Finding Home (21 page)

~~~~

“I thought I was dyin’“ Phoebe said in an awed, ragged voice that was hers but not hers. Gage had tilted the lamp shade so that the circle of light was aimed outward and they lay within softly lit shadows. Phoebe risked a look at him. His eyes were narrowed, but he was smiling.

“
Somethin’s funny?”

“
Nope. I’m happy. Would you rather I frowned?”

“
You don’t look happy. You look smug. Do you know what happened to me?”

“
Sure do.”

She let her gaze wander over his face, reading every nuance of his expression, searching for truth.
“Does it happen to you? Every time?”

“
Sure does.”

“
I don’t think I could bear it again.”

“
Oh? That’s too bad. Most women suffer themselves to get used to it.”

“
Most women? What most women?”

“
Tell you what. I’ll buy twin beds for after we’re married. That way you won’t be tempted.”

“
But I like bein’ in bed with you. I like—I ain’t spendin’ my whole married life in separate beds. Anyway, it just took me by surprise. I didn’t know there was more than...than what I’d already felt.”

“
What’s the solution then? I don’t want to force you to do something you find unbearable.” As if the subject were finished, he lifted her hand and inspected her ring finger. “Remind me, I’ll measure this with a string tomorrow.”

“
I could get used to it.”

“
I don’t want to buy something that doesn’t fit.”

“
I didn’t think I was really goin’ to die.”

“
White gold, I think.”

Phoebe jerked her hand from his.
“Pay attention!”

“
Attention? Oh, you mean like this?” He secured her body to his with a powerful arm, savoring the prominence of her pelvic bones pressed to his.

“
I’m thinkin’ I could probably bear it if it happened again.”

He played with her
body, probed and kissed and caressed, offering her pleasure, torture. “Just tell me if it gets to be unbearable and I’ll stop.”

“
If you stop,” Phoebe said, meaning it, “I’ll go out and buy those twin beds myself.”

~~~~

Up until the Friday before the Saturday Ma and Pa and Erlene were set to arrive,
Phoebe felt she was dangling on a string from heaven. The crab catches continued to be profitable, more so when she allowed the traps to soak two nights instead of one. She’d divided with Gage, paid for bait and ice and still she had hundreds of dollars. It was more money than she’d ever had in her life that wasn’t spoken for before she got it into her purse. She kept going into her room and reaching beneath the pillow just to take the bills out and count them.

She hadn
’t yet mentioned to Gage just how imminent was the arrival of the remaining members of her family. Every opening to say just slipped on by, sometimes when she and Gage were wonderfully occupied in his bed and other times just by the sheer amount of work it took to keep up with crabbing, washing, ironing and cooking and Maydean, Willie-Boy and Dorie.

Ma would be expecting to live in Gage
’s house, but Phoebe could see now that wasn’t going to work. She and Gage hardly had privacy to snatch a stolen kiss during the day as it was. With Ma and Pa and Erlene underfoot, even nights would be impossible. Especially with Erlene, who had a tendency to wander through every unlatched door and had to be watched tighter than Willie-Boy lest she get into mischief. Still, Ma couldn’t take care of Erlene and Pa and Maydean and Willie-Boy by herself. The dilemma preyed on her mind.

Maybe
Vinnie would begrudge the bus fare and decide Ma and Pa could stay on. It was a dim hope, but that at least would give Phoebe time to sort it all out. Time to put by enough money to get Ma and Pa started in their own place, one close enough that Phoebe could be of help. She wished Vinnie and Joey had a telephone. She’d go this minute and call and tell Ma to stay put. But they didn’t and all that was left to her was to get the house ready, and to tell Gage.

But no matter how she practiced the words in her mind, in his presence they refused to be uttered. She was caught hopelessly in the undertow of love
and wanting to do nothing to jeopardize the happiness of the moment.

“
I have the urge to step out tonight,” Gage said when he came into the house for a glass of ice water.

“
I don’t hold with a man goin’ out and leavin’ his intended long-jawed and mopin’.”

“
Long-jawed and moping.” Gage laughed. “I don’t think I hold with it myself. Anyhow, I don’t dare leave you alone. You might find some other man to drive out of his mind. What do you say we go into Mobile, treat the kids to a movie while we window shop?”

“
After supper?”

“
Let’s just make an evening of it. Eat at McDonald’s. Dorie likes hamburgers and I want to soften her up before I mention getting married.”

“
I imagine she’ll take it okay. She likes me. She likes Maydean and Willie-Boy. And I just know she’s going to like Ma and Pa and Erlene.”

“
Dorie does seem to stay in Maydean’s pocket, so to speak. I guess it’s good for her. I wouldn’t mind if Willie-Boy and Maydean finished out the summer with us.”

“
You wouldn’t?”

“
If your folks don’t mind.”

