Fighting To Stay (12 page)

“What,” she snaps as she turns around.

“How dare you talk about her like that! Do you even know her?”

“Do you?” Carly counters.

“I do. I have for a very long time. That’s why I love her and have been in love with her for so damn long. All because she’s one of the greatest people I know. She helps anyone she can, even if it hurts her. She helps to the best of her ability. This woman you are so callously insulting is the very woman that started up that fund for your cousin that was in the car accident. For you, a total stranger, she gave so much of herself and look at how you are treating her.”

Carly pales looking back and forth between Garrett and me. Her mouth opens and closes several times before she can even get a single sentence formed.

Garrett merely shakes his head, turns around, escorts me back into his office, and slams the door. It is as if the minute that door closed, all that just happened stayed on the other side.

“So what are we having for lunch,” he asks happily, as he clears off the coffee table in his office.

“Oh, um, I made homemade burritos with a homemade dip and chips,” I smile proudly.

“Now that sounds a lot better than what I planned on having,” he laughs.

“Oh? What were you going to have?”

He reaches out and pulls me down on his lap. “E7 and H9,” he laughs as he kisses my cheek. “How are you feeling?”

“Honestly, tired as all hell and still queasy, but so much better now that I’m in your arms. And are you telling me you were going to be eating from a vending machine for lunch?”

“I’m not now thanks to my beautiful girlfriend,” he smiles.

We talk as he eats. He tried to get me to eat, but I just wasn’t feeling it. Laying my head against his chest, he continues to talk about his day and I begin to doze off.

“Baby? Time to get up,” Garrett’s deep voice filters in to my dreams.

Sitting up, I stretch and wipe my mouth to check for drool. Looking around, I look at him confused.

“I’m sorry to have fallen asleep on you. I’ll get stuff gathered up and let you get back to work.”

“Baby,” he laughs. “It’s time for me to go home. You’ve been asleep the whole time. Did you ride your bike here?”

I nod my head. “Yeah, I hope it’s still there. I didn’t have my chain to lock it up.”

“I’m sure it is. I’ll put it in the back of my truck. Come on beautiful.”

We head out of the office and to his truck. My bike is still there, thankfully. After loading it in the bed of the truck, we climb in and head home.

As the days start running together, Garrett and I grow closer with each passing day. I love this man. He has become my rising sun and setting moon.

Time passes by quickly. I’m on my fifth week of having chemo treatments. There are only four more treatments left. The reality of what is happening kicks in when I took a shower this morning and my hair is falling out.

It kills me, but with Garrett’s help, I shave my head. I am bawling the whole time. Even Garrett got a bit teary eyed. My hair was down to my butt. Now, I’m a walking Mr. Clean commercial. Yes, I know, I can get wigs, but it isn’t about that. It is the fact that I lost my hair. Garrett is effectively dating a man now.

“Baby, you are just as sexy now as you were when I had hair to pull,” he tries to joke.

“Why because there’s a mirror on top of my head,” I snap embarrassed.

“No, but that reflection is mighty lucky,” he snickers as he pulls me into his arms.

When I smack his hands away from me, attempt to leave the bathroom, and he grabs me around the waist.

“Hey baby, I am joking. You look beautiful. There’s nothing that you could do that would make you unbeautiful to me. I’m serious, Dee.”

Sighing heavily, I drop my head to his chest and cry all over again. “I loved my long hair. It told the world that I’m a woman.”

“Honey, I know several men that have longer hair than you. It’s not your hair or your breasts that make you a woman. Frankly, it’s the lack of a dick between your legs that lets me know you’re a woman,” he starts laughing.

As I hit him, he only laughs harder. “Can you be any more brass?” I try to say with a straight face, but it doesn’t work. I’m soon falling into a fit of giggles with him.

“That’s my girl,” he says kissing me.

Things are going by so fast. It seems this whole ordeal just started, but it hasn’t of course. After all, Dr. Crosley is already starting the talk about having a mastectomy to reduce my chance of the cancer coming back. He says I have time to think about it.

All I can think is that I’ve already lost my hair. Do I really want to lose the only other thing that signified that I was a woman to the world? That has become the million-dollar question right now. As of right now, I just don’t have an answer.

My brother is out of the hospital and comes by as often as he can to see me. Hailey can’t get away as easily because of work and her daughter, but she calls me every single day.

It’s hard to look at my brother and see the pain and sadness in his eyes and know that I’m the reason he’s feeling that way.

I’ve kind of developed a routine now. I’m sick for five days after my chemo treatment and have two good days before I’m back into treatments again. My mood isn’t very pleasant right now. My life is not my own right now. I’m sick and sleeping majority of the time. When really all I want to do is remind Garrett of the woman that rocked his world. I cannot! I just don’t have the strength. Bless his heart, he never begs or asks or even gets upset that we haven’t made love in weeks. Actually, he tells me every day that having me in bed with him every night is enough for him.

