Finding Jaime (13 page)

Butterfly returns to my chest, and she’s biting her lips as though trying to control herself. “God, you’re beautiful,” she says while still massaging me and stroking up to my neck and back down, gently caressing me.

I blush at her words. “You are too,” I reply.

Butterfly slowly pulls away from me, and I release her too. “How was that?” she asks and strokes my cheek with her finger.

“Well, that’s the first time I’ve touched a woman’s boobs like that before,” I reply. “They’re so soft and warm.” She waits for me to finish, but the doubt returns.
Thanks, mom!

“Exploring your sexuality isn’t a bad thing, Bunny,” she says and tilts my chin, so I’m facing her. “You have nothing to feel guilty for.”

No, only the fact that I’m using your body to satisfy my curiosity.
The guilt I’m not supposed to feel burns bright in my chest and sits its fiery little friends—loathing and doubt—in my head.

Chapter 11

I didn’t have the regret this morning. Instead, I was glad. Because of Butterfly, I’ve come to understand that my attraction to women isn’t wrong, and I should be able to be myself regardless of what anybody thinks. And she’s right. It’s about time I got my shit together and face up to what I want.
 

But what is that?

My thoughts are interrupted by a late unexpected knock on the door. Sadie and Mitch have gone out tonight, and I’m all alone in the apartment. The club is out of the question; I know Butterfly won’t be there, and I know I don’t want to experience these new things with anybody else. With what she said about the others—willing to take things much faster with me—leaves me unnerved. I never used to feel like this in the past, always wanting to get things over with as quickly as possible, and the turnaround makes me dizzy. I get up off the couch and walk to the door to see who’s knocking.

“Hi,” the nervous voice greets me with a pair of small hands clutching a pizza box.

“Joss,” I say looking behind her. “What are you doing here?” I try not to look over her body. Knowing now how I feel, and what can’t be, only increases my frustration.

“Can I come in?” I move to let her past and shut the door. “I want to apologize for yesterday,” she says and places the box on the counter. “I shouldn’t have said what I did.”

I look at the stunning girl in front of me, so timid, but still facing me with her apology. “Okay.”

“I thought I’d sway you with your favorite pizza and maybe a movie?”

Joss’ hair is loose and over her left shoulder. Her light pink blazer looks paler under her dark hair, and her bright eyes blink rapidly, worry clouding their blue depths.

I lose my resolve and blow out a breath. “Fine, but I’m picking the movie.”

Her face lights up into a grin. “Great.”

I grab the box and take it over to the coffee table. Loaded veggie, my absolute most favorite pizza, and from the right place too. I pick up a slice and bite into it. The melted cheese and still-crunchy peppers assault my mouth with their deliciousness.

“Mmm, that’s so good,” I say around the food. “Okay, you’re forgiven.” I swallow, and the pizza slides down my throat into my empty stomach. “But am I?” I look at her expectantly.

“There’s nothing to forgive, Jaime,” she says and shakes her head. I turn on the TV and bring up my movie list. “You don’t need to apologize for being yourself.”

My hand pauses in the air, and I turn my head slowly in her direction. Joss simply smiles and takes another bite of her pizza. I narrow my eyes and her face flushes pink, making her look adorable.

“Okay, well, let’s get this movie on.” I’m trying to focus on the list on the screen and also watch her in my peripheral vision.

Joss doesn’t move at all as I’m flicking through the choices, and I decide on Zoolander. It never fails to make me laugh. I grab a couple of drinks and sit back to watch. I can feel her next to me, familiar and inviting, but I resist the urge to move closer the way Sadie and I do when watching a movie. She likes to sit close to me like best friends do, and there’s never been anything there that would suggest an attraction. But now, Joss is sitting a foot away, and it feels closer than Sadie has ever been.

“How’s work?” she asks out of the blue, and my mouth resembles a baby waiting for food.

“Uh, okay, I guess,” I reply and see her shift in her seat to face me. She tugs on the sleeves of her blazer and grips them in her fists. “Well, as good as staring at numbers all day can be.”

She cocks her head to the side, and I see the flicker of something in her expression. “Cade said Sam’s an asshole and behaves inappropriately to you.”
 

I snort and shake my head. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

“I bet you could handle things well if it came to it.” I don’t miss the humor in her tone, and it surprises me when I see her lips quirk at the corners. “I mean, whatever was thrown at you, you’d know what to do.”

Joss no longer seems nervous, but even though she’s loosening up, there’s something about her I can’t quite put my finger on. I’m intrigued as to why she’s changed her attitude towards me, and also what possessed her to come here…on her own.

“Joss, why did you come here?” I ask, and I kick myself when her face drops into a mask of hurt.

‘I wanted to say sorry to you,” she says, her voice light and barely audible. “I do want to make things right again, Jaime, and I know I have a tendency to shy away when there are a lot of people around.”

What?
That grabs my attention by the nipples and twists them until they’re raw. “So, you acting that way with me was because there were a lot of people there?”

Joss closes her eyes and nods while taking a deep breath and slowly releasing it. “Everybody wants to talk to you, or sit by you, and the crowds make me uncomfortable. That’s why I wanted to come here when Sadie told me you would be alone.”

“So you’re okay now?”

“I am.” Her smile makes me want to cry. “I have you all to myself.” The way she says it has me wanting to do with her what I did with Butterfly.

“Yes, you do,” I say, and attempt to turn my attention back to the TV, but I can’t. All I can think about is the woman behind the mask in the club and what she said to me.

I try not to think how insanely attractive the woman is next to me, and how I’m getting hotter between my legs the more the night goes on, but every move, soft sigh, even a sip of drink has my eyes darting to her fucking mouth. I don’t want to look down and see just how her body is covered in a pair of black leggings, and a loose white blouse—the top buttons open, exposing a little cleavage. My mouth waters just looking at her, so I gulp down my soda to quench my desert-like tongue.

