Fang Me (14 page)

I waved that away. I wasn't interested in keeping score. It was enough to know we'd be there for each other.

And what he said was beginning to sink in. It wasn't all one way—I didn't have to be the savior all the time. Wow, I'd never really had anyone who'd be there for me like that. And, I now realized, any of the other demons would have probably done the same thing for me that Micah had. Kind of like a family. For the first time since I joined the Underground, I actually felt like I belonged somewhere. Nice.

But that didn't change certain other facts."I appreciate that, really I do, but what happens now that I've let the genie completely out of the bottle? Can I ever stuff her back in?"

Micah gave me a half smile."I think you can do anything you set your mind to."

I shook my head impatiently."Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I don't need that rahrah stuff. I need to know if I can trust myself to ever use my powers again."

"It's not 'rah-rah stuff' as you call it. It's the honest truth." Micah leaned forward, his expression earnest."Val, you are one of the strongest people I know—"

"That's not important—"

"I'm not talking bodily strength, but strength of conviction, strength of purpose, strength of character."

Whoa. Was he really talking about me?

HE IS, Fang confirmed. NOW SHUT UP AND LISTEN.

"You kept your succubus side suppressed for a very long time, longer than I thought possible. You were getting a handle on it with Shade's help. You did it once—you can do it again."

I shook my head."But what if I can't control it? What if I . . . suck him dry?"

"You won't."

"How do you know that?" I wanted to believe him, but the evidence didn't support it.

"Succubi and incubi were designed to enthrall one person at a time. I had a very hard time controlling the small number I held, and you had what? Four times that? And you didn't lose control until you tried to take on too many."

"Maybe."

"Think about it this way. You've been out and about all day. Have you had the urge to consume anyone yet?"

"No," I admitted,"But my succubus circuits are fried—I couldn't even enthrall a horny teenager right now. But when they're healed . . ."

"Then now is a good time to work on getting control, don't you think?"

"I guess," I said doubtfully.

"I
know
it is." He leaned back in his chair."Val, what choice do you have? You either need to learn to control it, or it will control you. And I'm betting on you."

I shook my head, not entirely convinced.

Looking exasperated, Micah said,"This time, try something radically different. Something way out of character for you."

"Like what?"

"Like asking for help."

"I asked for help with rescuing Josh and Andrew," I protested.

"Yes, but that was for other people. You don't ask for assistance when you need it, personally."

Whoa. Was I really like that? Did I really try to do everything myself without asking for help?

PRETTY MUCH.

Well, crap. He wasn't the first one who'd said that, either. Maybe Micah was right. Maybe if I had help with this, I could figure out how to
not
lose control of Lola ever again.

Micah continued,"People like to help others. They'd love to help you if you ask for it. They just don't know what you need."

I nodded."Okay, I'll think about it." I rose to give him a hug."Thanks for pounding some sense into my head."

"No problem." He grinned. "Next time, I'll try not to be so literal."

I laughed, and a knock sounded on the door.

IT'S TESSA, Fang said. SHE'S BEEN WANTING TO COME IN, BUT I ASKED HER TO WAIT UNTIL YOU WERE DONE.

"Come in," Micah called.

Micah's assistant opened the door and smiled at me."I'm glad you're here. I finally got the call back from the Los Angeles Underground."

"Good," Micah said. "And . . . ?"

"They never heard of Trevor Jackson."

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

The LA Underground had never heard of Trevor? Didn't surprise me at all. "Ha, I knew it."

"Knew what?" Micah asked.

"Knew he was lying about being a member of the Underground," I said triumphantly.

Tessa shook her head."Actually, he never said he was a member of the Underground. But since he knew of their existence and ours, I just assumed he was. But he's not in any of their records."

Back to square one."But doesn't it seem odd that they don't know anything about him?"

"Maybe," Micah said, then asked Tessa,"Did they give you any other information?"

She nodded."I asked about mage demons, keepers and the encyclopedia. My contact said the LA Underground is well aware of mage demons, and the word is, when encountering one, to shoot first and ask questions later." Tessa gave Micah, Mr. Dudley Do Right, an apologetic look. "Apparently, a mage demon caused the 1906 San Francisco earthquake that took over three thousand lives and left three-quarters of the population homeless. The Underground there has never forgotten it."

