Finding Kylie (34 page)

             
She thanked God that he was strong enough for both of them, because all she really wanted was too slip her hands down his pants and encourage him further…but she didn’t.

             
Although he knew he could have taken her to bed, he wasn’t about to do something she’d regret later.  This was too important to screw up.  If all he wanted was to get laid, he could call his paralegal for that. Chastity was someone he wanted to wait for.  The first time they made love; he’d make sure they both ready. 

             
Now here it was, the morning he was set to leave, and she was already missing him.  In just a few hours, he would pack up his things to head back home.  Who knew when they’d see each other again and she wanted to have something to remember him by … something to replay in her mind and heart.

             
As the morning slowly inched through her windows, it gave her enough light to find her way into the living room.  She tiptoed, like she’d played in her head so many times that night and slipped in next to him. 

             
Timothy heard her ankles crack as she walked in the room.  He’d only been asleep about an hour, when he heard her sneaking across the floor.  He waited until he felt her slide into bed, before he rolled over to pull her in.  She fit perfectly in his arms.

             
He drew her close, put his nose in her hair, and breathed in. 

             
“Mmmm,” he moaned.  She smelled of lavender shampoo and sweet soap.

             
Chastity lifted her chin and softly brushed her lips across his.  She rolled on top of him, wanting to have a part of him with her before he left. 

             
As she felt his hot skin through her nightgown, a full-fledged fire was working its way through her body.  She wanted to feel every inch of his skin with no boundaries. 

             
She arched her back, and pressed her hips to his, as she inched up her nightie.  She needed to feel him inside her.

             
Timothy set off like a spark and had to fight the urge to tear her clothes off. 

             
How much is one man supposed to take?
 

             
As she lifted her nightie, he ran his hands along her lace panties, which were paper-thin.  He knew it would only take a second to tear them off and slip inside.  He gritted his teeth at the thought of rolling her over, and dipping inside to the sweetness waiting for him.  Timothy was rock hard and ready to explode. 

             
Although he was wanted nothing more than to make love to her, he also made a promise … one that he couldn’t break.

             
“You’re killing me here.  I want you so bad,” he whispered in her ear, as he rubbed her writhing body.

             
She wiggled in expectation, not able to wait much longer, as she was aching inside. 

             
“Please …  I need you inside me.”               

             
“Chastity,” he said in a low growl. “We set ground rules … not just you.  I promised I’d take it slow.”

             
“Do you not want me?” Chastity slowed and pulled up on her elbows.  He saw the doubt in her eyes, and laughed.

             
“Are you freaking’ kidding me?”  He said loudly. “Do you feel this?”  He brought her hand down to feel how just much he wanted her.

             
Chastity’s eyebrow shot up. “Yeah, I guess that was a stupid question.”

             
“Yeah, it was.”  He leaned up and kissed her sweetly on the lips.  “You know I care about you a lot.  I want you more than you’d ever know, but when we decide to go there it won’t be out of wondering when we’ll see each other again.”  He gently pushed the hair back from her eyes.  “It’ll be because we’ve both agreed that it’s time.”

             
She closed her eyes and dropped her forehead to his. As her heartbeat slowed, she slowly rolled off of him.

             
“Come here - you.” He wrapped his arm around her to spoon.  “Lets just lay here and do what we should have done last night … sleep.  I missed having you in my arms, and I have to get a plane in few more hours.”

             
As she relaxed into him, her heart was aching.  She wasn’t ready for this weekend to be over, and was kicking herself for scheduling Venice for so soon after her return trip home.  

             
All she could think about is what almost happened and how badly she wanted it.  Chastity had so much respect for the man holding her.  It meant a lot to her that he wanted her … not just for sex.  She cuddled closer and was glad they had at least the next few hours to spend together.

Chapter 4
6

             
As she lay on the sofa bed, Chastity pulled the sheets up around her and hugged Timothy’s pillow tight.  She closed her eyes in memory of this morning, as his hands explored every inch of her, wishing they’d had more time.  She buried her head in his pillow, which smelled of fresh linens and cologne.

             
When Timothy left, he did so with promise of visiting her in Venice.  Chastity’s heart filled with hope, thinking about spending time with him in one of the most romantic places on earth.  She wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but couldn’t wait for whatever it brought.

             
Needing to clear her head, she got up to check her mailbox.  She reached inside, muttering, “How many credit card applications can one person get?”

             
She shuffled through threw her mail, and stopped short when saw a large manila envelope, with her uncle’s return address.  Her heart melted for the second time that day.

             
Now that her mom was gone, she didn’t receive personal letters and seeing the return address from Oklahoma was a welcome surprise.  Jesse’s small handwriting, scrawled across the front, read, ‘do not bend’.

