Fearless In Love (The Maverick Billionaires, Book 3) (30 page)

And he’d let his past take him over too. “Ari—”

She reached for him, finally putting her hand on his arm, the warmth of her touch filling him. “I’m not done yet.”

He shut his mouth.

“I made a mistake in not talking to you about taking off Noah’s training wheels…but I don’t want to be afraid you’ll freak out the next time I let Noah do something I think is perfectly reasonable.”

The next time?
Did that mean she could forgive him?

Hope unfurled inside him. “I know how capable you are.”

She shook her head. “You didn’t today.”

“That was a mistake.” One he swore he’d never make again.

“What if I told you I think his water wings should come off too? And what if, the next time he wants to work with you at the stove or you get out your toolbox to fix something around the house, I say you should let him help?”

His gut reaction had always been to say no, and it was hard to bite the word back. “We can talk about all those things, and I promise that I’ll consider your advice without freaking out.” Wanting her to understand, he explained, “I can’t forget how small he was when he came into the world and the nurse put him in my arms.” It had been the best—and most overwhelming—moment of Matt’s life. “I could practically hold him in one hand. I was terrified I’d drop him. I didn’t know the first thing about babies, and when Irene took off because she didn’t know how to take care of a kid, what she forgot was that I didn’t know either. I never wanted to do the wrong thing.”

“I know you don’t,” Ari said. “But what if I push up against another boundary that I don’t know is there? I need to know more, Matt. I need you to let me in.
All
the way in.”

He stilled. The only sound in the room was the beating of his heart as she waited for him to actually figure out his shit. No one but the Mavericks knew how bad his past was, but Ari wasn’t only in the inner circle.

She was the very heart of it.

“When I was eight, I fell off my bike and broke my arm. My father told me I was a whiner, a weenie. And he refused to take me to the doctor.”

She gasped, as horrified for him as he’d been over her childhood. “How could he do that?”

“He was more afraid of having a sissy son than he was of my arm being broken—and my mother backed him up, like she always did.”

She folded her hand around his, holding him. “I’m so sorry.”

Her touch gave him the courage to tell her things he’d never revealed to another soul, not even Susan. But Ari needed to hear, so she could understand. So she could help him put the past behind him forever. “My father hated that I let other kids bully me.”

She squeezed his hand, her eyes watery with her pain for him, and with her anger. “You don’t
let
kids bully you. Sometimes you just can’t stop them.”

“He wanted to toughen me up so that I could fight them off. But even after my arm had healed, I still couldn’t do that. I came home with a black eye, and he was pissed.”

You effing weenie. When are you ever going to learn to stick up for yourself? How the hell did I get a son who’s such a puny little weakling?

“He said he’d teach me to defend myself even if it killed us both.” And it did kill something in Matt—not just his spirit, but his ability to trust. He spent years rebuilding himself, working hard to find faith in people again. He thought he had too, until today when he’d taken out all his fears on Ari just like his dad used to do. The only way he could make it up to her was with the whole truth. “He grabbed me by the hair, holding me up on my tiptoes. And he told me to punch him, to get myself loose.” He closed his eyes because he couldn’t get through the rest of his story if he looked at the horror in Ari’s gaze. “I kicked and flailed, screaming at him. But I couldn’t reach him. I didn’t realize I’d started crying until I couldn’t see him anymore through my tears.”

I raised an effing little baby. You good-for-nothing piece of shit.

For a long, long time, he had believed his father—every single word, until this very moment.

“My scalp was screaming by the time he let me go. Without me landing a single punch. And he called me the usual names.” The names were ingrained in his brain.

“Where was your mother this whole time? Didn’t she stop him?” Ari’s grip was tight with her distress.

He opened his eyes to the bleakness of hers. And it was all for him. Sympathy. Empathy. Her fierceness, all the things he’d wanted from the mother whose job it had been to protect him.

“She never stopped him. Not then, not ever. When he stormed out of the house, she handed me some tissues and told me to stop blubbering and clean myself up.”

