Far From Home (13 page)

“Sure, but you’re not paying for me,” I said as I went to the back to grab my purse.

“We’ll see about that,” Matt said as I followed him out the door.  Jill had already gone to lunch and Matt flipped the sign to closed and locked the door.  His black pick-up truck was parked next to my Jetta right outside the shop and I walked over to the passenger side while Matt climbed into the driver’s side. 

A&W wasn’t far from the shop, but that was the case with everything in Carver.  It was an old building and my mom said it had been there for as long as she could remember. Matt and I sat at a booth and we glanced at the menus for only a second, both seeming to know exactly what we wanted.

“What are you getting?” he asked.

“Bacon cheeseburger combo with a root beer,” I told him and he picked up the orange receiver.  It always cracked me up when ordering at A&W.  It was the only place I’d ever been to where you placed your order from a telephone at your table. 

The restaurant was only half-full, but I noticed a few kids from school.  I made eye contact and smiled, but didn’t say anything since I only knew them in passing.  I’d never really expanded my circle of friends past Jesse, Holly, Brandon, Laura, and Mandy.  After everything that had gone down with Alex, trust was not my strong suit.  I knew I could trust them and that’s all I needed. 

“So, why didn’t you want to talk about your brother back at the shop?” I asked and then wondered if maybe I was being too nosey. “I mean…you don’t have to tell me anything.  Sorry, I shouldn’t be so pushy.” I reminded myself of Mandy and hoped Matt hadn’t gotten the wrong impression about me.

“No, it’s fine.  My brother’s a sensitive spot with my mom.  Mark’s been kind of a headache for my parents for well…forever,” he said with a slight laugh.

“Why?  Is he into drugs and stuff?” I asked and Matt laughed again.

“No.  Nothing like that…at least I don’t think he is, but with Mark, who knows?  He’s what my mom calls a free spirit.  My dad has another term for it.  Lazy bum.”  We both started laughing then. 

“Is he older than you?”

“By four years.  He graduated from Wichita State two years ago, but has yet to do anything with the degree he earned.  He floats from job to job, quitting when he gets bored and that’s only when he hasn’t been fired first.  My mom says he just hasn’t found his place yet.  My dad’s bitter about the money they flushed down the toilet for his education.”

“I can see your dad’s point.”

“Well, what did my dad expect when Mark said he was majoring in art history?” Matt grinned and I couldn’t help but smile too.

“Good point.  Not exactly a big job market out there for art history majors,” I agreed. “What’s he doing in Oklahoma?”

“He’s been there for six months now.  His buddy got him a construction job.  It lasted two weeks before he quit,” Matt said with an eye roll. “This is the second time I’ve had to go down and help him move to a new place.  It’s getting ridiculous.  My mom just keeps bailing him out though.  I’m starting to view the whole situation as a good comedy.  I can’t help but laugh.”

“Well, at least you’ve got a sense of humor about it.”

“For now.  My fear though,” he said, leaning in towards me with a grin. “Is that I’m going to end up having to support the bum once my parents are dead.”

We both laughed again and I realized how much I was enjoying myself.  Matt was so easy to be around and he made me laugh and laughing felt good. 

The server brought our orders over a few minutes later and we both dug in.  The bacon cheeseburger was messy to say the least, but as I chewed the delicious greasiness of it, I knew it was definitely worth it.

“I swear they have the most amazing root beer here,” I said, taking a sip.

“You know they make it fresh here, don’t you?”

“No way!”

“Yes way!” he said, mocking me and I couldn’t help but grin. “My cousin used to work here and she told me.”

“Well, it’s to die for,” I said, taking another big gulp and I saw Matt looking at me as his lips descended into a serious line.

“How was the funeral?” he asked suddenly and I felt the pit that I’d managed to push away all morning, return to my stomach. “I was thinking about you as I drove down to my brother’s place.”

“It was nice, in regards to funerals.  I’m not sure funerals are ever nice, but it went better than I expected.”

“How’s Jesse holding up?”

I set the cheeseburger down I’d been holding and wiped my hands with a napkin and leaned back against the booth, sighing.

