Feeling This (2 page)

She backs up looking up into my eyes. Her
empty and confused gaze tells me that she still hasn’t come back yet. I look
down unable to meet her eyes again and squeeze her hand, turning to lead her
into the club. A few steps forward, she pulls on my hand. I glance back into
her face and she smiles sweetly.

Just like that, she’s back. I have to help
her get this under control. That is my plan for the night; take the steps
necessary to get my Susie Q the help she needs.

I gather her in my arms and nuzzle her neck
causing more goose bumps. She giggles and whispers, “Jordan, I love you so
much.”

My heart warms at her words. How did I get
so lucky and find the most perfect woman on my first try?

She breaks our connection too soon and
laughs at my disappointment while straightening her dress, “Did you forget
where we are?”

I hold out my arm resigned. She pulls me
close and we walk arm in arm through the door to greet the familiar faces of
friends and family. The part of our relationship that still puzzles me every
time we come here is the fact that we have both known many of these people for
a long time but we never met each other growing up.  We attended different high
schools, but grew up with everyone through the club. It’s as if fate didn’t
intervene until the perfect moment.

Susan ends up pulling me through the throng
of people spread through the grand room. I nod acknowledging acquaintances and
friends as we move along. Finally, she stops and I drape my arm around her back
pulling her close. The warmth of her skin against my palm sends my heart
beating faster. I look up and find us face to face with David and Bree, the
guests of honor. I shake David’s hand and he greets me, “Hey Bro, glad you guys
could make it.”

“Congrats, it’s about time.” I wink for
effect.

 I’ve been friends with Dave since the second
grade. Susan was right about the third grade thing. When we were in third grade
he started crushing on Bree. He finally asked her out in tenth grade. Why it
took him so long, who knows but now we’re twenty-five and he’s finally
acknowledged that it’s for good. He finally popped the question. I gave him all
kinds of hell about it over the last three years when I got serious with Susan.
I knew it would not be good in Bree’s eyes, if Susan got a ring and an engagement
party before her. He finally manned up.

He shakes his head and glances over to
Susan after she embraces Bree and he kisses her cheek. She settles back into my
side, “Like we would miss your engagement party. It’s not as if we all get
engaged every day.”

We all laugh at this because it is the running
joke at the club. The amount of divorced and remarried couples is pretty high.
These engagement parties are a dime a dozen. It’s silly and if I could get us
out of our own, I would. But neither of our moms would accept that. They
practically have it all planned already. They just need to know I’ve asked and
then they will run wild, I’m sure.

Susan asks, “Jordan, baby will get me
something to drink?”

“Of course, Susie, be right back.”

I peer back at her once I take a few steps
away. She is watching me intently and seems confused momentarily. I look away
not wanting to face this at the moment. It seems to be happening more and more
lately. She is here one minute and the next I‘m not sure if she’s my Susie or
someone else.

I make my way to the bar and run into Brian
a friend I’ve known since freshman year in high school. He is married with his
first baby on the way. Even with our perfect, influential upbringing, as my
mother would say, he and Victoria started out too early and missed the mark.
I’d say he actually hit the mark exactly, just not in the right order my mom
thinks is appropriate. They had a shotgun wedding once they found out she was
pregnant. It was all everyone could talk about for a while, the fact that she
got knocked up without being married first. Now everyone has moved on to other
things, good for Brian.

“Hey Brian, how are you? How is Victoria?”

He grabs his drink from the bar and nods,
“How’s it going? She’s over near our parents.” I glance across the room where
he implies and note that she is a lot bigger around the middle than the last
time I saw her.

I look at him surprised and exclaim, “Wow
dude, when is that baby due?”

He laughs, “Late November.”

He turns on me, “When are we going to find
out about an engagement? I hear both of your moms are already fierce with
anticipation.”

I laugh unable to hold back, “Yeah dude,
that’s what I hear too. Soon, hopefully soon.”

I step forward to give the bartender my
order and Brian calls as he turns to go, “Talk to you soon, Jordan.”

“Sounds good.”

As I make my way back to Susan, I watch her
cautiously. She is talking animatedly to Bree. Her smile seems genuine. I hand
her the glass of dry white wine and she smiles, pausing in her conversation
only to take it from my hand and lift the glass to take a sip.

 I scan the room, noticing the usual crowd
with the usual political and religious topics. Both of us have grown up in this
environment with these commonplace events. But they are never regular in my
book. I have never seen the need for all the hoopla.

Susan, on the other hand seems born for it
at times. She enjoys socializing and dressing up most of the time. Sometimes
though, she wants to skip the parties and sit home just as much as I do.
Tonight I was a little surprised at her reaction to coming. She has been close
with Bree since they were middle- schoolers. For her to consider skipping her
best friend’s engagement party, worries me. I know from conversations with others,
these two were completely inseparable before I came along.

A hand moves to touch my elbow and
encircles my upper arm. I glance down to see who it is and notice my mom’s
diamond studded wedding ring. My eyes raise to meet her worn blue ones emitting
tiny wrinkles at the corners. She is dressed up impeccably as usual in a black
cocktail dress.

She smiles and greets me, “Jordan, it’s
good to see you. Susan.”

