Fantasy Attraction (Hidden Secrets) (15 page)

I
hung up the phone and sat down next to my books and went through taking notes.  Introduction to Psychology was one of the important foundation courses for me.  I really wanted to do well in this class so when I moved on to the higher classes and eventually my master’s in the future, my foundation would be strong enough to support the amount of information that will be thrown at me on my course to be a child psychologist.

I
had been feeling a little nauseous lately, but it was slowly passing.  It wasn’t hitting me as often.  Placing my hand on my stomach, I hoped it would hold off long enough for us to get some real work done here. Our future depended on me doing well.  The doctor said that the baby was developing well and right on track.  I was relieved.  With not being able to eat much, I was worried that it was harming my baby.  The doctor assured me that this was normal and my body was getting enough to sustain my little one. Rubbing my belly one last time, I sighed before turning back to my task of getting the notes ready by the time the girls got here.

I was engrossed in my note taking when there was a knock on my door.  Checking my watch, it was too soon to be Jessica or Leia.  I opened the door.  The moment I saw them, I tried to shut the door again.  They pushed the door open, knocking me back a few steps.  Scrambling back, I knew that look in Harriet’s eyes.  It was the same look she had all my childhood before I was left bleeding and crying.
  Immediately, my survival instincts kicked in and I began to plead.

“Please, I don’t know what is wrong, but I swear I haven’t said a thing to anyone.”

Really, I had no clue what they were there for, I just wanted to get them out of there as fast as I could or buy time until the girls arrived.  The feeling of having to plead with them for whatever was about to happen ate at me.  I tried to put as much space and furniture between us, but I was in a dorm room.  It was one room and a bathroom.  I had a section for my bed and then a sitting area and a little kitchenette. There weren’t many options for me to go for safety.

“We found out some funny information today.” Harriet sneered.

“You…you did?”

My mind immediately went to my baby.  They found out about my baby.  Oh No!  My panic kicked up a notch when Brice started walking toward me.  My heart kicked up and went to my throat.  I swallowed hard to try and get a little breathing room, but it wasn’t working.  Continuing to back up I searched for something to save myself and my baby.

“We did.  Seems you have something of mine…I’m taking it back!” Brice said before he smacked me across the face.

I
fell, knocking over my nightstand and landing on my bed. Brice grabbed me by the hair, yanking me up.  I screamed as he continued to punch me in my lower back.  He threw me and I smacked into the wall hard.  My arm bent the wrong way and the sound of the bone breaking was almost deafening.  I screamed out in the pain of it all.  My father’s words came back to me.  He always told me to never let anyone see you weak.  So I used my pain to fuel me and I fought back.

Grabbing my lamp, I swung it at Brice’s
head, knocking him off balance as I made contact. I swung my fist with all my might nailing him in the nose, knocking him back into the other wall.  I turned and hit my mom knocking her on the ground.  Kicking her as hard as I could, my surroundings began to blur in and out.  Suddenly, I’m falling to my back and another snap sounded.  Muffling my scream by biting my lip, I could taste the blood in my mouth from biting it so hard.

“Please, I’m not going to ask you for
anything, don’t hurt my baby… please!” I begged.

There was nothing left for me to do, but beg.  I had nothing left.  My left arm was
broken and I am pretty sure my right leg was broken too.  My pleas fell on deaf ears, they both started kicking and hitting me.  Each hit knocked the air out of my lungs and sent shooting pains through my entire body. Suddenly the beatings stopped and I was left with my pain.  I couldn’t move.  The pain was so intense that I felt almost lost in it, like I wasn’t really in my body.  My thoughts were about my baby.  The thoughts of what probably happened to it had sobs escaping that I couldn’t stop. The little bit of light that I could see was fading in and out.  Suddenly the thought of not surviving was the most peaceful thought I’ve had.

“O. M. G. What the hell
… Holy Shit!  Colleen, are you okay?”

“Shit! I’m calling 911!”

The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital.