Micah shook his head, whether in disbelief, denial, or disgust, I wasn't sure.

"And keepers? What about them?" I asked.

"She wasn't so sure of that part, but their history says that's when the Underground got together to find a way to control the mage demon. Keepers came into being about the same time, so are probably related. She doesn't remember hearing anything about the books, but knows their predecessors did something to control the mage." Tessa shrugged."I figured it was the keeper. She admits she isn't the most knowledgeable person there, but said she'd see what she can find out and call us back."

"That wasn't real helpful," I said. I'd hoped to find some kind of evidence that would prove who Trevor really was.

"More than you think," Micah said."Now we know mage demons do exist, and keepers were probably developed to control them. Maybe we'll learn more after the holidays."

"That's too late," I protested."We need to find those books now."

"I'm glad you agree," someone said from the doorway.

I turned around. Trevor and Shade stood there. How much had they heard?

NOT MUCH, Fang said. THEY JUST GOT HERE.

Gee, thanks for the warning.

He shrugged. WASN'T NECESSARY.

"But what brought you to that conclusion?" Trevor continued.

Taking the offensive, I said,"We just learned the LA Underground doesn't have you in their records."

"Of course not."

Trevor looked so calm about my dramatic revelation, it really took me aback. I'd kind of hoped he'd come up with a lame excuse that would prove he was trying to deceive us."What do you mean, of course not?" I tried not to sound too challenging, since Shade was standing there, looking all enigmatic and swirly. Sure wished I could see his expression about now.

Trevor shrugged. "I never joined."

"Why not?" I asked. After all, he'd been a real social butterfly in our Underground.

"Things are different in LA. They're more focused on other things."

"Like what?" Micah asked."I've never really talked to the Undergrounds in other cities much."

Micah gestured us all to take a seat, so I grabbed one on the couch next to Shade while Micah and Trevor took the armchairs. Tessa perched on the arm of Micah's chair.

Trevor settled in, looking very comfortable."The LA Underground seems to be more concerned with finding jobs in the entertainment industry, making sure their people are able to pass as human. I've never had a problem passing, so I didn't see any point in joining."

After what Micah had just told me, I bet there was more to it than that.

Trevor wrinkled his nose."We had nothing in common, so I didn't socialize with them either."

Yeah, right. The metrosexual hairdresser was soooo not the Hollywood type.

Was Micah buying this? I couldn't tell.

HE'S RESERVING JUDGMENT, Fang said. GIVING THE GUY THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.

Shade touched my arm and I glanced at him. He was giving me a warning look. Okay, so maybe I should pretend to believe Trevor, too, and wait for him to slip up.

"They did confirm that letting mage demons have control of the books is a bad idea," I conceded.

Trevor gave me a half smile."You didn't believe me? Or Shade? He said the same thing I did."

"That's not what I meant. I was just trying to show you that I agreed with you." When he gave me a knowing smile, I said screw it. This wasn't me and no one would believe it."You know, if you gave us something we could use, I might be less skeptical. Like that shield you have. It would come in real handy for some of our folks."

Everyone turned to look at Trevor and he grimaced."I wish I could help you, but it's not something external that anyone can use. It's something internal, peculiar to me and my needs."

"Oh? What are those needs? What kind of demon are you, anyway?"

"Val, really," Micah protested.

Okay, yeah, I knew that was supposed to be the height of rudeness in the Underground community, but how could I find out if I didn't ask?

Trevor's smile disappeared."I prefer to keep that private. It's necessary to protect myself."

"I thought so," Shade said.

Huh?

My guy smiled."I've figured it out. There's only one type of demon I've read about who needs to keep up a constant shield like that. Add that to your ability to sense magick, and I know what you are."

Trevor looked apprehensive, but silently, I urged Shade to tell all.

Shade's grin widened."You're an empath demon, aren't you?"

Some emotion flickered across Trevor's face, but it was gone so fast, I didn't know what it was. He gave Shade a rueful grin."You figured it out."

