Feeling Hot (34 page)

“Huh?”

Chuckling, he sat at the other end of the couch and lifted her socked feet into his lap. “According to the grapevine, those are the two outcomes of girls’ night. You ladies either get drunk enough to strip or puke.”

“Sorry to disappoint, but you’re getting neither. I only had one drink.”

Jen slid closer and leaned her head on his shoulder. Smiling, Cash slung an arm around her shoulder and nuzzled her neck, and it felt so natural and so right that his chest grew hot and tight.

“By the way, I’m sorry for springing Carson on you like that,” he told her. “He insisted on picking you up and ordered me not to call you and warn you.”

“Don’t worry, it’s fine.”

“Did you two talk?”

She nodded. “We worked everything out. And he told me about the woman we saw him with, the therapist.”

Cash shot her a smug smile. “Told you there was an explanation.”

“Fine. You were right. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Yep.”

“Well, I’m glad you were right.” She exhaled softly. “God, I just want Carson and Holly to be happy.”

“Me too. And I also want…” He trailed off, his confidence wavering.

Just do it already. Tell her you love her
.

“Cash? You okay?”

Her worried expression made him smile. “I’m fine,” he said gruffly. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Cash—”

“No, just listen for a minute.” He shifted so they were facing each other. “I know we agreed that the fling would have an end date, but…I don’t want it to end.”

Surprise washed over her face. Surprise, not horror or regret, which was always a good sign, and the receptive look in her eyes spurred him to go on.

“I know how you feel about the military life, but I don’t think you want this to end either.” He reached for her hand, a little embarrassed to discover his fingers were trembling. “We’re good together, sweetheart, and it’s not just the sex. I’ve never been able to talk to a woman the way I can talk to you. I love talking to you, actually. I love your sense of humor, I love how big your heart is, I love everything about you.” He let out a curse. “Ah, fuck, I’m just going to say it, okay? I love
you
.”

She stared at him with wide eyes.

“I love you, Jen,” he repeated. “This isn’t a fling for me anymore. It’s so much more.”

As his speech came to a close, Cash studied her beautiful face and waited for a response. A word. A smile. A squeeze of the hand. Anything would have sufficed, but the longer her silence dragged on, the unhappier he grew.

He’d only ever said those three words to one other female. Brooke Pollack, the girl he’d dated in high school. And unlike Jen, Brooke had actually returned the sentiment.

A knot of pain twisted his insides. Christ, he was such a fool. He’d really believed they could have more than a fling, but clearly he’d been wrong. Jen wasn’t even looking at him, and she kept gnawing on her bottom lip the way she always did when she was upset.

“I get it,” he muttered, dropping her hand. “That’s not what you wanted to hear.” He started to get up. “I’m sorry if—”

“I love you too.”

He froze, and then his butt landed back on the couch cushions and his gaze flew to her face. “You do?”

Her blue eyes glimmered with certainty. “I love you, and I want to be with you too. I don’t care if it’s full-time or part-time or even if I only see you one day every other month—I’ll take you any way I can get you.”

Cash gawked at her. Probably not the most macho reaction, or the appropriate one, but now it was
his
turn to sit in stunned silence. He hadn’t been entirely sure what to expect from this heart-to-heart. Rejection had topped the expectation list. Maybe some resistance.

But a straight-up
I love you too
? Nope, hadn’t seen that coming.

Why the hell are you sitting here analyzing when you should be kissing the girl?

Good fucking point.

Snapping out of his stupefied state, he thrust a hand in Jen’s silky blonde hair and yanked her mouth to his, swallowing her startled squeak with his kiss. Long, deep, passionate. The kiss dampened his palms and quickened his pulse, and when their mouths broke free, the look of joy on Jen’s face nearly had him doing a happy little fist pump.

And then her eyes narrowed. “I know what you did, by the way.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Going behind my back and giving Jane my pictures?” she prompted.

Guilt slithered up his throat and formed a big lump, but there was a bit of anger in there too. “I can’t believe Jane told you.
 
She promised—”

“Don’t be mad at her. It just sorta slipped out, and I’m actually really glad she said something.” Jen smiled. “Don’t worry, I’m not angry at you. I know you were only trying to help, and thanks to you, I have a shot at a freelance position with one of the most esteemed magazines in the country.” Her voice wobbled. “You believed in me, Cash. Nobody’s ever believed in me before.”

“You have a shot because of
you
. I might have given Jane the photos, but you were the one who took them. You deserve this, sweetheart.” He had to chuckle. “But please, can I be there when you tell your mom and the admiral that your waste-of-time hobby has officially become your career?”

“Wait, you’re
volunteering
to be in the admiral’s company again? Wow, you must really love me.”

“I must really love you,” he said huskily. “I’d do anything for you. You know that, right?”

“I know.” She reached out and swept her fingers over his jaw, her gentle touch making him shiver. “And I’d do anything for you, cowboy, even throw my dating rulebook out the window to be with you.”

Cash searched her face. “Are you sure about this? Can you really handle the whole military thing?”

For a second, uncertainty flickered in her blue eyes, but then it faded into a gleam of sincerity. “I have to believe we can do it, Cash. I know we’ll have to work hard on this relationship, and I can’t promise that I won’t be a bundle of nerves every time you go away, but—”

His cell phone chimed.

“Perfect timing,” he said wryly. He pulled his phone from his pocket and glanced at the screen, then stifled a curse. Son of a bitch.

Next to him, Jen stiffened. “You need to answer it?”

“Yeah,” he said grimly.

Rising from the couch, he answered the call and listened to Becker’s brusque orders, while Jen stayed seated and watched him unhappily.