Today is one of my good days. I plan on ‘helping’ my boyfriend get some relief. After all, it’s been five weeks since we’ve done anything, I’m sure he’ll be quite grateful. But I know him. He won’t let me if he knows. So, I have a plan.

Right on schedule, he’s coming in the door calling out for me as he always does. This time, I lay in bed pretending to sleep. To make this time different, I took a shower and ‘forgot’ to dress before I fell asleep. Sounds stupid I know, but it’s the best I could come up with.

Through slits in my eyes, I watch him walk in the room. He stops in his tracks when he sees me lying on the bed completely naked.

“Baby,” he says softly.

Sticking to my guns of pretending I’m sleeping, I don’t answer him. He strolls over to the bed. The heat in his stare covers my body as his eyes roam from head to toe.

“God, I miss you so much.” His fingers trail lightly down my body causing goose bumps to form over my skin. “I love you, Dee, so damn much, but I miss our moments of shared passion and love.”

His fingers stop just above the ‘V’ to my legs and I work hard to stop the shiver that runs through my body. Pulling the covers over me, he kisses my forehead and he walks into the bathroom, leaving the door cracked.

Waiting until I heard the water turn on, I crawl out of bed and into the bathroom. Peeking in the door, I can see him through the clear glass doors on the shower. He’s extremely hard and I change plans, quickly grabbing a condom from the side table drawer.

Walking into the bathroom and right into the shower, he jumps slightly.

“Did I wake you? Are you okay?” Concern takes over his face and voice.

“I was awake and I need you, Gare. I need you so bad,” I hold up the condom in my hand.

“Baby…”

Opening the condom, I grab him at the base and roll the condom on swiftly.

“No, I need you. I’m feeling okay. Please. Make love to me.”

Quickly, the water is shut off and I’m being carried to the bedroom. His mouth seals hard and fast over mine as he pushes into me.

I arc up at the sensation of being filled by him. He trails kisses down my neck and gently sucks and licks at my nipples. Moving slowly in and out, even after not having made love to me in so long, he still takes his time with me.

“Oh, damn. You… I missed this, Gare. I love you so much,” I pant out.

Leaning up, he gazes down into my eyes. The love that shines so bright in his eyes causes my heart to skip a beat.

“I love you so much,” he whispers before claiming my lips again.

He makes love to me slow and tenderly. After a while, I feel myself building. Clamping down hard on him as my orgasm rips through me hard and strong.

Calling out loudly, I drag my nails down his back as I push my head back into the pillows.

“Oh shit, baby,” he breathes right before he roars out his pleasure pushing into me one last time.

After what seems like an eternity later, my orgasm finally subsides. It seems to be the same for Garrett as he collapses down next to me, panting.

“I’ve missed this so much, but I would have continued to wait,” he says as he turns his head toward me.

“I know, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I needed you.”

“Do you know how much I love you?”

“You’ve told me before, but I always love hearing it,” I smile as I snuggle into him.

He laughs as he pulls me even closer to him and I’m quickly falling asleep.

“How are you feeling?” Garrett asks as he comes in and sits next to me.

“Nervous,” I say honestly.

“Why? The concern on his face softens my heart.

“This is going to tell me what my future is. In the beginning, I didn’t care what happened to me,” I say looking down at my hands.

“And now?” There is a slight tremble in his voice.

If the room wasn’t so quiet, I may have missed his trembling voice. However, it was there and I know he’s trying to figure out where we stand together.

“And now… Now I want forever. I want a life. I want you,” I say as a tear slips down my cheek.

“And you have it all,” he says with tears in his own eyes, right before kissing me as I’ve needed all day from him all day.

Just then, a throat clears and we look up to see Crosley standing in the doorway with a smirk on his face.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I do need to talk to my patient,” he says.

“Just tell me and get it over with,” I blurt out.

He moves over to the rolling stool seat, shifting through a folder in front of him. My knee is bouncing.

Robert Crosley is a kind man. He is probably early thirties, I’d have to guess. He has a buzz cut blond hair with green eyes. He is friendly enough, but every time I see him it’s for treatment or news.

“The mass has gone down,” he says almost emotionless it seems.

“What?” I say after a moment of shock.

“The mass is decreasing. You are responding well to treatment,” he smiles at me.

I can feel the tears fall down my cheeks. I’m not being told I’m cured, but I am being told that I have a fighting chance. Turning to Garrett, tears dance wildly in my eyes.

“It’s going down,” I say as the first tear falls from my eye.

He nods his head and smiles. “I know, baby. I told you.”

Garrett looks at Crosley, “Thank you for everything you are doing for my girl. You have no idea what that means to me.”

Crosley stands, places his hand on Garrett’s shoulder. “Yes I do,” he says sadly and leaves the room.

Garrett turns back to me with a sad look on his face. “I’ve got to get back to work, but tonight we celebrate. Okay?”