Fandango in the Apse! (19 page)

‘Think nothing of it; I was glad to be of service.’ There it was again,
that incredible smile.  I mentally shook myself as he continued talking.

‘The boy’s I saw… yours?’

I nodded.

‘And his?’

‘Yes, Toby and Sam.’

‘They don’t mind – you know – about their father?’ It was a perfectly
reasonable question, but I couldn’t be sure of the answer.

‘They don’t seem to and I think Eddie is careful.  To be honest, I think
they’ve just accepted it, at least it hasn’t been a problem so far.’

‘And if it becomes one?’ Robbie asked.

I shrugged and forced myself to meet his gaze.  ‘Then I’ll deal with it
in the best way I can.’

Robbie’s curt nod of approval produced an unexpected glow of pleasure in
my chest. That reaction surprised me; after all, this was nothing to him, so
why his opinion should matter was beyond me.   It was odd.

‘So,’ Robbie asked.  ‘Shall we get on with the business in hand?’

He pulled a dog-eared pad and square red pencil out of his plaid work
shirt and took notes while I took him round the various jobs I needed him to
do.  The boys, curious about the newcomer interrupted a couple of times, but
Robbie fended their questions with good humour.   He left with the blue prints
I’d had drawn up, promising the quote in the next few days.

A month later it was Robbie’s first day on the job.   Did you ever have
any doubt he would get it?  For me, it was a given from the fish tank episode. 
I mean, am I really going to employ a pot-bellied, crack-showing, hairy-arsed
builder when I could have Robbie?  I think not.  And methinks, neither would
you.  To be honest, I’m not a complete fool, his quote although not the
cheapest, was competitive.  Even paying the slightly higher cost, I was left
with enough money to keep me going for quite a while.

            The onslaught of a team of four builders, their various tools
and machinery came as a shock.  I was used to my quiet life by then, and the
sudden advent of testosterone-based humanity wandering everywhere was taking a
bit of getting used to.  Charlie, Geoff and Dave seemed a close-knit crew, it
wasn’t long before raucous laughter and good-natured banter filled the back
garden.  Seeing Robbie interact with his men showed me another side of his
character.  His easy manner and quick wit was a revelation.  Even though I was
determined to keep everything on a business level, I couldn’t help wishing he
was as free in my company.

            As the work progressed, it became apparent that Robbie was of
the same opinion as me about keeping a professional distance.  Other than
making sure I was up to speed with what he was doing, we hardly spoke.  And
contrary cow that I am, it was getting on my nerves.
 You see I couldn’t
win, could I?  He was great with the boys though, and when he erected a rope
swing in the orchard, I detected a smidgeon of hero worship in the offing.

            Bonfire night proved an eye-opener in more ways than one,
when Alison invited the boys and me to a fireworks party.  Robbie was there
with a tall brunette in tow. 

            ‘I didn’t know Robbie was coming,’ I whispered to Alison.  We
were in the kitchen sorting the food for after the fireworks. ‘He never
mentioned it today.’

            ‘Didn’t he, I wonder why?’ she mused. ‘He comes every year.’

            I watched out of the window as Robbie leaned down to hear
what Luke, Josh and Toby were saying.  Then Josh took his hand and pulled him
towards a box of sparklers placed out of harms reach.  Alison joined me at the
window.

            ‘Ah, he always gets commandeered by the kids; he has endless
patience with them.’ 

We watched as Robbie lit sparklers and handed them out to the excited
children.

            ‘He never had any of his own?’

            ‘Robbie?  Lord no!  Actually, it’s quite possible that I’ve
never seen him with the same girl twice.’

            ‘Why doesn’t that surprise me?’ I laughed.

            Her quizzical glance suggested she had seen straight through
my seemingly innocent questions.  ‘Oh dear, you’re not harbouring any notions
in that direction, are you, Katie?’

            ‘Why would you say that?  Robbie?  Not in a million years,
anyway, I told you I was off men, so you can rest assured I have no aspirations
there.’

            ‘I’m very glad to hear it, because that road will lead to
heartbreak and I think you’ve had enough of that to last you a lifetime.’

