Family Interrupted (25 page)

“Another little athlete in the family,” I said.

Ian eyed me without blinking and managed to cuddle the baby at the same time. “What family?” he asked. “Our family doesn’t exist anymore.”

Jack broke the silence that followed. “It’s true that we’ve taken a big hit.” He spoke slowly, with deliberation, as though Ian were a stranger to us.

Ian nodded. “Yup. But people rebuild after hurricanes and tornadoes wipe them out. We didn’t.”

The my-dad-is-the-greatest son had changed into someone else.

“On the ride over here,” continued Ian, “I thought about...about the best thing to do, the best thing for Tina because I want her to be part of a strong family.” He looked away, stared at a wall of pictures, but I was sure he saw nothing.

“Her mother won’t be coming back. Not permanently. She’s giving me legal rights.” His voice broke. I stepped toward him, but he waved me off. “And even though it’ll kill me, I’m calling an adoption agency. I bet there are plenty of couples who would give anything to have such a terrific baby. My daughter deserves better than you and me. Tina deserves more than what we’ve got to give her.”

I heard nothing but the sound of my own heartbeat. Saw nothing but black spots and knew I’d be in trouble if I didn’t keep my wits about me. Breathe! Breathe. I reached for the nearby club chair and fell into it. Jack stepped toward me, gave me a once-over, then changed direction.

“Tina is your child!” Jack said, his arms wide open, exhorting Ian to listen. “She’s your flesh and blood. You can’t just throw her away like unwanted trash. Especially when she already has a family with built-in grandparents, great-grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles. I’m surprised at you for even thinking about this. Never thought you were a-a fraidy cat.”

I thought Jack was doing well. Except for that last line, he’d made the same arguments I would have if I’d had the strength and presence of mind. We did have a great family. Tina Faith would be surrounded with love from every tree, branch, and twig.

Ian placed the baby in the carrier and loosely adjusted the straps. Then he straightened, standing tall between Jack and me, and glared at us both.

“Talk about unwanted trash! Tina’s my child, but I’m yours. You haven’t given a rat’s ass about me since Kayla died, so why would you care about my baby? A kid dies, and the family goes to hell. Who needs it?”

He was wrong, but that didn’t matter. He’d nailed
his
truth and shared it, without even knowing about Jack moving out.

#

IAN

I let the words rip and felt darn good. Even great. I’d never spoken to my folks like that before. Never needed a “gotcha” moment. But two years was a long time to keep big stuff bottled up.

“Not give a rat’s...? How can you say that? You’re our son! We love you.”

“Jack. Jack. Calm down.”

They were like that. A tag team. Always supporting each other. Even as a kid, I could never play one against the other. I kneeled down to pack up the baby. Time to get out of Dodge.

“Did you know, Ian, that it took us two years to finally get pregnant with you?”

I glanced at my mom. “Nope.” And I didn’t want to know. Tina’s dirty clothes were in a plastic bag. “Thanks for taking care of her.”

“Two long years.” She kept talking. As usual, she never even heard me. She was in another world; her eyes were sort of glassed over like she was dreaming up a painting scene.

“We went through every fertility test known to science until we lucked out. And when you were born...it was like a miracle. Heck, it
was
a miracle. Being a mom was more awesome than I’d dreamed. Sweet, sweet Ian. You turned a couple into a family. We were so happy that, a few years later, we tried for another child. When Kayla was born, your dad and I...well, we truly ‘had it all,’ as the saying goes.”

Kayla
. The room got so quiet I could hear the clock ticking. And the air...suddenly the air grew heavy with thoughts no one dared to say out loud. Except me.

“So I guess you don’t have it all anymore.” And I wasn’t apologizing for saying it. “But you still have each other.”

I picked up Tina’s carrier. “Gotta go. Ben Parker doesn’t know about Colleen yet, and I’ve got to call him. I’ll have to miss work tomorrow.”

“No, you don’t.” Mom jumped right in. “Stay here tonight, and I’ll watch the baby.”

It would be such an easy fix, but it would cost me later, and the price was too high. I shook my head. “I’ll handle it.”

Dad approached. “We want to help, son. Don’t be so stubborn. The baby’s supplies are here, so there’s no problem.” He extended his arm as if to take Tina’s carrier from me.

