Fate (Drift Series Book 4) (19 page)

“Thanks again, Sam.”

“When will I hear back from you?” He looked concerned, like I might take off after Christian right now.

“I’ll see you at the funeral…I owe Scruffy that much. Not only that, I have to be around to witness the birth of my daughter. Christian can’t take that away from me.”

“That’s good…that’s good to hear. I’ll talk to you soon, Leo. Take care.” He smiled.

“Will do.”

I took a short walk down the road in order to get out of the sight of his deputies so I could take flight towards home. When I got there, the sun was breaking over the trees and a new day was dawning. I went inside and Fate greeted me first thing, so I picked him up.

“Hello, my friend…at least I still have you, huh?” I scratched him under the chin before setting him back down.

I aimlessly paced around the inside of the house for the better part of the morning and early afternoon, unable to sit. My mind was racing about so many things that I couldn’t settle myself. Scruffy’s death and Christian's last desire for world domination consumed me for the most part, but Elysia’s enlightenment about Shade and herself comforted me to some degree. I was, at the very least, looking forward to spring that good news on Shade amongst all the bad she was about to be showered with.

I went outside and sat on the porch for the remainder of the day, waiting for my wife to return. Sam sent me a text about eight o’clock that night that he’d informed the families about the coast being clear to come back home, as well as about the death of Scruffy. He didn’t get into any details about their reactions, well, he didn’t have to.

I expected Shade to come pulling up the driveway at some point that night, but she never did. It wasn’t until the next morning that I heard the sound of a vehicle on the pathway to our house. I never left the porch for an entire day I was in such disarray.

They pulled right up in front of me and I stood to greet Shade and her parents. Richard got out along with Anne. Richard helped his daughter out from the backseat while Anne came over to hug me.

“I felt it Leo…I felt what happened. When Sam called us last night, I knew what happened before Richard picked up the phone. I’m so sorry.” She kissed me on the cheek as we broke from our hug.

Richard was holding his waddling daughter by the arm as he led her to the porch and up it.

“I’m sorry, Leo.” Richard shook my hand.

Shade placed her hands around my neck and kissed me. “Are you going to be okay?”

I nodded, “Yeah…I will be fine. Just a little…absent right now. Don’t know what I’m going to say to Benjamin and Amanda…I mean, what can I say?”

“Well, they are a mess right now. We’ve spoken with them already. You should go over to see them when you get the chance. You are their only son now. They’ll need you all the more in their lives now.” Anne informed.

“I will…I just need some time with Shade. She always calms my spirit when it’s troubled.” I smiled at her.

Both her parents smiled at us. We caught up for a few minutes as I told them about what exactly happened while they were gone, leaving out certain obvious parts because I felt that was something meant for strictly Shade and I to share at this time. Eventually they left and my wife and I went inside and copped-a-squat at the kitchen table to talk further.

“This is all too much…Sandra is so crushed right now that she doesn’t even want to see me. She could barely talk to me she was so broken up over Mark.” Shade sniffled and wiped some tears from her eyes.

“I can’t imagine not having him around anymore. I can’t believe that he won’t be coming through that door anymore, acting dorky and throwing around those nerdy jokes.” She started to laugh through her crying.

I laughed with her.

“What’s it like not being able to cry?” She questioned me out of nowhere.

“I wish I could, but again, demons are made to suffer. There is no release from my pain. I think a good cry would help me to heal, but, I’m not granted such grace.” I tilted my somber face at her.

“Sometimes I wish I couldn’t cry.” Tears continued to flow as she constantly wiped them, so I got up and got her a couple tissues.

“There is one thing I didn’t bother to mention out there while I was telling you all about what happened while you were away.”

“Oh God, what now?” She rolled her eyes around, embracing for more bad news from me.

“No, no, no…it’s not like that…” I smiled. “Just listen.” I reached over and held her hand in mine.

I went into telling her about the whole story of me and Elysia…the whole story. This time I filled in the blanks about when I was a human soldier. Shade’s eyes began to dry and her mouth opened in shock as she learned about her odd attachment to Isabella the former life of our child. She almost fell out of her seat when I told her about Elysia being reborn as our future daughter. But right after I told her, she came up with a brilliant idea.

“That’s it.” She exclaimed.

“That’s what?”

