Finding Home (24 page)

“Well, I’m really fucking not happy about it, but I don’t have time to dwell right now. Remind me later to yell at you some more. I have to go find Dillon.” Adam hung up the phone and tried to call Dillon again unsuccessfully before he called Target. Unfortunately, they wouldn’t give out any information on Cody without Cody’s permission. It was part of their policy so Adam was screwed for the night. He decided to go to Target the next day to find Cody, or someone who knew him, and he was determined to get answers one way or another. He was going to get his lover back.

*****

Night turned to day eventually and when Dillon woke up, he didn’t recognize the place. His heart began racing and his breathing was coming unevenly as he tried to curl up tighter into himself. It was Cody’s voice that cut through the anxiety and brought him out of his panic more quickly than usual. “Dillon,” he said quietly and calmly. “Hey, it’s okay, buddy. You’re at my apartment. You slept here last night. Open your eyes and look at me.” Dillon cracked one eye open cautiously and peered up to see that it really was him and not a figment of his imagination. The scared little boy inside of Dillon was comforted enough that he could begin untangling his limbs from each other and sit up.

“Sorry,” Dillon rasped, his voice cracking. “That happens sometimes when I’m not familiar with my surroundings as I wake up. Remnants from my childhood.” His veins felt like they had been flushed with ice water as he thought about it, so he shook the thoughts out of his head, hoping Cody wasn’t going to make a big deal about it.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” he countered. “Do you want breakfast?”

The thought of food made Dillon want to vomit. He definitely did not want breakfast. “No, thanks.”

“You good here while I go grab something then?” He stood and handed Dillon the remote.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” he lied.

Cody left the apartment and Dillon was finally alone. It was a comforting silence that only lasted a few minutes before his phone rang and pierced the silence. Dillon pulled it out of his pocket and saw that it was Adam calling. He declined the call and continued to stare into silence. He wasn’t ready to talk to Adam yet; the hurt was still too fresh.

His phone rang about every ten minutes or so, and it seemed like several people were trying to get hold of him. Adam, Amy, Grams, Matt, and a couple numbers Dillon didn’t recognize had all called. He refused to take the calls and they never left a voicemail or sent a text message, except Adam who did text him asking where he was, so Dillon figured it couldn’t have been too important.

Cody came home a couple hours later and they sat mostly in silence, watching some made-for-television comedy.

“You’re going to have to talk to him sooner or later,” Cody reminded Dillon as he hit decline on his cell phone for like the thirtieth time in three hours. Adam wouldn’t give up on calling him, and Dillon still wasn’t ready to talk to him yet.

“I know that, Cody, but not yet,” he complained. “I just can’t face him right now, okay?”

“Okay.” He picked up his water and took a long drink. “Are you ever going to tell me what happened between the two of you? Last week you were so crazy in love with him that you didn’t know what to do, and now you don’t want to talk to him. That’s a pretty big turn of events.”

“I found out some stuff from his past. Turns out, he was a major player after he caught Blaze cheating on him, which messed him up. Grams says he didn’t trust anyone before he met me, so why would he let me move in with him after only a couple days? I’m guessing he must have done that out of pity because he felt sorry for the poor, neglected boy,” Dillon informed him. He only felt a little bad telling Cody about Adam’s past, seeing as how it was relevant to the situation at hand. “He made me feel so special, and then I find out it’s all a hoax. I saw him going into a room alone with Blaze at his party last night before he knew I was there. I love him, Cody, and he gave me hope for something that I’ve never had before, now that’s all gone.”

Dillon’s heart was broken, not just metaphorically but physically. He could feel it constricting, crushing at the thought of all he’d lost in those last twenty-four hours. Dillon had let his guard down and given himself over to Adam, trusting him against his better judgment, and Adam had let Dillon down by not caring for his heart as he’d believed he would. Now it was a bleeding mess. Dillon’s chest was having a hard time expanding enough to take in the air it needed, which felt like he was suffocating.

Cody was angry, Dillon could tell, but he’d also learned that Cody was a good friend so of course he’d be on Dillon’s side. “So what did Adam have to say about all of this?” he demanded, outraged.

Dillon shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him.”

Cody glared at Dillon. “What do you mean you haven’t talked to him?”

