Finding Home (19 page)

Phoebe fanned her face with the brim of the old straw hat.
“I’ll send Willie-Boy to call you for supper.”

~~~~

Paint, polish and sophistication had
never been Phoebe’s long suit and she knew it. But she was willing to use any magic, acquired or bought that would swing Gage around to her way of thinking.

Once the house was quiet she slipped into Dorie
’s room and dragged from beneath the bed the shoe box full of cosmetics and scents. Behind the locked bathroom door she pawed through it. Eye shadow made her look as if she’d run into a door; she scrubbed it off. Mascara made her eyes sting. She tried a bit of glossy lipstick, which made her lower lip appear set in a permanent pout. Not the image she wanted to present to Gage. She found a vial of Wild Flower Musk and tried a drop on her wrist. It made her smell better than soap. Satisfied, she put some on her neck. A thought stopped her before she had her hand on the doorknob. Velma’s cosmetics. Velma’s scent. She smelled like Velma. She didn’t want Velma on Gage’s brain. She washed it off.

She returned the box to Dorie
’s room and tiptoed back to her own. She sat in the dark and waited for the line of light beneath Gage’s door to go out. When it did, she counted to five hundred. She didn’t want him to be wide awake.

She got as far as the foot of his bed. The lamp snapped on.

“Out!”

“
I just want to talk.”

Eyeing her with the wariness of a cornered fox, he adjusted a pillow against the headboard and leaned into it.
“About what?”

“
I’m embarrassed to say.” She sat on the foot of the bed.

“
You haven’t been embarrassed since you were two days old. But if it makes you uncomfortable to say, why don’t you just keep it to yourself?”

Phoebe picked at t
he sheet that lay over his shinbone. “Remember the other night?”

“
My mind’s blank.”

Phoebe scoured him with a look she usually saved for Maydean, hoping he was tripping over his own tongue. She couldn
’t figure what to do except press on. “I do all right in the daytime, because I keep busy. But as soon as it gets dark I start thinkin’ about it. I can’t
stop
thinkin’ about it.” She let her hand fall in the area of his knee. “Gage, I get so airy. If I was a balloon, I’d burst. Did you notice at supper? I could hardly swallow for—”

“
You’re worried about your appetite?”

Phoebe lowered her lashes. This wasn
’t going at all the way she planned. “I can go without food for days on end.”

“
Good, that’ll save on groceries.”

“
Why’re you making this so hard for me! Okay. You want me to eat crow? I’m here to eat crow. Can I get under the covers?”

“
No.”

“
I’m taking off my nightgown.”

“
Don’t do that.”

Phoebe eyed the sheet at the juncture of his thighs. She discerned a bit of activity there. She let her hand slide from his knee to the inside of his thigh.
“Don’t you remember how good it felt?”

“
If we keep on we’re going to be in over our heads— emotionally.”

“
I won’t be in over my head. I know what I want. I want to do it again.” Out of the corner of her eye Phoebe saw the sheet rise. Pretending her hand was an alien appendage over which she had no control she drew wider and wider circles with a fingertip on his thigh. Her hand brushed the part of his anatomy that kept moths fluttering in her stomach every time she thought about it.

The cords on his neck stood out.
“Stop teasing me.”

She scooted up on the bed, picked up his hand, traced the calluses,
then pressed his hand to her cheek. “I want you so much. Tell me you don’t want me the same way. Make your tallywhacker go down.”

He tried to laugh and failed.
“I can’t, damn it. You know I can’t. You’re a witch. Sex is new to you. I want you to think about when the magic wears off. What happens if you find someone you like better? Or—”

Phoebe paled.
“You gotta quit comparin’ me with you-know-who. Besides, I ain’t gettin’ naked for anybody else. It took all the gumption I had to get naked for you.”

Gage broke down and let her in.
“Who wins against you?” He slid his hand behind her neck and pulled her to him. Phoebe’s heart pounded and her breath sighed past his ear. He enclosed her in his arms and held her, not moving for long minutes. “You sound so convincing,” he said despairingly and buried his face in her hair.

Phoebe
’s arms crept up around his neck. She lifted her face, her lips hovering above his so their breaths mingled. “Will you kiss me? Put your tongue in my mouth like you did the other night?”

Her lips parted and he tasted her sweet mouth, his tongue explored, thrust against hers. Phoebe sucked. He gasped. His arms tightened, then his hand began to travel; he slid her gown up and she felt his questing hand begin to roam over her flesh, felt his hand seek out and touch the pulsating flesh that made her woman.
“Gage!” she whispered, stunned.

“
Just giving you an idea of what you’ve put me through.”

A shiver meandered down her spine.
“I like it.” Her voice was barely audible.

Gage snapped off the bed
side lamp. “Let’s see what else we can do that you like.”

“
And then it’ll be my turn?” Her voice was hoarse.

“
If I’m not dead.”

