Far Away Home (3 page)

Brendan placed
Aislynn on her feet. He said, “I’ll be back.”

Brendan
disappeared for a few moments leaving the children to admire the stables. The
inside of this barn was a striking contrast to the streets of Five Points. The
barn smelled of fresh hay and oats, lineament and soap. The vastness and the
majesty of the structure fascinated Aislynn. She twirled, arms extended, trying
to grab hold of all there was to see. Stalls of shiny reddish-brown mahogany
lined the walls. Each cubicle was trimmed with polished brass fixtures. Bricks
stretched across the entire floor. All of the horses were strong, straight, and
neatly filed in their own spaces. It seemed like a palace for horses. Aislynn
was so proud that it was her father’s.

“We can leave,”
Brendan announced when he returned. He perched Aislynn on his shoulders and
waved for Tim to follow. They made their way quickly back to Worth Street.
Brendan flew into the bedroom leaving Aislynn and Tim standing in the parlor.
Momentarily dejected, Tim felt forgotten. Suddenly, Tim heard Katherine’s
sweet, strained voice call him. His heart soared knowing that even with Brendan
present, Katherine remembered him. He pushed past Brendan to be by her side.

Katherine
reached out her cool fingered hand to Tim, and he grasped it in both of his.
She smiled up at him and said, “Thank you, my love.” Tim was rapt by the
near-whisper and leaned close to her beautiful face. “Tim, will you take care
of our girl? Read to her. Keep her safe. I just can’t.”

Without any
hesitation, Tim agreed.

“You are a love.
I knew I could depend on you.” She brought his hands to her lips and softly
kissed each one. Tim left the flat wearing Katherine’s scent.

The day dragged
on in the unrelenting heat. Tim tried to amuse Aislynn with his few toys, but
his mind was in the Denehy apartment. He could hear periodic groans followed by
soft voices and silence. Bringing Aislynn into the hallway, they sat on the
floor pretending with her dolls. Mr. Rattawitz descended from the third floor,
complained about the heat and inquired why they were not outside. Tim explained
that the baby was on its way, and they wanted to be home for the birth.

“Mazel Tov!”
Rattawitz exclaimed and went on his slow way out of the building. Tim listened
as the old man padded down the ten front steps, his ears straining for sounds.

The hallway’s
varnished floor was tacky from the unending humidity, and their sweaty bodies
seemed to stick to it. Despite the opened doors, no air was moving. From their
outpost, Tim watched the dust lazily floating up the stairway toward the
skylight.
Somewhere at the end of that shaft of light is God
. Imagining
a direct line of communication, Tim prayed, “Please watch over Katherine.”

Declaring her
hunger, Aislynn whined for her lunch. Tim was grateful for her timing. He
wanted to know what was occurring in Katherine’s bedroom. Aislynn’s hunger gave
him an opportunity to enter the Denehy apartment and assess the situation.

Tim brought
Aislynn into her kitchen and made her some bread and jam. He sat her at the
table, and they quietly ate together. The meal fortified and emboldened Tim. He
approached his mother for some news. Seeing his concern, she explained that it
was normal for such things to take a long time.

At his mother’s
suggestion, Tim took Aislynn to their apartment. He stripped off her
sweat-soaked dress, stood her in the laundry sink and rinsed her off. Aislynn
liked the water and stood splashing until they were both cool.

He lifted the
small girl into his arms and playfully dropped her on his parents’ big bed. She
jumped up and started to bounce until Tim stopped her, “Don’t make a mess.
We’ll both get hanged.” He pulled her damp dress over her head. “Sit and don’t
get heated again. I’m going to read to you.”

Propped on his
parents’ pillows, Tim opened a book and began reading to her. Aislynn leaned
her moist, baby-scented body against his chest. After several stories, she fell
asleep. Though he wanted to get up and investigate the happenings across the
hall, he did not want to wake her. He looked down at the soft lines of her
small, round face. She was breathing through her tiny mouth that hung slightly
open. Her wet hair was stuck to her cheeks.

Gazing at
Aislynn, he remembered his promise to Katherine. For the first time, the
thought that Katherine could die struck him.
She has to live. She can’t
leave me with this girl
. Fear swelled in his chest. Tim wrapped his arms
around the sleeping child. Holding her made him feel stronger. He rested his
head on the pillow and started to recite the prayers he had learned in school.
The monotony of the recitation, the heat and the exhaustion from worry overcame
him, and he slipped into a troubled sleep.

