Finding Home (25 page)

She looked from her sister to her mother, both of whom looked doubtful.

“Doing
that
?” Charlotte said. “If he’s working construction now, why didn’t he try it before?”

Megan shrugged. Who knew what desperation or feelings of inadequacy made anyone on the street do the things they did for quick money. Not having an address made it hard to get legitimate work. Sean was paid cash under the table right now, but she didn’t know why he hadn’t tried to get that type of job before. Maybe he had.

“I don’t know,” she said.

The women were interrupted by a burst of cold air as the three athletes trooped into the kitchen. They were sweaty, loud and hungry, grabbing handfuls of cookies from the counter.

Megan smiled at Sean’s red cheeks and bright blue eyes. It was good to see him so energized and happy.

He came over to where she was shaping orange blossoms in round balls and popped one in his mouth. The cold air rolled off him.

He chewed and swallowed the cookie. “Good.” His tongue darted out to lick his lips.

Megan’s crotch contracted and released wetly. That pink flash of tongue did it to her every time. Not to mention the teasing look in his eyes that told her what he’d rather be doing with his mouth.

She dragged her eyes back to her task. “Orange blossoms. You can help roll if you want.”

He reached toward the bowl.
“Wash your hands first!”

He obeyed, sauntering over to the sink.

Megan pulled her gaze away from his ass and looked up to see Chris watching her. He cocked his head toward the door. “Walk with me?”

Megan darted a glance at Sean, then looked to Chris again with questioning eyebrows, but he shook his head slightly, letting her know he wanted to talk to her alone. When Sean came over, displaying clean hands, she asked him to take over her cookie job so she could spend some time with her brother.

He nodded agreeably.

Mom came over to stand beside Sean. “The trick with orange blossoms is to roll the balls small enough. Warm the dough in your hand and it will stick together instead of crumble. Then we have colored sugar, red and green for the holidays, to roll them in.”

Megan grabbed an old jacket and joined Chris on the back step. “Where to?”

“The fort.”

They crunched across the frosty, dead grass and the field behind the house, headed for the woods where they’d built their fort. As children, Megan and Chris had always referred to it as “woods”, but now she could see the place they’d imagined a wild, scary, fairytale forest was a modest stand of trees.

Buttons frisked ahead, behind and all around them while Grover plodded sedately at Megan’s side. Megan could tell Chris was dying to talk. It wasn’t like him not to spill whatever was on his mind immediately. This mysterious new girlfriend must be tying him up in knots. Maybe he was considering getting engaged or something.

“So what’s up with your new girlfriend? You’re on the phone with her all the time. She must be somebody pretty special.”

“Pretty special,” he agreed, then fell silent.
“Well, you should have asked her to Christmas, then.”

He shrugged and pushed aside a tree branch as they entered the overgrown path to their hideaway.

After following him in silence for another few yards, Megan couldn’t stand it any more. “Okay, what’s up? Spit it out.”

Chris muttered, “Shit,” then turned and faced her in the dim light beneath the canopy of trees. As he looked down at her, Megan remembered when she towered over him.

“It’s not a
girl
friend,” he said.

She continued to stare at him blankly.

Chris raised his eyebrows and nodded significantly.

Megan blinked then said, “Oh” and “
Oh!”
as realization dawned. “Oh, Chris, when did this happen?”

“Last semester. A couple of months ago. Maybe a lot longer ago than that. I don’t know.” He turned from her to continue pressing through the underbrush toward the clearing that used to be in the middle of these trees, but now seemed unlikely to still exist.

“But in high school you were… There was Wendy, Beth, Alliya…” Megan knew she sounded shocked and tried to control her voice.

“I know, but this is different, so much—more. I can’t explain it, Meg, but I know for the first time I really feel something, you know?” He stopped walking and leaned against a tree. “It’s just,” he paused, searching for the right words, “him. He does it for me.”

Megan fished in the pockets of her old coat and pulled out a pair of mismatched gloves. She worked her icy fingers into them. “What’s his name?”

“Ben.”
“When are you going to tell—?”

He cut her off. “I don’t know. After Christmas.”
“What are you waiting for? Do you think you’re going to ruin their Christmas or something? Mom and Dad are open-minded. They’re not going to have a problem with this.”

