Fallocaust (The Fallocaust Series) (23 page)

“It took me many years and lots of scavenging. It’s a good home though, keeps the greywastes out.”

I noticed Killian’s face change a bit, he looked around a bit nervously. “No one can get us in here... right?”
I shook my head, I walked over to the second smaller hatch I had that opened into the tunnel and locked it in front of him. I tried the handle just to show him it was locked.
“No one knows we are here,” I explained, I tried to make my voice sound gentle. It was challenging but I found it was easier seeing the look of nervousness he had on his face. My mind instinctually wanted to assure him he was safe. “And the shed is locked, the army tank hatch is locked, this hatch is locked and...”
I walked over and pointed to the dead bolt that was on the inside of my bedroom door. “That locks too from both sides, and the stairs to the top floor are walled off with concrete, and the door is fortified with concrete too.” I held back a dry laugh, saying it out loud just reminded me of how paranoid I was myself when it came to security. I was his best friend if he was worried about being safe. “I’ve spent my adult life fortifying this place and making it safe.”
“Wow,” Killian whispered. He tried the tunnel hatch himself, I guess just to appease his own nerves. He sighed, and I could see him hesitate.
“Are they going to come for me?” he said quietly, I could see his knuckles pale as his grip tighten against the hatch handle.
“No... no... they wont,” I said gently. I watched as his eyes widened a bit, I could almost see the reality of what had just happened to him come back. I put my hand over his and squeezed the top of it.
“Lets sit down,” I said, I put my hand on his shoulder. He didn’t move though, he kept trying the hatch handle.
“What if I didn’t close the tank hatch right, could... could you check for me?”
I looked at his poor terrified face, and nodded. I got out my set of keys and unlocked the first hatch and army crawled up to test the tank hatch. I usually just kept the key inside of the lock since obviously I would be the one to unlock it, but I took the key anyways and slid back down.
“There.” I showed him the key, I hung the keys up beside the hatch.
“Could... they set the house on fire?”
“They won’t  be able to find us, Greyson wouldn’t let them in. Anyways, they don’t know who I am, or who you were. Right?”
Killian wiped his eyes, they had started tearing up a bit. “They didn’t even take my blood... they... they sold me for five cans of fois ras and five tokens. That’s all I was worth.”
I smiled, and put my arm around his shoulder, I tried to walk him to the couch. “Well, I would have paid double that for you.”
My attempt at making my very first joke with him backfired, he burst into tears.
“Shit,” I cursed, I was an idiot. I hugged him and let him cry. “I’m sorry, I’m bad at jokes. I’m sorry.”
His skinny, and very cold body was trembling hard as he cried. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. I could feel my shoulders getting wet. Poor kid was hysterical. I wasn’t off to a great start with him.
I would have paid double for you
. What was I thinking? This is why I never talk to people.

“They’re going to come to Aras looking for me,” Killian said after he had been crying for a few minutes, his voice was wobbly. “What if I put the whole block at risk? What if they figure out where you’re from?”
I pet his hair back, and shook my head. “I’ll kill them all, I’ll kill the whole army. I would kill anyone who tried to hurt you.”
Killian pulled away from me, I looked at him soberly. I put my hand up to his face and cradled it. He tilted his head into my hand.
“I’ll never let anything bad happen to you, I’ll be here, okay?” I said quietly.
Killian gazed back up at me.

“Forever?” he whispered.

I wiped the tears away from his face with my thumb, and nodded.
“But I’m crazy.”
“I’m crazy too,” I smiled. “Our crazies will cancel each other out.”
“Or make us twice as crazy.”
I let out a small laugh, and stood up. I helped Killian up too.
I turned around and took a step, I suddenly stumbled as my mind went dizzy, the floor seemed to move.
I grabbed onto my counter and steadied myself, my grip was hard as everything around me tilted and moved. I blinked hard.
“Reaver? Are you okay?” Killian asked worried, he was suddenly right beside me. My mind swam, for a split second I didn’t know where I was. I was confused and very dizzy.
I stood there, clutching the counter as my mind temporarily blanked. I kept trying to focus my eyes on the purple rug I had in the middle of my den, but my vision kept going squirrely. By the time it started to clear away, a few minutes had passed.
“Let’s sit,” Killian whispered, now it was my turn to feel his hand rest against me supportively.