“
I don’t think they’ll mind. As a matter of fact...” Her hand fluttered as if to erase her unspoken thought.

~~~~

Gage got the impression that Phoebe was concentrating hard on the moment while another part of her was staring into something of such compelling importance it couldn’t be ignored. A personal vision, zealously guarded. He waited for her to go on, but when she didn’t he said, “As a matter of fact, what?”

“
Oh, nothing. I’d better get the clothes off the line, round up everybody. What time do you want us ready?”

“
About five.”

When she came out of the laundry room with the empty clothes basket he stopped her.
“Phoebe, tell. What’s on your mind?”

“
Gettin’ the clothes folded and put away.”

“
Look, we’re going to be learning things about each other the rest of our lives. At least, I hope we are. But one thing we have to have from the start is trust. So why don’t you trust me with whatever is bothering you?”

Phoebe exhaled.
“Nothin’s botherin’ me. I’m just a worrier is all.” The lie slipped off her tongue like the devil was hauling on it.

“
Are you having second thoughts about getting married? About me? Was I too rough last—”

Phoebe threw her arms around him and pressed her face into his chest.
“I love you more than myself. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want anythin’ to happen—”

“
Is that all? You’re not going to lose me—unless you beat me to death with that clothes bask—”

“
Are y’all kissin’?”

They jerked apart.
“Where’d you come from, Willie-Boy?”

“
Nowhere. Were you trying to kiss Phoebe? BoBo Gardner tried to kiss her once and she threw a pot of beans on him.”

“
I hope I don’t suffer the same fate.”

“
I got work to do,” said Phoebe. “Willie-Boy, you find Dorie and Maydean. Gage is treatin’ all of you to a movie.”

Willie-Boy turned pale.
“No!”

Gage laughed.
“Yes.”

“
I only been to a movie once and I was too little to remember.” He sprawled on the porch. “I’ve got to lay down here and savor my good fortune.”

“
Savor your good fortune?” Gage repeated. “That’s a mouthful.”

“
That’s what Pa says. He sets in his rocking chair and savors his good fortune.”

“
What else does your dad do?”

“
What Ma tells him to.”

“
Hawley women might like to rule the roost, but one of them better keep in mind I’m a man who rules his own roost.”

Ph
oebe felt her cheeks go warm, but for perhaps the second time in her life, she kept her mouth shut.

~~~~

The shopping mall proved to be an adventure in prudence and self-control. Phoebe held tightly to her purse full of money against every lure and inducement.

There were candy shops, ice-cream parlors, dress shops, gold shops, shoe shops, toy shops, beauty shops, pet stores, book stores, and department stores with counter after counter of cosmetics from which they had to drag Maydean. McDonald
’s was at one end of the mall, the movie theater at the other. Gage bought the movie tickets and passed out cash for popcorn and soft drinks.

“
Those kids are gonna be sick,” warned Phoebe. Willie-Boy was so excited she feared an attack of asthma.

“
I’ll do my breathing exercises, I promise,” he wailed.

“
I’ll take care of him,” insisted Dorie.

Phoebe gave in, but waited outside the theater ten minutes on the chance
Willie-Boy would swoon and have to be carried out.

“
I’m going to Penny’s to pick out a suit,” Gage said.

“
I’ll come with you.”

“
No you won’t. I like to buy my own clothes. I’ll meet you back here in an hour or so.”

The beauty shop lured Phoebe like a magnet. She stood outside and watched men and women coming out looking groomed and happy. Not a frowner in the bunch. She had her hair cut in the manner suggested by the stylist. She walked out of the shop with her curls tamed and hugging her head. She stopped in front of every display window admiring her reflection. Tilting her head this way and that until a sales clerk came out and asked did she want to try it on.

“What?”

“
The dress. It’s made for you.”

Phoebe refocused her attention be
yond her own reflection. The outfit was the most exquisite she’d ever seen. A lacy cream colored blouse tucked into a skirt beneath which peeked a matching slip trimmed in eyelet. She saw herself in the dress standing next to Gage in front of the preacher. “How much is it?”

“
Why don’t you try it on,” the saleslady coaxed. “It’s on sale.”

“
I like a bargain,” said Phoebe. The lace on the blouse draped her shoulders and enhanced her slender neck. The sale price was fifty-nine dollars plus tax. Heart thudding and feeling faint Phoebe parted with the money—more money than she’d ever spent on a single garment in her life. She went back to the bench in front of the theater, waited for Gage, closed her eyes and prayed for the next morning to produce the best crab catch in existence.

“
Phoebe! What’ve you done to your hair?”

“
Had it tamed.”

“
You sure did.”

“
You don’t like it?”

“
I like it fine. It makes you look...elegant.”

Phoebe
’s eyes burned with pleasure, but her mouth turned down at the corners. “I bought my wedding dress.”

“
Don’t sound so terrible about it. Let me see.”

“
Can’t. That’s bad luck. Anyway, I might want to take it back. Did you get a suit?”

“
I got fitted for one. Come on. Let’s browse—”

“
I ain’t movin’ off this bench.” She was determined not to be parted from another dime. She had three good reasons in the back of her mind why she should return at once to the dress shop and get her money back. They were Ma, Pa and Erlene.

“
You’re the unhappiest bride-to-be I’ve ever seen,” Gage accused.

Phoebe forced her most winning smile.
“I’m just nervous. I ain’t never been married before.”

Gage put his arm around her and drew her close.
“It’s not going to be much different from the way we’re living now.”

Oh, yes it is,
thought Phoebe.

~~~~

Deep into the night
Phoebe made love to Gage with an uncommon frenzy. She kissed his toes, his knees, his chest and explored every line and tendon of his body as if driven by necessity to commit the whole of him to memory.

At one point
Gage took her hands into his, halting her. “Phoebe, we have an entire lifetime.”