Feels Like Home (4 page)

‘Pfft. If it were up to Steph she'd be getting married in a pair of jeans and a flannelette shirt. She hasn't changed a jot. Still a tomboy at heart.'

Jo grinned. ‘Shall I run up to the guest room and get it?'

‘No, don't worry. You can get it later. I just want to check it doesn't clash with the flower girl's dress.'

‘Flower girl?'

‘Ella's going to be in the wedding. Didn't Steph tell you?'

Jo shook her head slowly. ‘Ella, as in Ryan's daughter?'

‘Yes.' Jenny took Jo's cup and refilled it from the teapot, then poured a cup for herself. After a moment she leaned over and gave Jo's hand a squeeze. ‘I know this must be hard for you.'

Jo withdrew her hand and took a sip of her tea. ‘No, it's not hard. Ryan and I parted ways many years ago. I haven't thought about him in ages. I did get a bit of a shock seeing him today. I didn't realise he was back in town.'

Jenny smiled. ‘Still, he was your first love. It must be…well, awkward.'

Jo nodded. ‘Yes, I guess it is a little. But we're both grown-ups. I'm sure we can put aside our feelings for the sake of the bride and groom.'

‘Steph's been so worried about how you'd feel. But Nate and Ryan have been mates for years and since Ryan moved home they've become even closer.'

‘How long has he been back?'

‘It'd be about six months, I reckon, maybe a bit longer.'

Six months!
There were dozens of questions Jo was itching to ask, but she didn't want to appear overly curious about Ryan's life. She decided to take the safe route. ‘I guess his mum is pleased to have him home.'

‘Yes, I think that was one of the reasons he came back. Beth's not getting any younger, and I hear that she has osteoporosis, poor thing. Not that you'd know. She's as active as ever and she'd never tell you herself. You know what a private person she is.'

Jo nodded. She remembered Beth Galloway as a quiet, practical woman. Always first to be there with a pot of soup or a plate of sandwiches in times of need, Beth managed to be friendly without ever being overly intimate with anyone. At one time Jo had felt as if she was starting to crack Beth's shell, that she was getting to see the real woman beneath the public exterior. But that was a long time ago now.

‘And of course he was keen to start Ella at the local school,' Jenny continued.

Jo tried to keep her face neutral at the mention of Ella but obviously failed, because Jenny reached for her hand again and gave it a motherly pat.

‘You'll have your own child one day soon, love. Once you get married and start a family your relationship with Ryan will be nothing more than a distant memory.'

Jo wondered if now was the time to make her confession that the thought of having a child gave her the heebie-jeebies. ‘I'm not planning on having babies any time soon,' she ventured.

Jenny nodded. ‘Very wise. Good to settle into being a married couple before you add kids into the mix. There's plenty of time for you girls. You're still young. I keep trying to tell Steph that but I think she and Nate will have a baby as soon as they can.'

Jo smiled and tried to look enthusiastic. What on earth was wrong with her? Was she the only person in the world who thought reproducing was overrated? She tried to steer Jenny onto a safer topic. ‘What's Ryan doing with himself? Has he set up his own veterinary practice here in the Gully?'

Jenny nodded. ‘He's running a little practice from his farm.'

‘Farm?'

‘Yes. He and his brother Dan have bought the old Anderson place.'

‘Next door to Yarrapinga?' It wasn't really a question. She knew damn well where the farm was.

Jenny nodded and went on quickly. ‘It's only a small parcel of land and I expect they were looking for something not too expensive, with Ryan only just out of university. The course took him longer than he thought what with him having to raise Ella on his own.'

‘Carly's gone?' Jo couldn't keep the shock out of her voice.

‘Good grief, doesn't Steph tell you anything in those emails she seems to be constantly sending?'

Jo shook her head. ‘Not about Ryan she doesn't. After I heard that Carly was pregnant I asked Jo not to talk about him anymore. It was just too painful to hear about how he'd moved on when I…well, I wasn't over him yet.'

Jenny smiled sympathetically. ‘I understand. But I thought she would have told you about Carly. It was such a tragedy…anyway, I guess she figured there was no use in dredging up the past when you were so far away.'

