Finding Absolution (7 page)

“Hmmm, that could prove tricky.”

“You were astride me, riding my cock with the ocean breeze blowing your hair, and I remember thinking that you belonged with me, you belonged on the beach.” Despite the hard thrusts of his hips, Van’s lips sealed over Jon’s in a gentle kiss. The longer he fucked, the stronger his resolve to one day make his dream a reality. There had only been one other lover that he’d dreamt of spending his remaining years with, and he’d failed that man. He vowed to take better care of Jon.

“I’m coming,” Jon warned, rubbing his cock against the mattress.

Van rested his forehead between Jon’s shoulder blades. Before he returned to Oahu, he would have to make sure Guy would never again approach Jon for anything other than to utter an apology. He trailed more kisses on Jon’s neck as his balls drew tight. “Aloha au ia ’oe,” he whispered as he came.

* * * *

Wrapped in Van’s arms, Jon stared up at the stuffed deer head mounted over the bed. “Do you think hunters lie here at night and jack off to the sight of that thing?”

“I have no idea what straight men jack off to.” Van kissed Jon’s temple. “What do you picture when you touch yourself?”

“Now or before I met you?” Jon asked, his fingers raking the short hair on Van’s chest.

Van chuckled. “That’s the answer I would’ve given.” He landed another kiss on Jon’s temple. “Okay. What thoughts got you excited enough to come
before
you met me?”

Jon closed his eyes and recalled the hours of pleasuring himself over the years. Although he knew the conversation was supposed to be a pleasant one, the time had come for him to tell Van the truth. “My fantasies have changed. In the beginning, they were based on TV stars then men in town and recently…” He glanced at Van. “Guy was telling the truth when he said I threw myself at him. I only intended to watch him that night, but when he actually approached me, I thought I’d won the lottery or something.”

Van pulled back enough to look Jon in the eyes. He brushed his thumb over the bruise on Jon’s face. “Is that why you refused to press charges?”

“Guy was drunk, but I doubt he would’ve taken notice of me if he weren’t. I went with him to the hay barn knowing what we’d do. Yes, he was rougher than I thought he’d be, and at one point, I realised I was in way over my head with him, but he didn’t make me go to that barn.” Jon took a deep breath. He wouldn’t blame Van if he ran back to Oahu and never returned. “Have I ruined everything between us?”

Van’s eyebrows drew together. “Why would you think that?”

It was Jon’s turn to feel confused. “I just admitted that three days ago I was fantasising about another man.”

“And three days ago, Blain was the only man I thought I’d ever love,” Van replied. “For years, I’ve been wrapped in the past. I didn’t come to Wyoming looking for happiness. I came because it meant a lot to my friends. But being here with you has made me happier than I’ve been in years.”

“Who’s Blain?” Jon asked. It was Van’s first mention of a specific lover. It was also the first time Jon had felt the threads of jealousy wind their way through his veins to wrap around his heart.

“A reckless boy who came to ride the waves of the Hawaiian islands. Blain was cocky and gorgeous, but I saw a raw skill in him that I hadn’t seen before. I spent the next eight years teaching him everything I knew about surfing and fucking,” Van’s voice trailed off as he stared blindly up at the deer head.

“What happened between the two of you?” Jon dared himself to ask.

“Blain liked to drink. It turned out he also liked to fuck other men behind my back.” Van absently reached for Jon’s cock and began to fondle it as he spoke. “There was a big tournament on the island that he wanted to win, but by then his drinking had begun to affect his performance. I’d come up with a tricky, highly skilled move, but the longer we practised, the more certain I was Blain couldn’t do it, so I told him. We fought. He went out and got drunk. He showed up at the tournament still drunk. I tried to stop him from competing, but he fired me as his coach and told me he never wanted to see me again. He said he couldn’t be around someone who didn’t believe in him.”

“And?” Jon prompted when it seemed Van wouldn’t go on.

“He hit the reef and died right there in front of me and a thousand other people,” Van whispered. “A lot of people blamed me because he was my student, and they felt I’d coerced him to perform the trick.”

“Do they still blame you?” Jon asked.

“Some of them. They don’t say anything to me directly, but I can see it in their faces when Kai and I show up for a competition.”

Jon had only one question left regarding Blain. “Are you still in love with him?”

