hand in hand to find Tessa. She is standing out front and looks relieved when she sees us.

“Is everything okay? How are you feeling, Kayla?”  She walks over and hugs me. Blake never lets go of my hand. After I’ve hugged Tess, she looks down at our entwined hands and back up to him. He simply shrugs and smiles down at me. Butterflies, I always have butterflies around him. I smile back and then turn my attention to Tessa.

“I’m much better. A lot better, actually.”

She beams up at Blake and I see her mouth. “Thank you.”

He nods his head at her. “I think our girl here needs some food. She’s looking a little too skinny and pale for me. How does steak sound? My treat.”

My stomach growls. They both laugh and Blake wraps his arm around me.

“Steak it is. Come on. We’ll take my truck.”

We all walk to his truck. He opens the passenger side door and helps me in first and then Tessa jumps up in beside me. He shuts the door and walks around to the driver’s side.

Tessa hugs me again.

“It’s so good to see you smile. Blake is a magician. He has you smiling and eating in less than an hour of seeing him. He’s good.”

“Who’s good?”

I roll my eyes as I look at Tessa.
Great timing, Blake.

“Oh, Tessa was talking about some guy, she was talking to, that she wants to introduce me to. She thinks we would hit it off.”

He twists his mouth up. “Some guy, huh? Well, he’ll have a fight on his hands if he thinks he’s going to talk to you.”

He reaches up to start his truck and Tessa and I both laugh at him. He’s cute when he’s jealous. I reach out and put both of my hands around his bicep. I love the feel of his muscles beneath my hands. They flex and pull as he shifts into gear to pull out of the parking lot.

“Is something funny ladies?”

I give him a devious smile. “We were messing with you, Blake. Tessa, was just saying that you are good because you were able to make me smile and agree to eat all under an hour.”

He turns and shakes his head yes. “I told you before, I’m good. The sooner you learn that, the better off you’ll be.”

“Oh, brother. I’ve heard it all now.” Tessa says with a laugh.

Blake laughs with her. I just continue to hold on to his arm and lay my head on his shoulder. This is exactly what I needed or rather who I needed. The mile wide smile on my face is proof of this.

As he comes to a stop at the red light, he leans down and kisses the top of my head. There’s a calm that covers me, yet there’s this overwhelming feeling of excitement at the same time. He’s what I’ve always been looking for. I’m afraid it all may be too good to be true.

We pull into the parking lot of the steak house. Blake steps out and then turns back around and lifts me out of the truck. I giggle as he spins with me in his arms.

“Baby, it’s so good to have you here.” He says, kissing my neck.

Tessa comes around from the other side of the truck. “Geez, get a room, would ya?”

Blake and I look at each other and laugh. He gives me a quick kiss and then sets me back onto the ground. I start to walk with Tessa to the restaurant, when all of the sudden I feel a hard smack on my butt. I spin around and put both of my hands on my hips to stare at Blake. He has both hands up in the air, as if he is surrendering. I narrow my eyes at him and he just laughs.

“You have got to stop doing that.” I say, rubbing my sore butt.

“I can do that for you.” He raises his eyebrows and continues to laugh softly.

“Gross. I do not want to hear this conversation.” Tessa says from a few feet ahead of us. “Can we just please go in and eat?”

“Spoil sport.” Blake takes my hand and we walk to the restaurant together.

Tessa rolls her eyes and falls in behind us. Blake opens the door and holds it open for both of us to walk through.

“Thank you, kind sir.” I say as I pass by him.

“You are most welcome, ma’am.”

Blake

I can't believe she is here. Frankly, I thought I wouldn't hear from her again. All week, I was hoping and praying I would, but after her ignoring me for that long, my hope was almost gone. She is so much thinner than she was. It’s only been a week and her cheeks are hollow looking, she has dark circles underneath her eyes. She just looks frail. I want to know what has been going on more than anything, I just feel pressuring her to give me answers is not the best way to handle this situation.

Opening the door, I hold it open for both of them to walk through. I was raised to treat a lady with respect and to open doors for them. My mother would always stop and wait for me to open the door for her even when I was small. She refused to open a door; I learned very quickly that this was expected of me. It became a habit that I never actually cared to change. Plus the ladies seem to love it, so I don’t mind doing it.