             
I wonder if it’s more pictures. 
She jogged back inside, anxious to open it up.

             
Tossing the junk mail on her desk, she plopped down in her papasan chair and tore open the envelope.  Inside was a letter, and smaller legal envelope.  She pulled her uncle’s letter out first.

Dear Chastity,

              Thank you for the drawings you left Alex.  You are all he talks about now, and we can’t to see you again.  Maybe once you get back from your trip, you could schedule some time here?

             
I wish I could say that this was just a letter because I was thinking of you.  Although I do have you on my mind most days, this letter has dual purpose. 

             
After I found out about you, I contacted my brother in efforts to discourage him from trying to find you.  I felt such rage that he had it in him to hurt your mother … and you, by chasing you two all those years.  All I could think of was to drop the bomb that I knew where you were. 

             
I wanted to have that power over him, like he had over someone’s life.  I wanted to taunt him by withholding any information on you … to drive him crazy.  I admit that it wasn’t the right way to handle it, but it was how I coped with my anger.  It wasn’t necessarily right, but I felt it necessary.  It also was about intimidating him enough to stop looking for you.  I told him I was protecting you from him.

             
I’ve learned so much about you after having you in my life.  And though, I know you want nothing to do with my brother … I also know you’ve struggled with how much your mom kept from you throughout your life. 

             
I don’t want to be someone else who has been keeping something from you.  You’ve had enough of that already haven’t you?  I’ve had this letter, which is enclosed … and a few more, that John has written you.  He’s been sending them in care of my address since you and I first met. 

             
After struggling for a few weeks on how to deal with this, I’ve decided to send at least one to you.  It’s the first of many I have here.  I won’t send the rest unless you ask for them.  If you read the first and feel the need to finish all of them, I’ll send them on.

              I hope you’re not upset with me.  I figure - worst-case scenario, you could just keep it … unopened and have the peace that I was honest with you.  I’m in no way encouraging you to make peace with him.  I’m only passing this letter on to its owner.  Do with it what you want.

Love to you,

Uncle Jesse

              Her hand shook as she reached inside to pull out the second envelope.  She rolled it around a few times, before setting it in her lap. Although light, the pressure of what was inside made her feel like the circulation was being cut off from her legs.              Chastity lightly touched the scrawled handwriting on the front, but immediately jerked back, as if she’d been shocked by any lasting impression from the writer.   She felt violated that he was even writing her name ... or that he even knew what it was. 

             
She quickly tossed it to the table next to her.  All these years of yearning for a father … only to find him and wish he never existed. 

             
Yet without him, I wouldn’t be here either. 
She squeezed her eyes tight. 
No, Chastity! No empathy for him. 

             
But how could she ignore her curiosity?  What did he have to say to her? How was she supposed to feel?  Was he as vile as she knew him to be?  Why did he take a chance on writing?  Did she risk finding out?

             
The only way she could handle these combative emotions was to shut everything down, but knew shutting her feelings off, like a faucet, wasn’t the answer. 

             
As the pressure inside built, she knew if she didn’t make a decision – she might reach a breaking point.  The only way to defeat this was to face it head on.  She picked the envelope back up and tapped it on the table, contemplating.

             
Is it anger that I still feel?  Or is it fear of finding him human once I read his letter?

             
She closed her eyes again and leaned her head back. 
Mom, what am I supposed to do?  It’s just a piece of paper.  It’s not him … he won’t even know if I open it. 

             
She opened her eyes and looked around, as if Kylie was in the room and said, “No, but you will, and so would I.  Opening this letter would be a betrayal to your memory
.
”

             
With so many conflicting thoughts tumbling through her mind, she couldn’t deny her curiosity of the contents of her father’s … John’s letter.  The one constant that she was certain of - was that she didn’t have to do anything right now.

             
She jumped up, crossed the room and stashed the letter inside her purse, tucking it down deep in the side pocket.  Before zipping it shut indefinitely, she noticed the post-mark.
 

             
Saratoga, California … one month ago.

             
Her jaw dropped.
He’s closer than I thought. 

             
Chastity’s legs gave out as she read the return address.  She closed her eyes and squatted on the floor, next to her purse.

             
“Breath Chastity,” she told herself, as placed her hand on the wall to stand up.  With him this close, it was definite incentive to get on a plane and get as far away as possible. 

             
She looked to her mom’s picture, on the wall.
Now I know what you felt.  I understand why you ran.

             
She gathered herself and walked over to pick up her uncle’s letter, knowing it must have been a hard decision to forward John’s letter to her.  Her uncle gave her the gift of honesty, as unsettling as the news was itself … the thought behind it was generous.