Micah and Tessa looked enlightened, but I still didn't have a clue."What's an empath demon?"

"Sort of the opposite of Mood," Shade explained."They can sense the emotions of everyone around them to know what they're feeling, but can't influence them. If he didn't have his shield to keep the emotions out, he'd probably go crazy." Shade looked at him with compassion."Are you ever able to use your gifts?"

"Only as a keeper," Trevor said."My ability to sense when the books are getting dangerous is invaluable."

"But if you can't influence emotions, how can you control the books?" I asked.

"An empath has other abilities as well, plus the training I received as a keeper gave me the control I need." Trevor raised an eyebrow."It doesn't take an empath to see that you don't believe me. What have I done to merit your suspicion?"

"Act suspiciously," I shot back."Keep secrets, let us believe things that aren't true, like your membership in the Underground."

"I've explained all that," Trevor said mildly, apparently refusing to let me bait him."But I think I know why you're so suspicious when it's so unwarranted."

Unwarranted? Ha! "Oh yeah, why?"

"I think it's your prolonged exposure to the books."

"What do you mean?" Shade asked, looking interested and not at all like he didn't believe the creep.

Addressing me, Trevor asked,"How long did you have the books? About thirteen years?"

I nodded warily, not sure where he was going with this.

"How do you know they haven't influenced you against me?"

"That's ridiculous."

"Is it? They knew a keeper would come for them eventually. What would keep them from influencing a young, susceptible mind? Make that young mind believe that keepers are bad and shouldn't be trusted?"

Dang. He made it sound so plausible."I think I'd know if that happened."

"Would you? Would you really?"

This guy was beginning to get on my nerves.

"Andrew didn't remember where the books told him to hide them," Shade reminded me.

"But he did remember that the books told him what to do."

Trevor shrugged."The books didn't have as much time to work on him as they did on you." He cocked his head and gave me an insincere smile of concern."I wonder why they programmed you that way. And what other things did they plant in your impressionable mind?"

Damn, he was good. He almost had me wondering. And from everyone else's speculative expressions, he was well on his way to convincing them, too.

ASSWIPE, Fang said with a growl. HE'S TRYING TO TURN THEM AGAINST YOU, MAKE THEM QUESTION YOU.

Yeah, I got that.
"Don't be ridiculous," I all but spat out."Remember who's in those books? Your
father. W
hy would he hide from you?"

"He wouldn't. He's not in control—the books are. Maybe they're asserting undue influence over you even now."

"Oh yeah? Then why is it so hard for them to reach me? Why can I only hear them speak when I'm damn near unconscious?"

I was gratified by the stunned look on his face until he said,"What? They
talk
to you?"

Oops.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

"What do you mean, they talk to you?" Micah asked, indignantly echoing Trevor.

Crap. I really wished I hadn't let that slip. Wonder if I could pretend like I was joking and laugh it off.

NO WAY, Fang said. YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY KNOWN FOR BEING A CUTUP. BETTER TELL 'EM THE TRUTH.

Okay . . . some of it anyway. I shrugged like it was no big deal."Something or someone is trying to reach me. I thought it might be the books."

Trevor's eyes narrowed."Are you sure?"

"No, I'm not. That's why I didn't say anything." That, and the fact the books wanted me to find them before
he
did.

"How did this happen?" Micah asked.

I sighed."Look, it only happened when I was unconscious or deep in a trance. It's like that's the only time the voice could reach me."

Shade linked his fingers with mine, his frown becoming visible."That doesn't sound good. What did the voice say? Is it trying to control you?"

"No, the only thing he's said so far is to find him, and that we're looking in the wrong place."

"He?" Micah said.

"Well, it sounds like a man's voice. Do you think it might be your father?" I asked, trying to deflect the attention back on to Trevor.

"Perhaps," he said, but from his suspicious expression, I could see he doubted it."So where did the voice say we
should look?"

"I don't know. Every time it tries to tell me something, we get cut off or interrupted, like we have a bad connection. Really, I don't know anything or I would've found them by now." Lay o
ff, dude.