Kayla walks through looking so sweet and beautiful. “Thank you, kind sir.”

“You are most welcome, ma’am.”

Tessa then walks through, looks at me and rolls her eyes. I don’t believe she is all that fond of me. I smile at her and she purses her lips. I bite my lip to keep from laughing at her.

The restaurant looks like something out of the Wild West. It’s decorated with saddles, cowboy boots, and various photographs of men on horses. It's not overdone or tacky, it’s just the right touch to make you feel as if you’ve stepped into an old western movie, cue
John Wayne
. There are wooden beams across the ceiling that gives it a barn feeling. It’s one of my favorite places to eat.

It’s late, so we are immediately seated by the hostess. I pull out a chair for Kayla. She looks shocked, she must have never had anyone treat her this way or maybe it’s just that she is shocked that
I’m
doing it.

“Thank you.”

She blushes a little as I look deep into her eyes wink and say “You’re welcome, beautiful lady.”

“Pleasseee. This is just sickening.” Tessa scoffs.

“What is wrong with you? You are normally so about the romantic stuff.” Kayla is looking at Tessa with a bewildered face.

“I’m sorry. I guess, I’m just missing Asher. I should have asked him to come with us.”

“Oh, Tessa, I’m so sorry. I should have thought about that.” Kayla, looks really upset.

Tessa reaches out and touches her hand, which is resting on the table. “It’s okay, really. I’m just glad to see you doing so much better. You have no idea how worried I’ve been about you.”

Kayla’s eyes get really big and a look passes between them. Tessa clenches her jaw and furrows her brow. I’m watching their body language because they are clearly having an unspoken conversation that I’m not privy to. Kayla looks like she is pleading to Tessa with her eyes. I already know she is keeping stuff from me, even though I’m aware of this, it doesn’t make it any easier. Helping her is going to be impossible, until she tells me everything. She just doesn’t seem willing to trust me with everything yet; that’s okay for now, eventually though, I’m going to have to persuade her to share all of it.

The waitress walks up to take our order. “Hello, I’m Tina and I’ll be your waitress tonight. What can I get y’all?”

I smile at her and then I interrupt the girl’s silent conversation. “Ladies.” They both look over at me. “We need to order our drinks at least.” I look up at the waitress. “Tina, I’ll have a sweet tea and we’ll take an order of cheese fries, with ranch dressing. We are going to need a few more minutes before we order our entrees.” I look back at the girls and raise my eyebrows.

“Sweet tea.” They both say at the same time. You’d think that would make them laugh, however, it doesn’t. The mood at the table has completely changed.

“I’ll be right back with your drinks. I’ll go ahead and put in your order for your cheese fries.”

“Thank you, Tina.” I turn my attention back to Kayla and Tessa. “All right. I have no idea what’s going on here. However, I get the feeling that you,” I say looking at Tessa, “think that there is something that, Kayla should share with me. I know she hasn’t told me everything. I don’t like it, but I’m willing to accept it for now.” I look at Kayla. She looks a little nervous. Not wanting her to be nervous, I want her to be relaxed, so I wink at her and give a reassuring smile. “I want you to share everything with me; you just need to learn to trust me first. I’ll do my best to never let you down. Now that being said, let’s order our meals when Tina comes back and enjoy the food and the company.” That earns me a big smile from Kayla. She reaches over and grabs my hand.

“Thank you, Blake, for understanding.”

I place my hand on top of hers and nod my head. “Of course, eventually, though, we will have that talk and there won’t be anything left unsaid.” I turn to Tessa. “It’s okay, really. Now, what are we ordering?”

We order some steaks and it is delicious. Kayla, barely touches her food. I’ve got to get to the bottom of what is going on with her. I’m going to go see her next weekend. The weekend after that is her birthday, I’ll be there then too. I want to see her as much as possible between now and the time she graduates. My goal is to convince her that she needs to move here and stay with me. The house plans are finished, I just need to break ground and start building. It’s not easy doing most of it myself, but it’s the cheapest way to go. Some of the guys I work with are helping me so that should speed up the process.