Dillon glared right back at him and angrily enlightened him. “When I saw him enter that room, I felt completely defeated. I can’t compete with someone like that. I made Matt drive me home and then walked here.”

Cody sighed with resignation. “Look, I want to be mad at him for you and you know I’m your friend first, but damn it, Dillon, you took off without giving him a chance to explain. I’ve seen the way he looks at you and that man loves you, regardless of what was said or done. You have got to talk to him.”

Cody was partially right, and Dillon knew he’d have to confront Adam sooner or later, but at that moment, he just wanted to fall back into oblivion and forget reality for a while. Dillon grabbed his iPod, queued up his Coldplay playlist, and let them take him to his happy place.

Dillon was still asleep on the loveseat when someone started banging on Cody’s door. It was the type of sound where you knew the culprit was pounding as hard as they could with fists clenched tight. No one could claim they didn’t hear it. Dillon groaned inwardly but even the music from his ear buds wasn’t enough to drown out the noise. Dillon was about to get up and answer it when Adam appeared in the living room. Dillon gasped when he saw him standing there looking sexy as hell and mad as could fucking be.

“What in the hell, Dil?” Adam practically shouted.

Dillon shrank as far back into the couch as he could while he stopped the music and removed the headphones. He couldn’t even think straight. “How did you know where I was?”

“Target wouldn’t tell me where Cody lived, because of course I knew you were going to run to Cody’s if you left, so I went there today and talked to some of the employees until someone told me where he lived. I figured out the apartment number from the mailbox downstairs,” Adam explained exasperatedly. “I tried to call you like fifty times and all your stuff is gone.”

“Yeah, I moved out,” Dillon told him.

Adam stalked over to where Dillon was sitting and bent down in front of the couch so they were at eye level. “I know you aren’t familiar with all this relationship stuff, but you don’t just fucking move out on your boyfriend without so much as a good-bye. What were you thinking?”

Dillon was getting angry again. “Don’t fucking act like you care about me, Adam; I know all about your playboy tendencies.” At least he had the decency to look guilty, Dillon thought.  “Were you going to see if it was still good with Blaze before you decided which one of us you wanted?”

Adam looked genuinely confused. “What are you talking about?” he asked, confusion clear on his face. His eyes searched Dillon’s furiously for answers. “Nothing happened between Blaze and I.”

“Why did you go into that bedroom with him, Adam?” Dillon asked him, not trying to hide the pain in his voice. “I know I’m plain and uninteresting, and that I could have easily bypassed your radar, but instead you lured me into thinking you actually cared, did all of these things that made me feel like I was special, and then I see you go into an empty room with your ex-boyfriend! What am I supposed to think? I can’t compete with that.”

“I do care about you, Dillon!” Adam insisted. “I fucking…”

“Don’t…” Dillon begged him. “Please don’t say that to me right now. I don’t want to hear it when I can’t be sure it’s true.”

“What can I do, Dil? Tell me how to prove it to you so that we can move on together,” Adam pleaded desperately. “I want you home with me where you belong, not here in a strange place where you wake up freaked out because you don’t know where you are.”

Hearing that struck Dillon hard. Adam was the person who knew him the best in the world, and now Dillon didn’t know how to trust him anymore. He didn’t know what Adam could do to make it better. “I don’t know.”

Adam let out a long, frustrated sigh. “What brought all this on, Dillon? I know I made a mistake letting Blaze talk to me, but that was it, Dillon. He tried to tell me he missed me, and I told him I didn’t give a damn about him. I told him I only wanted you. I’ve done everything I can think of to prove to you that I care. I’ve tried to be a good friend to you, a good boyfriend even; I thought I was doing a good job. We were happy. What happened?”

“You gave me everything I could ever hope to have. You gave me a family, but the thought of losing that killed me. When I saw you go into that room, it made me sick to think of losing, not only you, but Grams, Gramps, and Amy. I got scared and figured it would hurt less if I just left before you kicked me out for him.”