Jerking awake, I looked around the room.  Today for the first time, I woke up alone.  Sitting up I checked around the room and didn’t see any sign of Carson.  I got up and headed to the bathroom.  It was getting easier to move, but still took my breath away at times.  He wasn’t in the bathroom either.  I took a quick shower and brushed my teeth.  Slipping on a shirt and a pair of his boxers, I made my way out of the room and downstairs.  Following the sounds, I found Carson in the kitchen cooking.  He turned around and caught sight of me and froze.

“You weren’t in bed when I woke up.”

“Jeff had to leave so I came down to make you breakfast.” He cleared his throat.

“Where is everyone else?” I
asked, noticing that no one else was moving around.

“Working,” he said in a
low, deep voice that spoke directly to my core. “Damn you look hot in my clothes.” He breathed stopping in front of me.

“Sorry I di…” I was cut off by Carson’s mouth covering mine.

It has been one hell of a week and I missed his kisses.  Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled him tighter against me and kissed him fervently.  Carson growled into my mouth and deepened the kiss.  I hadn’t realized that he was moving me until I felt the wall at my back.  He pressed into me further, pushing his hardness into me.  This time it was me that moaned.  I wanted him and I wanted him badly.  Running his hands down my leg, he lifted it up and brought it around his waist.  As if on their own accord, my hips started grinding into his.

Carson ran one hand up to my breast and his other was traveling down my stomach.  Slipping his fingers in the waistband of the boxers, I moaned in anticipation of feeling his hands on me. Slowly he started moving his hand down further when someone cleared their throat.

FUCK!

Carson pulled away from the kiss and rested his head on mine.  Both of us were trying hard to catch our breaths and calm ourselves down.

“Whoever is standing behind me is dead.” He panted and I laughed.

Carson leaned back and smiled down at me.  I smiled right back lowering my leg back to the floor while Carson corrected any clothing that may have been messed up.  We separated to find a very amused Jack
son standing there.

“
Well, I see you’re doing well this morning, Colleen.  Sorry to interrupt.”  Jack chuckles.

“You’re an asshole.  Payback’s a bitch.” Carson shot back playfully.

“Hi Jack,” I smile coyly as I walk up and rise up on my toes to kiss his cheek. “I’m doing much better today.” Running my hand down his arm, it took everything out of me not to laugh as Jack’s face changed and he swallowed nervously.

“Uh, that’s good to hear,” he swallowed nervously again.

Although I had been holding on to my laughter, Carson couldn’t.  He started busting up laughing and I looked up at Jack and winked.  His face contorted to a shocked one and I couldn’t hold in my laughter any longer and began to laugh as I walked back to Carson.  He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my lips.

“You are the best, you know that?  Putting my brother in his place so easily, I love it.”

“You’ve got one amazing girl there.” Jack said adjusting himself.

It made Carson laugh harder.  I felt bad.  Jack had been nothing but kind to me.  However, he did interrupt us right when it was about to get good.

“Thank you,” I said overly sweet.

Jack rolled his eyes, “Come
on, let’s get you checked out.”

I kissed Carson one last time before walking upstairs with Jack.  Stopping at the top of the stairs to try and catch my breath.  Sitting on the top step, my chest was heaving.  I felt like I had run a marathon, instead of just climbing twenty-three stairs.  Jack hadn’t noticed my troubles.  He continued on his way to the bedroom.  I dropped my head to my knees and grabbed the banister squeezing with all I have.  Little squeaks escaped as I continued to struggle to catch my breath.

I felt hands on me as hazy words started to fill my mind.  My head was tingling and partially numb.

“Colleen listen to me, you are having an asthma attack.  I need you to focus on my voice and lift your head up.”

I lifted my head up and it lolled back.  “Hel…p…mmm…ee”

“I am.  I am.”  He started messing in his bag and the next thing I feel is a stick and his hand rubbing my neck.  “Try to take
slow, calm deep breaths.  Watch and copy me.”

He started taking long deep breaths and I did my best to copy them.  Slowly things became less blurry and I started to get feeling back in my face.  Eventually my breathing returned to normal and Jack smiled at me.

“Thank” deep breath “you,” deep breath.

“You’re welcome. Now let’s get you back to the room, shall we?”