Van released Jon’s cock and moved to circle Jon’s well-fucked hole with his fingertip. “I was always in love with who I wanted Blain to be, not who he was. I can’t blame him for falling short of my expectations. I asked too much.”

“What did you ask of him that was unreasonable?” Despite having Van inside him twice already, Jon wanted more. He planted his feet on the mattress, silently encouraging Van to explore him further.

Van stilled his hand. “Commitment.”

Jon reached for a condom and the bottle of lube. He opened the wrapper and turned his attention to Van’s half-hard cock. His growing feelings for Van were too young to be spoken, but he would allow his body to tell Van what his mouth could not. He straddled Van’s muscled body and impaled himself on the growing erection. Bracing his palms on Van’s chest, he began to ride the only man he would fantasise about for the rest of his life. Whether Van was with him in the fields or home in Oahu, Jon knew the man inside him would forever be in his heart.

* * * *

While Jon dressed for the street dance in Cattle Valley, Van sat with Bill. He’d spent another day helping Jon as they tried to figure out how to be together for an entire night. “There’s a big picnic tomorrow after the parade. Do you think you could stay here alone tonight? With the dance and the early activities tomorrow, it would be easier, and probably safer, if Jon stayed in Cattle Valley tonight.”

Bill scowled and sat up straighter in his wheelchair. “Jon’s my grandson, not my nursemaid. I’ll be fine.”

Fuck.
Van leaned towards the older man. “I’m sorry. Have I offended you?”

Bill shook his head. “Jon gave up a career he loved to pay some sort of unspoken debt to me, a debt that never existed in the first place. We raised him out of love, not because we expected him to take care of us in our old age. Now I fear he’ll give up even more in his pursuit of absolution.”

By the time Bill had finished speaking, it seemed he’d also run out of energy. “Would you help me into my bedroom?”

“Are you feeling okay?” Van asked, moving to stand in front of Bill.

“I’m fine. I’ve just had a long day.”

Van moved to stand behind Bill’s wheelchair. “I’ll help you to the bedroom and bring you something light for dinner.”

Bill gave a sharp nod. “Thank you.”

* * * *

“Where’s Grandpa?” Jon asked, joining Van in the kitchen.

Van finished pouring a bowl of soup before setting it on a tray. “He’s tired, said he wanted to spend the evening watching television in bed.” He gave Jon a quick kiss before handing him the tray. “Take this into him and tell him goodnight.”

Jon glanced at the overnight bag he’d set on the table. “Maybe I should stay home?”

“Talk to him if it’ll make you feel better, but he said he’d be fine here alone for the night.”

“Okay.” Jon carried the tray into the bedroom. “Van made you some soup,” he announced.

“Just set it on the table,” Bill said. “I think I’ll take a nap before I eat.”

Jon put down the tray before sitting on the side of the bed. “Why’re you so tired this evening?”

Bill reached for Jon’s hand. “I spent the afternoon looking through Dorothy’s old photo albums. I guess it took a lot out of me.”

Jon only knew of one other time since his grandma’s death that Bill had felt the desire to revisit old memories. “Were you thinking about Dad again?”

“No,” Bill answered. “I was thinking of you.”

“But I’m right here. You don’t need to look at pictures for that.”

“I watched you and Van through the window earlier. I wanted to see if I’d ever been able to capture that much happiness in your face.” Bill slowly shook his head. “You’ve always been a sweet but often sullen boy.”

“I loved living here with you and Grandma,” Jon gently argued.

“I know,” Bill assured him. “I only want you to be happy.”

“I am.”

“I can tell.” Bill smiled. “Go to your dance and enjoy your happiness while you can.”

* * * *

Van watched Jon as he bought them both refills at the makeshift bar.

“I like him,” Kai said, trying to get Van’s attention.

“So do I.” Van hated the thought of leaving Jon.

“I can tell.” Kai braced his palm on Jon’s vacant chair and leaned towards Van. “You’re in love with him.”

Van glanced away from Jon for the first time. “How long did it take you to fall in love with Quade?”

“A few days, but that was the easy part. Don’t forget, Quade left me to return home.” Kai straightened when Quade and George returned to the table. “It was the dumbest mistake he ever made.” He elbowed Quade in the ribs. “Just ask him.”

“Ask me what?” Quade handed Kai a plastic cup of wine.

