Feel (17 page)

Andy nods, not saying anything as Saige slips her hands around my fingers and her head on my shoulder, resting it between my chin and hollow of my neck.  Her words are so low, I barely hear them when she whispers, “You’re not alone in this.  I’m here for whatever you need.”

I place my free arm around the small of her back and pull her as close to me as possible, memorizing the feel of her body meshing with mine, the sweet, tangy scent of her skin, and the soft gentleness of her lips brushing against my neck.  This is another memory I’ll hold on to.

“I’ll drive.  You two take it easy in the back,” Andy offers, opening the side door of the van. 

Saige’s hand never lets go of mine as we climb inside.  I watch how she glances nervously at the mat she was sleeping on earlier, and I grab another blanket, positioning it on the other side before pulling her down next to me.  We don’t say anything.  We just lie here, looking at each other, holding each other.  Saige’s fingers trace the outline of my face, down the sides to my jaw, stopping at the center of my chin.  Those caramel eyes stay locked on mine like she’s trying to see into my soul, or maybe give me some of hers.  Whatever it is she’s doing, it’s giving me peace in all the shit and chaos rummaging through my head right now as we get closer to where we were raised.  The tip of her finger stays on my chin, slowly caressing the edge until I pull her closer, burying my face in the hair falling across her neck.  I fall into her, laying my head against her soft skin and allow her innocence and love to invade me until I drift to sleep next to the only home I’ve ever known or needed. 

Nothing is left.  The house I grew up in is only broken bricks and pieces of debris.  The sun is shining through the limbs of the trees in the yard and I absently watch how its rays stream across where my room used to be.  It’s so fucking surreal and I have no idea how I’m supposed to react, what in the hell I’m supposed to be feeling.  Part of me wants to grieve and the other part wants to take a handful of the broken pieces and throw them at my father’s work shop thirty feet away, busting every window that isn’t already shattered.  The ambivalence is maddening.  The only thing I’m sure of is how I wish I had more time with them.  Time that wasn’t full of anger so they knew I loved them despite all the bullshit that happened.

Closing my eyes, I try to burn this image in my mind until I can find Griffin and kill the bastard.  Turning around, I refuse to look back as I make my way towards Saige and Andy.  “I have to go to Griffin’s home.  Take Saige to a hotel.  I’ll meet up with you later.”

“You’re not going there without me,” Saige demands. 

“Griffin knew your father and Jackson went there and he made it pretty damn clear he didn’t like it.  I’m not letting you go anywhere without me,” Andy joins her ranks.

“I appreciate your concern.”  I do.  But their concern isn’t what I need at the moment.  I need Saige safe and this bastard dead.  “I won’t allow Saige anywhere near him.  Take her to a hotel.”

Saige grabs my arm, “I’m standing right here, and there’s no way I’m going to a hotel while you’re on your own.”

I didn’t expect her to cooperate but I was hoping like hell she would.  “I won’t be alone for long.  Darrin and the rest of the crew will be here soon.”

“Then you can wait until they’re here,” she insists. 

The determined gaze staring back at me is so familiar and I let out a deep breath.  “Saige.  I can’t lose you.  Please – just go with Andy.”

Her hands touch my temples, sliding down until she’s holding my face.  She steps closer, shaking her head, “I don’t know what you’re going through right now, but I know I’m not letting you go through it alone.  So, unless you plan on having Andy duct tape me to a chair again, I’m not going anywhere with him without you.”

Andy tries to hide his smile but fails miserably. 

A loud groan rumbles up my throat.  “Fine.  I’ll wait until they arrive.”

The relief that flashes in Saige’s eyes is humbling.  She’s worried about what might happen to me as much as I am about her.  Her relief morphs into hesitance, “Are you going to find out what’s in the lockbox?”

“Tonight,” I answer, taking the keys from Andy.  “We’ll check into a hotel and grab something to eat.  Darrin should be here by then.”  I make sure to go the opposite way from Saige’s house.  She’s doing a damn good job at hiding it, but I saw the difference in her when we arrived.  Her existence here was hell.  If I knew Griffin couldn’t find her, I would have left her in one of the towns we passed until we find him, but I can’t take the risk of her being alone with him knowing about her. 

It doesn’t take long to check into the hotel and Saige and I walk across the street to the plaza to buy some warmer clothing.  The days are almost perfect weather in October here, but the nights get really cool.  A smile tugs at my lips when we head to the dressing rooms. 

Saige stops.  Her eyes are hooded when she turns around, glancing at me under those long lashes.  Her fingers play with the tags on the clothes she’s holding in her hands, and I laugh.

“I remember.  I meant every word, and I’ll fulfill that promise a helluva lot better this time.”

“I know you will,” she smiles.  I see the truth in her eyes.  She turns to step inside the room where we made one of my best memories, the room where she said the best thing I could ever hear, then turns back around, “It will be even better than it could have before.”

Damn, the woman knows how to bring me to my knees.  Her trust gives me the strength to take on the whole fuckin’ world.  She always did know what to say.  The click of the lock turns when she closes the door and my mind flashes back to that afternoon.

 
“What are you doing?” Saige whispers, giggling.  “You can’t be in here.”

  “I couldn’t wait to see you in that dress, pretty girl.”

  “It doesn’t take that long to put on,” she smirks, cocking her brow.

  “Long enough,” I reply, taking the dress from her hands and hanging it back on the wall.  The top button of her shorts are already undone and her short sleeve shirt lays crumpled at her feet, leaving only her short, tight tank top and light blue lacy bra peeking over the top, making my dick pulse and throb, begging to be relieved. 