After he hung up, he couldn’t control the frustrated breath that escaped his mouth. “I have to report to the base.”

The corners of her mouth strained.

Cash waited for it. The big one-eighty. The moment when she said,
Fuck, I can’t do this after all. I can’t wait around for you
.

But the rebuff didn’t come. Instead, Jen staggered to her feet and approached him hesitantly. “It’s okay,” she murmured, resting her cheek against his collarbone. “I can do this, Cash.”

He cradled the back of her head and tipped it up so he could study her expression. He searched for any sign that she didn’t mean what she said, and found none. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. Now, go.” She swallowed hard. “Call me if you can, and if you can’t, that’s okay. I’ll be waiting right here when you come home.”

Cash’s chest clenched. “You promise?”

“I promise, cowboy.”

He’ll be just fine
.

Those four syllables had become Jen’s personal catchphrase. Ever since Cash had left, she’d been twisted up in knots, worried out of her mind and constantly questioning her decision to make things permanent with Cash. How did other women do it, damn it? Cash had only been gone for three days, but it felt like an eternity, and she was going crazy not knowing if he was okay.

Ironically, the woman next to her was in the same boat, yet Annabelle seemed downright chipper as she sat behind the wheel of Cash’s SUV and sang along to the White Stripes CD blaring out of the speakers. Annabelle was playing chauffeur for the day because Jen was too much of a basket case to make the drive to Los Angeles alone. Her interview with
Today’s World
was in an hour, and she desperately wished that Cash were here at the moment so he could ease her nerves with his distracting kisses and heated caresses.

But at least Annabelle had agreed to accompany her. Well, not so much agreed as
ordered
. After two days of Annabelle popping in every other minute to “hang out”, Jen had finally gotten the brunette to confess that Cash and Carson had told her to stick to Jen like glue. Even with Brendan gone, the two overprotective men in her life still thought she needed a babysitter.

“Why are you so happy?” Jen demanded. “Aren’t you worried about Ryan?”

Annabelle lowered the volume and shot Jen a sidelong look. “Nope.”

“Really?”

“Worrying doesn’t achieve a damn thing. Ryan can take care of himself, and I trust that he’ll do everything in his power to come home to me.”

Jen envied the other woman’s confidence. She might feel more confident herself if she knew where Cash was or what he was even doing, but SEAL assignments were kept under wraps, and she knew nothing except that this was a “minor” operation, low-threat and not likely to be lengthy. Knowing that didn’t make her feel the slightest bit better, but this was their first separation in what would most likely be many, and she was determined to pass this first test with flying colors.

“Cash will be fine,” Annabelle said as they drove through West Hollywood. “He and the others are trained for this.”

“I know, but I’m still worried.”

“You should worry about impressing that photo editor instead.”

“Trust me, I’m doing that too.” She bit her lip. “What if he hates my portfolio?”

“He won’t. He’s already seen all the photographs in it, remember? This interview is just a formality, Jen. You’ve got the job in the bag.”

“I hope so.”

The
Today’s World
building came into view, and Annabelle drove into the underground parking lot. She stopped at the ticket machine, grabbed a ticket, and shoved it on the dashboard before continuing down into the darkened underground.

“How do I look?” Jen asked after Annabelle parked in a space near the elevators.

“Gorgeous, as usual.”

She smoothed out the front of her pale-blue silk blouse, tucked neatly into her knee-length black pencil skirt. She’d swept her hair up in a neat bun and opted for minimal makeup. She had no clue whether this was a formal interview or a laidback meeting. She just hoped she looked professional enough.

She took a breath, then looked at Annabelle. “Are you going to wait here?”

Nodding, the brunette fished her BlackBerry from the cup holder. “Yeah, I have some emails to send.” Annabelle’s smile was full of encouragement. “Kick some ass in there, okay?”

“I’ll try.”

An hour later, Jen slid back into the car, her fingers trembling as she tossed the leather portfolio in the backseat.

“How did it go?” Annabelle demanded when Jen didn’t utter a word.

Letting out a shaky breath, she met Annabelle’s impatient gaze. “I got the job.”

The other woman let out a squeal. “You did?”

“I did.”

The next thing she knew, Annabelle lunged across the center console and nearly suffocated her in a tight hug. “I knew you would! Congratulations!”

“Thanks,” she said weakly.

Annabelle released her and started the car engine, still grinning like crazy. “So what’s your first assignment?”

“They’re starting me off with puff pieces. The magazine’s running an interview with Senator Markowski for the next issue and they want me to take his picture. He wants it done at his house in Lake Tahoe, so I’m flying out there next week.”

As they emerged from the parking garage, sunlight assaulted Jen’s eyes. She rummaged in her purse for her sunglasses and slipped them on. A part of her was still feeling dumbfounded. She’d gotten a job. A
photography
job. So why didn’t it feel real to her?

Heading for the interstate, Annabelle glanced over with a deep frown. “Why don’t you look happy? You just got the job of your dreams.”

“I know. I guess it hasn’t sunk in yet.” She chewed on the inside of her cheek. “After Rick hired me, my first instinct was to call Cash, and then I got all bummed out when I remembered I couldn’t.”

Annabelle looked sympathetic. “Look, I know it sucks. The first time Ryan was gone, I was a basket case too. But it gets easier.”

She pictured Carson and Holly, and thought,
No, it doesn’t
. But she bit back the words. Besides, maybe every couple was unique. Savannah and Matt, for example—Savannah was so independent she almost seemed to enjoy the time off from her boyfriend.

So maybe she and Cash wouldn’t drift apart during his absences. Maybe the time apart would bring them even closer.

Either way, Annabelle was right. Worrying about things beyond her control was counterproductive.