Final LockDown (23 page)

Both of her hands?

“Baby?” I ask curiously, pulling her away from me. “Let go of me, Angel. I'm right here,” I tell her gently, seeing if she even notices both of her hands are clinging to my tear-soaked shirt.

She looks down at her tiny fists as they cling to me. She gasps, letting go, her weaker hand faltering a little but eventually releasing me. “Abigail, baby.” I say her name as she looks from her hand to my face.

Her eyes go down again, and then suddenly her hand is connecting with my cheek, a slight pain thrumming through me. “Sorry, I promised myself when it worked again I would slap you for what you have done.” Her hand then comes to my face again, but soft and gentle as she strokes my stubble and the sting away.

“I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry for everything, Abigail. I didn’t think you were strong enough to handle me, to have to pick me up when I fell. I was in a bad way, so dangerous, Abbi. I didn’t want you knowing or seeing me that bad. I’ve worked so hard, Angel. I’ve worked so bloody hard to get back to you. There hasn’t been a day that has passed where I haven’t thought of you. All of the pain I’ve put myself through to be with you, it will serve as a constant reminder of how much I love you. I'm sorry, please, you have to forgive me, I couldn’t live if you didn’t forgive me. Please baby, please say you still love me, that you still need me.” I beg with her, my eyes pleading with the love she still has to take me back and have me.

“Leighton.” She cries, burying her head once again in my chest.

“I love you,” I tell her, holding her to me so hard I think I might crush her, but I need to make sure she won’t leave. “I love you so fucking much, baby.” I kiss her hair.

I lift her head to look at me, using my thumb to wipe away her falling tears. We look at each other for a long moment before I slowly bring my lips towards hers, closing my eyes to only see her in my mind.

As they meet, her soft lips to mine, I see my future and everything I have.

“I love you too,” she finally speaks softly, bringing her hands up to lace into my hair.

I have prepared myself, time and time again, over the past month. I have anticipated how I will feel, how I will react, but nothing has prepared me for actually seeing him again.

I am rushing, panicking as my best friend lay in the kitchen, screaming and crying for help. I have a job to do and I need to concentrate, I can’t get wrapped up in my marital issues right now. I bypass him, not even taking a look at his face. With an armful of towels, I run through the hallway and to the kitchen.

“It’s going to be okay,” I tell Maria, making her comfortable.

“Where the hell are they?” she asks, huffing and puffing through her pain. I rub her back and soothe her as we wait for the boys to arrive.

When everyone is present and the doctor and paramedics are in place, we all take our designated positions and witness the most incredible thing one possibly could. I stand by her legs, with the doctor, watching as the miracle of birth happens. Sure I have given birth, but nothing compares to seeing it happen, to watching a child enter this world in the most disgusting and vile manner.

I look to my best friend, tired and tearful, holding her beautiful children. Joshua-Thomas weighing 4lb 3oz and Isabella weighing 4lb 9oz, are the most beautiful things I have ever seen. They are so tiny. Isabella is a spitting image for her mother, thick brown hair and intense brown eyes. Joshua-Thomas like his fathers, white blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” Leighton asks me, holding me close to him. He hasn’t let me go, refusing to leave me alone for one second.

“It is incredible. I miss that,” I admit, hating that I haven’t seen him for a month, that he hasn’t seen his daughter or son.

“Me too. Where are Joseph and Melissa?” he asks me, kissing my hair softly. I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head to his enormous chest. Has he been working out whilst he has been away? He has gained at least fifteen pounds and has built a lot of muscle.

“They are here, they are in the other wing with Scott. I kept them away whilst everything was happening,” I admit, cherishing our time alone. I need this, I need to know he is here and he is mine. “What were you doing whilst you were away, Leighton?” I ask him, anxious for the truth.

“One day, I will tell you, Abbi. Right now, I can't,” he replies, pulling away a little. “I'm going to find the children.”

“Leighton, wait.” I run after him, grabbing his arm and turning him to face me. “Why can't you tell me?”

