Fearless In Love (The Maverick Billionaires, Book 3) (22 page)

So she kept the emotion close, savoring it the way she did the feel of his skin on hers and his body inside her.

The miles rushed by until they were on the street where Mrs. Esterhausen lived. There were no boarded-up windows, no trash blowing in the breeze, yet the neighborhood looked exhausted. Most of the houses were in need of paint and new roofs, and the sidewalks were cracked by overgrown tree roots. In front of the Esterhausen place, the lawn had given way to scrubby tufts of grass and weeds. The white picket fence had grayed and was missing some of its pickets, like an old woman who’d lost her teeth. A rusting Chevy sat on blocks on the far side of the driveway. The shades were pulled, and there was no other car in sight.

He leaned over for a quick kiss meant to bolster her bravery before they both got out of the car. The gate to the front path hung open on a broken hinge, and her chest felt tight knowing that it was probably due to the loss of husband and father. Just as Ari’s life had changed when her dad died.

Matt’s fingers closed around hers as they walked up the path. The doorbell didn’t ring when they pressed the button, so she knocked. For the count of ten, they heard nothing. Then a thump of a door closing came from inside the house, and she knocked one more time.

At long last, the door opened to reveal a dark-haired woman, her face as drawn and exhausted as the neighborhood. “Yeah?” she asked, holding the door with one hand. Her gaze flicked between Ari and Matt. “I’m not interested in whatever you’re selling.”

“We’re not selling anything, Mrs. Esterhausen,” Ari told her.

The woman narrowed her eyes warily. “How do you know my name?” She might have been pretty a long time ago, but now her body was too thin, her face cut with deep lines that aged her by ten years.

“My brother, Gideon, served with your husband and—”

“What could you possibly want now?” Her voice turned hard and harsh, almost like a slap across Ari’s face. “After all this goddamned time?”

“Ma’am—” Matt began.

Mrs. Esterhausen stabbed a finger at him. “I’m asking her, so you just shut up.”

Matt’s fingers tightened around hers, and Ari knew he was about to jump in to protect her. But she couldn’t let him go off on this poor woman.

Squeezing his hand to show him she was okay, she said, “Please, I’m sorry if we’re bothering you. But I’ve been looking for my brother, and I came here today to ask you if you’ve ever seen him.”

“I saw him. He let my husband die out there. Then he came here expecting me to forgive him.”

Ari felt her body tingle, like a foot that had gone to sleep. First there was numbness, then pins and needles, then knives as the woman said, “My husband is dead and your brother still gets to live? No.” She glared at Ari. “
No
.”

“Ari,” Matt said softly, never taking his eyes off Mrs. Esterhausen.

She knew he was trying to warn her that they should leave before things got any worse. But though her heart was beating so hard it felt as if it might pound right out of her chest, Ari couldn’t leave.

The widow had to get it out. Ari knew what grief did, the terrible things people were capable of, the awful words they said. This woman’s children would be in their teens now. She’d had to raise them alone.

“The Army giveth and the Army taketh away,” the woman spat. “They left me with nothing. And what does your brother do? He brings me goddamned pictures.” She cursed in disgust. “I threw them back at him. I don’t forgive him. I don’t forgive the Army.”

“I’m sorry,” Ari said. “I didn’t mean to hurt you like this. I won’t bother you again.”

“You better not. Now get off my property. And if you do find your brother, tell him to go to hell.”

Ari backed away, pulling Matt with her. She almost tripped off the concrete porch, and once they were outside the broken gate, Matt bundled her into the car, then quickly climbed in behind the wheel and drove them away.

After a few blocks, he pulled to the curb, shut off the engine, then gathered her into his arms. “I’m so sorry. That wasn’t right. It doesn’t matter what happened, she didn’t have the right to do that to you.” He stroked the tears from her cheeks. “Don’t cry, sweetheart.”

“They’re not for me.” Some were, but mostly, “I’m crying for Gideon.” For the things the woman must have said to him, the rage she must have taken out on him. “No wonder he disappeared. It would have been horrible.” She buried her face against Matt’s chest. The ache of Gideon’s trauma was almost too much to bear.