“The name of our daughter.” She looked excited.

I was still unclear.

“What do you think about naming our daughter, Elysia?” Her face appeared to be at peace for the first time since she got home.

I chuckled a bit, “Yeah…I didn’t think about…that’s a beautiful name for our daughter.”

“Elysia it is?”

“Elysia it is.” I smiled.

After our discussion I helped Shade to bed so she could take a nap. While she did so, I placed a phone call to mom and dad to see if they wanted me to come by. To be honest, I was kind of afraid to talk to them. I was fearful that they would hate me or blame me for what happened with Scruffy. In my mind, they had every right to feel that way towards me. But when Benjamin answered, I was pleasantly surprised that the two of them were so grateful that Shade and I were still safe. I spoke with both my mother and father briefly. It was very hard to communicate with them because they kept breaking up during our conversation anytime the subject of Mark arose. Of course I couldn’t fault them for that. They’d had their hearts ripped out of them. I promised them that I would swing by their house that evening after Shade got up and we had a bite.

When she got up, we had dinner and I told her that I needed to go see my parents afterwards. Instead of flying over there, I thought it best to go the conventional human way and use the car.

When I arrived, I sat in the parked car for a few minutes, knowing what I was about to walk into. I finally summoned the courage to get out of the car. I stood in place momentarily, feeling angst. It was taking everything in me to walk to the front door.

If I’d had a physical heart right now, it would be shattered into a thousand pieces.

CHAPTER 18

RECKONING

I approached the door and knocked ever-so-gently. Amanda opened the door and it was plain to see that her face was dripping with sorrow. Just the site of me made her begin to bawl and she reached for me. I hugged her tight. It wasn’t long until Richard joined in, swinging his arms around the two of us. His eyes were swollen and red.

“C’mon, let’s go sit down,” he requested.

We plopped down on the couch as Amanda blew her nose into some tissues while Benjamin did his best to swallow his emotions.

“I want to let you two know that I realize this is my fault…all of this. I cannot ever repay this debt. All I can do is push on and bring justice to his killer. I’m…I’m so very sorry.” I started out the conversation.

There was a moment of silence, only Amanda sobbing could be heard, but Benjamin broke it up.

“You have nothing to apologize for, Leo. Neither I, nor Amanda, hold the actions of another against you. You are giving your life to save us. Mark just got caught in the crossfire. That is no one’s fault…only the killers.” He tried to console me but my guilt in seeing them in such despair was overwhelming me.

“His last words to me were to watch over you, Sandra of course, and to take out Christian. I will honor that. You have my word. There will be no more casualties,” I said with certainty.

“Except your own.” Amanda spoke with a trembling voice. “Then we’ll have lost two sons…I don’t know if I could handle this again.” The tears kept flowing.

“I assure you, I will do everything I can to not allow that to happen.” I squeezed her knee.

“Leo…Mark is gone now. Nothing we can do about that anymore. It is you…you are our only son left. His spirit will live in this world through you, at least to us it will. That in itself is comforting. We want you to know, just because of what you are and how you entered into our family, doesn’t mean you ever took a backseat to Mark. We have grown to love you every bit as much as we did our paternal son. You are an extension of us now…you always have been.” Benjamin cleared his throat several times as he spoke.

“I know. You have always treated me warmly. I never once felt like an outsider here. I’ve always felt loved by you all. You’ve accepted me as I am. It shows what loving human beings you are, but…I feel I have been doing you a disservice for quite some time now.” I looked at both of them.

“What do you mean?” Benjamin answered.

“I’ve always referred to you as Benjamin and Amanda…even to our friends. When in reality, you are my mother and father. Never again will I dishonor you to your faces by calling you by your names. You will be Mom and Dad from now on. Because that is what you are and that is what you’ve always been to me. It should be spoken out loud for all to hear,” I said wholeheartedly.

This caused my mother to break out in hysterics before she hugged me again. I held her as I watched my father wipe his eyes as he grinned.

“Thank you for that, son.”

We talked for a while about positive aspects of Scruffy’s personality. It helped to ease the pain for the time being, but it still didn’t stop the occasional tears from flowing. Just when they’d reel in the waterfalls, we’d mention something about my brother that would make us laugh and then cry at the same time all over again.

