Feel (13 page)

She’s still trembling from the aftershocks of her orgasm as I kiss her shoulder before turning her over and claiming her mouth.  The hazy satisfaction brightening her eyes only deepens my love for this woman.  She is mine.  She.Is.Mine. 
Holy shit, she’s fucking mine.
  I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve her, but I sure as hell am going to make sure I don’t screw this up again as I bury my nose against her neck, pulling her as close to me as possible and relish the warmth of her release coating my fingers as I caress the soft skin just below her navel.  “So, pretty girl, how did that feel?”

“Mmmm,” she purrs.  “I want to feel like that every damn second.”

“I’ll see what I can do about that,” I wink, “at least every night, anyway.”

“Then, you will most definitely be my hero.”

The laugh that leaves her lips heals a little more of the broken pieces. 

Saige

  “Good morning, pretty girl.”  Jensen’s words break through my morning-after-orgasm haze, and I smile against the pillow. 

“Good morning to you, too.”  Before I have a chance to roll over, Jensen presses his raging hard-on against my cotton covered tush, pushing his fully awake and hardened length against the place that would have sang praises if it could after the release that left me feeling completely consumed and cherished by the man I’ve loved in one way or another since I was only seven years old.  “If you don’t stop moving like that, I’m going to have to do what you wouldn’t let me do to you last night.”

He groans, the soft rumble tickling my neck, “You have no idea how hard it is not to take you up on that.”

“Um, I think I do,” I tease, running my fingers torturously slow down the length of his very hard, very up, erection covered in thin, black cotton.

Thrusting hard against my already dampened panties, he lets out a pained groan, “Damn, woman, you know what I meant.”

“Why don’t you, then?” I try to keep the insecurity out of my voice, wondering why he wouldn’t make love to me.

Strong, warm hands slide across my lower back before gently flipping me over to where I’m facing the most grippingly handsome green eyes.  “Because, I wanted to make you feel something good from me after I’ve made you feel like shit for way too long.”

I begin to protest, but he places his hand over my mouth.  “I’m not done.  I know what you said, and I’m going to stop the self-blame because it hurts you, but that doesn’t change the fact that I contributed to your pain.  Last night was just the beginning of me showing you how you should be touched and loved.  How you should feel.”

“So, there’s more?” I grin.

“Boundlessly more,” he states slowly, letting the words resonate with their delicious meaning. 

“Can I get a sample of what’s to come now?” 

The wicked gleam in his eyes is answer enough.  I squeal when he pulls me to the edge of the bed, laughing when he slips the lacy cotton panties down my legs and twirls the strap of fabric on his finger.  “I really hope you have more like these.”

My answer is cut off when he places his hands underneath my thighs, slipping them higher until he is grasping the edge of my derriere.  A shot of nervous ecstasy simmers from my head to the pulsing heat he is gently grazing with the tip of his thumb.  His eyes connect with mine.  I see his silent question asking for my permission.  Biting my lip, I nod, trying to keep from trembling when his mouth replaces his thumb.  I’ve never been kissed where his tongue is currently swirling me right out of my freakin’ mind now.  The feeling is wonderfully overwhelming, and I buck from the exquisite sensations seizing every single piece of me.  His grip tightens, bringing me back to his mouth.  His hot, wet tongue slides and suckles until I feel the catapulting high building forcefully, pushing me closer to the edge.  I lose all ability to think clearly.  All I can manage is breathless moans that I hope he realizes are my pleas for him to never stop making me feel
like this
. 

His rough whiskers from his unshaven jaw prick my skin, joining in the unbelievably amazing goodness he is delivering.  The sheets are gripped so tightly in my fists, I feel my fingernails digging into my palm through the white cotton.  My body moves on its own, thrusting flush to his mouth as my back arches.  Whimpers fill the room and it takes me a second to realize they’re from me.  I would be ashamed of the depth of need in them if I weren’t already too far gone to give a damn.  My heart patters furiously as I climb higher, not so sure if I can keep from exploding into a million gratified pieces.  My lower belly begins to quake as his tongue plunders, owning me just as much as every hot, moist swirl is setting me free.  “
Please, please,
” I beg, when he rubs the stubble of his chin over my sensitized folds before continuing with his lavishing tongue. 
Oh! Freaking YES…please!
  Another deep swirl thrusts me over the edge, and my entire body trembles and quakes from the climax shattering inside of me.  My lips part with the loud gasp calling his name tumbling between them.  Even my fingers and toes are shaking when the mattress gives next to me and he rolls me on top of his chest.  The heavy beat of his heart matches mine.  Jensen’s masculine scent arouses me, and I blush, suddenly shy at how my body responds to the essence that belongs only to him. 