Tim woke to find
Aislynn with one arm and one leg flung across his body. He carefully slid out
from under her and emerged drowsy and disoriented to find his brothers in the
kitchen, scouring for food. Remembering Katherine and her baby, Tim stumbled
out into the hall and crossed into the Denehy flat. Standing in the doorway,
Tim could see his mother’s dark, sweaty back; her hair was tentatively pulled
into a loose bun with wet locks randomly hanging down. He heard his mother
encouraging Katherine and knew the trial continued.

Tim sat on the
floor and waited. In his flat, he could hear Aislynn awake and playing with his
brothers, oblivious of the struggle. Darkness began spreading its ominous wings
and descending on the dying day. The constant worry and fear added to the
wretched heat made time drag as though it towed a heavy weight. Still, he
waited.

A high-pitched
scream cut the thick air. He listened breathlessly as frantic words were
exchanged inside the Denehy bedroom. With Katherine’s scream, Tim felt a river
of perspiration flow down his back. He was burning hot and shivering cold. The
boys volleyed into the hall and stood wide-eyed and silent. Sean held Aislynn’s
face against his chest as the child, sensing disaster, whimpered. Mrs. Nolan
appeared looking frantic. Her eyes caught Frank Junior’s, and he jumped to
attention.

“Go get the
doctor quickly!” she commanded like a general in the pitch of a battle. Frank
Junior responded to the order like a well-trained soldier. He flew down the
front stairs, his footsteps quickly drowning in the din of the street as he ran
to complete his directive.

Mrs. Nolan
turned to reenter the Denehy apartment when she suddenly stopped. The boys
could see from the tilt of her head and her arms suspended in midair, that she
was contemplating additional action. She turned back to the boys and took a
deep ragged breath, “Michael, go get the priest.”

Getting the
priest meant someone was dying. Tim closed his eyes and prayed out his fears.
He knew it was wrong, but every part of him cried out to strike a bargain with
God. “Please, take that baby. We don’t need another baby. The priest can come,
baptize that brat, and I swear to You, I will never do anything bad in my whole
life. Just please, please don’t let Katherine die,” he supplicated.

The screaming
grew louder. He could hear his mother saying words like breech, cord, and
something else about suffocating. Tim wanted to cry, but he could barely
breathe for fear he might miss some vital information.

As Katherine’s
screaming stopped, Brendan began to wail. The sound cut through Tim like a
saber. It struck deep at a place in his heart he had never felt before. A
weeping man was not a part of Tim’s world; men did not cry. With that thought,
Brendan’s sobbing was muffled.

Frank Junior
returned with the doctor. He entered the bedroom, and an “Oh, dear!” burst into
the hall. Frantic movement commenced within the room. Katherine screamed. They
heard the doctor yelling at Katherine as though she were deaf. “Stay with me,
Mrs. Denehy. The child is dead. I’m going to break the skull. I’m going to use
this instrument, just stay with me now. Relax your muscles. Keep her awake
there, man.”

The boys were
strewn around the hallway in various levels of distress. Frank Junior took
charge and lifted Aislynn from Sean’s arms. “Come on, Lovey. You come with me.
You boys come home, too.”

Tim watched his
brothers disappear into the Nolan parlor. The door slowly swung closed with a
soft snap. Numbness set in as Tim listened to the stunning sounds and inhaled
the nauseating smells emerging from the flat. Tim felt weak and feared he would
vomit.

Bustling up the
stairs and fumbling with his bag, the priest entered the dim hall with Michael
close at his heels. He rushed into the flat and cried, “Blessed Jesus.”

Tim needed to
see what was happening. He quietly crept into the Denehy flat and hid under
their kitchen table, watching the legs of the people who remained in the bedroom.
From his post, Tim could hear the conversation clearly. Katherine was
hemorrhaging. There was some movement on the part of the doctor. “I could give
her some morphia and ease her pain, and then she can slip away in her sleep.”

“She’ll not slip
away!” Brendan cried. “Katherine, please stay with me.” Brendan sat on the bed,
amid the mess of birth and death. He put his arms around Katherine, “Stop
bleedin’. Please stop bleedin’. Take me strength. I give you every drop. Please
take it, me love, take all of it.”

An airy whisper
floated from Katherine’s lips, “I’m so tired, Brendan.”

“I know love,
rest. I’m right here. Just don’t give up. Stay with me, Katherine. Stay with
me.” His pleading drove Mrs. Nolan from the room. She stumbled, tearblind, into
the parlor. Tim could hear the doctor close his bag and saw him leave the
bedroom. He heard his mother thank the doctor as he fled the scene. His mother
fell to her knees on the parlor rug and doubled over in tears and prayer.

