Finding My Way (11 page)

“
Whoopsie
!”
I say as I squat down and start to pick
up some of the cups and put them back on the tray.  Bugger, some are
broken!

“
Whoopsie
?”
I hear Seth’s voice towering above
me.  Shit!  He probably witnessed that whole thing. 
“
Whoopsie
!
 
Really?
  I don’t think I have heard anyone but my
grandmother say
that!”

He’s laughing at
me.  Did I have to say that out loud?  Why didn’t I just say ‘shit’
or ‘fuck’ like every other normal person?  Now Seth is laughing at
me!  I’m too humiliated to look up at him. 

Whoopsie
?
 
For some reason it seems like the funniest thing to ever come out of her mouth
and I laugh.

She doesn’t say a
word back to me, or even look in my direction, just continues to stack items
back on the tray and takes them to the kitchen.  I assess the rest and see
that there are a few broken cups so I take the bin from the meeting room and
start to put them in there.  By the time she comes back I’m almost
done.  She gets down on her knees beside me and picks up the last couple
of cups.  My pulse races as she is so close to me, I take a deep breath of
surprise that she affects me so much.  Her perfume attacks my nostrils and
I feel slightly giddy at its floral scent.  She is intoxicating!

She also is bright
red with embarrassment and seems to be trying very hard not to look at me.

“
Whoopsie
!”
  I repeat, laughing because I just
can’t help myself.  I shake my head looking up at her as she stands back
up.

“Shut up!”  She
scolds me as a smile breaks across her face.  “It just came out.  My
Mum says it all the time.” She says looking at me, laughing.  Her laugh
just makes my pulse race faster.  She leaves for the kitchen and I take
the bin back to the meeting room.  Now’s my chance! 

“Do you want a hand?”
I ask as I enter the kitchen and she begins filling the sink to wash the
dishes.

“I’m sure you have
better things to do,” she says looking at me with a smile. 
No I really
don’t.
  “But thanks for the offer and thanks for helping me out there
too.”

I hesitate for a
moment, “So the wedding, is it-“

Then Sophie appears
in the doorway and interrupts me, “Seth, sorry to bother you, but I’m having a
problem with my printer, it’s not talking to my computer.  Could you
please come take a look?”

“Sure,” talk about
bloody timing!  “Catch you later,” I say to Emma and follow Sophie back to
her office.

“Sorry Seth, I just
interrupted something didn’t I?  Were you about to make your move?” 
Sophie asks me when we reach her office.  I just give her a slight nod in
response.  It’s a pity her perceptiveness didn’t hit
before
she
entered the bloody kitchen.

And of course that’s
when Sophie interrupts.  It becomes apparent that I may never find out
what Seth was going to say.

As has been the case
lately, I find it hard to keep my mind focused on work.  Constantly
thinking of Seth will do that!  My mind keeps drifting back to the
embarrassment I felt in the corridor earlier and then how easy it was to laugh
with him.

I wonder what he was
trying to say to me.  He kept bringing up the wedding.  Maybe he was
just making conversation for conversation’s sake.  I wonder why I am so
obsessed with him.  I wonder why I am so obsessed about obsessing. 
And sex.  Yes, I wonder about that too.  I wonder if I will get the
chance to touch his hand again.  I wonder if maybe I could accidentally on
purpose fall over,
just
to get that chance again.  And again I wonder
why I still cannot stop thinking about him.  And sex.

At home time, just as
I go to put the phone on night switch it rings.  I contemplate not
answering, but looking at the time on the switchboard I see that it is 4:58 and
I can’t bring myself to leave it.

Worse luck, it’s a
client that loves to have a chat, so I am stuck on the phone, being polite,
when Seth walks up to my desk.  He stops, and so does my heart, I lose
track of the conversation and just say yes, hoping that it was the right
answer.  I look away from Seth to refocus.  I see him shift his
weight out of the corner of my eye so I turn back.  He is staring at me
and I blush.  I mouth “sorry” to him for the second time in as many days,
while I continue to listen to the phone.  He waits for a few seconds more,
but when he sees that I’m going to be a while longer, he does a little drum
roll with his hands on the top of the reception desk, rocks back on his feet
then heads over to the elevator.  When he’s in the elevator he faces me
and gives me a wave as I give him an apologetic smile.