Adam was off the floor and on the couch, gathering Dillon into his arms within seconds. Dillon always felt so safe in his arms, and he needed that in that moment. “Dillon, baby, listen to me, okay? Nothing happened with Blaze. I was a little drunk and he asked if we could talk. That’s all. It was stupid, but I would never try to hurt you. You are the most important person in my life, and I can’t let you get away.” He kissed the side of Dillon’s head and held him a little tighter. “I was a little upset that you wouldn’t even try to go to the party for me, so I drank a bit more than I meant to. I know that’s no excuse for hurting you, but do you know how bad I felt when I came home and your stuff was gone? You mean everything to me, baby, everything. He means nothing to me anymore.”

Dillon curled up even closer to him, wrapping his arms around Adam’s torso. He tucked his head into the hollow under Adam’s neck and just breathed him in. His smell was one of the things Dillon had come to rely on to help him relax. Adam was his safety net.

Dillon felt like shit. First of all, he’d not trusted the one person in his life who’d given him every reason to trust him, and then he’d walked out on him, giving Adam every reason not to trust Dillon any longer. Yet, here he was, trying to convince Dillon to give them another shot.

“I’m so sorry,” Dillon whispered through the lump in his throat, hanging his head in shame. “Seriously.”

Adam pulled Dillon into an embrace so tight and warm that Dillon felt safe from everything, including his own bouts of self-destruction. “Don’t be sorry, sweetheart. Will you please just come home? We’ll work everything out there. I just can’t stand the idea of you being here and not there.”

Home.

Dillon hadn’t really thought about Adam’s place as home. It was where he was living, but he was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, but through all of the drama, Adam still wanted him there. But what was the meaning of home to Dillon? He thought about it and decided home was supposed to be somewhere a person felt safe and loved, like nothing or no one could hurt them. It should be where they felt like they could do anything or be anything they wanted to be because of the people around them. As cliché as it may sound, home is where the heart is happiest and in that moment, Dillon realized that home wasn’t a place for him, but a person. Adam was his home.

Dillon had finally found a home.

His heart skipped a beat at the realization. The smile that revelation created was so big it threatened to break his face. “Yeah, okay, let’s go home.”

Dillon was quiet all the way home. No matter what Adam had said, he still couldn’t get the image of Blaze winking at him as he pulled Adam into that bedroom out of his head. He trusted Adam, had no doubts that Adam was telling the truth about nothing happening, but damn if it didn’t break his heart a little every single time his brain replayed that image. 

Adam put his hand on Dillon’s good knee and squeezed lightly. He didn’t say anything, wanting to give Dillon his space, but he needed to reassure him in some way. Adam was so pissed off at Blaze that he honestly hoped they never crossed paths again, because Adam might cause bodily harm if they ever did.

They pulled into the driveway, and Dillon started to get out. Adam saw him wince in pain, which he hadn’t done for several days, so he hurried around to help Dillon get out of the car and into the house. “Does it hurt worse today?” he asked after getting Dillon settled into bed, where he would be able to rest. Concern was written all over Adam’s face.

Dillon didn’t want to answer that. He wasn’t proud of his stubbornness from the night before, but yeah, his knee was killing him. “Yeah, it’s not feeling so good today,” Dillon admitted, his head hung in shame. “But it’s probably because I walked to Cody’s last night.”

“What?” Adam asked incredulously. “Why in the hell would you do that when you are injured?”

Dillon sighed. “If I’d have called Cody for a ride, he would have tried to talk me out of doing what I was doing. I didn’t want to be talked out of leaving.”

Those words felt like they tore a new hole in Adam’s heart, but Dillon kept explaining. “I was angry, sad, and incredibly hurt, Adam, but I love you. If Cody had tried to talk me out of leaving, I would have stayed, but at the time, I just knew I was going to get my heart broken more. I didn’t want to wait around for you to tell me you chose Blaze over me, and yes, I know you didn’t do anything with him now, but I didn’t know that last night. I’ve always been second best, so that’s immediately where my mind went.”

“Dillon, you will never be second best with me. You are so important to me. You’ve buried yourself in my heart, and I’m never letting you go. I was frantic when they told me you’d been at the party and left with Matt, who had been drinking. Dillon, I need you to promise me something.”

“Anything,” Dillon vowed. He’d do anything he could to get that look off of Adam’s face.

“Promise me you’ll never get in a car again with someone who’s been drinking. You know the story of what happened to my parents, I don’t ever want to have to feel like that again. It would kill me, Dillon. I can’t go through that type of pain ever again. I don’t think I’d survive it this time.” Adam’s voice was a hoarse whisper by the end of his request.

