Finding My Forever (26 page)

I
stand on shaky legs, with Liam on one side and Harrison on the other. I’m taking liberties and going in first. Maybe I haven’t earned it. I haven’t known him long enough, but we share something that he can’t share with Liam and Harrison.

They walk me toward his room. How they know where it is, I don’t know. Did the doctor tell me and I not listen? We bypass the nurses’ station. I can’t bear to look at them. I don’t want to see the pity on their faces. I don’t want them to look at me as if I’m about to lose my husband. I don’t want to see their eyes wander to my mid-section and have them shake their heads because I’ll be a single mom soon.

That’s what I wanted, right? To be a single mom? Is this karma coming back to bite me in the ass because I was going to keep this baby a secret from Jimmy? Is he going to pay the price because I’m a selfish bitch and brought all this evil onto him? I should be the one lying in that bed. I should be the one who is in critical condition, fighting for my life. Jimmy doesn’t deserve this.

Harrison pushes the door open slowly. My senses become alive as I stare at the floor, my eyes moving slowly until I can see the wall in front of me. The room smells like antiseptic and Lysol. The walls are white. Jimmy hates white. He needs color. He wants vibrant displays of life. I close my eyes when I finally hear the
beeping
that’s telling me his heart is still beating. It means that his blood is still pumping through his body, keeping him alive. But it’s the
whoosh
of the machine helping him breathe that makes my knees buckle. He can’t breathe.

“Oh God, he can’t breathe.” Liam and Harrison grab my arms to steady me. I don’t like hospitals and the bad things that go along with them. The whish and hum of machines designed to mimic human functions. The constant beep, beep, beeping of vital signs being measured.

“Come on, Jenna, be strong. Think about the baby. Jimmy needs you to be strong for the baby right now.” Liam’s voice is too calm. I look at him briefly and know he’s holding everything in.

We step further into the room. I see his nurse first before I see him. I take a step back when I finally lay my eyes on him. His Mohawk is flattened, his eyes closed. There’s a tube coming out of his mouth, and wires everywhere. My hand covers my mouth as I cry out, which gets the nurses attention. She looks up from her computer screen with a scowl on her face.

“Only one visitor at a time.”

“We know,” Liam says. “This is his wife and as you can see, she’s pregnant and unsteady on her feet.”

“Shh,” she says, pointing to the curtain behind us. “Someone is sleeping in there.”

The three of us turn our heads and look. I look at Harrison, who shakes his head then to Liam who looks pissed off as hell.

“Why isn’t he in a private room with security?” Liam asks.

“He’s just a patient. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Only one visitor at a time.”

Liam nods and leads me over to Jimmy’s bedside. Harrison slides a chair over for me to sit in. You’d think the nurse would do this, but apparently it’s not her job.

“We’re going to go see about getting JD moved. We’ll be right back,” Liam whispers in my ear. I don’t know what he’s going to do, but I have a feeling this nurse isn’t going to like it.

I lay my hand on top of Jimmy’s and rest my head by his leg. I really want to crawl into bed with him and hold him like he holds me, but I know that isn’t possible. Tears fall silently from my eyes as the pain in my chest builds. I want to talk to him, but not with this nurse in here. What I have to say is private, for his ears only. Who knows what this chick will blog about when she gets home at the end of her shift or who she’s texting.

“You should talk to him.” Her tone is snotty, which pisses me off.

“I want to, but you’re here.” My words have bite but I don’t care. I know he needs to hear my voice, but damn it if I want only him to hear me. Thing is, I wouldn’t care if Liam and Harrison were with me.

“Where’s his wedding ring?” I ask.

“Behind you. His personal belongings are in that bag.”

I get up and go to the bag and dump its contents on the counter. His ring clanks on the hard wooden top, along with his wallet, chain and watch. I open his wallet to pull out the picture of Little One. I think he needs it. He needs to feel close to her.

“He had a picture in his wallet, it’s not here.”

“I don’t know what to tell you.”

When I look back, she’s smirking. She knows damn well where that picture went.

“It’s okay,” I say, sliding his wallet into my purse. “I’ll just let his doctor know that someone went through his wallet.”

She scoffs. “Maybe he took it out.”