Trevor relaxed then, and I wondered what I'd said that had caused that reaction.

"Can you tell where the voice is coming from?" Micah asked.

"No. I hear it in my head."

Trevor glanced at Shade with an I-told-you-so look which ticked me off more.

"No, it's not all just in my head," I snapped at him."I heard what I heard."

Shade still frowned, and Micah glanced back and forth between Trevor and me uncertainly."Fang, can you add anything?"

NO, SORRY. He gave me an apologetic look. I WASN'T CONNECTED IN WHEN SHE HEARD THE VOICE.

I hated the way that sounded. Damn it, I wasn't hearing voices. Well, okay, I was, but it wasn't just my imagination . . . was it?

"Maybe the blows to your head . . ." Trevor said suggestively.

"Nope. The voice tried to contact me b
efore
Micah hit me." Sheesh, I hated how defensive I sounded.

"Of course you'd believe that now." Trevor's expression held a fake look of concern that might fool everyone else, but it didn't fool me.

Why was he trying to discredit me? Come to think of it, why wasn't he pressing me harder to help him find the books with the voice's help? Did he really believe I was crazy? Or faking it? Once again, I really wished Fang could read the guy's mind.

Fed up, I said,"You know what? Never mind. Forget I said anything. If you want to believe I'm delusional, I'm cool with that. I'll just find the books before you do."

Shade gave me a one-armed hug. Normally, I'd love that, but right now I'm sure I felt stiff as a stake in his hold."Val, no one believes—"

"Let's drop it, okay?" I said."So, why did you two come here? Did you have an appointment with Micah?"

Most of them looked like they wanted to say something else to me, but they let me change the subject.

Shade squeezed me."I was worried about you. I asked Micah and Tessa to let me know if you blamed yourself for what happened. I wanted to make sure you're all right."

"It's okay," I said. I wondered how to explain that Micah had talked me down from the ledge, so to speak, and I was feeling much better.

I'LL LET SHADE KNOW, Fang said.

Thanks.

Shade squeezed my arm a little. He'd gotten better at not reacting to Fang's mental invasions. He probably had a lot of practice with Princess.

"How are you feeling?" Shade murmured, as if it was only the two of us in the room.

"Almost healed, but a little tired," I admitted. I still wasn't back up to a hundred percent.

"Then why don't you let me take you home?"

I thought about denying I needed help, but getting Shade away from Trevor's influence held a lot of appeal . . . and besides, it was past ten and I had nothing else planned for the rest of the night."Okay," I said softly.

GOOD CHOICE, Fang said. LET HIM BE THE STRONG ONE FOR A CHANGE.

Yeah, I guess guys liked that sort of thing. And I had to admit, it was nice to have someone who actually wanted to take care of me.

No one objected, so we left on the Valkyrie. It was a tight fit with Shade driving and me squished between him and Fang's seat, but very cozy. I snugged my arms around him, laid my head on his back and enjoyed the ride home. It was really nice to have an excuse to hold onto Shade, especially with Lola out of commission. Made me feel like a normal girl on a normal date with her boyfriend. Even Fang was quiet for a change. Closing my eyes, I enjoyed the sensation of being warmed against Shade's body, feeling safe and cared for.

When we arrived at the townhouse, I didn't want this lovely, serene feeling to end, so I invited him inside, into the bedroom. Fang headed outside as I ditched my jeans and got under the covers, patting the space beside me invitingly.

Shade hesitated."I'm not sure this is such a good idea."

"It's okay," I assured him."I just want to cuddle for awhile, no Lola involved." When he hesitated, I added,"I feel better just being around you."

"All right, then." Toeing off his shoes, Shade started to join me on the bed.

"Wait—don't you want to take off your jeans? Get comfy?" Yes, I was pushing the limits a bit, but I'd been living most of my life on the edge lately.

He paused for a moment, then shucked his jeans and joined me under the covers.

I snuggled up to him, laying my head on his chest and throwing my bare leg over his. Oh wow, this was great. Sighing, I closed my eyes and let the feelings roll over me. He made me feel . . . I couldn't even describe it. So good. Like my bones were melting and fizzy water ran through my veins. And warm, really warm. Though I felt a much milder version of the slamming need that Lola forced me to feel, it was so much better. It felt . . . real, genuine. Truly me.