“Tell Van why you left me after we first fell in love.” Kai took a sip of his wine and waited for Quade to answer.

“I thought my feelings couldn’t be real. They happened too fast and grew too deep. I also thought people here needed me.”

“And what did you discover?” Kai leant back and kissed Quade’s jaw.

“That loving you is what I was always meant to do.” Quade returned Kai’s kiss.

“Think long and hard before walking away,” Kai warned as Jon returned to the table.

Jon handed Van a fresh beer. “Do you dance?”

“Yes.”

“No,” Quade countered Van’s opinion of himself.

“I dance,” Van argued.

“Bullshit. You step from side to side like you’re too cool to actually let go and enjoy yourself,” Quade argued.

Van stood and gulped his beer until the cup was empty. He held out his hand to Jon. “Let’s dance.”

Jon abandoned his full beer to join Van. It wasn’t until they were on the edge of the dance floor that Van realised he’d never danced to country music. “Maybe we’ll wait for a slow song.”

“No need.” Jon pulled Van to the centre of the floor as the couples continued to dance in a circle around the perimeter. Despite the tempo, Jon held out his arms and pulled Van into a slow rhythm.

Van bent and pressed his cheek against Jon’s. He placed his hands on Jon’s ass and squeezed. “I’ve been dying to know what you have on under these jeans.”

“Then I’ll show you.” Without preamble, Jon untucked his shirt and unbuttoned his jeans.

When Van realised that Jon would willingly strip down to his underwear in front of the entire town, he stayed Jon’s hands. “Leave me wondering a while longer, but do me a favour and keep your shirt untucked and your button undone.”

Jon laughed and glanced down at himself. “I look like a slob.”

Van moved closer and pushed his hand down the front of Jon’s jeans, brushing across the briefest slip of silk. “Red?”

Jon shook his head. “Each time you touch me, you can guess and once you get it right, you can have me.”

Van brushed Jon’s cock once more before removing his hand. “Have you had enough dancing?”

“What’d you have in mind?” Jon asked.

“A walk. There’re a lot of great people here, but I want more time alone with you.” Van needed to think about the conversation he’d had with Kai and Quade. Would he be a fool to leave even though he’d promised to return?

“Sounds good to me.” With his shirt untucked, Jon left the dance floor.

It wasn’t until they’d left the crowd behind that Van heard his phone ring. He pulled it out of his back pocket and glanced at the display. “Hey.”

“Heads up, Guy’s here,” Quade announced.

Van released Jon’s hand and turned to scan the area. “Where?”

“Standing at the bar, twenty yards away from our table. I just thought I’d let you know in case you plan to come back any time soon,” Quade explained.

Van thought of Jon’s earlier admission. Even if Guy was no longer the main player in Jon’s fantasies, Van still didn’t want the athlete or his dick anywhere near Jon. “Thanks for letting me know.”

“He’s drunk, so if you run into him, don’t do anything stupid.”

“I have no intention of running into him. In fact, I think Jon and I might go up to the lodge.” Van pulled Jon against him. “We’ll see you in the morning.”

“Yeah, we’re having breakfast before leaving to camp out on the parade route,” Quade reminded Van.

“Yep, we’ll be there.” Van hung up and shoved the phone in his pocket.

“Guy?” Jon asked.

“He’s here, and according to Quade, he’s drunk again.”

“I’m not afraid of him, and I don’t want to leave just because he’s here.” Jon draped his arms over Van’s shoulders and began to play with Van’s hair. “But if you want to go that’s fine.”

Van worried that Jon would think he only wanted sex if he took him back to the lodge already. He wanted to experience the celebration, but he didn’t want Jon around when he confronted Guy, which he definitely planned to do before he left town. “Let’s walk a little more and see what happens.”

Jon gave Van a deep kiss before releasing him. They held hands as they strolled down the sidewalk towards City Hall. “Did Quade tell you about the grandstand collapse a couple years ago?”

Van had heard the horrific stories. He’d even seen several news programmes on the collapse that had killed several people, injured many more and ultimately brought the townspeople even closer. “Please tell me you weren’t there.”

Jon lifted Van’s hand to his mouth and kissed it. “I was.” He lifted his chin and pointed towards a thin white scar. “I was one of the lucky ones. The entire time I was helping dig people out, all I could think about was Grandpa and what would’ve happened to him if I’d been killed.”