‘What do you mean “a tragedy”?'

Jenny sighed. ‘Let me start from the beginning seeing as Steph's kept you completely in the dark. For a long time there we didn't really hear much about what Ryan was up to. He and Carly settled in Melbourne before Ella was born. Beth likes to keep herself to herself so she never said much, not even when Carly ran off just after Ella's first birthday.'

So Ryan's relationship with Carly hadn't lasted. Jo tried to squish down the tiny bubble of happiness rising inside her. It was a ridiculous reaction. It wasn't as if she wanted him back and the collapse of any relationship was not something to be celebrated. She scrambled for an appropriate response and eventually said, ‘That must have been hard for Ryan.'

‘I expect it was. Seems the poor girl just couldn't cope. From what I can gather Ryan managed well enough, but it meant his degree took longer than he'd hoped. He had to drop back to part-time study for a while there. He eventually moved in with Dan and his wife in Melbourne. I don't know much more than that, except…' Jenny trailed off and looked uncomfortable.

‘What?'

‘Carly died three years ago.'

The shock of the statement hit Jo physically. The cup began to shake in her hand and she had to place it back on the table to avoid spilling tea everywhere. ‘What happened to her?' she asked.

‘She had a car accident. Ran off the road and hit a tree. Ella was in the car with her.'

‘Oh dear god, how awful.'

Jenny nodded sadly. ‘It was a huge shock for Ryan.'

‘Had she come back? I mean, were she and Ryan together again?'

Jenny shrugged. ‘I don't know. He was still living in Melbourne when it happened. He doesn't talk about it at all. Lord knows plenty of people have tried to get him to open up but he won't discuss it. All I know is that Carly died and Ella was badly hurt.'

Suddenly Jo felt ashamed. Today when she had watched Ella run across the oval she'd felt resentful of that small innocent girl. Ella's existence had taken Ryan from her, and the child's presence had reminded Jo of what she once had and what she had lost. But poor little Ella had lost so much more. ‘Poor Ryan,' she said.

‘Yes. He's been through a lot for one so young. But he seems to be doing well here. As well as the vet practice he and Dan are raising cattle, organic beef I believe. It seems everything's finally fallen into place for him.'

Jo could think of nothing to say. She couldn't believe she'd been so self-centred. For months after their split — years, if she was honest — she'd fumed about how quickly Ryan had moved on from their relationship. She resented Carly for taking up the space in Ryan's heart that she believed was rightfully hers. She knew her refusal of his marriage proposal had hurt him, but she hadn't wanted to end the relationship and she had told him as much. When she left he'd promised he'd wait for her. The next thing she knew Carly was pregnant.

All these years she'd secretly dreamed of seeing Ryan again and flaunting her bigger, better, happier life in his face. But today he seemed not the least bit interested in her, or her success, and now she knew why. Ryan had grown up and he'd had to face the most adult problems imaginable. She, on the other hand, was behaving like a spoiled child.

She had to let go of her childhood now. Ryan was her past. It was time to grow up.

CHAPTER

4

Jo watched her breath form frosty clouds as she waited for the kettle to boil. Last night she'd forgotten to set the timer on the heating. At dawn she realised her mistake and crept out of bed to turn it on but an hour later the kitchen was still freezing. Yarrapinga had been empty for a couple of years now and it seemed the cold had seeped into its structure, unwilling to retreat even when attacked with the full force of central heating.

Outside the property looked much the same as last time she was home. A few of the paddocks were leased out to a neighbouring beef farmer and the home paddock still had a couple of elderly ewes wandering in it. Jo paid a retired carpenter, Brian Hughes, to maintain and manage the property so it didn't get too rundown in her absence. Brian made sure the sheep were well taken care of and kept the rest of the property spick and span too.

Brian's wife came in once a month to dust, polish, remove cobwebs and generally make sure the house was clean, but there was no hiding the fact that the place was deserted. It felt more like a museum than a home.

