Fighting For You (10 page)

Just as I had many times before, I walked us into her room and slid off our boots and jackets.  We crawled into the bed that was a backdrop for some of my best memories and I cuddled her into my body as she cried herself to sleep.  You couldn’t pay me enough to ever trade this moment.  The sinking feeling deep in the pit of my stomach told me I needed to get the other part of my life under control or I could lose every moment like this with Dani.

Now I was stuck between wanting to spend every free second with this woman, to wanting to find every possible way to keep Dani safe.  Even if that meant keeping distance between us.  I knew I had no choice—I would always protect her.  But never once did I imagine it would be my past that I’d have to protect her from.

16 Weeks

It had been three weeks since Gabby’s plane departed from Serenity Cove and that long since the last time I saw Corey.  The first week after she was gone, I tried to get back on track with my every day routines.  Bailey accepted me back into her life without hesitation and I was beyond thankful for that.  She still didn’t know about the secret brewing away in my belly.  That was okay with me though, I was all about avoiding the inevitable.  Besides, even though the thought was terrifying—I knew Corey needed to be the first to know. 

Luckily for me and my slowly growing bump, it was early April and bigger clothes were still acceptable.  Bailey didn’t seem to suspect anything and the few times I saw my Grandma, she subtly remarked at my winter weight gain.  She didn’t think I was pregnant, just fat. Joy.  I couldn’t really complain either way. For the first time in my life, I was enjoying my Grandma’s company.  Her visits to the Inn were more frequent and some days after work I’d stop by the house, just because.  At least, that’s what I told myself.

The truth was that I would’ve done just about anything to not be alone.  Not that I ever really minded being one-on-one with my little bean, but it made me miss the other person involved in my little family.  After Gabby left and Corey was here for me, I thought everything was going to be different.  Now, I was lucky when he responded to a casual text message.  He dodged my calls, hardly replied and the few times I stopped by the bar he was completely gone.  He wasn’t in the kitchen, not in his apartment and to top it off - his Jeep was gone.  Sanders always tried to ease my anxiety, but it only worked for a couple minutes.

Something sat in the pit of my stomach and told me this was bigger than Sanders let on.  Maybe it was the way his jaw tightened when I walked in.  Or the way his eyes instantly darted to Alex, who then looked to me.  They were hiding something and, if I was alone, I became obsessed with discovering what that something was. 

Bailey never questioned what was going on between Corey and I.  Honestly, she didn’t have to.  Bailey knew enough by my attitude.  The way I jumped anytime my phone vibrated.  How I became almost clingy if I had no plans that night and if I came in wearing a sweater four sizes too big—she knew the night before had been a bad one.  It also didn’t take her too long before she stopped using the words, someone is here for you.  I’m sure the way my face went from excitement to absolute disappointment when I discovered it was just a consultation was far too depressing.  Every now and then she would ask how my night was - an alternative meaning dripping from the question. 

I wanted more than anything to confide in someone, but I also didn’t know where to start.  Even Gabby only knew parts of what was going on.  I kept everything simple—baby was good and I starting to show a little more.  Work was great. Bailey was doing well and Corey was busy.  Of course, Gabby never took anything I said at face value—she knew me much better than that. 

Today was different.  I wished Gabby were here and knew every little thing that had been going on, because today, on this bright and sunny Friday morning, I was awaiting my first doctor’s appointment in my new hometown.  My leg shook as I scanned the miniscule space in the waiting room.  Soft pink and white lined wallpaper covered the bottom half of the walls, while a powder green one was poorly applied above that.  The overabundance of sanitation was nauseating and only served to put me more on edge.  Three other pregnant women waited to be called back, each with an entourage that was all smiles. 

I suppose a place like this should only serve to bring happiness to families, but that was far from what I was feeling.  As far as I was concerned, my little family was just the two of us - me and my little bean.  My hands splayed across my growing bump in a protective and hugging way.  The overwhelming laughter and excitement from the families around me was making my stomach churn.  If I had to endure this for much longer, my breakfast would be all over this perfectly hideous waiting room. 