~~~~

Phoebe stretched and purred, “I’m learnin’ so much about love.”

“
So am I,” said Gage. He was half asleep.

“
You know everything, you’ve been married. Imagine being able to do it anytime you wanted. It’d be heaven.”

“
Being married doesn’t guarantee a good sex life.”

Phoebe accepted t
hat as an admission of the weakness of his own marriage. She knew all she wanted to know about Velma. She didn’t want Gage dwelling on the bad aspects of marriage. She wanted to feel him out on the idea of marrying her, but she couldn’t think of the right thing to say. Instead she nestled close and nibbled on his ear. “Have you noticed how much Dorie has got to likin’ me? She likes Maydean and Willie-Boy, too. I’ll bet she’ll like Ma and Pa and Erlene a lot.”

“
Probably.” Gage said drowsily.

Phoebe stopped nib
bling. Probably. That wasn’t exactly an invite. She was stumped. Coming right out and asking might get a resounding no. “Gage, do we have an understandin’?”

“
Like how?”

“
Between you and me?”

“
Maybe. Time will tell.”

“
How much time?”

“
I don’t know. I can’t see into the future.”

Phoebe could. She could see
ten days ahead to Saturday and her whole life falling apart again.

“
I suppose we could have Ma and Pa and Erlene visit, couldn’t we? Ma would want to meet the man I take up with permanent.”

He adjusted his pillow, buried his face in it.
“Oh? I have to pass muster now?” came to her muffled.

“
You would. Don’t worry. Ma would be pleased as punch to meet you. And then she could look for a house in Bayou La Batre.” She waited for a response. None came. “Gage, are you asleep?”

“
I’m trying.”

Phoebe snuggled against his back.

“You’re just gonna love all the Hawleys.”

“
Not if they want to talk all night.”

“
You want me to shut up?”

“
That’s the nicest suggestion you’ve made all evening.”

“
It ain’t. We already did the nicest.”

“
I’m begging you...”

Phoebe curled an arm over his abdomen and let her hand trail down to cradle his manhood.
“G’night.”

Gage
’s drowsiness sloughed away. “Oh, damn.”

“
Your lunches are
bagged and on the table in the living room,” said Phoebe. “Don’t forget them.”

“
Where’s our drink money?”

Phoebe passed out the quarters.
“Fifty cents each. Don’t lose it. Willie-Boy, you know what you’re supposed to do?”

“
Don’t run. Don’t fight. Don’t get lost. Don’t talk with my mouth full.”

“
Dorie?”

“
Same thing.”

“
Maydean?”

“
Watch the brats.”

“
Get nice or get back in your room.”

Maydean flounced.
“Be ladylike.”

“
Okay. Finish breakfast and wait on the front porch for the church bus. I got to harvest my crabs. Gage, you got anything you want to add?”

“
You’ve just about covered the Constitution.”

“
Daddy, can we have another quarter?”

Gage dug out change and passed it around. Phoebe
’s eyes narrowed to slits. “You give out money that easy without them earnin’ it?”

“
I’m not always the skinflint you make me out to be.”

“
Then I mean to renegotiate the price of bumpers.”

“
That’s not negotiable. I’ve got a seventy-dollar dent.”

Phoebe sniffed.
“You’ve also got a five-cent brain.” She grabbed her straw hat off the broom hook. “I’m goin’ crabbin’.”

Gage followed her down to the canal.
“I’ll go with you this morning.”

Phoebe gave him a winsome smile.
“You like me so much now you can’t bear for me to be outta sight?”

“
Just want to keep an eye on my investment.”

“
You come in two parts, Gage Morgan. Purse part and pants part. When I first started fallin’ for you, I figured it out. Everything a woman wants in a man is below the belt. Howsomever, I want you to know, I’m different. There are parts of you above the belt that I find particularly interestin’.”