“I guess he’s okay.  He’s seemed a little better since the funeral, but he’s still quiet.  He’s just trying to figure everything out right now.  I’ll just be glad when this summer is over and we’re away from here.”

“Jesse’s going with you?”

“Yeah, and our friend Holly,” I told him and he nodded.

“A change might be good for him.”

“I think so too.  Maybe if he’s not here, it’ll be easier for him.  I hope so anyway,” I said, looking down at the half-eaten burger, my appetite suddenly gone.  We were quiet for a few moments and it started to feel a little awkward and I asked about the first topic that came to my mind. “How’s Taryn?”

“Fine, I guess.” His voice sounded unsure and I could tell he was by the expression on his face.

“That doesn’t sound convincing.”

“It’s fine, really.  We just haven’t been able to talk much and then my mind starts to wander and I think about her being in Italy, having a great time and me being here and I get a little jealous that I’m stuck in Kansas.”

“I can totally get that.  I’d be pretty bummed too if my boyfriend was in Italy and I was here.”

“But your boyfriend would be an idiot if he did anything to jeopardize his relationship with you,” he said with a smile and I couldn’t tell if his statement was meant to be flirtatious or not.  I doubted it, but it caused me to blush anyway. 

“And your girlfriend would be an idiot to do anything to jeopardize her relationship with you.”

Matt looked down at his watch and then up at me.

“We should get back soon,” he said and I nodded as we both finished our burgers.  I excused myself to the restroom when we were done and just shook my head and smiled when I saw he’d paid before I got back. 

****

I texted Jesse when I got home from work around five o’clock.  He was usually done at the auto shop by six, so I hoped he would just come over and have dinner with my family straight after.  By six-thirty, I hadn’t heard anything from him though and I was worried.  I tried calling him and when he didn’t answer, I called his house phone, wondering if he’d just gone home without checking his cell.  He didn’t answer there either and I decided to drive by his work, just to make sure he was okay.

“I’m running to Wal-Mart,” I called to my mom and grandma as I grabbed my keys after dinner, not wanting to tell my mom where I was really going. 

Being the peak of summer, the sun was just beginning to dip near the horizon when I pulled out of the driveway and drove to Jesse’s work.  I felt a bit like a stalker trying to find him, but I was relieved when I saw his Jeep out front and I pulled in beside it.  I was puzzled because the garage doors were shut as if the place was closed.  There was a light on inside though and I got out of the car and went to the front door.  The sign said closed, but I knew he was there and I pulled on the door.  Luckily it was open and I walked inside.  No one was at the counter, but I could hear voices coming from the back.  I walked slowly towards the sounds, unsure if I should keep going.  It felt weird and intrusive, but I needed to make sure he was okay since I hadn’t heard from him all day.

“Excuse me?” I said timidly as I approached the doorway.

“Back here,” a deep, gravelly voice called out and I peeked inside.

Jesse was sitting around a table with four other men.  They were all wearing coveralls and holding cards, a pile of poker chips between them.  Jesse turned to face me, the surprise evident on his face when he saw me standing there.  His hair was a mess, but I thought it was adorable, and for some reason, I found the grease smudge on his chin sexy.

“Riley.” Jesse’s voice was flat and I didn’t know how to read his tone.

“Hey, Jesse,” I said, smiling to him and then waving to his co-workers, even though I didn’t know any of them.  They were all much older than Jesse.  They had to be over 40 and their skin looked rough and weathered.  Jesse didn’t seem to fit in with them at all. “I’m sorry to interrupt.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I’ve been trying to get a hold of you,” I said, attempting to keep the smile on my face.

“I’ll be right back,” Jesse said to the other guys, as he set the cards down and stood up. 

I stepped out of the doorway and into the hall, but not before I heard one of the men say, “The kid didn’t tell us he had a sweet piece of ass like that,” followed by a low whistle and chuckles all around.  The whole thing made me incredibly uncomfortable and I was resentful that Jesse hadn’t said anything to them about talking about me like that. 

He met me in the hall and his face looked cold for a moment until I reached up and kissed his cheek.  He cracked a little smile and I felt a bit better.

“What’s goin’ on?” he asked.