I nodded my head and he helped me up.  Jack was just helping me sit on the bed as Carson walked in the room carrying a tray.  Setting the tray down, he moved next to me.

“What happened?  What’s wrong?”

“She had a severe asthma attack.  I had to inject her with epinephrine to help her breath again.  She’s doing better.  CJ, this is only my suggestion, but I think you should go back to your house.  Your bedroom is on the main floor.  You’ll be able to slowly work her lungs back up to what she had them before doing much of nothing for ten days.”

“Will you stay with me for a little while until
you're better, at least?

“At least.” I smiled up at him and winked.

Carson started laughing and Jack went about doing the checkup.  I just agreed to stay with Carson and even joked about it being longer.  A smile spreads across my face.  I’m taking my life back.  Kelly Clarkson’s song “Catch My Breath” popped in my head and I felt so much lighter than I have ever felt before.

I love Carson.

Whoa, wait…what?  Wow, I love Carson.  God, I hope it wasn’t a mistake.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

~CARSON~

As I pulled into my house through the secret entrance, I was suddenly nervous.  For the first time, I was going to share my bed and house with someone.  It wasn’t because of having to share them, but it was because of whom I was sharing them with.  I really wanted her to be happy here.  I wanted her to feel safe here.  If I were honest with myself, I wanted her to want to stay here after she was better.

Kayla threw a fit that we were leaving, but she understood too.  I think.  I hurried around and helped Colleen from the car.  Leaning down I kissed her long and passionately.  The wait to kiss her like that was killing me.  Every time I went to kiss her someone was walking in the room.  I was glad to be home, if for no other reason than privacy.

“Welcome home,
Angel.” I whispered before bending down and picking her up.

“What are you doing?” She squealed.

“There are a few steps here.  Just want to make sure you make it inside and in my bed, my Angel,” adding a playful wink.

I carried her inside and into the kitchen setting her carefully down on a stool.  She smacked my arm.

“I’m not broken Carson.”

“I know that, I just…”

“Then don’t treat me like it.  Can we please talk?  I need to tell you something.  Please.”

“Of course.”  I walked her back to my room.

Once in my room, I helped her up on my bed.  It was higher off the ground than most and she was a bit shorter than I am.

“Looks like I might need to buy stairs for your side of the bed.”  I commented after climbing in bed myself.

“Why? I like you picking me up.” She smiled.

Laying back against my pillows, I pulled Colleen close to me. 
At this moment I realized, I’ve become addicted to holding and touching her.  Oh, but what an addiction it was to have.

“You know that nightmare I had at your sister’s?”

“Yes…”

“The guy kept trying to…” She paused. “I didn’t want him to, so I did whatever I could to stop him.”  She sits up and she looked terrified.  “Harriet, she never cared about me.  She stayed with my dad for his money and slept with every Tom, Dick, and Harry she could find.  She drank all the time and brought strange men home.  The last four years I
was with her got so much worse than when she was with my dad.  I had to take precautions, to keep myself safe.”  She swallowed and looked distressed.  I didn’t like it.

“
Angel, you don’t have to tell me this now.  You don’t need to…”  I was cut off as she blurted out the rest of the story.

“I killed him.  I stabbed him over and over again.  He wouldn’t leave me alone.  He wouldn’t stop trying.  I didn’t know what else to do.” She sobbed.

I sat there a moment just holding her not saying a word.  It wasn’t because my opinion changed about her, but because I was trying to control my rage.  She must have hated life growing up.  Not being able to trust the one person she should have been able to above all others.  She began to shake.  I did the only thing I knew how to get her to quit thinking about it.  I kissed her.  I kissed her with everything I had and felt.  Everything was poured into that single kiss.  I shifted on top of her and she parted her legs to welcome me in.

“Make love to me Carson.  Make me forget.”

“Angel, when we make love, it won’t be for you to forget.  When we make love, it will be for you to remember.”

“God, Carson.  You can’t say things like that!”

“Why not when they are true?”

“Because it makes it harder not to believe you.”  She
said, moving out of the bed.