“Sorry, Dad. I’ve got to take care of my own business, and I know how to take care of Tina.” For crying out loud, they looked awful, like the end of the world was happening again. “You know,” I continued, “kids in regular families move out. They don’t stay home forever, and the parents are a couple again, just like you two. Not so bad, is it?” And why the hell did I have to be the cheerleader? I’d had a lousy day myself with Colleen taking off. Maybe she was sick of an ordinary life, but I still couldn’t wrap my mind around her really leaving the baby.

“Ian?” Mom was coming over. She leaned down and kissed Tina then kissed me. “Don’t make any rash decisions you might regret later. Dad and I are here for you. We’ll help in every way.”

They were here for me? If I weren’t so worn out, I’d laugh. Of course, all their concern was about the baby. “I’m sure Tina appreciates your offer.” Even I heard the edge in my voice, and Dad rounded on me.

“That wasn’t warranted,” he said. “I understand you’re angry with us, so let’s talk.”

“Too tired. I’m done here tonight.” Turning toward the doorway of the family room, I said, “It’s been a long... Oh, sweet Jesus!” I stopped cold, slowly letting Tina’s car seat slip to the floor, and stared at my sister in her soccer uniform, my sister leaping with joy. I had to swallow a couple of times.

In a moment, the two years disappeared, and once again I was on the front lawn throwing, running, feeling the hot sun on my head. I planted my feet, palmed the football, and raised my arm. “Catch!” I yelled, releasing the ball. My arm remained extended as I watched the newsreel in my mind. As I relived the moment.

“Kayla...sh-she waited for the pass then ran for it. And that’s exactly how she looked...excited...happy.... She jumped high to intercept, and I saw the car come around, and I yelled and screamed, and I ran straight to her....” My arm dropped. I whirled on my parents. “What the hell do you do here all day? Torture yourselves?”

I grabbed Tina’s carrier, rushed out, and didn’t look back.

#

JACK

The kitchen door didn’t have a chance to slam before I was there, right behind my son. While Ian installed Tina’s car seat, I made my pitch.

“If you think I’m giving you up without a fight, you’d better think twice. I love you, and I miss you every day. And it has nothing to do with Tina. I didn’t even know about her until tonight.”

Ian finished adjusting the baby’s straps and stood erect, glanced swiftly at the house then back at me. “It had to be that way.”

Claire. He was blaming Claire. I didn’t know exactly what Ian was thinking, but I couldn’t defend Claire anyway because she and I were at odds too. But if there was the slightest possibility, a Vegas long shot, that our family could once more be happy and together, I’d take it.

“Give us a chance, Ian. I know we’re still struggling, but if we try hard, we’ll get there. I’m actually going to that support group I once talked about. My first meeting is tomorrow night and every Tuesday afterwards. And that portrait you saw? Mom saved it for the anniversary party. On purpose. From the moment she unveiled it...man, oh, man, it was the topic of conversation.”

“That’s a no-brainer. I can just imagine it. Grandma Barb and Grandma Pearl must have cried. Mom’s...she’s really losing it, isn’t she?”

“That’s what I thought too. But she volunteers at the hospital with the kids, and she works in her studio every day. She says this painting has given her a new beginning.” Not that I’d believed it either two nights ago. But it was all I had.

Ian stared at me wide-eyed. “Are you kidding? That’s not a new beginning. She’s living for Kayla. Living in the past.”

“I’m not a shrink. Are you? I have to believe anything’s possible.” Well, maybe....

Ian looked at the house again. “If you need a break, Dad, you can visit me. Colleen’s gone now, so it doesn’t matter.” He walked around the car and got in. “I’ve got to get Tina home and down for the night. If I’m lucky.” The last words were muttered, and I barely heard them.

“Please, Ian. Like Mom said, don’t do anything rash. We love you. We love Tina. We can work it out.”

“You just met Tina. How can you love her?”

He didn’t understand at all. Well, what could I expect? He may have fathered a child, but Claire was right. Ian was still a kid.

“We love Tina because she’s part of you.”

With a quizzical glance, he drove off. It didn’t take a genius to know that he didn’t believe me.

#

Claire met me at the door. “Did you say anything to him about moving to the Marriott?”

“No ma’am. I did not. He’s got enough on his mind, and besides, didn’t you hear him earlier? He still thinks we’ve ‘got each other.’”

