Finding Carson Lee (Oh Captan, My Captain #3) (29 page)

“
You don’t have to thank me. It should be the other way around. Gracie changed me, for the good.”

She lays her head on his shoulder, and he holds my hand. I squeeze his hand and try to show him that I’m there for him. The three of us don’t move, don’t talk, but stare forward. I don’t want to leave Darcie, especially knowing she doesn’t have anyone, but soon, the director of the funeral home comes in and says our time is up.

“
Darcie.” Carson looks at her. “Our time is up, but if you want to stay longer, I can make it happen.”

She shakes her head. “As much as I don’t want to leave this spot, I know my baby isn’t here anymore.” The tears roll faster down her cheek.

We go to the casket one more time, silently saying our last goodbye. I walk behind Carson and Darcie as we walk out into the dusk light. The limo Carson rented for Darcie is still waiting as we walk to it.

“
Darcie, you have my number. You call me day or night for anything.” He kisses her forehead, and I watch the tears leave Carson’s eyes.

She nods. She let’s go of him and hugs me, thanking me for all I’ve done. I feel like shit because I haven’t done anything.

Carson makes sure she’s in the car and on her way before taking my hand and walking me back to his car. I don’t say anything on the drive back to his house. The music softly plays in the car. I watch the passing buildings and houses, thinking about how much my life has changed.

I would have never left the biggest opportunity of my career for anyone but my parents, and here I am. I look over at Carson, and I can see the pain all over his face. I want to wrap him up in my arms and take it all away. That’s what you do for the ones you love. You want to save them, be there for them, and make everyday of their lives the best that you can make it.

When we pull into the driveway, Carson opens my door, and we go into the house. He still isn’t talking as he stalks past me and into his office. I go up to the bedroom, slip off my shoes and dress, wash off my makeup, and put on my pajamas. I know neither of us has eaten, so I go to the kitchen and make a couple of sandwiches.

When I walk into his office, he’s behind his desk. His head in his hands and a bottle of whiskey is in front of him. I set the plate right next to the alcohol with a bottle of water.

“
I thought you might be hungry.” I turn to leave, but he stops me.

“
How can a four year old little angel change my whole world?”

“
Because she’s meant to.”

He looks up, and his eyes are puffy and red. “I’ve lost people in my life, and I didn’t even cry for some of them, but I feel like I can’t breathe right now.” The tears streaming down his cheeks cause mine to follow.

I walk over to him and hug his neck. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but it’ll get better. You’re strong, and you’re stronger right now because of Gracie.”

He digs his nails into my skin, and I don’t care one bit. “I live in this big house and have stupid shit fucking all around me, but at end of the day, what does it mean? It means I still couldn’t save her.”

I pull back. “Carson Lee, you gave that little girl something money could never buy. You gave your time, love, and affection. That meant more to her than any shirt or possession.”

He lays his forehead on mine. “Please stay with me.”

“
I’m not going anywhere.”

“
Did you lose your job?”

Carson hadn’t asked me that, and the truth is, I don’t know. My boss was beyond pissed at me for leaving everyone at Fashion Week, and I don’t care. He told me to call him in a few days, and I’ll know then.

“
There will always be another job, Carson. Right now, all I care about is you eating that sandwich, taking a hot bath, and going to bed. You need rest. You haven't slept well, and the season is about to begin.”

He nods, kisses me fully on the lips, and takes a bite of his food.

Carson

Standing on the ice while the national anthem is being sung, my heart is still heavy but determined too. I glance around the arena, knowing that Gracie would have loved the energy and everything about this place. Swallowing hard, I focus on what I do best, one of the things Gracie loved to watch me do.

Kinley has been my saving grace through it all. I don’t think I would have made it without her. Thankfully, after a full explanation to her boss, he let her keep her job. She dropped everything for me, and I’m going to spend a very long time showing her how grateful I am. Kinley knows I love her, but one day, when we’re both ready, I’m going to give her everything she wants and more. And then, she’ll have to bake me that homemade apple pie she’s always talking about.

Yesterday, she went with me to the tattoo parlor to get Gracie’s last day tattooed beneath her name. She covered it up with gauze today before the game since it still needs time to heal. I think we both will need a lot of time to heal as well, but it won’t be nearly as hard with Kinley here with me.

If it wasn’t for everything that’s happened since I met Kinley, then I would still be alone, an ass, and so much worse off. Well, the being an ass part hasn’t really changed, but that’s only because Kinley can handle it and it does make her laugh sometimes.

There’s an opening and the puck is passed to me. Before I shoot and score, I whisper, “This one’s for you, Gracie.”

I score one more time throughout the game and we end up winning 2-0. After I change, I walk out to my car where Kinley is leaning against it.

“
You do know that your ass is sitting on a very expensive car, right? It was just washed too.”