Dillon reached out for him and Adam let himself be pulled down. He rested his head on Dillon’s chest. “I swear I will never do that again. I was being stupid and needed to get out of there. Matt was the only person I knew.  I’m so sorry that I put you through that on top of everything else.” Dillon stroked Adam’s hair, trying to comfort him.

“I love you, Dil. I’m always going to be here, but I need you to talk to me if you feel like there’s a problem. I don’t want you to run away from me, okay? Run
to
me instead, and I’ll do anything I can to make it better.” Adam wrapped his arms around Dillon’s torso and buried his face into Dillon’s neck.

“I know trust isn’t my strong point, Adam, but you’ve never given me any reason to not trust you. I will do my best not to doubt you anymore. That’s all I can promise.” They held onto each other in silence for a long time, trying to use their love for each other to heal emotional wounds that shouldn’t have been made.

Adam woke up an hour later, still clutching onto Dillon, who was also still holding onto him for dear life. He felt like they had worked out most of their issues, but he wanted to do something to prove to Dillon that he wasn’t going anywhere. He wracked his brain for ideas as he lay there, trying to think of something. He was drawing a blank until…
Oh my God!

He had the perfect idea. He peeled himself out of Dillon’s grip as easily as he could. He knew Dillon needed the rest after the emotional couple days that they’d had. He hurried down the hallway, grabbed his art supplies, and started drawing.

“Hey, Landon, I need your help with something,” Adam told his friend on the phone a couple hours later.

“Anything,” Landon agreed almost immediately. “What’s up?”

Adam went on to explain his plan, and Landon thought it was a great idea, so they agreed to meet up after Sunday dinner the next day to put the plan into motion.

“Thanks for doing this. It really means a lot to me,” Adam told Landon honestly. He was glad that things were getting back to normal with his friend.

“Well, I’d do it for you because you’re a friend anyway, but I owe you big time, so there’s no doubt that I’d help you out,” Landon replied. He was just thankful that Adam was still talking to him after the mess he’d made of things.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Definitely.”

*****

“So, how was the concert?” Greg asked Adam and Dillon as they sat around the table at Sunday dinner. “I hope you enjoyed it.” Amy smiled at him with this sort of goofy look on her face. Adam was pleased to see her settling down with someone, especially someone Adam liked.

“Oh my God!” Dillon exclaimed. “It was amazing!” He went on to tell him all about the concert. Adam couldn’t help but grin at how excited Dillon still was. He loved that Dillon was no longer hesitant to be heard. He had grown so comfortable around the Banks’ family that he was indeed just another member. “Remind me after lunch and I’ll show you the pictures I got on my phone,” Dillon told Greg.

“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. When Amy asked me if there was any way I could get them, I wasn’t sure that it was possible, but I’m glad it all worked out,” Greg told them. “Sounds like you guys had fun.”

Adam chimed in. “Thank you for doing what you did to get them, Greg. I can’t tell you how much it meant for me to be able to take him. I haven’t seen him this animated about anything, so you definitely came through. It was a great gift.” Dillon blushed at being called out for his excitement, but knew that Adam hadn’t meant anything bad by it.

Amy looked at Adam and raised her brow in question. Adam nodded, giving her the signal to start. They had a plan to keep Dillon busy that night without making him suspicious. “Hey, Dillon, what are you doing tonight?” Amy asked.

Dillon looked over at Adam. “I’ve got some stuff to catch up on at the shop. I’m a bit behind on some things, so I thought I’d go in and get it done.”

Dillon shrugged. “Looks like I’m free. Why? What’s up?”

“I thought maybe we could catch a movie or something. Greg also has to work, so you’d be doing me a favor by keeping me company.” She gave him her best pleading look, and he quickly caved.

“Yeah, sure. That sounds like fun,” he agreed.

“Great!” Amy giggled. “We’re going to have so much fun!”

Dillon couldn’t help but be in a great mood. Being around Adam’s family (his family) made him happy. It was especially nice to be there and welcomed with such open arms after he’d essentially tried to leave Adam the day before. He’d been worried about the type of reception he’d receive, but he realized he shouldn’t have been worried at all, because family accepts you for who you are, flaws and all.