“Yes, I heard that. He missed the mark by a couple of days, didn’t he?” She invited me in and stared at the floor. “I didn’t hang the picture, Jack. I was going to put it away in Kayla’s bedroom so you wouldn’t have to see it.”

“You mind looking at me when you say that?”

She tilted her head back.

“Even though I’d already packed a suitcase and lit out?”

She nodded. “You didn’t understand. Or didn’t want to understand. Sometimes, I don’t know what drives me myself. My instincts said I had to paint her again. I had to. And it made me feel good. Like I was saying, ‘Hi, Kayla. There you are...almost the spitting image of yourself. I’ve done a good job.’”

A modest statement. “Claire, it was a great job. I’ve never seen better from you.”

“But it’s not making you happy. And now...?” She shrugged. “So where are we, Jack? And where are we going?”

Excellent questions. And I didn’t have the answers. Not yet anyway. “Where do you want to be?”

Her eyes shone, she looked thoughtful, then a blush stained her face. “Truthfully?”

I nodded.

“Back with the tomatoes and broccoli at Kroger’s.”

Memories stirred. In an instant, they flooded my brain. Claire and I, the vegetable aisle, and the crash of shopping carts. That’s how we met, although Claire always said that our carts “kissed” among the fruits and veggies. We were a couple of busy college students, juggling jobs with homework—and shopping for groceries on a Sunday afternoon. The carts had definitely crashed head-on. I’d taken one look at Claire and didn’t see anything or anyone else. I hadn’t thought about that first meet in a long time. Seemed my wife still had the ability to land a punch.

“I haven’t forgotten.”

“I know. You have an excellent memory, and besides, we’ve told that story at least a million times.”

She was beautiful. Laughing, sparkling. For this moment, carefree. Other memories bloomed. Happy ones. Exciting times. Buying this house and turning it into a home. Making love together.

She must have read my expression, probably that of a lovesick calf.

“Jack...” she whispered. “Do you really want to walk away fr-from...us?”

Sucker punched again. But warning bells chimed in my head. “From which ‘us’? The couple we were before Kayla died or the couple we are now? Because the status quo won’t do. I want some joy again. I want more. Believe me, Kayla wouldn’t resent us having a laugh or two.”

“I’m trying, Jack. I was trying to start over, but...”

“If you’re serious,” I interrupted, “then you’ll come with me tomorrow night to meet some other grieving parents at a club no one wanted to join. We’re not the only ones who’ve lost a child.”

“Are you really going to a support group?”

“I am. And frankly, Claire, I expect you to go as well. That’s the cost of tomatoes and broccoli these days.”

IAN

Next evening

“Hush little baby, don’t cry tonight, I’ve got to call your grandma, and I’m feeling uptight.”

I rocked Tina in my arms while singing in my horrible voice. My sweet little girl closed her eyes. Maybe she had a tin ear too. I felt her body relax as she drifted into sleep and cautiously laid her in the crib. She’d had a hard day. As my friend, Danny, would say, I’d
schlepped
her around to a half dozen daycare centers until finally, we lucked out. Sort of. The good news was that I’d found a really nice place. The bad news was that Tina couldn’t start for two more weeks when one of the current infants would graduate into the toddler group. They adhered to strict teacher-child ratios, which I suppose was a good thing. But two weeks put me in a tough spot. I promised Ben Parker I’d be back at work tomorrow.

I would have asked either set of grands to watch her—or all four of them together—but I didn’t know if my mom and dad had told them about Tina yet. Cursing under my breath, I auto-dialed my folks’ house, hoping my dad would answer.

Two rings and my mom picked up. Suddenly, I was a tongue-tied idiot kid.

“Ian! I’m glad to hear from you. You ran out of here so fast...”

“I need a babysitter tomorrow and maybe Thursday and Friday. By six in the morning. Can you do it?”

“Me? With Tina? Yes, yes, of course I’ll do it. I’d love to take care of her.”

“But don’t get too...too attached.”

“Oh, Ian...it’s much too late for warnings. We love her already.”

Colleen was lucky to be a thousand miles away. Smashing her guitar would only begin the payback for leaving me alone in this mess. “I haven’t decided what to do yet.”

“Oh, yes, you have.”

In an instant, she sounded like my mother from the old days when she used to laugh and tease us. When she used to say, “I have eyes in the back of my head, so don’t even try it,” whatever
it
was at the time. I almost believed her back then. I was tempted to believe her now.