Few Things Left Unsaid (19 page)

It was tough for me too. Last year Riya and I used to be together a lot. Always with each other. From morning till evening, I could see her. Even after college, we used to be together for an hour. This was impossible now. We used to come together to college. But it was hardly a few minutes with each other.

I used to reach home around 7:30pm. 2 days a week I had class at 7pm.we could not meet on those days after college. On weekends, we had the same class maths 3. It was in Aerol itself. It became too hectic for me to handle everything. I used to be stressed out at the end of the day.Riya and I always used to talk during the night. She used to call me around 11pm when our parents would sleep. It was getting tougher and tougher. Due to the hectic schedule sometimes I could not manage to talk during the night.

“Aadi… this is too much. I am not able to handle all this. Today you have to talk to me. I do not want to listen to a single excuse. I don’t care if you are tired. I will talk. Just listen. Please Aadi… I love you. This is really tough. I am used to you. I am used to your touches; I am used to your sweet talk. Please.” At last she blurted out what was in her mind. It was expected.

“I know jaan. Even I want to talk. But I really get so tired that I go to sleep as soon as I fall on my bed. Don’t worry today I won’t do this.”

After about 30 minutes, I told her that I was feeling sleepy.

“Fine. You don’t want to talk to me. Go to hell. I am mad to love you so much. Even I am tired Aadi… You think only you are attending lectures. Even I am doing the same. I am not sitting at home and doing nothing. Why do you make so much hype of small things? Since morning, I have not talked to you. Now you do not want to talk during the night also. Fine then. Get lost. Bye.Hate you.” First time I saw her so angry.

She was not wrong but I was not used to this schedule. I was not able to handle this schedule. Attending lectures without Riya was  boring. It was not all fun. Even Sameer was not there. Nor the others.

I fell asleep as soon as she put the phone down. I could not keep my eyes open. Everything was getting worse. Everything seemed to be different. I got up in the morning and checked my cell. 26 missed calls and 8 messages.

Oh, shit. I thought Riya had gone to sleep last night. I should have waited for her call. But I didn’t. Now it would result in a big fight. I was sure. I checked her last call. It was 4:30 am. I checked her last message. It was 4:40am. I saw the current time. It was 9am. She would not have slept at all. I immediately called her.

The mobile you are trying to reach is currently switched off.

I knew she was angry…I was tensed. I hoped she talked to me. I was really tensed. I kept on calling her. Still no response. I left home to reach college. Still she didn’t pick up the call. When I reached college, she picked up the call.

“Hey jaan… my wife… I am sorry. I thought you slept yesterday. I am sorry. Forgive me. This will never happen again.” I admitted my mistake.

“Let it be Aadi… Keep the phone down. I don’t want to talk to you.” She said and kept the phone down.

I called her again. She did not pick up the call this time. I went to her classroom. She was sitting in the classroom. The lecture had not started yet. I convinced her somehow to come out of the classroom and talk to me. She was not even looking at me. I was continuously saying sorry to her. She was still angry. Finally, I took her bag from the classroom and started walking away.

“Aadi… what’s this. Let me attend lectures. I do not want to go anywhere. Please.” she came after me.

I stopped and smiled at her. She was not in a mood to smile. She was still angry, biting her lips. I loved her in that mood too.

“You are looking so sweet. Love you a lot.” I pinched her cheeks. She came with me. She didn’t talk though. We were walking towards the bus stop. I thought of calling Amit and Neha to come along with us. If just the two of us went  I knew Riya would not talk to me. I called Amit and said

 “Are you free Amit? What are you doing?”

“Nothing, I am with Neha in Aerol. What happened? Any work?” He asked me.

“I am going to Grant Lane with Riya..Are you both coming?” I looked at Riya.She was refusing. I kissed her cheeks. Still it did not change the situation.

Amit and Neha agreed to come along with us. They reached the bus stop after some time. We were waiting for them. I tried to convince Riya a lot. No use. I told Neha to have a word with Riya.I had messaged Amit regarding our fight. I had told him to convince Neha , Amit and I went to get bisleri giving Neha time to talk to Riya. She convinced her. I was really happy to see a smile on her face. I didn’t care about Amit and Neha. I hugged her hard in front of them. I was in the seventh heaven when I saw her smile. I could have died for that smile. It felt so good to patch up after a fight. She kissed me on my cheek and said sorry. I was in tears and said to her...

“Please jaan… Never do it again.  I can’t live without you.Please.You don’t know what was going in my heart when you were angry. I really love you a lot. I am sorry. I won’t do it again. Love you.

Hurt you.Nah never. Love you? Forever. Defend you? In a heartbeat. Hate you? Impossible.”        

We left for Grant Lane.

We sat in the garden. A passsionate kiss after a big fight was really good. Fondling each other after a fight was better. In addition, feeling the other’s body against one’s own in open air after a fight was best. Romance was again filling the air. For last few hours, I had been afraid.

“Jaan… I thought I had lost you. I was really tensed. Please don’t repeat it.” I slept on her lap.