After dinner was over and they were all getting ready to leave, Amy asked Dillon if he just wanted to ride with them, so Adam could head on into the shop early and he agreed.

Adam hugged him long and hard. “I love you,” he whispered in his ear. “Have fun.”

“I love you, too,” Dillon whispered back. “I will. Don’t work too hard.”

“I’ll see you at home later,” Adam told him.

Dillon almost teared up hearing that. It caused so much emotion to rise as he thought about genuinely having a home for once. “Yeah,” he agreed. “See you at home.”

*****

Adam met Landon at the shop at five o’clock like they’d agreed.

“Hey, man!” Landon greeted him as they met up by the back door. “Are you ready to do this?”

“You have no idea.” Adam released a breath to calm his nerves. “I’m so ready.”

They headed inside to the main area, where Adam pulled out his sketch to show to Landon. “I’m thinking gold, with red and black accents.” He pointed to another area. “This needs to be shaded, and I want this part to look sorta faded and nicked.”

“Damn, Adam. How long did it take you to draw this? It’s fucking awesome.” Landon gaped in awe at the drawing Adam did. “Dillon is going to love this.”

“It took just a little over an hour,” Adam answered. “And I sure hope it serves its purpose.”

“It will. There’s no way he won’t love it.”

Landon began getting his equipment set up. He’d done several of Adam’s tattoos already, so he knew what to expect from Adam’s skin, which was always good as an artist. “Where are you doing this at?” he asked, needing an idea of placement.

“On my chest, right over my heart.”

Landon smirked at Adam, and chuckled to himself. “I never in my life thought that Adam Banks would be getting a sentimental tattoo over his heart. Best mark that one down on the calendar!”

“Shut up, shithead! I love him, okay? And I’m positive he’s the one I want to spend my life with,” Adam responded with a playful shove to the shoulder, which didn’t budge Landon one bit.

Bastard.

“Seriously though, I’m glad to see you happy, Adam.” Landon patted the chair. “Have a seat. I’m ready to inflict some pain.”

“Asshole!” he laughed, but did as he was told. Landon did a quick shave over the area and positioned the stencil on Adam’s chest until it looked right, then pressed down to transfer the ink. He lifted it up and showed it to Adam in the hand mirror. “Look good?”

“Yeah, that’s perfect!” Adam told him. Then he leaned back, relaxed, and let Landon inflict all the pain he wanted. It was well worth the wait.

*****

Dillon and Amy were sitting across from each other at a table in Starbucks after the movie. Amy was sipping on her iced coffee while Dillon enjoyed some hot chocolate. “So…” Amy began and Dillon had known it was coming. He and Adam had talked about how Amy drove him home from the party to find him, so he had been anticipating this conversation all day. “How are you and Adam actually doing right now?”

Dillon sighed. “I think we’re doing well. I mean, we had a rough patch this weekend for sure, but we talked about it. We both made some mistakes, but we’ve apologized to each other, and I think we are working on moving forward.”

Amy smiled tenderly. “He legitimately loves you, Dillon. I don’t know your back story, and it’s none of my business, but I have seen you do a complete one-eighty since you arrived in Omaha. I think you two are so good for each other.”

“We are,” Dillon agreed. “And I love him, too. It’s hard to believe that he wants me, because look at him, but he does. I’m so lucky.”

“He’s lucky, too, Dillon. It’s not hard to see why he wants you. You are totally gorgeous, first of all, which I can attest to since I hit on you first, before my brother got to you. I’m still heartbroken over that, by the way,” she teased him, causing him to blush. “But most importantly, you two just work together. You are definitely more mature than your eighteen years suggests, but you help keep him from getting too serious, too, you know? You guys have fun together. You make sense, and that’s all that matters.”

Dillon nodded. He was beginning to see that. At least, he figured he needed to start believing it with everyone telling him that. He decided it was time to change the subject. “So, you and Greg look happy. What’s going on with that?”

Amy giggled. Dillon loved her laugh. It was just so musical and heartwarming. He could see why Greg would fall in love with her. “It’s going great! I’m so happy!” The look on her face was full of emotion. She leaned in closed and practically whispered, “Can I tell you something that we haven’t told anyone yet? I’m about to burst with excitement!”