FIND YOUR HAPPY: An Inspirational Guide to Loving Life to Its Fullest (18 page)

The article, “Definitions of Goal Setting,” on the website
www.livestrong.com
, writer, Edwin Locke, professor emeritus at the University of Maryland School of Business, created a goal-setting system that can be used by both individuals and organizations. According to Locke, the most effective goals are specific and challenging. Vague goals leave you wondering whether or not you have achieved them, while easy goals fail to gratify you with a sense of accomplishment. Write down what you’d like to accomplish. This is a critical step that most people forget to do.

By writing your goals down on paper you send a message into the universe that says, “I desire this.” Without sharing your hopes and dreams they cannot move forward. The power of intention is set forth when we share our hopes and dreams. Whether you discuss your goals with your loved ones, or simply write them down on a piece of paper in a personal notebook, the results will astound you.

As I mentioned previously, I make vision boards for my goals. Rather than New Year’s resolutions, I make intentions. With each intention, I create a vision board, a collage of images and sayings that inspire me. If you really want to jump-start your wishing wonderland, then host a dream board party. Invite your favorite people over and have a positive-paste party. Everyone brings their favorite magazines, you supply the rocking tuneage and space, and people start to paste away. Within an hour you will see versions of the best you, your best life, and your hopes, along with your best friends’ dreams visualized into reality. If the proof is in the positive pudding then why not make a daily intention? Why not set a goal and work towards it? The sky is the limit when it comes to our dreams. One of my favorite quotes is by W. Clement Stone. “Aim for the moon. Even if you miss, you land among the stars.”

One common pitfall in setting goals is not paying attention to how they make you feel. When we set goals, we should be getting butterflies in our stomach. If you feel nauseous or frustrated then perhaps it is time to check in and get honest about why you set that goal. Be careful to ensure that you are not setting someone else’s goals for yourself. Your goals should reflect what you really want, not what you believe you should want, or what someone else tells you that you want.

This is precisely what happened to me. I thought I wanted to live in the big city, and work at a giant advertising agency. I was relentlessly pushing towards this perception of what I was determined would make me happy. But I never once checked in with myself to ask whose goal it was? I thought I wanted to be in advertising, but I quickly learned that the fancy loft and shiny shoes weren’t made for me. After suffering a deep depression I came out of Chicago with clarity about what I really wanted. I made daily goals to push my way out of my own fear. I wrote intentions on my bathroom mirror with red lipstick. Pretty soon, I had lost 15 pounds, completed a triathlon and become a published author. These goals felt right to me. In fact they made my heart sing. If your goals don’t leave you twitterpated then it’s time to break up with those goals.

Otherwise, even the most skillfully framed goals will fail to inspire you. After all, there is no point in mustering your internal resources to go to a place you don’t want to be. Psychologist Judith Sills, author of
The
Comfort
Trap,
advises people to create an internal vision that excites them. If the idea of meeting your goals makes your heart beat faster, you’re on the right track. Rather than keeping wishes to one day a year, try blowing out a candle every day. Quite possibly you will also blow yourself away with all of the opportunities and dreams realized.

Anything Is Possible

There is no escaping the reality that each day we get one day closer to the next age. As the next decade approaches, childhood fantasies fade away, and we hunker down into the adult realities of life. Responsibilities consume our decisions, and we are often left exhausted and anxious. Whether we celebrate someone else’s birthday or our own, we take time out for each other. We celebrate together and help add joy into each other’s lives. On birthdays, life seems expansive and exciting. We make plans; we invite our loved ones to parties. The sky is the limit for what we want to do, and anything is possible. For my 30
th
birthday I asked myself what do I really want to do? If I could do anything in the world, what would I do? I love family and friends, so a giant party was a must. I also love travel, adrenaline-inducing activities, and doing girly stuff like shopping, and spa time. My possibilities were endless. I scheduled a month-long celebration to make the most out of my special day. My plans included a big bash with 30 of my closest friends and family, a makeup makeover, a spa weekend with three hours of perfect pampering, a shopping spree, skydiving, and a trip to Brazil. All of these started as tiny inclinations, small possibilities that only existed inside my head, but I daydreamed and let myself enjoy the process of thinking about the ifs.

