Finding Home (7 page)

Dinner with the Fosters is always a trip. They’re some of the nicest and most generous people I know. They’ve always been so welcoming. They feel like family more than my own. Holding my hand, Jenny pulls me from my thoughts about brunch today. It’s hard not letting my mother’s harsh words get to me. Not too long ago, we used to have a great relationship, and now … well, now we co-exist.

“Earth to Sam … again. I told you not to worry about your mom right now. I have a plan.”

Looking back at Jenny, I try to hide the surprise on my face. “You have a plan? Will this plan actually work? I mean, no offense, but your plans can be a bit over the top.”

Jenny looks at me in all seriousness. “Seriously! When are you going to let that go? I really thought stealing Nathan’s clothes and hanging them from the trees in the quad was a great idea.” She pulls me into a hug as we both laugh at the memory of his clothes hanging from the trees.

“Yeah, it was super until campus police arrived!”

Jenny shrieks, “Well, at least we didn’t get arrested.”

Our laughter continues as we enter the restaurant. Jenny’s parents are sitting at the table, watching us with a look of delight.

Mr. Foster stands as we approach the table. “What’s so funny, girls? Jenny, are you plotting with Sam again? What sort of mischief do you have planned?” Jenny’s face mocks surprise, but she knows her dad is teasing.

“Hey, come on! I’m not always up to wacky things. In fact, I’m in the middle of the perfect plan. It just happens to involve everyone at the table.”

Okay, now I’m intrigued? What could it possibly be?

“Mom, Dad, Sam’s parents suck, and she needs a place to live. I think our place in Napa is perfect, don’t you? So what do you say? Sam, come to California with me.”

I practically fall off my chair. She can’t be serious. It’s a crazy idea. What would I do in Napa? I peek around the table and find Mr. and Mrs. Foster smiling at me. They don’t seem shocked at all.

“Sam, Jenny told us about what’s happening, and we want to help. Of course you will work for us, but you can live at Moon Dance until you decide what to do next.”

My eyes sting from tears. The love at this table is more than I’ve felt in a long time. The offer overwhelms me.

Jenny shifts her body to me. “What do you say, Sam, move back home with me?”

I stare at Jenny while formulating a checklist of all the reasons why I shouldn’t, but nothing comes to mind. I’ve got no job and nowhere to live. Taking a moment to compose myself, there’s only one answer. “Wow! Thank you so much. I don’t know what to say.”

Jenny whacks my arm “Say yes, you goof!” Taking a deep breath, I decide this is what I need to do.

“Okay, I’m in!”

Three days. It’s only been three days since I heard Sam’s voice over the phone. It’s like some sort of gravitational pull that my body can’t fight. It’s nerve-wracking and exhilarating all at the same time. I’m a mixed up mess while she pulls me in. Each time I think of her voice and the soft sighs she made, my stomach instantly flips and my cock twitches. Twice this week I jacked off to her in the shower. I’ve only seen her picture once. Jenny was visiting and showed me pictures of some hiking trip they did together. From my hazy memory, I call to mind her long, light brown hair with streaks of blonde through it. I can’t remember her eye color, but her smile is incredible, reaching all the way up to her eyes. When I think of Sam, I think of her smile and her soft, sweet voice.

Sitting on my couch, I take a minute to look around my apartment. I’ve been packing up some of my things to take with me to Moon Dance. The renovations in the barn loft are complete, and I’m going to be staying there for a while. With Jenny returning home, I need to be there to train her and start the groundwork for the expansion. We have several private events coming up that I need to make sure go smoothly.

Standing up, I grab some boxes and bring them out to my car. Once I’m packed up I decide to give Jack a call and see if he wants to grab a bite to eat. “Hey man, you up for grabbing some burgers and a beer?” I can hear him playing some Xbox game.

“Yeah man, I’ll meet you in twenty at the usual. Later.”

A few minutes later, I grab my keys and head to the door. My cell rings, and I grab it from my back pocket. Jenny’s face lights up the screen, and I slide my finger across. “Hey Jenny Bean, what’s up? You ready to come home?” The long pause on the other end lets me know that she is irritated.

“I told you not to call me that. You and Jack know it drives me crazy!” Laughing at her, I can visualize her face—pissed off.

“Well, that’s why we keep calling you that. My goal, as your big brother, is to irritate the shit out of you on a regular basis.”

Hearing her exaggerated sigh, she quickly spouts back at me. “Ass! But you’re lucky I love you. Anyway, the reason why I’m calling is about my trip home. Have you had a chance to talk to Mom and Dad yet?”

“No, why? Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. I just wanted to let you know that Sam is coming home with me, too. She’s going to stay with us and work for at least the summer, maybe longer.”
Did I just hear that right?

“Did you say Sam is moving out here?”

“She sure is. She had some crazy stuff happen to her this past year and over the last few weeks—things kind of fell apart for her. So I talked with Mom and Dad and they’re cool with her living with us.” Rubbing my hands through my hair, I close my eyes and think about what she just said. Sam is moving here … to California … to Moon Dance. Holy shit. My heart rate increases and my palms get sweaty as my nerves kick in. Oh and I’ve been jerking off to her. Fucking terrific!

“Ben, are you still there? You didn’t answer my question.”

Oh crap, focus. “I’m sorry, must be the connection. What’s the question?”

“I asked if Sam could stay in your room since you’ll be in the loft.”

I nod my head, but quickly realize she can’t see me. “Ah … yeah, that’s cool. She can stay in my room. Is she flying home with you on Tuesday?”
Please say yes. Please say yes.
Wait, what am I saying?