Chris brushed his bangs out of his eyes, then picked at the bark on the tree.

“They’re not!” Megan said as if he’d argued.
“Yeah. Right. It’s one thing to believe in being gay in theory. It’s another to have your son come out on Christmas Eve.”

She shrugged. “Well, do whatever you want, but I think you’re making yourself miserable for no reason. I’d get it over with if I were you.”

“Yeah? Like the way you’re telling the family about you and Sean?” Megan’s stomach flipped. “What?”

“Oh, come on.” He tossed a piece of bark at her and hit the front of her coat. “He’s not just crashing at your apartment.”

“Well of course he is. I wouldn’t… I would never…”

Chris raised one eloquent eyebrow.

Megan gave up. She could never bullshit him. Never had been able to. “Oh fuck. Is it that obvious?”

“Only when you’re looking at him or he’s looking at you, which is about all the time.”

“Crap!”
“How did it happen? I mean, I know how it happened because, damn, look at him. He’s hot. But really, Megan, are you nuts?”

“Don’t even start. I’ve already been through it with my friends. I don’t know how it happened. It just did.” The fact her brother was aware of her lover’s good looks freaked her out a bit no matter how un-homophobic she might be. And the fact she’d just mentally referred to Sean as her “lover” freaked her out even more.

“Well, I’m not judging.” Christopher shrugged. “Just saying ‘be careful’ is all.” He put his arm around her neck and dragged her head down to give her a noogie and break the tension.

Megan shrieked and fought back and soon they were wrestling on the carpet of leaves and getting stuck with burrs and briars.

“Cut it out!” she shrieked, punching him hard in the stomach.

He wasn’t prepared and she knocked the breath from him in a whoosh.

Megan wiggled from his hold. “Loser!” She slapped Chris’s shoulder. Pushing back her hair, she looked around for her lost hat in the leaves.

“Cradle robber,” he retorted, holding his stomach and reaching to punch her arm.

“Oh-ho, we’re gonna do this now?” She tugged a handful of his hair. “Fag.”

“Bitch.” He stood and reached down to grab Megan’s hand and pull her to her feet.

“Brat.” She picked at the burrs infesting her coat. “You know, I don’t think there’s anything left of our fort. It’s too overgrown and there’s, like, brambles everywhere, plus my face is freezing. I can’t feel my nose anymore. Let’s go home.”

“Baby. You’re such a city girl now,” Chris taunted, but he followed her back up the trampled trail they’d made through the woods.

ZY

Back in the house, Megan found Sean still in the kitchen with her mom. They were frosting Charlotte’s sugar cookies.

Megan didn’t announce her presence, but stood in the doorway watching for a minute. She listened to her mom tell Sean a story about the time Megan got lost in the mall when she was six, while he carefully frosted a Christmas tree-shaped cookie and added artistic sprinkles.

Megan backed out of doorway, leaving them to their bonding.

Her dad returned from the store and, after a light lunch, the afternoon was quiet while everyone kicked back and relaxed. Charlotte and her big belly went to her room for a nap. Greg retreated to Dad’s study to wrap last minute Christmas gifts. The rest of them sat around the living room dozing through
It’s a Wonderful Life
.

Sean sat on the floor playing tug-of-war with Buttons and looking adorable. His rumpled blond hair, dark blue eyes and full lips, smiling as he wrestled with the dog, made Megan go weak inside. Not being able to touch him, to stroke his hair, hold his hand or rub his shoulders, brought her back to those desperate, hungry days when he’d first moved in, before they started their affair.

After a while, Megan caught his eye and winked. She was about to direct him outside with eye signals because she’d had enough of being so close and not touching, when her mom announced it was time to start dinner.

When the flurry of preparing, eating and cleaning up after the meal was over, it was almost time for church. Megan wasn’t sure what her religious convictions were anymore, but it was family tradition to go to the nine o’clock service and it meant so much to her parents, she went without argument.

“Do you mind going?” she asked Sean before she went to slip into her dress. “You can stay here if you like. Have some time alone.”