“I should never have brought you here. I’m so sorry I insisted.”

He held her tightly, his warmth flowing into her. And God, she needed him, his arms around her, his breath in her hair, his heart beating against her ear. “It’s not your fault. I needed to come here today so that I’d know why Gideon disappeared.” She inhaled a shaky breath. “I bet he never made it to the families of the other soldiers. Not after she ripped him apart.”

Matt gently wiped away another trickle of tears, first with his fingertips, then with his lips. Soft kisses meant to heal. “I’ve never met your brother, but something tells me he
did
make it. Because if he’s anything like you, he wouldn’t have stopped until his mission was complete.”

Matt was right about both her and her brother. Gideon wasn’t a quitter, which meant there were two more families she needed to talk to. But she was suddenly tired of fighting the fear she’d always worked so hard to hold at bay where her brother was concerned. She sighed as heavily as if a plank of rocks were squeezing out all her breath. She’d never felt this close to hopelessness before.

“I know we should keep going, but I’m not ready to look for the rest of them yet.”

“Taking a break can help you see everything more clearly. You’ve more than earned it, Ari. It’s a long drive home, and there’s a place in the mountains between here and the Grapevine where we can stay before we get home to my rambunctious five-year-old.”

And then he closed his arms around her again and held her close to his beating heart.

* * *

Ari was so emotionally wrung out that as soon as they checked in to the hotel, Matt tucked her into bed for a nap and wouldn’t let himself join her so she would actually get the sleep she needed.

Out on the grounds, his hands balled into fists as he thought of Esterhausen’s widow. The woman’s grief had leaked from her pores, permeating the air, making everything tense and achy. Her anger had been agonizing, and allowing her to take it out on Ari had gone against every one of his protective instincts.

But he hadn’t stepped up to protect her, because Ari clearly hadn’t wanted him to. Controlling himself from ripping into the widow the same way she’d ripped into Ari had taken a monumental effort. Despite his fury, he couldn’t slam someone who’d already been beaten by life and loss.

Knowing that Esterhausen had left behind two boys who would now be fourteen and seventeen, he’d already set the wheels in motion to make an anonymous donation to their college funds.

But that still left Gideon Jones, who was as lost to Ari now as he’d been before their road trip.

Matt looked up at the blue sky above, knowing better than to think a silent wish could come true. He made it anyway, praying he could give Ari her heart’s desire and hand over her brother.

The depth of his emotion left him shell-shocked. The last two nights with Ari in his arms had been just this side of heaven. But watching her allow the widow to abuse her today…

He cursed low and long, outside, where only the trees and the wind could hear. He’d wanted so badly to help her, protect her, comfort her. But he’d been helpless in the face of her anguish.

Once upon a time, he’d thought he needed to make it through alone. But the Mavericks had proved they’d be there for him dozens of times over the past decades, just as he was there for them if they ever needed his help.

Plunking down on a bench beside a gorgeous cluster of blue hydrangeas, he pulled out his phone and made a call to Will. Not to check on Noah this time—but because he needed to talk to one of his closest friends. Needed to lay out the whole debacle, from the moment the widow had opened the door, to Ari’s tears, to once again not being able to step up to find her brother.

“Man, that’s tough,” Will sympathized a few minutes later when Matt finally fell silent.

“I wanted to strangle the woman for her cruelty, but I had to remember what she’s been through and that I couldn’t lash out to keep Ari safe.”

“You’re a better man than I am,” Will said. “I would have lashed out first, thought second.” He paused a beat before asking, “How’s Ari doing?”

“She’s getting some rest. She’s wrung out.” It wrung him out too, her pain, the horror and loss, but telling Will helped ease the tension. The Mavericks neither wore their hearts on their sleeves nor talked about women like drunks at a bar, but they were always there for each other. “She’s indomitable. And still convinced I can find her brother, even after this.”

“You guys need a break, man.”

“Agreed.” If Matt could rewind time and live today over, he would have taken Ari home instead of meeting the bitter woman. But even as he thought that, he knew Ari would willingly take any chance to find her brother, no matter how difficult. “I don’t want to tackle the other soldiers’ families until Ari’s over this one.”