“No, she has a few loose ends to tie up, but she’ll be flying out on Friday. I figure she can help with some of the wine tastings and private parties. She really needs this, Ben. She’s been through a lot and I want to help her.”

I can hear the sadness in my sister’s voice, and it breaks me. Whatever happened to Sam must be awful if Jenny’s upset about it. “No problem, we can find things for her to do, and I’ll make sure to be on my best behavior.”

Jenny snorts. “Why wouldn’t you be?”

Oh God! Why did I say that? This girl is getting to me, and I haven’t met her yet. “I mean, I will be my charming self and take extra good care of her.” Now I’m pulling my hair out of my head. I clearly can’t get my thoughts together.

She snorts again and chuckles. “Okay, I’m not sure what the hell you’re talking about, but just be nice. Don’t be an ass, and would it kill you to smile every once in awhile. You remember what smiling is, right? I haven’t seen you do that in a long time.”

My eyes drift up to the ceiling while I consider what she said. “Hey, just so you know, I had a nice talk with Gramps, and I’m working on taking some steps forward. Believe me, Jenny Bean, I want to smile again.” I can hear her gasp.

“Ben, I’m …” I cut her off before she can say anything more.

“I gotta go; I’m meeting Jack for dinner. I’ll see you Tuesday.” I quickly hang up and curse myself. “Real smooth, Ben. One mention of Sam and you turn into a babbling idiot … again!” Just the idea of Sam moving here and sleeping in my room brings a smile to my face and instantly my shorts tighten.
Calm down!
She makes me feel things that I thought were dead and gone—like Beth. My mouth curves into a smile. I guess I can smile again.

I step onto the street and head toward my favorite diner. I’m glad for the walk to help me gather my erratic thoughts. I need to put things into perspective, so it’s good that I’m meeting Jack. We give each other shit most of the time, but when you get right down to it, he’s like a brother to me. He’s a total player and a jackass at times, but I know that I can talk to him about anything, including Sam. He’ll have an interesting take on it, I’m sure. I approach the diner and check my watch to see that I’m fifteen minutes late.

I see Jack through the window waiting for me. Giving him a slight wave he returns my greeting with his middle finger. I chuckle and mouth, “Asshole.” He lifts his hands to his chest pretending to be crushed.

As I approach the booth, he yells so everyone in the diner can hear, “Where’ve you been? I’m seriously thinking you’ve got a masturbation addiction!” He adds an obscene hand gesture to reiterate his point. This obviously gets us a lot of looks.

“Fuck off! I was on the phone with Jenny.” He must be able to tell by my tone and the tension on my face that I’m not in the mood for his shit today.

He looks at me dead on. “Okay, ass hat! Spill it now. What the fuck is going on? Is it Jenny? Is she okay?”

I take a deep breath and try to calm my nerves. “No, it’s not Jenny. She’s fine. I’m just going through some weird shit right now. I don’t know what to do about it.”

Jack’s face tightens, and his voice lowers. “Is this about Beth again? Come on, man, it’s been two years. You know I thought she was awesome, but it’s time to get a move on. She wouldn’t want you to be like this—so unhappy. She would want you to live and find love again. That’s the kind of girl she was.” Jack cracks a smile. “And if you think I’m gonna hold your hand right now you can suck it!”

My hand reaches out to touch his. “Hey Jack … you complete me.”

“Ass!”

“Dick!”

Jack hands me the menu. “Let’s order. I’m starving!”

Looking over the menu, I pause and think about what he said and I know he’s right. As much as I love Beth, my life has been on a holding pattern. I need to embrace what I’m feeling for Sam, but it’s been such a long time. Christ, it’s been over five years since I asked a girl out or even flirted, for that matter.

“Jack, I hear what you’re saying, and you’re right. I’ve been contemplating the same thing. I need your help with this. In fact, I have someone in mind. I’m just scared shitless and I’ve got no idea what to do. This girl is getting my insides all riled up and turning me into a complete moron. And you know what the best part is?” I take a moment to ponder Jack’s reaction. He’s going to laugh his ass off when I tell him.

“What’s the best part, man?”

“I’ve never even met her!”

Jack’s eyes practically bug out of his head as he whips his head back then forward. “You’ve never even met her? Oh, this is fresh. Wait—don’t tell me she’s a fucking figment of your imagination? She’s real … right?” The look of sheer panic on his face is classic. “Is this like an online dating thing, or did you go on that porn site again?”

“Shut up, ass hat! She’s real, and she’s amazing.” I smack him on the side of his head. “Her name’s Sam, and she’s Jenny’s friend. She’s moving here next week.” I can feel my body heat up and pulse quicken. “I’m sweating and shaking like I’m back in fucking junior high. I’ve only heard her voice, and it’s incredible. Hearing her is like being home, and I haven’t been home in a long time.”

“Wow, dude, that’s fucking beautiful. Are you a poet now?” I reach out and smack him again.

“Dude, I’m joking! Seriously, I’m happy for you. It’s time.”

“I know it’s time, but what do I do? I have no fucking clue. I feel defeated, and I haven’t started the match yet.” I lower my body down further into the booth.

“That’s it, man. Think of it as a rugby match. Get your head in the scrum and drive it until the ball comes out. Just keep pushing until the words you want to say come out. Cross over that goal line; talk and the rest will play out.”

I smile at his stupid analogy, but it kind of makes sense. I play hard to win, and if I keep my head down and push the scrum forward, I can drive forward. I just need to talk to her. It all starts with talking, as long as I don’t turn into some blathering fool. Beth’s face makes a quick appearance in my thoughts, but I quickly shake my head to get her out. It’s time to make this work. God, I hope it works.