“Why can’t you believe me?  I wouldn’t lie to you ever Colleen.”

She was pacing now and I was worried she would send herself into another attack.  She was mumbling to herself.  I couldn’t make out what she was saying, but her face told me that she was not in a good place right now.  It had me worried.  After a few more minutes, I walked closer to her and could hear her.

“…and look what happened with Brice.”

“Who’s Brice?”  She didn’t respond.  “Angel?”  I reached out and touched her arm, causing her to scream.  Pulling her into my arms, I held her.  “It’s okay, Angel.  I have you.  I have you.”

“When I was in college, Brice was my boyfriend.  Or I thought he was.  He said he loved me and we had sex for the first time.  A little time later I heard girls talking about how he was cheating on me.  So instead of calling like he asked me to before going over, I just went over to his place and let myself in.  I heard the noises, I should have left.  When I opened the door, he was having sex with someone else.  He was…”

“Shh you don’t have to finish.”

“He was sleeping with Harriet.  He had been sleeping with her the whole time.  She told him where I’d be the day we met.  It was all set up by her.  She planned it all to break me more.  The worst part is…I found out I was pregnant about two weeks later.  My mom and Brice continued to be
together
.  I…don’t know how they found out, but they did. Brice and my mom showed up one day and they beat the shit out of me. They broke my arm and leg, caused severe damage to my kidneys, broke several ribs and fractured my skull in two places. They…they left me for dead in my dorm room.  Thankfully, I had plans to work on a project and told the girls to just walk in.  I was taken to the hospital and after three weeks I was finally able to go home.” She paused looking up at me.

I wasn’t sure what she was trying to figure out, but she seemed to have her answer because she dropped her head and continued with her story.
 

“
The minute I walked through my door, they were there.  They came at me again before I could scream and left me again.  I couldn’t chance the hospital again so I went to clinics because amazingly my baby had survived.  They started tracking the clinics and Hunting me down like I was some kind of animal.  I ran and ran.  One day, I was bleeding badly.  I had no choice, but to go the hospital.  I was seven and a half months pregnant and they made me deliver my stillborn baby.  They killed her.  They took her from me.  I know that I didn’t like him and I wasn’t in the best position to raise a child, but she was mine.  She was my baby.  Now every time I go to the doctors or hospital, they find me or my panic attacks come back.  Carson they killed my baby and they won’t leave me alone.  They killed my baby…”  She cried.

All I could do was hold her closer; tighter.  It was unfamiliar terri
tory.  How do I help her?  I feel like a fish out of water right now.  She went limp in my arms and her breathing evened out.  She cried herself to sleep.  Scooping her up, I laid her in bed and walked out to my kitchen.

“Jesus!  How can I help her?” I screamed as I hit the counter.

My phone started ringing, breaking through the anger.  Looking at the number on the phone, I laughed. 

“Hey you.”

“How are you doing?”

“Not good.  How do I help someone with a problem I cannot relate to?  How can I help ease pain I cannot even fathom?”

“Baby, what’s wrong?  Are you in trouble?”

“No, not at all.”

“Thank goodness.  Baby the best way to handle things that you don’t understand is to be sure to be there when and how they need you.  Being there for someone isn’t always about fixing the problem, but more making it less painful when they think about it.  You can’t take a problem away no matter if it can be solved because the memory stays behind.  Just sharing it will lessen it.”

“You are a genius.  You know that right?”

“So I have been told.  Is this about Colleen?”

“Yes.  She’s telling me some of her past and why she’s scared to believe me when I say things to her and why she didn’t want to go to the hospital.  What she just said, I want to take her pain away, but I don’t know that I will
ever
be able to do that.”

“Baby you can’t
take that the pain away.  If you try you will only drive yourself nuts.  What you can do is help give her things that will help override the bad.  Give her things to hold on to; to look forward to.  Help by teaching her how to protect herself.  Don’t expect her to forget her past; that would be selfish of you.”

“
Again, you’re a genius.  I gotta go.  I love you, mama.”

“I love you too my boy.”

