Finding Kylie (36 page)

             
Chastity couldn’t fight the tears this time, and didn’t care if anyone in the airport saw.  She didn’t even try to wipe them away, as they steadily flowed down each cheek. 

             
Cheryl heard her sniffle and knew.  She waited before saying, “You know, I think God allows those, who have passed, to visit loved ones for a short time.  I feel my mom with me at certain times of the year … my birthday, her birthday, the anniversary of her death.  Any moment in life that would have special meaning, and if this moment isn’t special between the two of you—I don’t know what is.”

             
Chastity drew a deep breath in, grateful to Cheryl and her wisdom.  “Yours and my mom’s faith has always amazed me.  I’m not perfect … far from it, but I always have that to keep me from going too far astray.  I certainly hope you’re right that she’s able to see this.  I know I’ve felt her at certain times, like when I read her journal or when I’ve had a deep sleep and dreamt of her.  When I woke up, it was like she was there.”

             
“Honey, she probably was.”

             
Chastity nodded her head in agreement and took a few moments to compose before speaking. 

             
“Did you know that Timothy is coming to Venice to see me?”

             
“No!  That’s great honey.  So things are good?”

             
“So good it’s scary.  I think I’m in love with him and don’t know what to do with that.”

             
Cheryl laughed whole-heartedly and said, “Well, if his mom knowing about you is any indication, I’d bet he feels the same way.”

             
“What?” Chastity yelped.  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

             
“I only just found out.  She called me yesterday, and you should have heard her.  She was furious with me for not telling her that you stayed with me, and embarrassed from gushing about from his last visit.  When you were in town, she went on and on about Timothy’s visit and how secretive he was being.  I remember her saying he had big news and couldn’t wait to call me back with it.” She chuckled. 

             
“Hmm, well what you know?” Chastity finally smiled. “Did you get into too much trouble from her?”

             
“Heck no.  She just asked why I didn’t tell her the first time to keep her from going on and on, and I just told her it wasn’t my secret to tell. That pretty much ended the conversation.  She won’t call again until she is sure she has news to spread that I’m not privy too.”

             
Chastity chuckled and added, “Well Auntie, you’ll have to let me know of any new developments with my boyfriend.”

             
“Will do, sweetie.”

             
“I talked to Jesse last night before I went to bed.”

             
“I’m so glad you’ve begun connecting with him.  It was a scary thought at first, but it’s turned out.”
         “Yeah, it has.  He sent me a letter with another letter in it.”             

             
“Okay,” she said slowly, unclear of the meaning.

             
“In his letter was another envelope, from John.” Chastity felt weird saying his name.

             
“Oh, my gosh!  How could he?”

             
“No, it was good that he did.”  Chastity explained Jesse’s motives and how torn he was with what to do with John’s letters.

             
“So, how did that make you feel to have a letter from … him?

             
“Okay, Ms. Shrink.”

             
“Seriously.  What are you going to do with it?”

             
“I put in my purse, where it’ll stay until I figure out how I feel about it.  For now, I don’t want to read it. If I ever do … I don’t see responding to him.” She held firm.

             
“Well, honey.  You’re a big girl and you’ll figure it out, but I’m glad that you’re not ready yet.”

             
“Timothy also left me a letter.”

             
“Aw. Was it mushy?”

             
“Well, it was from mom.  He slid it in my journal so I’d find it on my trip.”

             
“That sweet Kylie.  I knew she was writing something to you, but I never mentioned it.  Since I never found a letter in the house when we cleaned it out, I figured it was gone.   I didn’t want to upset you with the idea of a lost letter.  I’m glad she found a way to get it to you … I should have figured.”

             
“If it weren’t for the fact that I think she was trying to make sure Timothy stayed in touch with me, I’d wonder why she didn’t use you as her messenger.”  Chastity heard them call for her flight. “Hey, I see passengers lining up.”

              She grabbed her gear, and stood.

             
“I hope you have a great trip.  Please call me when you get there, so I won’t worry.”

             
“I promise,” Chastity said before hanging up. 

             
She turned her phone off in preparation for her flight and walked toward her gate.

Chapter 4
9

             
Slowly, the plane ascended through the clouds and broke at their cruising altitude.  Chastity knew it would be hours before they landed, so she planned ahead.  She packed books, Benadryl, and her iPod. 

             
Sparing no expense, she went first class.  The longest trip she ever took was half way across the U.S., not half way across the world.  This time, she made sure to be comfortable the entire way. 

             
Luckily for her, no one was sitting next to her this time. 

             
No chatty chica’s … it’s just me and mom’s letter
, she thought, ignoring the fact that another letter was weighing her purse down.

             
She reached for the journal and placed it in the seat next to her, trying to decide what to read first, her mom’s letter or the rest of the journal.