“Or maybe he didn’t because he showed it to me before he went on stage.” I stand tall and lean over Jimmy. “My husband carries that photo everywhere he goes, it’s his daughter. Funny how he’s not able to account for his belongings at the moment isn’t it?”

“Well, I’m sure it’ll turn up.”

Turn up? What’s she going to do, put it back in the bag after I leave the room? Does she actually think I’m going to leave his side?

I sit back down and pick up Jimmy’s hand. He’s warm and for me that’s a good sign. I hold his hand to my face, placing my lips there. I don’t know if he can feel my tears, but I hope they aren’t annoying him.

I don’t know how long I sit there like that, with him. Minutes? Hours? For me time has stopped. The constant
whoosh
and
beep
are somewhat soothing, although I’d give anything for him to open his eyes and smile at me.

Every so often the nurse stands, presses some buttons and sits back down. I want to look at her computer screen and see if she’s playing Solitaire or if she’s actually working. She’s probably checking all her social media sites.

Liam and Harrison walk back into the room followed by a tall man.

“Jenna, this is Dr. Bryant, he’s the hospital Director. We’re going to move JD to a private room and he’s going to waive the one visitor rule.”

I’ve never been more amazed by Liam than I am now. I stand and pull him into my arms. He knows that I need him and Harrison right now, just as much as they need to be near Jimmy.

“Mrs. Davis, I’m sorry about your husband.”

“Thank you,” I choke out as I shake his hand. “I just want him to wake up so I can take him home.”

“Yes, of course, we’re doing all we can for him.”

And just like that the glass wall to Jimmy’s room is collapsed. Men and women come in and transfer wires to another machine that they set on top of him. The nurse, who unfortunately has to come with us, pushes her cart out. Jimmy’s bed is pulled from the wall and we follow behind. I can’t look at anyone while we pass. I don’t want to see their faces or know that they recognize who is in that bed.

His new room is much larger with windows that overlook the courtyard. At least now we’ll have something to look at.

“Mrs. Davis, I’m assuming you’ll be staying here?”

“We all will be and his mom will be here soon,” Harrison answers. “We also have two more coming, our wives, that will need access. I’m not sure if they’ll stay, but at least for a few days they’ll be here.”

“It’s against…”

“I told you, we’ll pay and we’ll make a fucking donation to the hospital if he walks out of here alive,” Liam fires back.

“Of course, Mr. Page.”

Mr. Page? Looks like Liam used his status to get his way. I know he doesn’t like to do that, but I’m thankful he did.

“This nurse,” I ask, pointing to her. “Does she have to stay or can she set up outside his door?”

“Oh no, she can set up in the hall like the others do.”

“Perfect.” I arch my eyebrow at her. Take that you wench. “Also, my husband had a picture of our daughter’s ultrasound in his wallet. He showed it to me before he went on stage and now it’s not there. I’m wondering if you can ask the staff that handled his belongings if they’ve found it.”

“The lawsuit, if it’s leaked, won’t be pretty,” Liam adds, making me wish I could think quickly on my feet like him.

Dr. Bryant nods before leaving us to Jimmy. I let Harrison and Liam go to his side while I stand at the foot of the bed. My hand rests on his foot, while the guys pick up each of his hands. Liam’s shoulders shake and Harrison is gasping for air. I don’t know who to go to first so I stand there and watch as these brothers cry for one of their own. I’ll never pretend to understand their bond, not after witnessing this.

I
lose track of time. I’m stiff, sore and hungry. My arms ache from the position they’ve been in. My back burns from the strain and Little One is kicking up something fierce. I didn’t bring my headphones because Jimmy would’ve just sung to her, but he’s not singing… yet.

Hours – that’s how long we’ve been here. The sun is up, or maybe it’s setting again and I’m really not with it. Harrison’s head rests at the end of Jimmy’s bed, while Liam is opposite me. Both of them are asleep, exhaustion finally taking over, but neither of them are willing to leave this room.

I can’t blame them. I’m not leaving either. I hate getting up to go to the bathroom as it is. Gary has moved the tour bus to the parking lot. I can see it from the window. People - mostly women - gather around it. I had suggested that Liam and Harrison go and sleep in there, but they just shook their heads. We know the first twenty-four hours are critical; those are the words that we recall and each time he twitches or the machines beeps a little more rapidly, I panic. And when I panic, they panic. The cycle is endless.