“Hey,” he whispers softly, cupping my face in his hand, “are you okay?”

The concern in his eyes stirs something inside of me and the tears fall before I even feel them coming. 

“What’s wrong, Saige?” 

“I’m fine,” I try to assure him when he quickly sits up and pulls me onto his lap, but the damn tears won’t stop falling.

His brow furrows as he studies me.  I watch his firm, speckled jaw tighten.  How the rest of him can look so fierce when his gaze remains soft, baffles me.  It always has.  Every time he’s protected me, I would cringe at the force behind his fist.  Even with him being immune to me, I could still feel his anger radiating off him as he pummeled the boys stupid enough to taunt me when he was around.  I never wanted him to fight.  I never wanted him to know about anything that would have made him want to fight.  I hated when he got in trouble because of me.

“How ‘bout you try telling me the truth now?” he demands gently. 

“Really, I’m fine.”  I pause, not quite sure of how to explain what I’m feeling, “It’s just that I thought I would never feel anywhere near this good again.”

His hand slips under my hair, caressing the back of my neck, as he pulls me to his chest.  His strength makes me feel safe, wanted.  “This time, I’m doing it right with you.”

“What you’ve done so far feels more than
right
,” I tease, then turn serious.  “You don’t owe me anything, Jensen.”  Pausing, I consider my words before beginning again, “Last night, my plan was to try and get you to talk about whatever happened between you and your dad.  I know you didn’t have the closest of relationships but I know you love him; that was clear with the few times you did mention him.”

“Can you catch me up with where your thoughts are right now because I missed something when that pretty head of yours up and switched gears on me.”

“I know you didn’t want to talk about your family growing up.  You were always so evasive when I asked anything about them.  I just let it go because I figured you had reasons for not wanting to talk, like I did, and I let it go.  I figured you would tell me whenever you were ready.”  My eyes are pulled to my fingers.  He always looked so sad when his dad was mentioned, and I would do anything to keep him from feeling that way.  I felt enough sadness for the both of us. 

Jensen’s eyes cloud to a dark green, “It’s not that I didn’t want to let you in on that part of my life.  I just didn’t want to add anymore crap on top of the shit you were already dealing with.”

“I can understand that.  I didn’t plan on telling you about the institution, but you looked like you needed to hear it.  Without being able to feel your emotions, I wasn’t sure if you were asking me because you wanted to know or because you thought it would help me to tell you about it.  I guess trying to protect each other by not talking about the pain in our own lives hasn’t worked so well.”  I grin, shrugging my shoulder, “Well, except with how you decided to distract me so I wouldn’t ask about your dad.  What you did made damn sure no more talking would happen, at least talking that involved coherent thoughts.”

Jensen lets out a low laugh.  The rumble shakes his chest, and I slide my hands down the tattooed ripple of his hardened muscles.  I wanted to feel him inside of me last night, but he definitely took care of the physical ache.  He completely, utterly, and marvelously took care of that ache.  I tried to take care of his, but he refused, just pulling me into his arms and holding me until I fell asleep.  Those arms circle around me again, sheltering me in his protection, taking care of the last of the emotional ache, too.  Being with Jensen, tangled in his arms…this is where I belong.  I don’t know how I thought I could fool myself into thinking anything different.  I’ve always belonged with him and I always will, but it’s more than that; I don’t just belong in his arms, I belong to him.  I know that goes against the way the world thinks now, but I don’t give a damn.  I want to belong to him, that’s my choice and it makes me feel stronger than I’ve ever felt giving him that power. 

  “I wish I could stay here with you in my arms just like this, but we have to shower and get back on the road.”

As if seconding Jensen’s statement, Andy’s loud mouth calls through the door, asking if we’re awake. 