“I'm not ready, Abbi. I went through hell while I was gone, I know you did too, but I can't explain it yet, it’s still too fresh in my mind.” It makes me uneasy to hear that. My mind is conjuring up a multitude of images. Everything from Kalina, to killing, to even taking cocaine. I dread to actually think of how his time apart from me was.

“Please, just tell me, were you with anyone?” I ask nervously.

“Yes, I was,” he answers simply.

I gasp, tears filling my eyes. He notices them and shakes his head. “Oh god, Abbi, not like that no, never baby.” He pulls me to him and holds me.

“I was so scared without you, Leighton. I kept imagining you dead in an Alley, or resulting to coke or even going back to her.” I sniffle my sadness, wishing I could erase all of our pain.

“Never, I haven’t done any of those things, Abbi. Give me a few days to unwind and get back to normality and I’ll tell you everything. Just remember that everything I did, I did for you, for us. I just hope you don't think me less of a person or man for what I did,” he informs me and I can't help but feel sadness for his struggles. I know he left for a reason and a valid one, but I hope he’s managed to overcome the hurdles and get himself back together.

“Okay, I can give you time. Just don't lie, Leighton, never lie to me,” I plead, looking into his green eyes.

“I’d never lie, Abigail, never. God, I'm so happy to be back with you, I’ve missed you so much, my Angel. Everyday has been like living in hell without you by my side.” He kisses my forehead as we turn to walk to our children.

“DADDDYYY!!!!” I hear the high-pitched squeal as my son runs through the lounge and jumps up at his dad.

“Hey buddy.” Leighton picks him up, wrapping him tightly in his arms. “God I missed you little man. You been a good boy?” Leighton asks, kissing Joseph's face.

“Yup, I’ve been the best, haven’t I mummy?” Joe looks to me, smiling sweetly. God, the kid is my heart.

“Yes you have sweetie. Where’s Mel, baby?” I ask him, looking for her.

“Uncle Scott is changing her stinky bum. She did this smelly poo. Yuck. Where you been dad?” Joe is over excited, his words coming out in a combined string of gibberish.

“Did she? That’s horrid, poor Uncle Scott. I’ve been away Joe, daddy wasn’t very well so he had to get himself better,” Leighton explains, stroking his son’s messy hair.

“Were you? Mummy was poorly too, she hurt her hand and head. I visited her in hospital and she said she will adopt me and be my mummy forever, isn’t that right, mum?” Joe looks at me with his big eyes and I melt. I have yet to tell Leighton of my hospital stay, again, but Joe has slapped that right there for me.

“Was she, poor mummy?” Leighton looks at me seriously. In his mind, he is probably wondering if I had a relapse of my addiction. I shake my head answering his unasked question. “So, you’re going to be adopted, huh? Who decided this?” Leighton asks happily.

“I did, I asked mummy. Timmy at school said he was adopted by a nice lady and man, and that they are his mummy and daddy by law, that policemen will say they are his parents. I want mummy to be mine by law daddy.” I adore the fact Joe switches between being a big grown up boy and still needing his parents. I love when he calls me mummy instead of mum and I love when he’s all cuddly and clingy with us.

“Wow, Timmy is very lucky then.” He looks at his father and beams, nodding.

“Yup, he is, he really loves them. Even though I still love my birth mummy, I love my new mummy just as much. She keeps me safe.” Joe looks to me, putting his arms out. I walk closer and take him from his father, scuffing his hair up.

“Hey buddy, how about you go find Uncle Scott. I'm sure daddy is dying to see Mel,” I explain and he jumps down from me.

“Ohhhh,” he whines. I turn to look in his direction, noticing Scott and Melissa in the door. “Uncle Scott, I was meant to come and find you, you spoiled it.”

“Sorry kid,” Scott answers, cautiously walking towards us. I know Leighton and Scott had butted heads last time they saw one another and the tension is palpable in the air around me.

“Hey Joe, would you like to come and meet your baby cousins while daddy and Uncle Scott talk?” I take Joe’s hand and walk him away.

“Bye dad. Bye Uncle Scott. Bye Melissa,” Joe calls out, walking with me. Leighton looks at me and mouths a ‘thank you’ before looking at Scott approaching. He takes Melissa and smothers her in kisses, but doesn’t break eye contact with Scott.