As soon as he’s gone,
the phone’s mostly one-sided phone conversation abruptly ends. 
Typical!  I practically run to the elevator.  I press the call button
more times than is needed and impatiently tap my foot as the elevator slowly
makes its way to ground level.  But once I get on the street I find Seth
is nowhere to be seen.  I have an overwhelming sense of déjà vu, except
this time I was the one running for the elevator.

I attempt to ask Emma
out again at home time.  I stand in front of her desk as she talks to
someone on the phone.  It’s apparent that she’s not on a personal call but
it is also apparent that the call is not about to end anytime soon.  After
a few minutes I start to feel self-conscious and impatient.  Emma looks up
and mouths “sorry” at me and I have to blink twice as I watch her perfectly
glossed lips move, oh how I would like to touch those, preferably with my own.

I wait a little while
longer, and then give up.  When I’m in the elevator I give her a wave and
she gives me back a beautiful smile that reaches her perfect emerald eyes.

I distractedly reach
my car and manage to find my way home.  Of course as soon as I enter the
front door I wish I wasn’t there.  Max is sitting in his usual spot like a
zombie, but at least he’s using the headphones that I got him.  I don’t
think he notices me walking by and I don’t bother to stop to say hello. 
Instead, I go to my room and change into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt,
deciding to go for a bike ride.  Anything’s better than hanging around
here and Kevin’s not home so I guess we won’t be having that chat either.

When I reach the
garage I find that my bike has a few cobwebs on it.  It’s been a while
since I rode.  I get a rag and wipe it down.  I know should ride it
more often.  I love the freedom you feel when you are on the back of a
bike at full speed.  Even the soft ticking sounds that the gears make kind
of soothe me and I do need something to relieve the tension I’m feeling. 
I am so frustrated that I haven’t had my chance to ask Emma out.  I hop on
and head towards the local park.  It has a decent bike path that goes
around the perimeter of it.

Why is it that things
never fall into place at the same time?  Not just with Emma.  Finally
I am at a job that I enjoy, but my home life is shit.  It used to be the
other way round.  I don’t know what I can possibly do about the whole Max
and Kevin situation.  Maybe I should take Pete up on his offer.  He
gave me his brother-in-law’s business card this afternoon.  I should give
him a call.  I wish I could buy my own place, but that just isn’t possible
at the moment.  I just don’t have the deposit money, and probably couldn’t
afford the repayments anyway.  Mum did offer a while ago for me to move
back home so that I could save to buy my own place.  As logical as that
sounds, I just can’t see myself living back there long term.  I moved out
so long ago, I don’t know if I could cope with living by my parents’ rules
again.  But then I wouldn’t have to follow teenage rules, would I?
  I’m a lot older so it would be different now… nah, I just don’t see
that being a feasible plan.

So I think I will
have to rent, but renting on my own?  That would be expensive.  Maybe
I could find another share house or something.  I don’t look forward to
that prospect either.

Distracted by my
thoughts I almost run into a man at the beginning of the bike path as he walks
his dog.  That only frustrates me more.  I head off down the track
and speed up.  Feeling the cold night air on my face as the sun is
setting, I try to stop my brain from thinking, and just ‘be’.

I head home, grateful
that the kiosk at the train station is not open; I couldn’t have faced another
encounter with Nick today.  I have an extra-long hot shower, giving my
hair a good wash.  Then I cook a quick chicken stir-fry for dinner. 
All the while, I am constantly thinking about Seth and wondering about why he
was waiting for me tonight.

I get a text from
Kat: 
So anything new with you?

I reply:  
Nope. 
You?

Kat:  Yes I
am getting married in only 10 days!

Me:  And I am
so happy and excited for you!

Kat:  And I
realised something today - it is all because of you!  I would probably
never have met Luke if it wasn’t for your 18
^th
.  You and your
Lucky Birthdays!