One of the biggest dream killers of all is when we won’t allow ourselves to want what we really want because we can’t see a way for it to happen. Think back on your life. How many times have things happened differently than you originally thought or planned? Most of the time it turned out in an even better way than you ever imagined. You couldn’t have orchestrated it better had you planned every second of it with exact precision. Your dreams are in your heart for a reason. Not everybody wants the same things. There are plenty of dreams to go around. The good news is possibilities never end. You are granted the power to make dreams come true when you dare to dream the dream. You just have to find that power, believe in yourself and your dream, and go for it. Often, we do not need to know how it will happen, but thinking about possibilities and enjoying the process gets us into a positive mindset, which in turn allows more good things to come to us. Anything is possible in this life. Using the same energy we put into planning how our birthday will unfold can easily be applied to every day of our lives. Every achievement will build upon the last achievement and soon you will know you are unstoppable, that you have the power to make your every possibility come true.

Take Time to Play

Playtime is synonymous with fun, yet as adults we don’t always make time to have fun. Think about when we were children and everything was enchanting. Even sitting in the yard playing with the rocks was more fun than watching TV. For many of us, when we grew up work became a chore, and we were often so burnt out at the end of the day that we zombied out in front of YouTube. But when birthdays came around we found fun things to do. Whether it was trying a new restaurant or going to a concert, or just buying a new outfit, we tend to have more fun and enjoy the process of playing.

Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I don’t have time for fun, I have work to do,” or, “I have too many other things to worry about, why worry about having fun?” The reasons we need to have more fun in life are obvious. When we play we reduce stress, we worry less and feel more connected with our true self.

If the rewards are so obvious, then why don’t more people take time out to play? We become so stuck in the patterns and stresses of life we forget to play. We focus on our problems rather than solutions. By shifting our mind set to include a daily dose of play, we can begin to lighten our load and smile a bit more. When we play, we let go of our problems, even for a short while, and then they become less intense. Playtime (or relaxation) gives us time to adjust, time for contemplation. So many people get their best ideas in the shower because when your brain is not focused on one thing in particular it’s free to wander, sometimes bringing new insight and understanding. When we play we live in the moment. We get out of our own head and focus on the fun. Smiles and laughter fill the moment rather than stress, anxiety and worry. When problems seem overwhelming, it’s the little things that can help make them seem more approachable.

One way to encourage yourself to play more is to write down things you enjoy. To make it more fun, I like to list a number of activities equal to my age. Treat the list like a free write and you may surprise yourself as I did. I saw that the majority of the things I love to do are related to the outdoors. I love doing fun things like hiking, cycling, running on the beach, camping etc. I wondered when was the last time I had actually gone outside to enjoy nature? It had been over four months, so making this list became my wake up call. It served as a gentle reminder that I need to get out and play for my sanity.

I posted the list where I could see it on the fridge. That way if I was craving something, I would see the list and remind myself that what I was craving might not be in this cold icebox. So what do you have to lose? Make a list of things that sound fun. Have you ever wanted to take a cooking class or learn a new language? The possibilities are endless when you go to your heart and ask it what it wants. This is a simple exercise to help us get back to the things that matter most to us. It shouldn’t feel like another chore. Just simply ask, “What do I love to do?” and then go do it.

Many times when we want to do something people and situations come into our lives that help us get what we want. Did you ever notice when you are thinking about getting something new, like a new car or a new pet, you start to see them everywhere? I wanted a new Jeep so bad that it’s all I could think about for a few weeks. One day I was sitting at a stoplight and there was a Jeep Wrangler on every side of my car, one in front, one behind me and one on both sides. I laughed out loud thinking it was some cosmic joke, but it was a simple mirror reflecting my inner thoughts. That’s the same way the list works. If you make a list of things you love to do, then you will be one stop closer to actually doing them.