Hanging up, a new idea formulated in my head and it would help protect her from the unknown.  I busied myself with cooking supper for us while Colleen slept. There really wasn’t much of an option considering the fact that I haven’t been shopping in a while, but I managed to scrape up enough for spaghetti and meatballs with sandwich bread for garlic toast.  I laughed as I began cooking.  She was probably definitely going to be missing Jeff’s cooking.  If I wanted it to be edible I needed help.

Me
:  Bro, I need your help with making sure my supper is edible.

Jeff
:  Yeah, I can’t offer that kind of help.

Me
:  You’re an ass.  Will you help me or not?

Jeff
: LOL yes I’ll help.  What do you need?

Me
:  Explain to me how to make a meatball and spaghetti sauce and garlic toast using sandwich bread.

Jeff
:  Holy shit, bro!  The only thing you didn’t ask was how to boil the noodles.  You know you have to use water to boil the noodles right?

Me
:  Quit being an ass and help me.  I am not the cook and never claimed to be, but I am a damn good fighter and if you keep this up and make me screw this up for my girl then you will get to feel how my opponents feel.

Jeff
:  Well, you’re lucky I really like Colleen.  But we are going to need to talk this out not text it.  Give me five minutes and I will call you.  Okay?

Me
:  Yup, talk to you in five.

After a very lengthy
conversation and a lot of ‘what’s and ‘you do what’s on my end, I finally had supper cooked and it didn’t look bad or taste bad either.  I was actually pretty proud of myself.  The supper was actually going to be a decent one.  Suddenly I had butterflies in my stomach as I walked to my bedroom to serve the woman of my dreams supper.

Once inside the room, I set the tray on the stand beside the bed and gently woke her up.

“Hey Angel, I made supper for us.”  She didn’t wake up.  “Angel?”  Nothing.  Panic started to creep in.  “Colleen?  Wake up for me.”  I said louder.  Still nothing.  “Damn it!  Colleen wake up!” I screamed.

She jerked up screaming and guilt hit my stomach hard. I cupped her face and made her look at me.  She stared at me blankly for a few seconds as if she didn’t know who I was.  Slowly a smile spread across her face.

“You didn’t leave me.”  She breathed.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because of what I’ve told you.”

“
Angel, that past, albeit it horrific, has made you into the woman you are today.  The woman sitting in my bed.  The woman…”  I couldn’t finish my sentence.

The need to taste her was overwhelming.  Leaning forward, I took her lips with mine.  She opened for me immediately.  As my tongue touched her
s, I moaned and eased her back down on the bed.  Desire poured fiercely through me.  I have never felt anything like this before.

“If you don’t want this, stop me now.”

“I need you, Carson.”

That was all it took for any control I had to snap.  Pulling my shirt over my head and throwing it across the room, I reached down and pulled hers off too. 
Seeing her beautiful body below me had me harder than I have ever been.  Her breasts were perfect and calling for me to take them in my mouth. 

Slowly leaning down
, I took her breast in my mouth causing her to suck in a breath and arch her back off the bed.  There was still far too much clothing between us.  Easing her shorts down, I trailed kisses down her stomach, her sighs and moans only turning me on more.  Throwing her shorts to join our shirts, I leaned back over her. 

The look on her face was breathtaking.  She looked happy and relaxed.
Colleen rose up and began to kiss me.  I pushed my still jean clad hips into her and heard the sexiest moan. It was a sound that I would never forget and even better than the ones I heard on the phone.  I lost myself in the kiss and slowly rocked into her.  If I wasn’t careful I would become a teenager again and lose it in my pants.

Kissing her deeper and with more fervor, I lost myself in the feel of her lips and her bare chest on mine. 
It wasn’t until I felt her hands on my ass, skin to skin, and the warmth of her, wrapping around me that I realized she had gotten my pants down.  I slowly pushed myself in, allowing her to get used to my size, slowly rocking in and out of her.  The feeling was beyond words.

“God you feel amazing,” I breathed.

Her legs came around my waist and she raised her hips into each thrust allowing me to take her deeper each time.

“Yes, Carson!” She half moaned, half screamed.