Her eyes fall to the bulge in my jeans as I adjust myself.  Pink spreads across her cheeks as she blushes innocently and I decide I fuckin’ love that color on her.  Her fingers fidget with the tag on the dress and her lips part slightly.  I can see the soft pink of the tip of her tongue wet the top of her bottom lip, reaffirming my love of that shade.  Those beautiful eyes blink slowly before locking on mine.  I can still see the residual red puffiness around her eyes that she didn’t want me to see from where she had fought with her father earlier.  I also see her brewing desire while mine for her bursts in every part of me until I can taste it on my tongue.  When her fingers skim the waist of my jeans, I hold my breath.  She slowly slips her fingertips inside the edge of the denim, her skin sliding against my flesh until she reaches the cotton rim of my boxers. 

“Are you going to kiss me?” She asks in that sweet voice that makes me know I’d do anything for her. 

  Gently grabbing her wrists, I pin her against the dressing room wall, “I’m going to do more than kiss you, pretty girl.  I’m going to take you to prom, then, when you graduate, I’m going to take you away from here.  I’m going to take you to where it’s just you and me.  But, hell, yes, I am most definitely going to kiss you first.  I’m going to kiss you a lot.” 

Her lips part for me and I plunge my tongue into her mouth, tasting her sweetness, her innocence.  The moan that rumbles from her lips into my mouth goes straight to my crotch, and I have to fight like hell not to press the hardened length against her.  I take all of her I can with my mouth, plundering her tongue, her lips, every inch of flesh on her neck, until she’s panting against me.  Pressing my hands against the mirror, I pull myself away from her.  She isn’t ready, and there’s no way I’m going to make her first time be in a dressing room.  No, our first time together is going to mean something.  It’s going to mean everything.  Just like she does.

“Are you okay?” Saige asks, her lip bitten worriedly between her teeth. 

Brushing my thumb against her bottom lip, I hold her face in my hand, “I’m more than okay.  I’m in love with you, Saige.”

Her eyes widen, she slowly swallows, and her swollen lips turn into the most beautiful smile, “Do you mean that?  Please – don’t tell me that unless you’re sure.”

“I meant everything I said, pretty girl.  You’re in my head every damn second.  Sure doesn’t even come close to how much I know I’m in love with you.”

“I’m in love with you, too.”  She laughs, something she only does with me, which makes me sad at the same time it makes me fall even more crazy in love with her.

“What’s so funny?” I ask, brushing her long, dark hair behind her ear.

“It’s just that it’s hard to understand…the one whose emotions I can't feel is the one who makes me feel the most.”

Saige comes out of the dressing room, pulling me back to the present, and I swear to myself that it will be even better than it could have been back then.  I’ll make damn sure of that.  “You ready?”

“Ready.”  She smiles, taking my hand.  “I do have to admit that the dressing room isn’t nearly as much fun without you.”

“Did you expect it to be?” I laugh.

Shaking her head, she giggles, just like she did years ago, “Nope.”

I take her clothes and put them with what I grabbed for Andy and me. 

“I’m paying for mine,” she protests. 

“I never got to take you to prom.  I know this isn’t close to that dress that would have looked amazingly hot on you, but I’m buying them.”

“Thank you,” Saige relents.  Her voice is soft, sweet, just like it was that day.  I can tell she’s not used to someone taking care of her because she’s had to take care of herself her entire life, except when I was around.  I haven’t been around for way too long so I’m going to have to prove just how I plan on taking care of her in every way she’ll allow me to. 

The wind has picked up, and Saige scoots closer to me to stave off the chill as we walk back to the hotel. 

“I’ll go to the front desk and see if I can get some hot chocolate sent up.”

“Sounds perfect.  I’ll see you in the room,” Saige smiles, pressing her lips against my neck and taking the bags before turning the corner towards the hall.  She’s trying so damn hard to hide her discomfort so she can be strong for me, but I see the tension in the way she moves.  I can hear it in her voice. 

Chelsea Flanninger is smiling, her eyes slowly drinking me in, when I turn around.  The class president, beauty and talent queen, and track star looks just the same as I remember, beautiful and snarky.  “Well, Jensen Rider.  I never thought I would see you back here again after you took off like you did.”  Her eyes roam up my tattooed arms, “Damn, you look even better than when you were in high school.”  Her plump lips purse into a pout that I think she thinks is somehow sexy, “I also never thought I would see you with Saige again.  I always figured you were just with her because you felt sorry for her.”

“Sorry for her?” I ask, anger beginning to edge my words.

“I mean, you were one of the hottest boys in school and could’ve had any girl you wanted.  I thought you came to your senses after she left.  I heard you did anyway, hooking up with normal girls, lots of them.”

“Normal girls,” I repeat, shaking my head and not even trying to disguise my angry tone.

“Saige was nice and everything, but you have to admit the girl was kind of a pathetic freak.  Sounds like you ditching her was a good thing, letting you move onto other – opportunities.”

Reining in my temper, I ignore her flirtatious smile.  “Saige is the most amazing woman I’ve ever known and there are thousands of reasons I was with her then and am with her now, including how she isn’t a snide, ungrateful, bitch.  If it weren’t for Saige, your mother wouldn’t be alive, or have you forgotten how she warned you about the fire?”

Chelsea presses her lips together and looks down. 

“Saige never did anything to harm anyone, unlike you and just about every other spoiled bitch in school.  I saw her after the things you and your friends did to her.  She always tried to shrug it off unless she was forced to defend herself.  Even after your stunt to humiliate her in front of the school and after the time all of you jumped her in gym, she still warned you so your mom could be saved.  You have it wrong.  Saige isn’t the pathetic one; she never was.”