A bright and smiling nurse appeared from the door.  All at once, every pair of eyes looked to her, hoping their name was the next called. 

“Danielle,” she said, never losing her smile for a second.  It took a minute to click that it was my name she called.  What finally tipped me off was the menacing glare my way from the other pregnant women.  I scooped my purse onto my shoulder and hurried to her.

“That’s me.”

Once I was in reach, she held out a hand to me.  I shook it firmly, already finding comfort from the contact. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.  I’m Tracy.  You can follow me and we’ll get you all checked in.”  Tracy looked to be about 10 years older than me and at least five inches shorter.  Flaming red hair hung to her shoulders, accentuating her stunning turquoise eyes with a smile that lit up her whole face.  I immediately felt at ease by her friendly and comforting demeanor.

The first part of the visit was standard.  I peed into a cup, had blood drawn and I had my stomach measured in about a hundred different ways.  Nurse Tracy asked questions about my previous doctor’s visits in New York.  She was respectful and had a sense of humor that meshed perfectly with mine.  I was no longer dreading this visit and found myself enjoying the overall process that I had feared to experience without Gabriella.  

There was one thing I anticipated being questioned about—the father.  The question hung in the space between us.  Every time she opened her mouth to speak I expected it.  Each time she scrolled through my past notes, I waited for that clear face of letdown ‘that here was another woman doing it alone’.  However, Tracy never asked.  Her face didn’t show disappointment or pity and everything remained positive.  It was a relief to not think about the unresolved issues of this pregnancy and enjoy it for what it was. 

“Alright, Danielle. What would you think of getting an ultrasound today?” I paused, trying to process what she said.  The last time I received an ultrasound was right after that little fate stick told me what was in my immediate future.  It was one of the single most amazing things I have ever witnessed.  And now I was going to be given the chance to experience that all over again?  Bring it on!

“Are you serious?” I finally managed to ask.

Tracy nodded, a wide infectious grin plastered over her face.  “Absolutely!  Dr. Miller made time available during your appointment to meet with the ultrasound tech.  Since you’re new with us, he would like to see the baby for himself.” Tracy stopped but I couldn’t find words.  Since my face didn’t show that of a horrified patient, Tracy pressed on.

“Are you alright with that?”

I was finally able to choke out an answer. “I absolutely am.”

“Wonderful!  I’ll go see if our ultrasound tech, Mai, is ready for you.”

“Okay,” I said with a smile still present.  The second Tracy stepped out of the room, I grabbed my phone.  My first instinct was to call Corey, but I quickly pushed that aside.  There was no point wishing I could call him at this point.  I’d find a way to tell him soon enough, but this was just not the right time.  Instead, I sent Gabby a text, which wasn’t easy considering my hands were shaking with excitement.

Me
: I’m getting an ultrasound!! I get to see my baby on screen!!

Tracy poked her head in the door seconds after I hit send.

“We’re ready for you.  Feel free to bring your purse.  Dr. Miller will just meet with you in there.”

I shoved my phone back in and trailed behind her as we made our way down what felt like an endless hallway.  Once we finally reached the room, Tracy knocked to alert Mai that we were there.  Mai had a smile rivaling Tracy’s as the two of us shook hands.

“Are you excited to see the little one?” I shook my head so hard I knew I’d have a headache later.

“I sure am!

“Well come on in and we’ll get you situated.”  Mai moved back into the door, but Tracy put a hand on my arm.

“Before you leave stop at the front desk and schedule your 20 week ultrasound.”

“Alright, I can do that.”

“Have fun!” She said before walking off. 

I followed Mai and, within minutes, I had cold gel splattered onto my stomach. My eyes fixated on the little screen, anxiously awaiting a glimpse of the little life I created.  The figure on the screen moved about as Mai made sense of the being inside of me.  There was a point that I actually stopped breathing while she worked her magic.  What if something happened and my little love wasn’t in there anymore?  Or what if I did something wrong and seriously harmed my baby? 

Once I didn’t think I could possibly take it anymore, her face broke into a wide grin and she pointed to the screen.

“There’s your baby’s face. It’s looking at the camera.” 