“I’m sorry,” I began quietly, not wanting his co-workers to hear. “I was worried.  I’ve been trying to reach you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.  I didn’t mean to intrude.”

“We were late finishing up,” he said, and I tried biting my tongue about the poker game, but I couldn’t. 

“So you decided to play poker?” I knew there was bitterness in my voice and I wanted to kick myself.  I knew I needed to be careful around Jesse right now.  This was getting harder though.  I’d never had to be cautious around him before, but then again, he’d never acted this way before.  He’d always been incredibly doting.  I wasn’t liking this standoffish version of him.

“The guys asked if I wanted in and I thought it’d be a good way to relax after work,” he said and I couldn’t ignore the twinge in my heart at his words.  I thought he’d want to be with me after work. I knew I wanted to be with him. 

“You’re playing for money?” I asked, raising an eyebrow doubtfully.

“What are you getting at?”

“I’m just asking.”

“Yeah.  We’re playing for money.  What’s the big deal?”

“Do you think that’s the best thing to be doing right now?  I mean…I thought you were saving money for expenses and stuff.”

Jesse’s gray eyes turned cold as he stared back at me.

“It’s twenty bucks.  I can have a little fun now and then.”

I just nodded and I hated the tension between us.  There had never been tension since we started dating and now that there was, it was the worst feeling. 

“I’m sorry.  I’m just concerned,” I said and was shocked when he cut me off.

“Well, just back off, okay?” His voice was harsh and the image of him before me began to blur when my eyes filled with tears at his words.  I quickly wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.  I didn’t want him to see me cry.  I didn’t want to appear weak.  I was supposed to be the strong one now, but watching him like this hurt too badly. 

“Okay, well…um, have fun tonight, okay?” I said, smiling through the threatening lump in my throat.  I didn’t want to nag anymore, and if I was being honest with myself, I just wanted to get the hell out of that place. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” he said and I nodded.  I was surprised he didn’t apologize for snapping at me, but I wasn’t going to press it. 

“Gimme a call whenever. I work till four o’clock,” I said, in control of my voice, for the time being anyway.  I turned to walk out of the office, but I heard his voice as my hand rested on the door to go outside.

“Riley,” he called and I turned to see him at the end of the hallway and I had to fight the urge to go to him and pull him back to the door to come with me. “I love you,” he said with a nervous smile and I knew that was his way of apologizing.  I just walked out, able to hold my tears back until I’d started driving away.

Chapter Fourteen

It was a weird night.  I’d slept, but it was a restless sleep and my mind kept drifting to Jesse.  He’d once promised to never hurt me and up until now, he hadn’t.  I knew he wasn’t being intentionally mean, but that knowledge didn’t help the pain go away.  I was frustrated and didn’t know what to do.  I’d tried becoming a chameleon as Matt had suggested, but I didn’t like changing to meet Jesse’s needs.  The truth was, I was having a hard time with the person Jesse was changing into.  I told myself it would pass.  He just needed time to grieve and I needed to be patient and understanding.  As much as I hated to admit it, I’d always been a selfish person.  That had been more than obvious to my friends though, including Jesse, when I first moved to Carver.  I’d been a self-centered, spoiled snob, but I thought I’d changed.  I’d thought everything I’d been through had helped me to become a better person.  My frustration with Jesse was making me question if that was still the case. 

When I got to work, I learned Jill was taking the day off to go to some appointments so it would just be Matt and I in the store.  I liked the idea of it just being him and me.  I could relax and Matt and I didn’t have to listen to the country music Jill insisted on playing over the shop’s PA system. 

“I got you a present,” Matt said shortly after I got to work.

“You got me a present?” I said curiously.

“Well, I
made
you a present,” he said and walked over to the backpack he’d brought with him to work.  He came over to where I was working on a large bouquet of tulips and held out a CD for me.

“What’s this?”

“It’s just a CD I thought you might like.  It’s a band I got to know from a friend up at K-State.  I know you’re going through some stuff right now.  This CD helped me through that time with Taryn and her mom.” I looked up at him and smiled warmly.  It was one of the most thoughtful gifts I’d ever received.  Then I noticed his face looked nervous.

“Thank you, Matt,” I said sincerely.