             
“Champagne?”  The flight attendant interrupted her thoughts.

             
“Yes, please,” she said, as she pulled out her wallet.

             
“It’s compliments of the airline.”  She smiled warmly, and handed Chastity her glass.

             
Free?
“Thank you so much.”  Chastity sipped it before setting it down. 
Mmm.  Sweet.

             
“Is this your first time?”

             
“Flying? Almost … it’s my third.”  She responded, not understanding.

             
“In first class?”  The flight attendant clarified and smiled.

             
“Oh.” She nervously laughed.  “Yeah, you can tell huh?”

             
“Well, asking how much the champagne is - was is a dead give away,” she responded with a quick wink.  

             
The flight attendant pointed to the DVD player in front of Chastity’s chair. 

             
“This is yours to watch any of the movies we’ve got playing.  You’ve got a few to choose from.  Your seat will fully recline, so you can get a comfortable night’s sleep.  And if you’re a light sleeper, we’ve got sound reducing headsets and eye masks.”

             
Chastity raised her eyebrows with a look of approval.

             
“Oh if you’re impressed with that …” she continued to explain. “Just wait until we bring out your dinner.  You’ll never fly coach again.”

             
“Do you have anything chocolate?” She asked, with a mischievous grin.

             
“Oh honey … only the best money can buy.  I think we even have white chocolate mousse for dessert.  You just let me know if there’s anything you need, and I will be happy to take care of you Ms. Wayne.”

             
She knows my name too?
  “Thank you so much.”  So far, her someday was looking pretty good.  In that moment, she knew her mother was smiling down on her. 

             
This is the trip we’ve planned our whole … my whole life.  Minus the first class part, but no matter … I’m on my way, mom.
 

             
Chastity closed her eyes and rested her head long enough to feel the peace that was centering in her chest.  When she opened them, she focused on her mom’s journal and lifted her glass to salute it.

             
She drained the rest of her champagne and reached for her mom’s letter. The last few entries of the journal would keep for the future.  For now, she knew it was important to hear her mother’s words in this moment. 

             
She gingerly unfolded the paper, which held her mother’s last imparting wisdom, but couldn’t focus on any of it, as the tears had already started welling up and dropping down her cheeks.  The stewardess came by to refill her glass and drop off a pack of tissues, saying nothing as Chastity began to dab her eyes.

My dearest Chaz,

             
By now you must know our whole story … my story.  I could spend this time telling you how sorry I am that I wasn’t brave enough to trust you.  I could spend this time begging your forgiveness, and I do want that … your forgiveness.  But, I am only going to spend this time with you to tell you how proud I am of you. 

             
If I timed this right, you’re either about to go on your someday trip … or you’re on it already.  I left instructions with my lawyer to deliver this to you right before you made your way.  I hope you’re on a plane right now … on your way. 

             
Of course you’ve always been on your way.  I always knew you’d make it someday to being exactly what you wanted to be.  You’re a force to be reckoned with my darling daughter, and I knew nothing could stand in your way. 

             
Chaz … I’ve loved you more than life itself, but I never knew how to express that love except through fear, which wasn’t fair to you.  I just hope I didn’t screw you up too much.  I hope you understand that everything I did … I did for you.

             
You know you never really know about life until you experience having a child and being responsible for another little person … a life force that came from your own existence.  It’s hard to explain that to someone who doesn’t have a child, but one day you will and you’ll know what I mean.  You’ll know that having someone completely dependent on you is the most scary but amazing experience in life.  It’s a love and a duty like none other.

             
It changes you … it makes you understand why you’re on earth.  I knew once I held you, I was meant to be your mom … for better or worse … I was meant to lead you the best way I knew how.  I wasn’t right a lot of the time … well, most of the time, but I cared for you the best way I knew how.  I hope you know just how much I adored you.               

             
Looking back, I know I lived my life too much in the past, and fearing the future instead of reveling in the small moments I had with you.  My main regret is not cherishing every second we had and giving you every part of me to hold onto.  I wasn’t the mom you needed … I was the mom you got though.  And I just hope it was enough.

             
By now you know about the inheritance I left you, compliments of the Mikale family.  I was so angry with Cheryl for the money she squeezed out of that old man, but it turned out useful in planning for your future.  I wouldn’t have been able to provide you with any kind of means for Venice without it, so her insight gave me what I needed in the long run.  For that, I’m thankful.

             
More than anything I want you to know that I have peace in my heart that when I die, I’ll be heading to meet Jesus.  Although I’ve taken you to church throughout your childhood, I never really raised you as my parents raised me ‘in’ the church.  I was so caught up in life, that I didn’t take the time to show you what was really important.  I know I failed you there, and I’m sorry.  I should have given you more knowledge of God’s love for us … you and me.