“You know, Leo, Mark loved you so much. He talked about you all the time. I think in some ways…you were a hero to him. I think you should know that,” my mother said.

“I loved…love him too. He was a hero to me as well. I will never forget him,” I responded.

“Do me-us a favor son, if you ever…see him again, you know what I mean, tell him we miss him and love him.” Mom kept on.

“Mother, trust me on this one, wherever he is…he knows…he knows.” I smiled.

“C’mon sweetheart. We better get down to the hospital for the hard part,” my father said.

“What do you have to do?”

“We have to go identify him.”

I dropped my head again. “Do you need me to accompany you there for this…for support?” I asked.

“No son…we’ll be fine. Thank you,” my father responded.

They began to gather their things and I sat silently on the couch waiting for them to finish. We left together and they urged me to visit Sandra before I went home. I promised them that I would do that as well as come by as often as I could. I told them if they needed any help with his funeral arrangements to not hesitate to ask. We hugged in the driveway and I followed them out.

I did as they asked and stopped by the Tipton household to see Sandra and speak with her. Although I was greeted warmly by her parents at the door, Sandra refused to speak with me. Her parents kind of clued me in to the fact that her despair over losing Mark has turned to anger towards those around her. I was expecting this kind reaction out of my parents, but not from her. Nonetheless, she had every right to feel that way and I told her parents that I would respect her feelings and stay away until she was ready to talk about it. Just as I told my mom and dad, I left a parting message about if they needed anything, don’t hesitate to call me. They smiled, wishing me farewell and I left for home.

When I returned and spoke with my wife, she informed me that she’d been trying all day to speak with Sandra too, but she was having none of it.

“I think she blames us both for Mark’s death.” She proclaimed.

We were in agreement on that. Well, at least half of that statement I believed was correct.

“There’s nothing more we can do to help her right now. She has to come to us when she’s ready. I’m sure she will. Don’t take her actions to heart. Allow her time to grieve.” I consoled Shade.

“I know, but, this is hard enough as it is right now. Not being able to talk with her is just making this whole mess more difficult. She needs to know that we love her and are here for her.”

“She does…just give her the space she needs. Everything will work out fine.”

For the next couple of days until Scruffy’s funeral, we walked around in a daze. The fact that the birth of our child was a mere week or two away fell by the wayside because we all were so busy in mourning.

We avoided going to Scruffy’s viewing because it was too hard to look at him in that state. We wanted to remember him standing up, being who he was when he was alive. Our families were very understanding and supportive of our choice about that. It was simply too hard for both of us.

When the day of the funeral arrived, we dressed up in our best and set out to Clover Cemetery to meet with our families and friends. Clover Cemetery was of course the same location where Darryl Kite was buried. As a matter of fact, my best friend was being put to rest just a few rows down from where he was buried. It was an ominous feeling being back here again. I hadn’t returned, or even came near this place since Darryl’s death.

Upon arrival, there were tons of people. I even recognized Argento and Elysia in attendance standing just a little way away from where people were gathered under the canopy where Scruffy was resting. They were clothed in more human-like garments perfectly fitting to the current unfortunate event at hand.

It did me good to see that so many had showed up to pay their last respects to my fallen brother. Shade and I held hands and started to walk towards the burial site. In the distance we could see a very emotional Sandra standing with her family eyeballing the two of us as we headed towards them. Our initial intent was to approach her and grieve with her, but it appeared Sandra had different intentions.

It didn’t take her but a second to start marching towards us. Her despair appeared to switch to anger the closer she got to us.

Shade and I stopped in our tracks, staring at her. I was not expecting what happened next.

“Forgive me, Shade, for what I’m about to say next, but someone has to say something to him.” Sandra strutted right up to us as she pointed at me.

“Sandra?” Shade said as I looked at Sandra, confused.

Next thing I knew, I was smacked across the face.

“This is your fault this happened. Mark would still be alive if it wasn’t for you.” She screamed at me in rage.

Shade reached for her to calm her but Sandra was having nothing to do with that and batted at her.

“No, Shade…you are welcome here, but he isn’t. I don’t care how you feel about what I say to your husband, but it has to be said.” She demanded.

I looked over to my bewildered wife, “Go ahead without me hunnie, join the families,” I requested as Shade looked reluctantly at the two of us as if she wanted to say something but didn’t.