Mark chose that moment to interrupt our conversation, and in his usual
jovial manner ushered us outside to watch the fireworks.  I was glad of the
abrupt ending to our  conversation, because although I told Alison I wasn’t
interested in Robbie, there was still something about him that intrigued me. 
He was an enigma; there were facets to his character that didn’t sit right with
my overall opinion of him.  To me, he had this indefinable “thing” about him. 
A confidence that bordered on arrogance, but no one else found him arrogant.  I
found him aloof, yet he happily helped me during Eddie’s visit.   Alison
thought he was a great friend, but also a womanising pied piper, loved by
children.  He even got on well with men; his workforce showed him great
respect. It was all so confusing.

 I made my mind up there and then, to avoid Robbie Collins; he was no
good for my peace of mind.  From now on, I would be a “man phobe”.  With that
settled to my satisfaction, I stood shivering on the patio ready to enjoy the
display.

            Now that should have been an end to it, shouldn’t it?  But
you won’t be surprised to hear that it wasn’t.  However, I take no blame for
what happened next, after all, haven’t I just told you I was going to avoid
Robbie?  So, see what you make of this.

            About half way through the fireworks, I scanned the guests to
see where the boys were, and came face to face with Robbie.  He was lounging
against an old Victorian lamppost (Alison’s pride and joy from a reclamation
yard), nursing a bottle of beer in the crook of his arm.  To anyone else,
including his date, he looked the epitome of casual ease, but I could see
differently.  The light from the kitchen illuminated his features; and to my
surprise, he was watching me intently.  It was unmistakably, one of those man to
woman looks, and so unexpected it sent a jolt of awareness right through me.   Then
without warning, his gaze changed and for a brief moment, I saw raw honesty reflected
in his eyes.  They held an openness that showed confusion, bewilderment even. 
What did it mean?  

No, no, no
– I wasn’t doing that again.  Was I out of my mind?  I’d
had enough of unsuitable men in my life.  That was typical of me, why should I
want every man who came into my orbit to fancy me?  Because I’d had it too
damned easy, that’s why.  I’d wanted Eddie all those years ago and got him, and
look how that turned out.  On my girly nights out with Stacey, there had been
no trouble attracting men, a glance or a smile was all it had taken, and in the
end, I despised them all.  Now, Robbie was giving me the eye (well sort of) and
I didn’t want him to. 

            Arrogant and aloof, I could cope with; to be another notch on
his bedpost, I could not, which you have to admit is odd, given my record.  A
week before, I’d have been thrilled to be the focus of Robbie’s attention, but
now, I didn’t want to be one in a long list.

Yes, I know I’m confusing you – I’m confused myself.  Let me try to
explain.  While Robbie was virtually ignoring me, I was miffed about it, not
because I wanted him, but because I wanted him to want me – I think that’s a
woman thing.  Is this making sense yet? 

I could sense danger in the look he gave me.  He wasn’t immune to me as I
imagined, and I wanted him to be, because if he was immune, I was safe.  No way
would I ever trust a man again and for once in my ridiculous life, I wasn’t
going to dive in headfirst.  Now that I knew Robbie wasn’t as disinterested in
me as I thought, it was easier to put him out of my mind.  By openly admitting
to myself my past mistakes, and my very real desire not to repeat them, I now
wanted to move on.  Hurrah!

Gosh! I felt better knowing I was going to be man-free for the foreseeable. 
I felt grown-up and in control.   Did it last?  Well yes, actually it did… are
you surprised?

There was only
one real drawback to my plan, you see by eliminating the possibility of
relationships; I had virtually sentenced myself to a life of boredom.   Let’s
face it, there’s nothing like a man for spicing up your life, even if all you
do is argue.  However, I decided to accept this downside as payment for peace
of mind.  In the two years since the bonfire party, I had, in my opinion,
achieved great things.  I’d started slow, making small changes so I didn’t
scare myself to death. 

The first thing to go was my Volvo Estate, which I realised I was holding
on to for no reason other than I had always had a big car.  I replaced it with
a small run-about and a bicycle.  Yes, you read right, a bike!  It even had a
wicker basket on the front. 

