Fated (27 page)

Caden
reached up and grabbed my hand, pulling me back into the seat next to him. He
gripped my hand tightly, as if he couldn’t bear the break in contact.

“He’ll
be okay,” he bit out. “He has to be okay.”

We
sat there for a long time, waiting for the news that would either destroy us or
lift our hopes.

In
the end, we got neither. Hours seem to pass before the surgeon came out to talk
to us. We jumped up anxiously at her approach.

“How
is he, Dr. Reynolds?” Millie asked, wringing her hands anxiously. “Is he
conscious?”

Dr.
Reynolds broke the news gently, her demeanor kind and firm. “He’s in the
intensive care unit right now.
He’s
not awake, but he should be conscious tomorrow. We were able to successfully
restore blood flow to his heart with several grafts
.
”

I tried
to follow her complicated explanation as she went through the steps they took
during surgery, but I could tell Caden and Millie were getting impatient with
all the medical terms.

“
We just have to wait and see how well he responds,”
Dr. Reynolds concluded.

“What
are his chances?” Caden asked, looking frustrated by the lack of definite
answers.

Dr.
Reynolds shook her head. “I know it’s hard not having more concrete answers.
He’s stable right now, but we’ll have to wait and see about the long-term prognosis.
We’ll have a better idea tomorrow.” She glanced down at Millie, who looked pale
and wan, her earlier strength seeming to have left her. “You can go see him
now, but I want to warn you that he’s hooked up to a lot of machines to monitor
his heart rate and blood pressure, as well as a tube in his throat to help him
breathe. It can be a little jarring to see all of that, but please remember
that it’s to help him.”

Caden
put his arm around Millie’s shoulders that looked even more slumped, and he
turned to me when I squeezed his hand. “I can wait for you out here.”

He
shook his head, his face strained. “No, I want you to come with us.”

“It’s
probably best to keep the visitors to a minimum,” Dr. Reynolds interjected.
“Michael can have more visitors tomorrow.”

Caden
looked like he was about to argue, but I squeezed his hand again. The last
thing he needed now was to get into a disagreement with the doctor.

“Go
ahead,” I encouraged. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

His
lips thinned but he nodded and I watched them follow a nurse to Michael’s room.
I fidgeted as I waited for them, praying that Michael would get through this.
Not only could I not imagine his gentle soul being extinguished, but I didn’t
know how Caden and Millie would be able to survive his death.

When
they finally returned, their expressions were grim. I knew better than to ask
how Michael looked. I wrapped my arm around Caden’s waist, not knowing what
else to do except comfort him with my touch. Dr. Reynolds rejoined us, her face
sympathetic.

“The
best thing for you to do right now is go home and get some rest.”

Millie
shook her head vehemently. “I’m staying here. There’s no way I’m leaving
Michael alone in the hospital.”

“I’ll
stay with you, Millie.” Caden’s voice was determined.

The
doctor looked at both of them consideringly before speaking. “You won’t be
helping anyone by exhausting yourselves by staying here all night
unnecessarily. It’ll help Michael to see you refreshed and strong tomorrow. I
promise to call you if his condition changes, but he won’t be conscious until
tomorrow.” She paused before continuing. “He may have a long recovery process.
I recommend saving the sleepless nights for the ones where he knows you’re
there.”

Dr.
Reynolds left after giving us visiting information for tomorrow and promised
again to call if there were any changes in his condition. Millie sank into a
chair, looking lost.

“Millie!”
A small woman with long brown hair streaked with gray and big blue eyes rushed
towards her. It didn’t take much imagination to see that they were related. A
stout balding man was behind the woman, trying to keep up.

Millie
jumped up and embraced the small woman. “Cynthia! He’s out of surgery.”

The
woman searched Millie’s face when they pulled apart, holding her hands. “I’m so
sorry I couldn’t get here sooner. It took longer than I expected to get here
from Danny’s house.” She took a deep breath. “How’s Michael?”