Tim heard
Katherine speak again. “I’ll always be with you,” was followed by hollow,
breathless silence. He craned his neck trying to get closer to the bedroom
without being discovered, straining to see.

Katherine’s
breathing was ragged. Between painful gasps, she said, “If you need me, just
close your eyes. I’ll be right here with you.”

Tim heard
Katherine struggling for air. He saw the bed shaking and heard Brendan’s
frantic voice, “Let me hold you, me love. I’ll hold you and everything will be
fine. You’re not goin’ anywhere…stayin’ with me.” 

No sound came
from Katherine or Brendan, but the priest began to mumble last rights. The dark
angel had descended, and it was not leaving alone. Mary Nolan wearily rose from
the floor and, on leaden legs, returned to the bedroom. She bent over Katherine’s
body and felt her neck for its life-affirming throb. Touching the pulseless
girl sent Mary into a wail that made Tim snap his head up, cracking it on the
table. His entire body was perspiring. It seemed his grief leaked from all his
pores, flowing down his back and his forehead, dripping down his face. His head
fell into his hands and he cried.

Looking up, Tim
could barely recognize anything in the dark flat. Night had fallen hard and
moonless. A single candle burned in the bedroom. His eyes searched the void.
Trapped in his hiding place, he needed a chance, just a moment to see
Katherine.

Neglected and
lonely for her mother, Aislynn boldly strode into the Denehy flat and pushed
her way into the bedroom. She hastily climbed onto the bed and demanded a hug
from her mother. She lifted her mother’s arms, which lay lifelessly over
Brendan’s shoulders, attempting to wiggle under them. When no response came,
she started to pitifully plead for a hug. “Mama, I need hug, Mama please.” Not
meeting any success, she tried to move the arm her father had wrapped around
Katherine. “Da help me. I need hug. Mama, please.” In frustration and anger,
Aislynn began pulling at Brendan’s hair to lift his head. The priest and Mrs.
Nolan stood in shocked silence, yet neither one moved.

Tim heard the
commotion and realized that he had not kept his pledge to Katherine. The very
day she charged him with the responsibility of Aislynn, he had failed to
fulfill his promise. Guilt moved him.

Unfolding, Tim
emerged from under the kitchen table. He straightened, steeled himself and
entered the bedroom. The scene nearly overcame him. Katherine lay amid the
blood and filth. Her body was twisted in the stained sheets. Her legs and feet,
which he had never seen bared before, were partially revealed. Ashen,
stonelike, her head rested on the soiled, damp pillow. Katherine’s tangled hair
reached across her expressionless face. Aislynn was straddling her mother and
leaning over her father begging for attention. Swallowing hard, Tim took two sharp
breaths. With his eyes riveted on the girl, he said, “Aislynn, let’s kiss your
mother good night, and I will give you all the hugs you need.” He closed his
eyes and brushed his lips across Katherine’s gaping mouth. He could feel his
heart collapsing, as his throat made odd choking sounds, and he struggled for
breath. While rising from his kiss, Tim caught Brendan’s disoriented gaze.
Putting aside the jealousy he had held toward the man, the boy paused near
Brendan’s face. With as much empathy and compassion his young heart could
muster, he whispered, “It’s time to let her go.”

Aislynn,
watching Tim, responded to his command and to his emotion. She kissed her
mother’s cheek and with bewildered sympathy, reached her chubby arms up to
embrace Tim. He lifted the child off her mother. With her legs wrapped around
his waist, Tim held her against his chest. He knew her hug was the only thing
that was keeping him from coming apart and scattering like autumn leaves around
the room. She was keeping him whole. Yet, he believed that everything in her
narrow life rested on him. He had to do the right thing.

While the family
attended the funeral, Tim stayed home with Aislynn. For two days, Tim had been
in mourning; however, no one seemed to notice. Everyone was concerned about
Brendan and Aislynn; no one understood his pain. His parents expected him to
help prepare for the funeral and care for Aislynn. Katherine would not have
forgotten his needs. He felt disconsolate without her. A piece of himself was
missing. Tim had heard that when people lost limbs, arms or legs, they
continued to feel them. He felt this way about Katherine. He knew she was gone,
but he believed she was still there, somewhere. Tim put Aislynn into his
parents’ big bed for a nap and went across the hall to find Katherine.