“I'm sorry,” I hear him say sadly, as I leave. Admitting he is wrong is the hardest thing for Leighton. He is a proud man and trying to see the world in another’s eyes is hard. It makes me proud that he is able to agree that he has done a terrible thing.

“It’s okay man, as long as you’re better. I missed you around ya know?” Scott replies to him. I look over my shoulder and see them hugging tightly, Melissa giggling between them.

One hurdle is overcome, Leighton and all of the guys are okay, and the kids are fine, almost as though Leighton had never been gone, but I am still sad and hurt. I still feel betrayed by his disappearance and feel it will take me time to get over that.

I will overcome it, I’ll force myself to, because living without Leighton is not even in question. He is my life, my soul and my every breath.

“Where is the baby, mum?” Joe asks, his big boy voice back.

“Babies, buddy. Auntie Maria and Uncle Brad and Luke have two babies.” His face begins to glow, a big smile crossing it. He runs from me to the sound of other people in a different room.

“Hey, little man,” Bradley speaks as we enter, ushering Joe over towards them. Maria is now settled in a comfy makeshift bed, cuddling her little babies to her chest. They are going to drain her dry. There is no way she can breastfeed alone, without them starving.

“Wow, they are so tiny Uncle Brad,” Joe answers, staring at his baby cousins in awe. “What are their names?” he asks intrigued, bringing a small hand to stroke their cheeks.

“Sit down, mister.” Joe follows orders, settling beside Maria. “Here, this little guy is Joshua-Thomas.” Bradley places a wiggling bundle into Joe’s arms. He holds him perfectly, keeping his head rested against his elbow, his other arm under his bottom. “You’re a natural Joe.” Joseph smiles at his uncle.

“Thanks Uncle Brad. What is the other baby’s name?” He looks to the other baby nestled in Maria’s arms. Brad takes JT from Joseph and then places Isabella in his arms.

“This is JT’s sister, Isabella.” Joe gasps at her, staring intently.

“She’s so pretty, Aunt Maria. She has dark hair like you and dark eyes like you. She looks so different to her stinky brother. I love her already.” Joseph holds his cousin to his chest, rocking her gently as he coos over her. He shushes her when she grizzles and kisses her soft hair repeatedly. “I will look after her forever, Auntie. Nobody will ever hurt her, because I love her. She is my cousin and no one will ever hurt her, I promise. I’ll look after her like daddy does with mummy and mummy does with me.”

Maria looks to me and pouts her lip, ‘awing’ over Joe and his affection for his baby cousin. My own pout is there, a sense of pride smothering me and making tears fill my eyes. “May I?” I ask, looking at JT in Luke’s arms.

“Sure thing, babe,” Luke says, passing Joshua-Thomas over to me. I gasp as a flood of tears fall from my eyes. It is the first time I have held my new nephew and he is just beautiful. With blond hair and blue eyes, he is perfect.

“Baby, can mummy have a cuddle of Isabella?” I ask Joe, who is still fussing over her.

“Do you have to?” he asks sadly, looking at her, never moving his eyes away.

“Just a quick one and then I'm sure Aunt Maria will let you have some more cuddles.” I look to Maria and the boys who look so at peace with their lives, so proud of what they have.

“Yes, you sure can Joe. Let mamma have a cuddle with them both and then you can have her back, I promise,” Maria asks him, looking at me and winking. Joe huffs a little and then agrees, holding his arms out. Luke takes Isabella and lays her in my other arm.

I look down at the two babies cradled into me, two perfect little humans who make my heart so full. This family, blood or not, is extending and making me excited for my future, for all of our futures.

“Such beautiful babies,” I whisper, leaning and kissing each of their little heads one at a time.

“They are, I can't wait to have one again,” Leighton whispers in my ear, wrapping his arms around my stomach and placing his hands on my belly. My hormones are already going mad, my body ready for another child, but Melissa isn’t even one yet and I need to see her grow and develop before I even think about giving my time to another child.