“
Phoebe, if you start talking nasty, you can go out on that bayou by yourself and you’ll never get a crab trap in the boat because you won’t have me to show you the knack. See those old bottle crates? Put ‘em in the boat. I’ll get the bait. We’ll replenish each trap after we dump it. Saves time.”

“
Are you gonna boss me?”

“
I’m going to do my damnedest and hope it takes.”

“
You’re the kind of man who wants to wear the pants in the family?”

“
Don’t sound so disheartened. Around you, I don’t seem able to keep them up.”

Phoebe
’s heart overflowed. She sat on the oar seat and faced him, enjoying looking at him, smiling. He guided the boat through the cut and into the bayou. In the far distance on the bay she could see shrimp boats that were specks on the horizon. Gulls squawked and fished. The surface of the water was calm and sun-painted. They had the bayou to themselves. “Gage?”

“
What?”

“
You know that feeling I was getting only after dark? I’m starting to get it in the daytime, too.”

“
No.”

She slipped off the seat onto her knees
amid the empty crates and rested her elbows on his legs. “I could unzip your pants and play.”

“
I’ve got to drive this boat.”

“
Nobody’s around.”

“
It’s early yet.”

“
I’ve never done it in the daytime.” Her hands crept to his inner thighs. “We could just touch each other. That’s all.” She could see acceptance overtaking reluctance in his expression, could feel the shape taking place beneath her hands. She pressed her fingertips against the growing bulge between his legs.

“
Let’s get your traps emptied first...”

“
I don’t think I can wait.”

“
Try.”

“
I’m tormented.” She unzipped his jeans, caressed the enlarging length of him and gazed unashamed into his eyes. “You said we could do whatever I felt was natural. That nothing was bad.”

“
I’m possessed.” He turned the boat into the tall marsh grasses.

~~~~

“Gage!”

“
I’m in the living room.”

Phoebe emerged from the hall and stopped short.
“Why’re you lyin’ on the sofa? Why ain’t you workin’? I came back from sellin’ my crabs and found a customer hangin’ about the cash shack lookin’ for somebody to pay.” She laid a ten dollar bill on his desk.

“
Don’t come within ten feet of me, Phoebe. I’m only thirty-five. I’d like to make thirty-six.”

“
Sex affects you worse’n liquor, don’t it?”

Gage crooked an elbow over his eyes.
“It doesn’t even compare. If it ever happens that I have the opportunity to introduce another virgin to sex, I hope lightning strikes me dead.”

‘‘
You wouldn’t have to hope for lightning. I’d kill you myself.”

He lifted his elbow and looked at her.
“I know your methods. Lightning would be more humane.”

“
I can’t help it if I start feelin’ all tingly.”

Gage dropped his el
bow, covered his eyes. “If somebody had told me two weeks ago that I’d be done in by ninety pounds of spice and spit, I’d’ve laughed in his face.”

Phoebe bristled.
“Laugh now, why don’t you?”

“
Takes all my strength just to breathe.”

“
I want you to get out of the habit of insultin’ me. I’m a Hawley and I don’t take to it. It makes me mad.”

“
That’s another thing. Soon as I can, I’m changing your name to Morgan. Then I won’t have to listen to Hawley pride, Hawley gumption and Hawley grit.”

Goose bumps erupted along Phoebe
’s arms. “We’re gonna get married? When?”

“
When I recover. I don’t want any of my friends to see me like this.”

Phoebe knelt down on the floor beside the sofa.
“Gage, you love me? Truly?”

“
Tried not to. Had good reason not to. I’ve been battered, abused and cuckolded. You’d think I’d learned my lesson.”

Phoebe dragged his arm off of his face.
“Look at me.”

His eyes opened.

“There ain’t another man in the world that can hold a candle to you. By my lights you’re the best husband a body could have. I love you more than anything. Anything!”

Her warm sweet breath cascaded over him. He lifted his head and kissed her
gently. “That’s the most intoxicating thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

“
To prove how much I love you, I’m going to keep my clothes on,” Phoebe announced. “I won’t go near your tallywhacker again until after dark.”

“
Wonder of wonders.”

“
Anyway,” Phoebe said decorously. “We need to settle this business betwixt us. I don’t want to go into marriage owin’ you.” She reached into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out a roll of bills. “Crab money.” Her hand trembled slightly. “Gage, back home in the mills I had to work all week for this much money.” She counted out sixty-six dollars and put it in his hand. The remainder of the cash, she shoved quickly back into her pocket. “To repair your truck. Now I can have my bumper and tag back.”

“
I was going to let you have it anyway.”

Phoebe grinned.
“I wouldn’t’ve taken it. You’re gonna have to live with Hawley pride right up to the minute I’m a Morgan and then some.”

Gage folded the bills and put them in his shirt pocket.
“In that case, what’s Hawley pride have to say about anteing up my share of crab money? I need a new suit to get married in.”

Phoebe wondered if the time was ripe to tell him about Ma and Pa and Erlene
’s arriving. A little voice in her head was saying, y
ou think you know what you’re doing, Phoebe. You think you know how Gage will react. But you don’t. You’d better be careful.

She decided against it. Life was going her way for a change. She didn
’t want any by-chance interference.

“
First debt owed is first debt I pay,” she said. “Not to worry, I’ll settle up with you fair and square on the crabbin’.”

“
I trust you.” He smiled a smile that made her insides turn to lead. There was a whole world of meaning behind the words. The specter of Ma and Pa and Erlene thrust into her brain. But no. That’s not what he meant. He meant adultery.

“
I won’t ever give you cause not to trust me,” she said thickly. “I promise.” Gripped by something stronger than passion and unable to voice it, she reached out and traced his mouth with a fingertip. “You sure do have kissin’ lips “

“
Don’t start talking sex,” he pleaded. “You have to learn that talking about it is erotic, at least to a man.”

“
It is?”

“
Yes.”

Phoebe sat back on her heels and demurely clasped her hands in her lap.
“You mean if I just talked about what we did in the boat without even touching you, you’d—”

“
Exactly.”

“
Lor!” Unexpected streams of excitement lazily uncoiled inside her. “Gage?”

“
What?”

“
Did you like the part where I unzipped your pants and played with—”

“
I’m not listening.”

“
What about when I unbuttoned your shirt and sucked your nipples?”

“
Be quiet!”

“
What about…” Phoebe put her lips to his ear and whispered.

Gage reached out
with an unsteady arm and encircled her. “I’m lost.”