You’re a mess. What would your friends think of you now?

Ari put a hand over her mouth. “Oh my God.”

“She said I’d never grow up to be a man if I was whining all the time.”

A tear trickled down Ari’s cheek. “How could anyone say that to their own child?”

He reached out with the tip of his finger to wipe the tear away. “How could a mother turn to drugs instead of looking out for her kid?”

He’d never felt the bond of their childhoods as intensely as he did now. They’d both been abandoned. And somehow they’d found each other.

“When my mother was dying,” he went on, “she said she was happy they’d made me who I was, that if they hadn’t told me to buck up against the bullies at school, I would still be a worthless sissy.”

Ari’s nostrils flared with indignation. “
You
made yourself.”

That was his Ari—always standing up for everyone else. And he prayed she’d be
his
again. His fearless warrior woman.

“I did remake myself. With the help of my friends, and Susan and Bob.”

He wanted to press his mouth to hers and know that everything would be okay from this moment forward. But he still hadn’t explained why he’d caged Noah in with his own fears.

“The only thing I’ve ever wanted to do is protect Noah. I never wanted him bullied or hurt. I never wanted to be like my dad.”

Ari threw herself at him then, wrapping her arms around him, her warm breath at his ear. “You could never be like that.”

He held her tightly, closed his eyes, and breathed her in for a few perfect moments before he made himself draw back enough to face her. “I’ve never done that to Noah, but I went off on you today. My words hurt you. Words I didn’t mean, Ari. I wish I could take them back.”

“I know you were frightened for Noah.” Forgiveness shone in her pretty eyes. “It must have been like the day you fell off your bike. Maybe it even reminded you about what happened to Jeremy. You know that horrible things can happen, and you lashed out.”

He slipped both hands beneath the fall of her hair. “I
never
want to lash out at the people I love. Not you. Not Noah. Not any of the Mavericks. Can’t you see how wrong that is? How much like my father it is?”

She laid her hands over his. “I see a man who was pushed. You made a mistake. The same way I made a mistake. Can you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” he whispered. “I’m the one who needs your forgiveness, Ari.”

“You have it, Matt.”

He didn’t think, didn’t so much as pause before laying it out straight for her. “I love you. With all my heart.”

Her answering smile was a beautiful thing, brighter than the most perfect sunrise, and so warm that the last patches of ice his parents had filled him with finally melted away.

“I love you too,” she whispered.

“Remember that first night at dinner,” he said, “when you showed me how Noah stood up for himself against that little bully’s mom? I didn’t see how right you were until now. He’s stronger than I’d ever imagined.” He ran his finger over her lips, wanting to kiss her so badly. “Keep teaching me how to let Noah fly, Ari.”

“There’s nothing I want to do more.”

“Even if I climb the walls when he wants to do something truly crazy and terrifying, like getting his driver’s permit when he’s a teenager.” For so long he’d carried on alone, but he saw them together years from now, still unable to keep their hands off each other—still supporting each other through thick and thin.

“Even then,” she said with a smile. “It might not always be easy for you to listen to my opinions or take my suggestions. And sometimes I might be tempted to throttle your ex. But I want Noah and Irene to have the strongest relationship that she’s capable of.”

His ex was the only dark spot left. “I’ve always hated the pain Irene causes Noah when she leaves him.” He looked deeply inside himself. “I think I hated her too, because she was like my mother.” He’d wanted Irene to be everything to Noah that his own mother had never been for him. But Irene had no interest whatsoever in taking on that role.

“I believe she truly does love him, but she forgets she’s a mother when she’s out having fun.” Ari’s voice dipped low. “I also have a feeling Noah reacts to your unfulfilled expectations of her—and your anger—as much as he does to Irene herself. You’ll never be able to change her, but I wonder if you could help Noah value the love she
is
able to give him, even if it’s not everything you expect from her.”

Ari was so wise. Just like Susan. Hadn’t they both said virtually the same thing to him? His ex would never be a stable influence in Noah’s life. But Ari could give Noah everything his mother couldn’t. And he could shift
his
thinking enough to say, “She’s usually up for short conversations over Skype.”