Jo had arrived here late the day before after a lazy Sunday spent drinking tea and reminiscing with the Fieldings. Maybe it was the contrast of the empty house after the noise and frivolity of Steph's family home that made her so keenly aware of Yarrapinga's lifelessness. The rooms were just as she'd left them two years ago. In fact little had changed since she first moved to New York, but somehow the house seemed sadder, lonelier than she remembered. Some of the furniture had gone with her mother. The tapestry-covered footstool, a nest of occasional tables and the small bookcase had disappeared from the sitting room, and her mother's antique dressing table was gone as well. Otherwise the house was as it had always been.

With Daddy gone this was just a structure — bricks, timber and plaster. It wasn't a home.

For two years Jo had procrastinated about what to do with Yarrapinga. Somehow it seemed disrespectful to sell while Katherine was still alive, even though technically it was probably the right thing to do. She had power of attorney over her mother's affairs, and perhaps Katherine's interests would be better served if Jo sold the house and invested the money, but right now she was pleased she still had somewhere to come home to.

At JFK on Friday morning she'd fleetingly thought about moving back home for good. As she boarded the plane she realised that her life in New York would be very different now that she was no longer the future Mrs Zachary Carlton.

She often wondered how much of her success was due to Zach's celebrity status and his family's not inconsequential influence in the publishing industry. Somehow she'd let herself get sucked into Zach's superficial world. They moved in the same circles and had all the same friends. Once she'd said yes to Zach's carefully orchestrated proposal she began to see how small her world had become. Ironic really, that she'd come all the way to New York to escape the perils of small-town life, only to discover the world's most vibrant city could be just as claustrophobic.

Coming back home to stay had been a nice fantasy. She could write here without interruption and it would be wonderful to be close to Steph and Jenny. Realistically, though, it wasn't an option.

Especially now Ryan was here.

It would be hard enough getting through the next three weeks, trying to be courteous to each other for the sake of their friends. She dreaded the thought of partnering him at the wedding. Living next door to him forever wasn't something she could even contemplate.

Her life was in New York, with or without Zach. She had written
Hollywood Kisses
before she met him and even though her fame and celebrity status might be down to him, the book's success belonged to her. She had made a life for herself before Zach and she could do it again. In some ways she was looking forward to being back in her own little apartment, in her own funky neighbourhood. She had her writing and her blog. She wasn't short of money. And she loved Manhattan.

Thoughts of moving back to Linden Gully were just a brief fantasy, nothing more.

And that being the case, it was wasteful to keep Yarrapinga on the off-chance she might want to visit Linden Gully in the future. Once this wedding was over she couldn't foresee any reason to come back. The nursing home was 45 kilometres away in Bellington, so it would probably make more sense to stay there when she visited Katherine. And she was always welcome at the Fieldings' if she wanted to spend time in the Gully.

Now was as good a time as any to investigate putting the house on the market. She had three weeks to fill in before the wedding and may as well make good use of the time. Usually she spent every spare minute writing, but not at the moment. The current book wasn't flying from her fingers. In fact she was at a point where she was totally stuck. She figured a few weeks away from the page might be just the thing to get her creative juices flowing again. Determined to have a complete break from it all she hadn't even bothered to pack her laptop. She had to admit the lack of her daily routine was already making her feel a little antsy, but there were plenty things here in Linden Gully that needed her time and attention. Now she had no excuse to put those things off any longer. With that thought in mind Jo made a mental note to call Carter Real Estate later in the day, but first she needed to see if the old Jeep was in working order so she could get herself into town for supplies.

Ryan was busy thinking about his meeting with a potential customer as he wheeled his trolley around Glasson's IGA supermarket. Being a salesman didn't come naturally and was his least favourite part of running the farm. Generally Dan took care of this side of the business, while Ryan's job was to make sure the cattle were happy and healthy. But with Dan and Bec away on holiday it was up to him to make the pitch next week.

Fortunately, organically raised beef was a hot product right now and his customers generally took little convincing. Still, he found it calmed his nerves if he went over his sales pitch a few times in his head before a meeting, just to make sure he had all the facts and figures down pat.