“No. It’s fine. I’m just along for the ride. Whatever your family does is cool.”

Megan walked downstairs a half-hour later, wearing her most conservative dress, the one she used for the occasional funeral or black tie affair. It was the classic “little black dress” with a scoop neck that showed just a hint of cleavage and a small split up the back. It smoothed over her hips and clung to her breasts. A simple gold chain accented her throat, and she wore high-heeled shoes with an ankle strap she rarely wore in town since she could neither walk nor drive in them. But she loved the way they made her legs look long and slender.

When she caught Sean’s gaze as she descended the stairs, she felt like the most elegant, beautiful woman in the world. His eyes looked slightly glazed as he stared up at her, and she remembered what he’d said the last time he’d seen her in a skirt. She clearly didn’t wear them often enough. A smile stole over his face, then he looked away lest someone should catch him staring.

Megan felt smug and gorgeous and incredibly horny. She knew she wouldn’t be concentrating on the sermon or the solemnity of Jesus’ birth tonight.

Sean cleaned up well, too. He looked incredibly hot in her brother’s old sport coat over a crisp white shirt and pair of jeans.

When she slid in next to him in the back of Charlotte and Greg’s car, she leaned over to tell him, “You look very nice.”

He whispered almost soundlessly, “And you are so beautiful.”

In the dark back seat, he allowed his hand to wander over and up her nylon-clad thigh, stroking the inside lightly until Megan thought she would come right there in the back of her sister’s car. She finally had to scoot away from his searching fingers.

The evening service was as beautiful, solemn and ethereal as she remembered it from every other year of her life. The choir sang familiar carols by candlelight and the lectors gravely intoned the readings. Megan felt warm and comforted. She glanced at Sean.

He was watching her mother and father intently. Since they’d arrived late and had to sit in whatever space was available, Megan and Sean happened to be behind her parents.

They were holding hands and Megan’s dad leaned to whisper something in her mom’s ear. She smiled and nodded then turned her face up to give him a peck on the lips. The brief look of love they exchanged was so touching and sweet Megan’s heart lurched. Her view of them had always been as child to parent. This was the first time she’d thought of them as a pair of lovers, and not in an icky “I don’t want to ever imagine my parents naked” kind of way.

Sean seemed transfixed by them. He swallowed. His eyes were shiny. He blinked quickly then looked away across the church at the other people, the candles and the stained glass windows.

What must it be like for him, visiting with her family and seeing something he’d never had, parents and a stable, loving home? Megan reached out and took his hand. Charlotte and Greg were three pews ahead, Chris, who was standing on her left, already knew about them and there was no one else to see.

She needed to connect with Sean. Slipping her fingers into his palm, she curled her thumb around the back of his hand.

He looked down at their joined hands, smiled and gripped hers tightly.

ZY

Back home after church, they sat in the living room for a while making more small talk. Megan thought they’d covered about every conceivable topic—their jobs, the weather, world affairs and the coming baby…again. She remembered why several days was enough time for visiting family.

Sean left the room, probably going out for a smoke
She got up to follow him.

Outdoors, the night was clear and cool. Away from the city, the sky was like black velvet sprinkled with a glitter of diamonds. That’s one thing Megan missed in L.A. She wrapped her arms around herself, shivering in her skimpy dress and wishing she’d stopped to put on a jacket.

Sean stood away from the house, at the edge of the circle of light cast from inside. He looked off into the dark night, lighting a cigarette that dangled from his lips.

Megan came up beside him, slipping her arm around his waist. “Beautiful night.” She tilted her head to look up at the sky again.

“Yeah. It’s different out here. Brighter.”

The country night was infinitely darker than the neon blaze of city streets, but she understood what he meant.

“So, what do you think of my family? A little overwhelming?” “They’re nice.” He took a drag on the cigarette and the tip glowed orange. “Your mom, she’s…” He paused so long Megan thought he wasn’t going to finish the thought, then he finally said softly, “She’s really nice.”

“What did you two talk about today?”

He shrugged. “Stuff.”

Megan understood. His talk with her mother was private. She would’ve liked to have been a bug on the wall listening to that conversation. She reached for the cigarette. “Let me have a puff.”