Millie’s
expression turned frustrated. “I don’t know. He just got out of surgery but
he’s not conscious. The doctor said we won’t know until tomorrow. She thinks we
should go home and come back tomorrow when he’s awake.”

Cynthia
sighed heavily and then turned to Caden, pulling him into a hug. He
reciprocated, although I could tell by his stiffness that he was uncomfortable.

“Caden,
thanks so much for being here with Millie. We were at our son’s house in
Rockland when we got the news.”

“Of
course,” Caden said as he drew back. The stout man finally caught up to
Cynthia, panting heavily. Millie hugged him, murmuring her thanks for coming.
He then shook Caden’s hand solemnly.

Cynthia
turned to me. She glanced at Caden, waiting for an introduction.

“Cynthia,
this is Lauren.”

“Hi,
Lauren. I’m Millie’s sister. And this is my husband, Reggie.”

I
shook both their hands, trying not to notice Cynthia’s avid curiosity. I
realized I could no longer introduce myself as Caden’s assistant so I was
silent. I was relieved when her attention finally shifted back to Millie.

“Why
don’t you come home with us, Millie? You don’t want to be alone right now.”

Millie
hesitated, looking at Caden. As upset as she was, she seemed to be worried
about him. His face softened when he saw her look of concern.

“Go
ahead,” he said gently. “You should be with family now.”

Millie
frowned and gave him a fierce hug. I heard her whisper to him, “You
are
family.”

A
look of pain crossed Caden’s face, but he declined her offer to come with them.
Suddenly, Millie was gripping my hands. “You’ll take care of him, won’t you,
Lauren?”

I
nodded my head, unsure of what I was promising, but I knew I would do anything
to help Caden.

We
were silent as we watched Millie leave with her sister and brother-in-law. I
grasped Caden’s hand and he gripped it tightly. He turned to me, looking so
much older than his thirty-two years.

“Will
you stay with me tonight?” His naked vulnerability made me ache, and I nodded,
not needing to think about my answer.

“Of
course.”

We
flagged a cab once we stepped out of the hospital, and it was a short ride to
Caden’s townhouse. He never let go of my hand, as if it were his only lifeline
in a world gone crazy.

We
didn’t speak as we walked up the stairs to the second floor. Caden flicked on
the lights and I followed him to the living room. He sat down heavily on the
sofa, and I sat down next to him, leaning into him. He wrapped his arm around
me and pulled me close so that I was pressed against his side with my head on
his shoulder. We sat in silence, both of us lost in our thoughts, until he
finally spoke.

“I’ll
never forgive myself if the last words Michael ever hears from me are ones I
said in anger and misplaced pride.” His voice was hoarse and full of pain. I
pulled back a little so that I could see his face.

“You
mean at his house on Sunday?”

Caden
nodded, his jaw tightening. “He pulled me aside to basically tell me I was
acting like an ass. He was right, but I didn’t want to hear it. I told him to
stay out of my life, that I was tired of him trying to give me fatherly advice
when he wasn’t my father.” His lips twisted. “I told him that I couldn’t choose
my father, but he had the ability to choose his best friend. And he had chosen
a sick motherfucker, so he wasn’t the best judge of character and his advice
wasn’t worth much.”

He
closed his eyes, pain and regret darkening his face. “The truth is, I know I
don’t deserve someone like Michael as a father. He’s everything I’m not. As
much as it sickens me, I’m more like my father than I ever thought I was. I’m
sure you know the story about what happened between him and my mother. What he
did.” He opened his eyes, but he didn’t look at me. His next words were barely
audible. “I never realized how much like my father I was until I met you.”

I
stiffened, horror filling me at his words. I couldn’t help the defensive tone
in my voice. “What could I have possibly done to make you think you’re like
your father?”