~~~~

“Why is Daddy in bed before dark? Is he sick?”

“
He’s just takin’ a nap. Nothing’s wrong with him a good sleep won’t cure. Close that kitchen door so we don’t wake him. I want to hear all about your day.”

“
I don’t want to talk about mine,” said Willie-Boy.

“
You didn’t have a good time?” Phoebe put platters of fried pork chops and potatoes on the table.

“
I almost did. But a girl named Kimmie kept followin’ me around. She even tried to kiss me. I thought I was gonna be sick.”

“
Maydean, why’re you wearin’ such a long face?”

“
I can’t enter the beauty contest.”

“
Who said?”

“
One of the girls in my Sunday school class. You have to be a senior in high school.” Her eyes filled with tears. “By then I’ll be old and wrinkled.”

“
Pooh. By then you’ll be even prettier.”

Maydean eyed Phoebe warily.
“Why’re you saying such nice things to me?”

“
I’m in a good mood. I sold my crabs and paid Gage off for our bumper and tag.”

Maydean froze.
“Are we gonna go home now?”

Willie-Boy
’s fork stopped at his mouth. “Are we gonna see Ma and Pa?”

Dories face crumbled.
“Well, you can just leave then! The sooner the better!” The nine-year-old jumped from the table and raced out of the kitchen. Phoebe caught the door before it slammed.

“
What’s wrong with her?” Maydean said, scowling.

“
If you’d look outside yourself once in a while, you’d know. We made her feel left out. You two eat, I’ll go talk to her.’’

Dorie was sprawled face down with the pillow over her head. Phoebe sat on the edge of the bed.

“Go away!” came Dorie’s muffled command.

“
In a minute. I need to talk to you. I’ve got a secret. Howsomever, I can’t tell you unless you swear not to tell.”

Dorie lifted the pillow and peeked out.
“A good secret?”

“
You might not think so.”

“
What is it?” Dorie sat up against the headboard and hugged the pillow to her stomach.

“
You have to swear not to tell, even if you don’t like it.”

The child hesitated
, torn between sulking and curiosity. “Cross my heart,” she finally said, doing it.