I managed to land a good position too, a job share working three and a
half days a week in the wages department of a timber yard.  It paid well and
left me with free time to enjoy a new passion.  Now, don’t laugh – but after
attending flower arranging classes with Alison (my excuse for that is the
boredom I’ve already mentioned), I found a new talent.  I was great at flower
arranging.  Yippee, an actual talent!

The first time I went out on my bike, I couldn’t help chuckling at what
Stacy would have said – something along the lines of, “Darling, it doesn’t do
much for your image, does it?”  But I wasn’t interested in image any more.  I
was searching for something, I didn’t know what at the time, but I knew I had a
need for something in my life other than men and designer clothes.

            I’d managed to maintain a working relationship with Robbie while
the building work was underway.  I can’t take all the credit for that as he
returned to his normal distant self with me following the party.  Whatever was
behind the look he gave me, he had no intention of acting on it.  That was fine
with me, but I still found it easier when he completed the work. 

I must admit to a feeling of relief when I had finally finished decorating
the house.  At the back, it bore no resemblance to its previous state.  The
kitchen ran the full length of the house, with a dining area at one end, which
looked out onto the garden through patio doors.  I had chosen country style
cupboards in keeping with the rest of the house and spent many hours scouring
shops for knick-knacks.  I loved the homely feel of the room.  Very soon it became
exactly what I wanted, the heart of the house. 

The bathroom was now upstairs above the kitchen and I had a new garage,
which had been Robbie’s suggestion.  As far as I was concerned, the place was
perfect.

            Over time, with a little help from Mark and Luke, we tackled
the back garden and orchard.  Much to my amazement Sam started to read up on
all things horticultural.  It fascinated him, and he was soon explaining how to
prune the fruit trees and had even dug himself a little patch to grow things.  The
look of pride on his face the first time we sat down to a salad he had grown
entirely by himself, was amazing. 

            So? Is that it?  Did I succumb to
The Good Life
? 
Tucked away in my little corner of Nottinghamshire, man-less, boring, dull
even? 

Not a chance!  Well, I did for a while – for three more years to be
exact, and then I buggered everything up in spectacular fashion.  It started on
a beautiful summer day.  Alison had come over with her kids because Mark was off
to a race meeting.  He didn’t normally desert his family on a Saturday; but one
of his friends had managed to secure seats in a director’s box. 

‘This garden is beautiful now,’ Alison remarked as we sat on loungers on
the lawn.

‘Thank you.’

‘God – do you remember when we first saw it?’

‘Don’t remind me, I thought we would never get it straight.’

Just then, I happened to glance up to the roof.  ‘Oh! Look up there Ali… I
think there’s a tile loose.’

She shaded her eyes from the glare of the sun and squinted to where I was
pointing.

            ‘Oh yeah, looks like its slipped or something.  Robbie is
with Mark, shall I ask him to give you a ring about it?  I should see him later
when he drops Mark off.’

I ignored the little flip my traitorous stomach did at the mention of
Robbie.  Christ!  It was ridiculous, but for some reason it always happened. 
Over the years I’d occasionally come into contact with him.  Usually at some do
or outing, Alison and Mark or our other mutual friends had arranged and usually,
a good-looking woman accompanied him.  Once he came to sort out a problem with
the garage door, but his monosyllabic answers to perfectly normal questions
pissed me off so much, I left him to it.

‘Yep…that would be great…he put the damn roof on in the first place.’

Alison took a long pull on her very weak Pimms.  ‘Mmm… that’s good.’

I looked around me and couldn’t help a feeling of pride.  With Sam’s now
expert help with the planting, the garden had a quintessentially English feel. 
The beds bulged with old country garden plants and a vegetable plot, which
seemed to expand each year.  He now grew peas, beans and gooseberries along
with salad vegetables.

‘It’s amazing what can be done in five years,’ I remarked more to myself
than to Alison.

‘Five years?  Is it that long?  It only seems five minutes.’

‘That’s because we’re getting old,’ I laughed.

‘You speak for yourself, missus. You know what they say… you are only as
old as the man you …’

I had to groan… here we go; Alison was off on one again. ‘Pleeese don’t
ruin a lovely day with your obsession with my love life or the lack thereof,’ I
begged.