Caden
finally looked at me, and I was shocked at the anguish I saw in his eyes.
“Because I know what obsession feels like. I know what it feels like to fixate on
someone so much that it pushes out everything else in your life. I know how the
thought of someone else’s hands on the person you’re obsessed with makes you so
enraged that you feel like your sanity is slipping.” He turned away, looking
down at his hands. “Lauren, you have to know that I’m talking about you.”

I
was frozen, made speechless by his admission. A confusing mixture of emotions
swirled through me, and I tried to formulate a reply. Something that would fix
whatever had spilled out of Caden. Something that would put him back together
again and convince him he wasn’t like his father. Because I knew he wasn’t. I
understood how much your past could scar you, how it could make you believe you
were nothing but a product of the sick things that pulled at you and grabbed
you, trying to drag you down with it. I wouldn’t let Caden be a casualty of his
past.

I
reached up and gently but firmly grasped his face between my hands and forced
him to look at me. His eyes were burning with a mixture of shame and fear.

“Caden,”
I said fiercely, willing him to believe me. “You’re nothing like your father.
Nothing! Can you be bossy and domineering? Yes. Can you be so frustrating and
stubborn that I want to scream? More often than I’d like. But you’re also kind and
warm, funny and giving. You tried to hide your kindness when I first started
working for you, but then you would slip, showing me your true colors. Can you
imagine how I felt, knowing that you were replacing the calla lilies just
because I said they were pretty? And you treated me like a human being and not
just your slave. I caught on pretty early from other personal assistants how
lucky I was.” I shook my head, desperate for him to realize his worth. “Those
are just the little things. More importantly, you’ve made me feel things I’ve
never felt before. You gave me the courage to let go and give in to my desires.
You don’t understand how valuable a gift that is. I’ve spent most of my life
thinking there was something wrong with me. That I was unnatural. I didn’t
understand why I couldn’t lose myself in the simple emotions that everyone else
took for granted. I was cold and stiff inside, but you made me feel safe enough
to let go. You made me realize that I have just as much right as everyone else
to be happy. That I’m capable of happiness.”

I
took a deep shuddering breath, feeling raw and vulnerable but unwilling to stop
until I got a response from him. “You don’t have the ability to be like your
father. You’re not selfish. You could never do something like he did. You’re
not like him, Caden. You’re a good person.”

Caden
stared at me, and I wasn’t sure if I was getting through to him when he
suddenly crushed me to him, his lips slanting fiercely against mine. I opened
my arms and heart to him, desperate to ease his pain.

We
were nothing but hands and mouths as we frantically pulled each other’s clothes
off, only breaking the kiss when necessary. Caden pressed me into the couch,
lying on top of me, and I relished the feel of his weight against me. He
reached down and rolled my aching nipples roughly between his fingers and I
whispered in his ear, “Harder.”

He
obliged and I cried out, arching my back, pushing the throbbing center between
my legs against his hard shaft.

“I
can’t wait,” he grunted as he positioned the head of his erection at my
opening. I tilted my hips up, encouraging him.

“Please,”
I whispered. “I need you inside me.”

Caden
groaned and then entered me in one swift thrust. The noises escaping my throat
from his sudden possession sounded animalistic and I felt out of control, lost
in a haze of desire. His hands gripped my hips, his fingers digging into me, as
he pulled my hips up to meet each violent thrust. His face was tight and his
eyes glittered with unrepressed need. He reached down and stroked my swollen
clit, causing a choked cry to escape from me.

“Lauren,”
he rasped. “Come for me. Show me how much you need me. Show me that you need me
as much as I need you.”

His
words tipped me over the edge and my lower body started convulsing uncontrollably.
I cried out his name, feeling myself lose control as my body was wracked with
shudder after shudder of pure pleasure.

His
face was tense when I opened my eyes as I came down from my climax. His amber
eyes were dark and intense as he started thrusting again. Suddenly his jaw
clenched and he closed his eyes, his shaft jerking as he came inside of me,
each convulsion making him groan.