“Hell, I’m real sorry about all of it. But I’m glad you’ll be home for Halloween. Noah’s been frantic that you won’t make it to the party.”

“We won’t miss it. And thanks for taking such good care of him.”

“Anytime, you know that. Everything else okay?” Will left a pause as pregnant as a woman screaming her way into the hospital.

“Business is fine.” If he ignored the question Will hadn’t actually asked, maybe it would fade away.

Will let out a low laugh that told Matt things wouldn’t go his way. “I meant with you and Ari.”

“I… We…” Damn it, even to himself, he sounded like a lovesick fool. One who no longer knew which way was up and which was down.

“Look, Matt, don’t worry. I know that whatever happens between you two, you’re the kind of guy who’ll always do the right thing.”

That just made it worse.

When Will hung up, Matt stared unseeing at the phone for a few long moments. His friend had said “you and Ari” as if their getting together was a given. As if it was okay.

But was it?

Could he actually have his beautiful nanny for more than just a few secret days on the road?

All his life, Matt had been careful. He’d learned to control himself, because his father had made him pay whenever he did or said the wrong thing. Only during those early months with Irene had Matt forgotten all his caution. If not for Noah, he never would have forgiven himself for letting down his guard with anyone who wasn’t a Maverick. Once he had a child of his own, he’d needed to be hypervigilant with the precious gift he’d been given. And he’d beaten himself up every time he’d blown it.

But with Ari, he forgot those hard-won lessons again and again. He could never have imagined needing a woman the way he was terrified he needed her.

If it did all go wrong, it wouldn’t be just his son who paid the price by losing his beloved nanny. Matt would lose too.

He’d lose the brightest light he’d ever known.

When Matt returned to their room, he found Ari still sleeping. She’d been as low as he’d ever seen her when they checked in, and even as she slept, uncharacteristic frown lines marked her brow.

He’d give absolutely anything to return her joy to her. Will had said Matt was the better man. But wouldn’t the better man put some space between them until he was certain they could make things work in the real world, not just in secret?

He cursed silently as he watched over Ari. While he couldn’t stand the thought of leading her on, there was no way he could leave her alone either. Not today when he needed to find the light as desperately as she did.

Stripping off his clothes, he forced away thoughts of anything but making her happy right here in this moment as he slid between the sheets. He pulled her close, and without waking, she snuggled, sighing sweetly, her arm across his chest.

He lay quietly, relishing the feel of her, soft and warm in his arms. Had any woman’s skin ever been so smooth? Had any lover ever been so trusting?

He trailed his hand along her arm, twirling a lock of her hair around his finger. As he listened to her gentle breathing, he couldn’t keep his hands off her. Couldn’t keep from kissing her cheek, her hair. Under the covers, he nestled her more deeply against him, her fragrance filling his head.

She made a light sound, beginning to wake as her leg slid up his calf, and he tucked his hand under her thigh to press her hips tightly into his. Her fingers flexed on his chest as he moved his lips over her soft skin.

“You’re so beautiful. So sweet.” He took her mouth, kissing lightly. “So giving. So kind.” Her arm curved around him. “I love how you are with Noah.” His fingers rambled over her bare back to the waistband of her panties. “I love the sound of your laughter.” He buried his face in her hair, then moved to her ear, tracing his tongue along the shell so that she shivered in his arms. “You’re strong and smart and funny.” He gently bit the curve of her shoulder, and she rewarded him with a soft laugh. “I love that you take Noah to see mummies and monkeys.”

“Gorillas,” she corrected, a smile in her voice as she came fully awake.

His heart expanded as he pulled back to see her smile. “I love how open you are with me. That you trust me to love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

She cupped his face in her palm. “Love me, Matt. Please just love me.”

Their mouths melded in a long, drugging kiss that sent his heart soaring. Rolling her onto her back, he braced himself over her, kissing her cheeks, her eyes, and finally her lips. They had until tomorrow morning, and he wanted to love her long enough to make her forget the unbearable scene at the Esterhausen place.

* * *

Their coming together had always been about pleasure, about how many times he could make her come, how crazy she could get, how hard and fast he could take her.