Maybe you love to cook, so you put it on your list. The next day you are at the store and you may see a flyer for cooking classes or a great cookbook on sale. Things will work out and align for you when you make it an intention to have fun. By taking the same focus we put into making sure to have fun on our birthdays into our every day life we will see dramatic changes in our lives. Not only will we smile more, have less stress, more energy, and even more friends but we will be happier and more fulfilled.

Think about when we were children and recess was part of the school day. Taking time to play is so important that national school system put it into the curriculum. Recess is a time for reflection, a time of laughter, fun and play. As adults, through no fault of our own, recess has been pushed to the back of our lives. As we have far off daydreams of one day making it to that exotic location, play in that moment seems as unrealistic as Elvis rising from the dead. Recess is fun, but adulthood doesn’t have room for fun, so why not take a life recess? An old coworker would stand up from his desk and say, “I need a life recess,” and then take a break when he got stressed at work. I found this idea fabulous because a recess is just a moment of play added into each day. Let’s all make recess part of every day.

Go Out of Your Way to Make
Others Feel Loved

Someone told me once that you know who your real friends are on your birthday and when you move. People who wish you a happy birthday and who make time to spend with you on your special day are people worthy to be in your life (and the same is true of people who help you move). If someone forgets to wish you a happy birthday, or doesn’t invite you to their party, then they are more than likely a superficial buddy. Part of this section is all about getting rid of superficial snobs and recognizing the goddess or god that you truly are. Birthdays are the one day every year when it is all about you. Friends and family will help you feel like queen/king for a day, so let them lavish you with lovely love. However, all too often when it is not our birthday, we usually let relationships slide.

When was the last time you spent quality time with your friends? What about your parents? When was the last time you shared a good meal with them? Many of us get a job, sometimes moving away from our family and closest friends, and we get caught up in the routine of work. But on birthdays, they always come back around, take us out to dinner, give us a genuine phone call and leave positive messages on our Facebook wall. All of the love being flung around is one of the best parts of birthdays. Not only do we feel more loved, but we feel special and appreciated. Think about how you treat your friends on their birthdays. We usually buy them presents, flowers, a nice card with a sentimental message, not to mention that we give them extra hugs and attention. I always wonder why we do these awesome things on birthdays, but most other days of the year, we are canceling plans, not sharing how we feel with each other, and buying flowers only when we want to apologize.

The way we show up for others on birthdays is the same way we should show up for our friends and ourselves on every other day of the year, being generous, kind, respectful, and open to possibilities. Life will be more enriched if we take little steps to make each other feel appreciated every time we see each other. Whether it’s embracing for a little bit longer or treating a friend to a coffee on your coffee date, it is the little things that make the biggest difference. Perhaps give your mamacita a call and tell her how much she means to you. Invite your pops over for a home-cooked meal. The goal is to reconnect with the relationships that we let fall behind. At the end of our lives we will not remember the places we worked or how much money we made, but we will remember how we made other people feel and how they made us feel. We will recall the imitate connections we made and how deeply we loved. Life is about our relationships and tending to them every day is one of the best ways to live an enriched life.

Eat Food Guilt Free

When we are little, we would eat until we were no longer hungry, even if it was a piece of cake dripping with succulent chocolate sauce. We look at that sweet treat and dive in with joy. Most often we would stop shy of finishing the whole piece in order to quickly get back to playtime. Back then, our stomachs and brains united to signal we were full. For many of us, somewhere along the way, emotion stepped in and hooked up with hurt feelings and eating became not only a social activity to mask feelings, but an intimate act of self-sabotage. Then the media comes in and paints beautiful skinny people all over the magazine covers and TV screen. Women are often confused, scared, and frustrated that we eat more. It doesn’t take a doctor or scientist to see that western culture is in an epidemic of grave proportions.