Me:  Well you
owe me the name of your first child then :-) xxx

Kat:  Maybe
:-
)
 
xxx

My Lucky
Birthdays!  Kat always refers to my birthdays as lucky.  She even
says ‘Lucky Birthday’ on my cards now instead of the usual ‘Happy Birthday’
message.  She is obviously forgetting my last birthday.  It was a
disaster.  We had dinner with Luke and Kat at their house and Josh and I
had a huge fight and left before the cake.  So no, not all of my birthdays
have been lucky.  Honestly, I can’t remember what was lucky about all the
others, but Kat always thinks of something.

However, I do agree
my 18
^th
was lucky for her, as she met Luke.  And well, my 16
^th
was when Josh and I started dating.  On my 12
^th
birthday I won
some cool prizes at the local roller skating rink.  My 13
^th
birthday Kat thought was lucky because she didn’t have to go to her
great-aunt’s
with the rest of her family that day because of
my party.  My 21
^st
was lucky because even after all the
cocktails I drank I somehow managed not to get alcohol poisoning. 

But my 10th
definitely was the luckiest by far, for both of us.  Thanks to our
mothers, Kat and I met at my 10th birthday party…

The party was held at
my house on a Friday afternoon.  I got home from school that day and my Mum
informed me that she had invited an extra guest to my party.

“What?
Who?”
  I asked her in shock.

“The
neighbours who moved in a couple houses down.
  They have a little
girl the same age as you.  So I thought that it would be a nice welcome to
the neighbourhood for the family.”

“Mum!  You can’t
do that!  It’s my party!  She probably doesn’t want to come
anyway.”  I was furious, how dare she invite some stranger to my
party!  She was probably a dork with no friends.  I didn’t want to
explain to my school friends who the weird stranger was!

“Oh Emma, don’t be
silly!  I am sure she is a lovely girl.  Her mother is nice.”

“Have you even seen
her, the girl, I mean?” I whined.

“No I haven’t but her
name is Katherine and she is just a few months older than you.  She is
starting at your school next week.  She’ll be in your class.  So you
don’t have a choice, you will be pleasant to her.”

“It’s not
fair!”  I grumbled and sulked into my room.  It was bad enough that
my Mum invited this
Katherine
but the fact that she was older than me
too!  (A few months meant a lot at that age.)  Even her name sounded
sophisticated; I thought she was probably a snob!

At exactly four
o’clock the doorbell rang.  I opened it immediately; I had been excitedly
waiting near the door for the first guest to arrive.  There was a girl
with long blonde hair that I had never seen before.   I looked her up
and down.  She was wearing a pale pink and white floral party dress, white
tights and shiny black shoes.  Yuck, what a princess!  I was wearing
blue jeans and a navy shirt and sneakers.  She was totally
overdressed.  She looked me up and down and blushed as she seemed to
realise the same thing.  She was fidgety and looked shy and
embarrassed.  The woman standing next to her was only wearing a grey
tracksuit but she looked stunning with her long blonde hair and beautiful smile
with perfect white teeth.  It was obvious that they were mother and
daughter.

“You must be Emma,”
the lady said broadening her already perfect smile. “My name is Erin and this
is Katherine.”  She said slightly shoving the girl forward. 
Katherine blushed again and looked down to her hands.

“Hello Erin. 
Katherine, lovely to meet you,” Mum said from behind me.  “Come on in.”

I moved out of the
way so Katherine could enter the house.  She handed me a little package
and quietly said, “Happy Birthday.”

“Thank you,” I said,
equally quiet, taking the gift from her.  It was a small box with pink
wrapping paper and a matching pink bow.  Attached to it was a little white
gift card with neat writing that said ‘Happy Birthday Emma’ on it.  I
opened it straight away and found a pretty little bracelet.  It was silver
with tiny aqua beads.  It was really lovely so I put it on immediately.

“It’s not much I’m
afraid, but it’s all we could rustle up on such short notice,” Erin apologised.