Shade squeezed me tight."Maybe this isn't such a good idea," he whispered.

"Feels pretty good to me," I whispered back.

He chuckled softly."That's the problem. It feels too good." He released me.

"Is that such a bad thing?" I asked wistfully.

"I'm sure it won't be," Shade murmured."But I don't want you to do something on the spur of the moment that might affect you for the rest of your life."

"But—"

"No, I want you to be sure. This is something you won't be able to take back."

Dang."Why are you so darned sensible?"

He laughed."Someone has to be. And if it weren't for the fact we need you as you are right now, I wouldn't hesitate."

"Really?" I asked, trying not to sound pitiful and needy.

He kissed me on the nose."Absolutely. You can tell I want you. I've always wanted you."

He turned me over so we could spoon. I don't know if he thought it would help or not, but it left me with a heightened awareness of him. But the guy was a gentleman, darn it, and did nothing but smooth my hair back, then lay his arm across my waist.

"So," Shade said,"did Micah really help you understand that no one blames you for what almost happened?"

I guess it was time to talk. Holding back a sigh, I said,"Yeah. Actually, he helped me to see that someone would have had my back, no matter what."

"Good. Because it's true, you know. Any one of us would have helped."

"Even Trevor?"

"Of course. He respects you. He's mentioned it several times."

To Shade, maybe. But in my world, actions spoke louder than weaselly words. But I had to know . . ."Why do you like him so much, Shade? Maybe if I could see what you see in him, I might think differently." Well, not really, but I did want to know the appeal.

I felt him shrug."I don't know—he's a friend. I just like the guy. He understands me, what it's like to be a shadow demon. He knows a lot about other things, too."

"Like what?"

"Guy things."

I wasn't sure I wanted to know what that meant."Really? He owns hair salons, for heaven's sake."

"That doesn't make him any less a man. He's not gay, you know."

No, he didn't seem to discriminate at all between the sexes."But he's not exactly contributing to society in a meaningful way, now is he?"

"He's not a slayer, you mean?" Shade asked, an edge to his voice.

"No, that's not—"

"He contributes in other ways. He's a keeper, remember?"

Maybe. I wasn't entirely convinced of that, either.

"What do you have against him, Val?"

I thought for a moment, trying to find a way to sugar-coat it, but nothing came."I guess I just don't trust him. There are too many unanswered questions. Too many secrets."

"Maybe he has just as much reason as I do to keep some things quiet. I prefer to let him keep his privacy." When I didn't say anything for a moment, Shade added,"Are you worried that I'm spending too much time with him? That he's taking your place?"

The jealousy thing again? "No—"

"Because if you are, don't worry. If it ever comes down to a choice between him and you, there's no question. It's you, Val. It's always been you."

Feeling suddenly overwhelmed,"Oh" was all I could say.

He squeezed me lightly."I've been waiting for the right moment to tell you this, a time when you knew I wasn't under Lola's influence." I heard him take a deep breath."I love you, you know."

I inhaled sharply, then couldn't breathe for a moment. Oh, wow. I didn't know why people did drugs—this was the biggest high I could imagine. I turned to face him."Seriously?"

"Seriously." He kissed me softly on the lips."Don't worry, you don't have to say it back."

"But I do. I-I think I love you, too."

"You think?" he teased.

Thank goodness he was amused, not offended."Well, I've never been in love before, so I'm not sure. Is it love when you see someone and you feel all mushy inside . . . sometimes sick to your stomach or like you're really dizzy?"

"I think so. I feel that way, too."

I ran my hand under his shirt, feeling that need rising again."Then you know what the logical next step is, don't you?"

"Going steady?"

Startled, I glanced up at him to see laughter in his gorgeous blue eyes. I hit him."No, you know what I meant."

"Yes, I know. And I'd like nothing better, you know that. But I can wait. Forever . . . if it's for you."

Maybe he could, but I wasn't so sure about me . . . .