“Bachha… why are you afraid. We are married now. Don’t forget that. I can’t leave you. I broke the second promise today of never fighting with each other. I am sorry. However, I did not have any option else you would not have realized.  You never listen to anyone unless a proof is given to you. This was the best thing I could do. I am sorry. Even I cried last night. I love you more than you love me. Missed you.”

She was an angel. She made my day by saying all these things.
Love you my sweetheart
.

Neha and Amit came towards us. I got up and gave them some space to sit. Riya took her lunch box out and we started eating.

“Done with your fights?” Amit asked and smiled looking at Riya.

“Yes it’s over. We can’t leave without each other.” Riya replied.

“Aadi... you have changed Riya. She was not the same in the school days. You have seriously changed her a lot.” Amit said looking at Neha and laughed.

“What do you mean I have changed her? In fact she has changed me. If she had not been there I would have left engineering for sure.” I said.

 “She was very mischievous. Many of my friends liked her. However, she never used to entertain anyone except one. I don’t remember his name.Riya who was he?” Amit asked

 “I don’t remember. What are you talking about? I never entertained anyone. I can’t remember.” Riya wondered loudly.

“Remember our class picnic to Alibag. That time you were walking on beach with that guy. Then you slept on his lap for the whole night. Remember?” Amit said.

Riya looked at me. I looked at Riya.What was Amit talking about? Riya had never said anything about this. I was unaware of these things. She slept on some one’s lap for the whole night at Alibag beach. What was I hearing?

“What are you saying Amit.You must be joking for sure? Right?” I asked him. I wanted him to say he was joking.

“I am serious. I thought Riya had told you about this. Anyways forget it. Let’s leave. We are getting late.” Amit apologised me as he thought I must be knowing about this. He also told me not to fight on this now. However, I couldn’t stop myself.Amit and Neha were walking ahead of us.

“What is this Riya? You slept with someone? The whole night? Was this a small thing that you never told me about It.?” I lost my temper. I did not want them to listen to me. Therefore, I walked slowly.

“Bachha… I never slept with anyone. Are you mad?  I am just yours. How can I do these things? It was hardly 5 minutes that I had slept on his lap. That too I just rested my head on his lap. He was like my brother.”

“I don’t care about it. Who was he? Why did you hide it from me? You should have told me that you had slept with him”

“Are you mad? I am saying I did not sleep with anyone and you are telling me I should have told you. There was nothing to say. It was hardly a few minutes. Nothing serious. He was like my cousin. I didn’t have any feelings for him”

I did not want to fight with her at that moment. I accepted what she said. She was almost crying. I could not see her crying. I was hurt by seeing her cry. I changed the topic and pulled her close to me. She rested on my shoulders in bus. I was playing with her hair. She slept on my shoulders. I did not wake her up. Thoughts were running in my mind. It was getting worse . Lectures, classes, no time to meet, no time to call each other and talk for hours, frequent fights, and she sleeping with someone else. I decided to break all the promises I took in Siddhivinayak temple. I wanted to see if I could live without Riya. I loved her. However, I wanted to test myself. I wanted to test my fate. I decided to break up.
I decided to break up with Riya.

We got down at Aerol where I had parked my Activa. I said good-bye to her and we left for home. I was sure about breaking up.
Maybe the worst decision I could take. Nevertheless, I did take it.

                     CANT BE SEPARATED

                                          T
here are few things more difficult than breaking a relationship.  What began with mutual attraction, followed by excitement and joy, became uncomfortable somewhere along the way at least for me.  Whatever the reasons were, it was enough for me to conclude that breaking up was the only thing left to do.I was feeling somewhat guilty; perhaps a lot guilty.  To be the one whose decision it was to break a relationship is a very difficult position to be in, it hurts. 
Every good thing comes to an end.  Perhaps my relationship was a good one for a long time and then just wound down to this point.  Maybe it was a hot, torrid, quick love that exploded with every raw emotion there was. 

I messaged her.

Jaan, I love you. You can’t imagine how much I care for you; you gave me a direction to live my life. However, a few disputes that have taken place in the  last few weeks are hurting me. I tried to move on but it’s not happening. I feel that the charm we had is missing. I have made a decision.. I think we both should give our self some time. I am not saying I won’t talk to you or message you. But we should take a break. It’s time to think over. Let’s see can we really can’t live without each other. I am sorry. Please take care of yourself.

She immediately called me. I avoided her call. My heart was crying but I had to do this. I was trying hard to go away from her. I wanted to see whether I could live without her. I was not able to forget the night at Alibag and what might have happened. I wanted to get good scores too. It was difficult to handle everything.

She was continuously calling me and messaging me. One of her messages brought tears in my eyes…

“You
used to say that your heart skips a beat when you see me or feel my touch or when I speak or when I smile. So what happened now? Even my heart used to skip a beat when I used to see you. However, that one beat will give me lifetime of tears now. I will never love again. I will never trust anyone again. I will always love you and wait for you. Miss you. Your so called bachha. Your unofficial wife. Saying you final good bye by kissing your ring
.”

I replied to her again…

Please do not cry jaan. For me at least. I have not gone too far. I am still with you. Just give me some time. Love you. Miss you.