And suddenly, there it was.  My heart pounded and a few solitary tears escaped from my eyes.  Staring back at me was the beautiful little one that I created—that we created.  The last ultrasound I had was amazing but this—there were no words.  My baby looked like a child, not an adorable little sea monkey.  While I sat there, stunned, Mai took numerous measurements from every angle. 

The picture moved and then I saw feet, legs, hands, toes and the whole little body curled up in my belly.  I wiped under my eye with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.  Just when I thought I couldn’t feel anymore affected by this moment, Mai turned on the sound.  The soft and rapid little heartbeat filled the tiny space and every dark crevice in my heart.  A strangled mix between a laugh and a sob left me.  For the first time, I took my eyes away from the beautiful little screen.  I looked to the spot next to me and all I saw was Corey.  For the first time throughout my pregnancy, I truly needed him here.

This moment was not just special to me, but it would’ve been to him, too.  And I knew Corey would never miss the opportunity to be a part of something of this magnitude.  It was all because of my selfish and scared heart that he wasn’t here.  There was no way I could ever forgive myself for this, but from here on out I promised myself that Corey wouldn’t miss anything again. 

“I’ve been printing off some pictures for you as keepsakes.  I’ll get them put into an envelope for you before you leave, but I’m going to go grab Dr. Miller.  He’ll just take a quick look and talk to you for a few minutes and then you can be on your way.”

I nodded, pulling my lips into the best forced smile I could manage.  It took every bit of strength I could muster to hold back the forthcoming waterworks.  This was the not the place to break down like a crazy person.  I just needed to hold out until I was alone in my car.  While I waited for Mai to return with my Doctor, I stared at the frozen screenshot of that precious little face. 

Minutes later, Dr. Miller walked in and shook my hand firmly.  He scanned through images on the screen, once more taking multiple measurements and asking questions about how I was feeling.  He told me in one month to return for the 20-week ultrasound, where we would discuss labor and delivery in more detail.  Although I was answering questions and responding when it was necessary I didn’t feel like I was really here.  It was all too surreal to believe.

The next thing I knew, I was shaking the doctor’s hand and standing in front of the registration desk.  The woman rattled off dates and times for my next appointment.  I selected one but, by the look in her eyes, she could see I wasn’t really there.  The woman was in the middle of writing the date and time on a little card when I heard the door leading to the back area open.   

“Have a good day, Mrs. McKay. And congratulations again!” Even in my lethargic and dreamlike state, that name was like a light bulb going off in my head. The only McKay I knew was Jacob McKay and his Mrs. was the one and only Karly Preston. 

My head snapped around to the girl I had missed so terribly.  She was looking up at her nurse and she was absolutely glowing.  A little stack of pictures in her hands like the ultrasound ones I had gotten earlier.  That was when I shifted my gaze to the person standing next to her.  I half expected it to be Jake, but boy was I wrong!  Standing there, eyes fixated unmistakably on me, was the very man I wished was here only minutes before.  Corey.

I watched as Karly turned her attention from the nurse to her brother to say something.  Upon seeing that he wasn’t listening to her, she followed his gaze and landed on me.  Her jaw dropped in amazement as she let out a gasp.

“Dani!?” she asked in a squeal.

My eyes darted from Corey’s penetrating gaze to Karly’s smiling face.  I willed my cheek muscles to smile as best they could, although that was about the last thing I felt like doing.

“Karly!” I said back, with an honest surprise bubbling up inside of me.

“How in the world did you know?” she asked, her arms going directly to her stomach.  I cocked my head just like a damn dog.  I tried to form a coherent thought that could be then said in sentence form, but I was drawing a blank.

I smiled, more out of courtesy but my eyes went from her back to Corey.  “You’re not here to
surprise me because of the ba …” You could practically hear the hamster wheel turning in her head.  The moment she understood what was going on, it was evident on her face.  So this time, when her jaw dropped, it wasn’t just the excitement of running into an old friend. 

It was the ultimate juicy gossip that she just happened to stumble upon.  Karly blurted out what Corey had to be thinking.