Jensen grabs my arms and flips me underneath him, successfully avoiding further questions again.  A lock of tousled blonde hair hangs just above his eyes.  His tattoos stand out even more with his muscles bulging when he holds himself up as he hovers above me.  “Get your cute ass in the shower before I go back on my trying to be a gentleman and not wait to ravish you in every hot, dirty way I’ve fantasized about a million times.”

“That kills all incentive for me to get out of this bed, much less out from underneath you,” I breathe. 

Pressing his rock hard length against my belly, he groans, “You’re not going to make doing the right thing easy are you, pretty girl?”

“Nope.  Did you expect me to?”

Those mind blowing, incredible orgasm inducing lips slowly spread, “Nope.  Not a chance in hell.”

I laugh as he pops me playfully on my thigh.  I lean against his arm and press my lips against the inside of his elbow, gently kissing right below where he marked me as his by inking my name permanently in his skin.  Knowing his eyes are glued to my ass, I slowly sway across the room, proving just how hard I am going to make it for him to not make love to me.  His laughter sends warm, comforting chills over my body as the pillow he throws barely misses me when I duck into the bathroom. 

For a crappy hotel, the shower is heaven, sending a warm, massaging spray over my tired muscles.  Wanting to relish the little time I have to get ready, I squirt my mandarin shampoo into my hands and lather it through my hair.  A shot of deep sadness knots in my chest.  Leaning my head against the shower wall, I just breathe through the drowning feeling of sorrow.  I’ve been here plenty of times before; it will only last a minute or two and it will vanish.  Until the next time.  Since I can remember, these feelings of sadness have come to me.  I was four years old when I realized what they meant.  Someone is going to die.

The sorrow begins to fade and I try to let it go, knowing there’s not a damn thing I can do about it until they get strong enough for me to feel who it is that is going to die.  It can take anywhere from a couple of days to two weeks before I know who it will be.  You would think I’d be used to it by now, but who in the hell can ever get used to sensing someone’s death? 

“Shake a leg, princess!  Are you almost done?” Andy calls through the door.

“Yeah.  Just a couple of minutes.”  Rinsing the shampoo out of my hair, I try to rid myself of the divination as I quickly condition my hair and wash my body.  I’d like to see how quickly he can be when death decides to screw with his head.  Wrapping the towel around my body, I crack the door and peek through. 

“Don’t worry; he’s gone,” Jensen laughs, pulling the door open all the way.  His eyes roam greedily over my wet body that is currently covered only by a very tiny towel.  “Do you honestly think I would let Andy, or any other man for that matter, get any kind of glimpse at your beautiful body?”

I’m used to Jensen complimenting me.  He’s always made sure to try to build me up.  But, now, hearing his compliments mixed with the intense strength of the sexual desire brewing inside both of us - this adds a completely new element.  My body responds on its own, my cheeks blushing, nipples tightening, and my lower belly going all crazy hot and moist.  I seem to have no control over my body; it’s under his command.  I’m sure as hell not the submissive type, but the thought of Jensen having control over my emotions and my body’s reaction makes me feel…safe. 

“Damn, Saige, do you have any idea what I want to do to your beautifully slick body right now?”

By the bulge in his boxer briefs, I have a pretty vivid idea.  “You’re the one trying to be the perfect southern gentleman and taking things slow, so don’t go torturing me along with you and your unfilled fantasies when the means to your fulfillment is less than two steps away.” 
At least I hope I can fulfill his fantasies. 

His erection twitches, growing impossibly bigger, and I decide to go easy on him.  Besides, if I continue to give him hell, I’m just going to keep reminding myself of how badly I want to feel him inside of me.  A week ago, I would have laughed at the thought of my wanting sex so badly.  Now, with Jensen, I want to experience everything with him.  After Wes got what he wanted, all he ever made me feel like was dirty and cheap.  Wanting to make love with Jensen does the opposite.  He makes me feel wanted and loved.

The blazing need flames dark green and I can tell he’s struggling to tame the part of him his head can’t reason with.  Guilt begins to gnaw at me and I wrap the towel tighter around my body, “Thank you for being a gentleman and always putting me first, Jensen.  I don’t know how I ever would have survived without you.”

I’m gathered inside his arms in less than a second.  “You would have done just fine without me.  I’ve never met anyone stronger.”  Before his words have time to sink in, he brushes a sweet, gentle kiss against the corner of my mouth and eye before shutting the bathroom door behind him.