“That was funny,” Joss says when the movie ends. “The new one is out now, too, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I think so,” I reply, trying not to make eye contact with her. I feel like such a shit. “It’s been out for about a week, I think.”
 

“We should all go see that. Do you think Sadie and Cade would come?”

I turn to her that time, and her wide-eyed and innocent patience as she waits for my answer kicks me in the gut. “Yeah, sure. When?”

 
“I’m off tomorrow. We could go for the seven o’clock showing?”

“I’ll ask Sade when she gets back. I don’t know if Cade’s off, but I’ll text her now.”

I send Cade a text and her response is immediate.

Sure! Is it girls only, or can Mark come too?

I guess it’s okay, but I want to make sure. “Cade wants to know if it’s just girls, or can Mark come too?”

“If that’s what she wants.”

The more, the merrier.
I text back and put my phone away.

“It’s a date,” I chirp, and I see Joss gently bite the inside of her lip.
 

I don’t know what’s going on with her, but every little thing she does makes me focus on it and sends blood rushing between my thighs. I wonder if that’s how a guy feels every time he looks at a hot woman, and he wants to fuck her. Is that what I want to do with Joss? I imagine what it would be like to kiss her, to feel her lips against mine. To have her skin touching me.
 

Fuck, fuck, fuck!
 

I do want it, and my temper starts to flare because I know I won’t be able to have that with her.

“I better get going,” she says, and I walk her to the door.
 

The door opens before we get there, and Sadie walks in with Mitch, and they eye the two of us.

“Hey, Joss,” Sadie says as she takes off her white jacket. “How are you?”

Joss looks between them. “I’m good, thanks. Did you have a good night?”

The flush across Sadie’s face is almost comical, and I notice Mitch’s ‘I got some’ smirk. “Yes, we did, thanks. What have you guys been doing?”

I give them the run-down of our night, and Sadie just nods. “Yeah, we can go tomorrow, right Mitch?”

“Yeah, of course,” he replies. “I won’t be watching much, though.” He winks at Sadie, and she giggles like a schoolgirl.

“Well, I should go. I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” Joss says.

She hugs Sadie and then she leans closer to me. I wrap one arm around her small waist and the other around her shoulder, mirroring her. I resist the urge to pull her tight against me, which would no doubt make our casual interaction uncomfortable for her. She looks me right in the eyes as I pull back, and I watch her lips part to speak.

“See you soon, Jai.”

Something in her tone has my eyebrows drawing together.
 
She’ll see me soon, yeah, but the way she said it has me wondering what the hell I’m missing.

I watch her leave, and then I head towards my bedroom. The night has been exhausting, and I need to go and see a pink friend about an orgasm.

“Night, guys. I’m off to bed.”

I lock my door, rush to my nightstand and take out my relief stick. Impatiently, I march into my bathroom and begin undressing and turn my shower on at the same time. The temperature of the water is perfect, and I step inside. The spray hits my tight nipples, and I hiss at the pain of the impact.

My core is swollen with need, and I run a hand between my legs. I lean back against the cold tiles as I tease my hard nub with my fingers, and my legs shake with the sensations rippling down to my toes. With my other hand gripping my silicone love-toy, I rub it between my folds, coating it with my juices. I circle my entrance with the tip and slowly ease it inside of me.

I lean my head back as I work the length further in, biting my lip to stifle the moan building in my throat. I pull out and slide in, more and more, further and further, until I’m fucking myself with the full six-inches. The penetration isn’t taking me to the height I need, and I rub faster over my clit. My knees bend, and my toes curl in, but still I can’t get beyond the point of no return. My head is all over the place, and I can’t focus on the usual images that get me off.

‘See you soon, Jai.’
Joss’ sultry tone repeats over and over, and I feel the first waves hit me like a fucking freight train.

“Shit! Fuck!” I whisper.

I pull out the vibrator and drop it on the shower floor, letting my other hand work on touching every inch of my hot center, moving side-to-side and then in a circular motion. My hips rock back and forth, and my knees begin to buckle.

My orgasm explodes inside of me, my mouth opens, and my eyes screw shut with the force of the climax, while every muscle in my body tenses.
 

I sit on the floor while the shower rains down on me, satisfied for the night. And I don’t know how I’m going to get up with my jelly legs. I try to catch my breath, and I blink through the water spray, a laugh bubbling up from my throat, but quickly turns to tears.

“This is so fucked up.”

Chapter 12

“Jai, have you seen my shoes? The ones with the red bow on the front?”

I don’t know why Sadie thinks I know where all of her shit was that she left lying around, but it just so happens that I do most of the time. “They’re in your closet, in the box on the right.”

“Thank you!” she calls from her room. “You’re the best!”

“I know!” I call back and shake my head. “Stop leaving your stuff lying about the place, and I wouldn’t have to tidy it away after you!”

Sadie fluffs her hair as she walks into the living room, then grabs her boobs and fixes them in her tight red sweater. “Do you think Mitch will like this outfit?”

I scan up and down at her skinny jeans and thin red belt. Her black shoes are shiny, and the bows on the front match the shade of her sweater. “You look hot,” I reply. “But don’t mess with your boobage anymore. You’ll end up with your cleavage under your chin.”

She laughs and fixes them again. “I hear you. What are you going to wear?”

I look down at my robe. “I don’t know, but we’re only going to the movies, Sade.”

It’s been a while since we’ve all been together, but I’m pretty sure it’s not an event that requires full-face makeup and salon-styled hair.

“Well, whatever you’re wearing you need to get a move on. Mitch is picking us up in ten minutes.”