“Thank you for proving that you’re willing to change.” Ari put her arms around his neck. “And thank you for coming to win me back. Just knowing that you love me, that I matter to you, makes me feel like I really am in a fairy tale.”

“
I’m
the one living the fairy tale. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. And the best thing that ever happened to Noah. He wants you back as much as I do. Everyone does.”

“Everyone?”

“At the barbecue, they were all over me to face what I’d done. They challenged me to be brave enough to go after you.”

“They did?” Her lips trembled as if she wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. And judging by the heat in her eyes, she wanted to kiss him senseless too.

“They’re all in your corner, Ari. They were pissed as hell I let you get away.” He kissed her, sweet, hot, and fast. “I can’t live without you. Noah can’t live without you either. Be his mother. Be my partner in all the decisions we make for him. Be my lover.” He stroked a finger down her cheek, then dropped to one knee and asked her the most important question of all. “Please, Ari, will you be my wife?”

Ari felt as if her heart would burst as she gazed down at the beautiful man on one knee before her.
Her
beautiful man. The things his parents had done to him would have ruined a lesser man, but Matt had grown into a remarkable human being and an incredible father.

“I want to be your wife, Matt. I want to be part of your family.” She pulled him back up to his feet and kissed him with all the love in her heart before adding, “I want to be a mother to Noah, a mother to all our babies.”

It had been her ultimate dream. And now, her amazing new reality.

“I started falling for you that first day you let me play with Noah in the backyard of the youth home.” She laughed, admitting the truth from the warmth of his arms around her. “I can’t tell you how disappointed I was when you approached me at Charlie’s grand opening just to ask me to be his nanny.”

Matt chuckled with her, and she loved knowing he finally felt safe enough to let go of his fears and truly relax.

“I thought I had to fight my feelings for Noah’s sake. I didn’t want him to think you were going to be around forever when I expected that you’d eventually leave us. And I didn’t want either of us to be crushed the way we’ve always been with Irene.” He framed her face in his hands. “The real truth is that I never wanted to disappoint
you
. I wanted to step up, give you everything you need, find your brother, take care of you. But I let you down the way I’ve always been afraid I would.”

How could he
ever
think that?

She opened her mouth, and he kissed her quiet, before saying, “My parents wanted to toughen me up, but deep down they saddled me with the belief that I wasn’t good enough. They made me think I had to be perfect, to take care of everyone else, to make sure nothing bad
ever
happened, just to prove I was a man. You’ve helped me recognize how far overboard I went. I can’t protect Noah from every bad thing in his life without stunting him or making him feel incapable. I can’t force Irene to be the mother I think she should be. I can’t even be sure I’ll find your brother. I can only do my best.” He brought her hand to his cheek. “I have scars, so deep that even Susan, Bob, and the Mavericks couldn’t heal them. Only you can, Ari.”

“You’re healing my scars too.” Her eyes were damp, and her voice shook slightly. “We’ve both got baggage, and I know it won’t always be easy, but I’ll never give up on us again.
Never
.”

“No matter which of us makes a mistake in the future, I’ll never give
you
up. And I will continue to do everything in my power to bring your brother home to you.”

“I’ve never doubted that.” She rested against him for a long, sweet moment, their arms tight around each other. “I just need to keep this place until we find Gideon.” She gazed into his face, so beautiful that she lost her breath the same way she had the very first time. “Then I won’t ever need it again.”

“No, you won’t.” His deep voice resonated through her with a delicious thrill. “You’ll be with me.”

“Have I ever mentioned how much I love it when you get all possessive like this?”

“I wanted to possess you the first time I set eyes on you.” His beard-rough cheek caressed hers. “Even when I told myself I could never have you, I wanted you so bad I couldn’t see straight.” He nipped her earlobe, making her shiver with need. “And a Maverick always gets what he wants.”

Ari threw her arms around his neck, kissing him deeply. “Make love to me, Matt. I need you so badly, need you to—”