Shade hesitated for a second, but did as I asked, leaving the two us alone.

“Sandra…I know you’re angry with me and deservingly so, but he was my brother, I love him every bit as much as…”

“Oh shut up, Leo. The two of us had plans together…a future together and because of you we were robbed of it. Now there is another loss in this community because of what you are.” She battered me and lowered her tone.

“Sandra…this wasn’t my intent…”

“Of course not. Because the whole world has to stop for Leo Cutler while he plays hero while innocent people continue to die. All you see is what is right in front of you. Just because you're immortal doesn’t mean the rest of us are.”

“I know people are dying because of me, Sandra. You don’t think I’m beating myself up about this too? Since the start of this thing I have been ripped apart by despair.”

“You’ve done that to yourself and you’ve dragged us all in this with you. Now we suffer in the wake of your turbulence while you get to march around like some magical hero.”

“Sandra, I…”

“You’re no hero, Leo Cutler. We know what you are. You’re a goddamn demon. The lowest form of scum ever cascaded over the backs of humanity. You are a disgrace. You and your kind bring nothing to people but sorrow and dread. You think because Shade doesn’t see what you are that the rest of us don’t?” She pointed into my chest.

“I know what you are. You are a good for nothing, self-serving piece of trash. You may have been stupidly forgiven by the Spears, but you will not get such grace from me. You are a curse, Leo. You’ve always been one. Wherever you go, trouble follows and I am not going to be a part of your little fight for heroism anymore. I hate you for what you’ve done to this town, this world, and to me. I hate you for letting Mark return here. I don’t blame Christian or whoever, I blame you. This is all your fault and you are no longer welcome around me or my family again.” She concluded and turned away from me in a huff.

I watched as she joined Shade and her family and had a short conversation with them before walking off. Shade stared at me with a sympathetic look as she walked back to me. I stood in perplexity as my wife approached and slid her arms around my waist, resting her head on my chest.

“She’s just making an already hard situation more difficult. Don’t worry yourself about whatever she said, hun.”

“No…no, she’s right. Mark’s death is my fault.”

Her head ripped up to looked at me. “Shut your mouth. Don’t you say things like that. Today is day to honor him, not for others to slander you in his name.”

I didn’t respond, I just nodded in agreement.

“Now, let’s go over there and send our friend, your brother, off with the respect he richly deserves.” She started to lead me.

I was feeling something different. After Sandra’s onslaught on me, I felt that familiar feeling of not belonging again. I decided I should stay put.

“I think I’m going to hang back…right here.” I stood as she continued to try and pull me forward.

“Come now, that’s silly. Let’s go. You belong here just as much, if not more, than anyone else.” She urged.

“No, no. The last thing Scruff would want is tension between those that he loved. I think watching things from back here is the best sign-off I can give my brother. Besides, I had my time with him before and after he died. Let others have their moment with him. I don’t want to add anymore discomfort to anyone’s hurting hearts right now. That’s the last, honorable thing I can do for my brother.” I smiled at her.

“Are you sure? Want me to stay here with you?”

“No sweetheart, but thank you. You go join our loved ones. I’ll be fine…really. I’ll be right here waiting for you when it’s over.” I smiled.

“Okay.” She agreed and gave me a kiss.

I watched her walk off to rejoin our families and snuck a peek over at my two angelic friends. They were staring at me and managed to give me a comforting nod, of which I returned back to them. I looked back to the funeral and watched everyone settle. I could see Scruffy’s casket sitting in the front over the top of the heads in the crowd. There was a striking assortment of flowers gathered around his casket as well as on top of it. When the preacher started his service, I could hear the occasional sniffle it was so quiet. Even though I was some distance away, the preacher’s voice seemed to flow free and clear into my attentive ears.

Argento and Elysia approached the ceremony, getting a little closer. They stood behind the back row of chairs, trying to blend in. I was alone, the furthest back from everyone else. I guess this is where I’ve always been to some degree. I realize I’ve been fortunate enough to find humans that actually love and care for me, but that still doesn’t change the fact that I’ve really never belonged among them. No matter how hard I’ve tried to fit in, I just don’t. Rightfully so—I’m not human. No matter how hard I try, no matter how hard they try, deep down I knew Sandra was right, I was still an outcast.