Susan glances over and steps up to kiss her
on the cheek. I lean over and kiss her other cheek briefly. As I look up to my
dad hovering behind her, she claims moving her hand from my arm to my cheek,
“Are you not sleeping well dear? You look so tired. Your hair is getting awfully
long in the front.”

A sigh escapes my lips before I can stop
it. My mother is so predictable. She doesn’t have a chance to respond to my
uneasiness. Instead Susan glances over and pinches my side leaning into my ear,
“Don’t give her a hard time, she just worries about you, that’s her job.”

My mom has forgotten my reaction already.
She is greeting and embracing Susan’s parents who have just stepped up. Her
dad, Dan, walks over and shakes my hand making small talk about the weather. I have
always felt from the first day I met him that he lacked a backbone. Harsh I
know, but her mom, Rebecca, always seemed to wear the pants in the family. She
says jump and he doesn’t even bother to ask how high, he just jumps until she
says stop.

I turn to Susan murmuring, “Hey, maybe we
should stop monopolizing the happy couple.”

She ignores me for a moment finishing her
comment to Bree, something about a dress, and what was she thinking. After a
few more awkward minutes she turns and tells me, “Lead the way.”

I grab her hand and lead her to a table
across the room. Once she sits down and starts talking to her parents who have
made their way over, I make my way back to the bar. Thinking about speaking to
her father tonight, brings to mind that I could benefit from some liquid
courage.

My dad saunters up beside me as I wait for
my turn and pats me on the back. “So son, your mom keeps pestering me. I
promised I would ask. When should we plan on this for you and Susan?”

I frown, understanding where he is coming
from with this, but not liking it. Maybe my dad is just like Dan, no backbone.
My mom is demanding but he can usually handle her. I look over at him and see
how uncomfortable he is at having to ask me this.

“Dad, I’m working on it.”

He nods satisfied with my answer and
changes the subject, “Have you thought about my offer?”

I know my mom won’t be satisfied with my
answer but I don’t have to live with her.

“I’m still mulling it over. I’d really like
to make it on my own for a while.”

He agrees with me, ”I know son, jobs aren’t
as plentiful as they used to be though. It’s a tough market out there. My offer
stands. You can work for me as long as you like until you find something but I
would love it if you would become a partner and help run the company. You know
you are my only hope to keep it in the family. Your sister is too right brained
to run a tech company.”

I hang my head and wait as my turn at the
bar is next. This has been on my dad’s agenda since I graduated three years
ago. I’ve dabbled with the idea of going back to school since I haven’t found
anything else. But he is adamant about me running the company. I’m not against
it completely, it’s close to my degree major. I just want to be independent of
my parents for a while, which is proving to be difficult. As I do look
elsewhere, I agreed to take a job in his marketing department for the time
being. It makes me feel like I’m doing something to pay the bills and not just
get a free ride to the top.

Susan has other thoughts about it. She
thinks I should help run the company because it’s my birthright, her word, not
mine. Yet another thing I love about her, she has told me this only once. When
I told her how I felt, she claimed that she would always support me in what I
decide. Just thinking about her principles when she is here and aware,
motivates me even more to do what I can to help her.

“Jordan, you still there? It’s your turn.”

I step up, realizing I really need this
drink, ordering for my dad and myself. We walk back to the table and all three
women are looking at me expectantly. What the hell? I take my spot next to
Susan and lean in asking, “What was that all about?”

She giggles and answers so softly that only
I can hear her, “This engagement thing with David and Bree has opened the flood
gates. They actually asked me if we are already engaged.”

My eyes go wide but she grasps my cheek and
reassures, “Don’t worry babe, I didn’t give you up.”

I lean in and kiss her beautiful mouth letting
my lips linger a moment longer than necessary. When we part, I look into those
eyes I never tire of peering at and know that she is totally here in this
moment. I’m thankful for that. Maybe we won’t have any more episodes tonight.

The waitress comes to take our orders and I
look across the table at her dad to gauge his mood. I need to speak with him
tonight about his daughter. I can’t talk her into this alone. I’m going to need
their help.

Kimber

I stare into the mirror in the bathroom and
splash cold water on my face. It’s obvious in the circles under my grey-blue
eyes that I haven’t been sleeping well lately. I rush to my room to change into
the uniform I wear most nights, cut off shorts and a black tank with green fluorescent
letters splayed across the front advertising The Ugly Duckling logo. I rest a
moment on the edge of my unmade bed and reach down to slip on my purple
converse. It would feel so good to just lay back and fall asleep.  

My mom’s shrill voice echoes through the
house, “Hurry girl, you’re gonna be late and then where would we be?” My
sentiments exactly, where would she be if I weren’t working my ass off to pay
the bills that just keep piling up?

My feet seem to move of their own accord,
taking me through the kitchen where I find my mom sitting at the table staring
off into space. I lean over to kiss her cheek and my eyes avert to the
cigarette burning awfully close to her fingers. I reach out and grab it putting
it out in the ashtray, almost overflowing with butts. I scurry to empty it
noting that one of these days, I’m going to come home and find nothing here but
a pile of ashes from her lack of attention.

“Bye Momma, I love you. Don’t forget Mrs.
Bruin made you dinner, it’s in the fridge.” I turn to make my way out the door.
She doesn’t respond, she never does, why do I even bother?