“
Really? Well, they did a shitty job.”

“
Maybe next time, you should do it then.”

“
No way in hell am I ever washing your car. However, I would like a refund on my ticket for tonight. See I came to see the great Carson Lee, and he only scored two goals. I thought I’d at least see a hat trick for an opening season game.”

“
Ooh, look who knows what a hat trick is. But you shouldn’t be disappointed.”

“
Why is that?”

“
You’ll get a hat trick because I plan on scoring again when I get home. I didn’t want to show off during the first game, so I saved that for you later.” I pull her to me, kiss her as a hint of what’s to come, and then open the car door for her.

Kinley

“
You know, you have a lot of clothes for a guy.” I start pushing his clothes further down the closet to make room for my items.

“
I’m fashionable. Sue me.” He sets another box of my shoes down. “I think you could go ahead and open a shoe store.”

“
Carson Lee, don’t mess with a girl’s shoes. That’s grounds for me to leave.” I put my hands on my hips, narrowing my eyes.

“
Leave?” he smiles as he walks closer to me. “If you haven’t noticed, we spent the last four hours moving you in. Do you think I’m ready for you to leave?”

“
Well, it depends if I can fit all my stuff in that closet,” I tease him.

Carson rolls his eyes. “I’ll have a bigger closet built if it’ll make you happy.”

I giggle because if I fussed more about it, then he would have it done. It isn’t that big of deal. It’s the fact that I took him up on his offer of moving in at all that’s still shocking to me. He had been on a week-long road trip when he made the suggestion. I assumed he was drinking with the team and was making a joke. It wasn’t until he came back when he said it again.

And again.

And again.

I think he asked me five times before I finally agreed. Even then I had some hesitations. What happens if we’re together all the time and he realizes I’m a little nutty? I don’t think I can take another fail in my life right now.

I’m exactly where I want to me at LSMP and Carson and I are doing great. If I move in, a lot will change. No matter how much time he spends on the road.

“
I'm glad you're here, sweetheart.” He wraps his strong arms around my waist. “Are you? It did take you forever to say you would move in."

“
Carson, what if I do something to screw this up? I’m not the world’s greatest housekeeper or anything like that. This might not be as great as you think. I mean, we could end up breaking up.” I tell him the fears that have been lurking in the back of my head.

“
I’m as likely to screw up as you are, if not more. I have a housekeeper, so I don’t care if you’re messy. I think it will be as great as I think it will be.”

“
You know how I am.” I push my hand through my messy hair. “I overthink everything, and I want to make sure this isn’t going to be a failure for either of us. I love you, Carson. I don’t want to mess that up.” I can hear the sadness in my voice.

“
I love you too and that means I’m supposed to love your bad habits, always find you beautiful, and work through whatever issues come up, right? You’re the only person I’d do all that stuff for, so if you mess up, it’ll be okay. I’ll mess up too.”

“
How about everytime you mess up, you have to buy me a new pair of shoes? That way you have a reminder. If I mess up, I’ll get you something that you like.” I love how he brings a smile to my face.

“
I like you, that count? You mess up and I get you?”

“
I’m non-refundable and you can’t return me.” I wink at him.

“
I wouldn’t want to return you because then I might lose myself again.”

“
I would never let that happen. We were meant to find each other.” I kiss his lips. It’s meant to be a soft, innocent kiss, but it never seems to be that way with Carson. I pull back before we forget that there’s still more boxes to unpack. “Even if you have a small closet,” I try to distract him.

“
Better that it’s my closet that’s small and not me. Wouldn’t you agree?” he tosses me over his shoulder. I squeal with laughter as he throws me on the bed, helping me forget about anything else but him. My Carson Lee.

Acknowledgements

We would like to thank our readers for their excitement and love for our new series.

A huge thanks goes to our betas, Andrekia, Beth, and Heidi for taking time out of your schedules to read this book and provide great feedback.

We would like to thank Bailey Ardisone for taking the time to create an awesome cover for us.

We would like to thank Kathy Krick
for editing our book for us.

About the Authors

Lindsay Paige is a romance author from North Carolina who has published eight books on her own. She is a huge hockey fan of the Pittsburgh Penguins and loves to play tennis. When not writing, Lindsay is focused on completing college.

Mary Smith was born in Chicago, Illinois, but currently lives in West Virginia. She is an avid reader, co-founder of Book Nerds Across America, and author of the Ice series,
Always Forever
, and
The Hockey Tutor
. She goes nowhere without her cell phone or Kindle. Mary loves anything to do with Chicago Blackhawks, Patrick Sharp, or is hockey related!!

Despite their love for different teams and players, Lindsay and Mary write hockey romances to vicariously live through their characters and their experiences with these hot hockey players. Together, they have also written The Penalty Kill Trilogy.

For more information about Lindsay,
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