I wasn’t going to argue, I just hoped I did it without falling. I walked carefully over to my overstuffed, musty couch and sat down a few feet from where Killian had just sat. I leaned back in it and took a deep breath. I was tense, tired and burnt out. My chest was tight and my back seemed to burn like it was covered in embers. I just needed a moment to sit down.
“Did the explosion hurt your head?” Killian’s small voice said.
“They said I have a concussion, it’s making my brain rattle around a bit,” I said, wiping my face with my hands. I was sweating badly. “I’ll be fine, it will just come and go.”
I felt embarrassed, this wasn’t the impression I had wanted to give him. I had no idea the impression I had wanted to give him but being injured and weak wasn’t it.

I took a deep breath and tried to muster my strength, then I exhaled and with it I forced my body to relax. I tried to tell myself I was safe inside now and to just calm down, but my mind didn’t accept it yet. It was still trying to tell me to be on guard, to analyse everything. I could understand even better now why Killian had had that breakdown. I couldn’t grasp either that we were finally safe.

I was still in mechanical mode. I was so tired, so exhausted, I just wanted to come back down to earth. Feel and know I had done right, I had saved him, and now I could relax. I didn’t need to put on a show for Killian, just fucking be yourself if you even know how to do that.

Fuck, did I? I was myself when I was alone, sometimes when I was with Reno and maybe when I was really high. But usually, I was the sentry, the hard ass, I had a reputation to uphold. Killian had only seen that part of me I think. What if that’s what he wanted?

Why was this so complicated.
Suddenly I felt something touch my hand, I almost jerked it away by impulse, but thankfully didn’t. I opened my eyes to see Killian’s pale, cut up hand, slip into mine, he held it.
I stared, I felt my heartbeat rise, and as the quiet enveloped us.

“I’ll take care of your head,” Killian said silently, squeezing my hand. “I’ll take care of you.”
The corners of my mouth rose. Here this kid is saying he would take care of me? Silly boy.
We both sat there for awhile, watching our hands clasped together. Both probably not believing we were actually doing it. His hands looked so much softer and slight than mine, mine looked rugged and wastelandery. I was surprised at the contrast between the two, but it looked perfect. Our hands seemed to fit into each others.

It was Killian who broke the silence after awhile.

“I knew you would come for me,” he whispered quietly. “Even when it got dark... it was all I held onto.”

I felt something come over me.
“I will always find you,” I said silently.
Killian looked at me for a second, I knew he was about to cry again, I was starting to notice cues. Sure enough, a few moments later, he let out a small sob, his eyes started to well up. He looked so sad and pathetic, it was making that empathy feeling come back again.

“Will you hold me again?” he said meekly.
I nodded, and leaned back into the couch. He laid down on my chest, on his side. I wrapped my arms around him and rested my chin on his head.
With every breath he breathed, I could feel my body start to relax. I closed my eyes, taking in every bit of him and just listened. Not believing what was happening at that very moment. My hazy mind started to calm down, and though my head pounded, and my body burned, exhaustion took over. Before I knew it, I had fallen asleep; and I knew Killian wasn’t far behind.

I woke up with a grimace, my whole body was burning with pain. I twisted around a bit, but felt something heavy on me. I opened my eyes and looked down.

There he was, it hadn’t been a dream. Or maybe the past 24 hours had been a dream and he had never been abducted in the first place.

He was snoring lightly, and though my body seethed in pain, I didn’t move. He was fast asleep, I couldn’t believe he was asleep on my chest.
It was weird though, having someone this close to me. I hated being touched and here this boy was just all over me. It was strange, and a part of me was cringing, but I knew that was my weird isolated side and I tried to push past it. This is what normal people who like each other do, I had to keep reminding myself of that. This was normal, and I had to deal with it. My two sides always dueling. One wanted to keep loving him from afar, the other wanted to be close to him. I hated my damn head.

I moved around a bit again, making him jostle slightly. He was light as hell, I swear I’ve had blankets on that weight more than him. If he was such a damn good cook why was he so paper thin? I could toss this kid across the room.
I shifted around a bit and grunted as my body seared in pain. The kid might have been light but it was still pressure on my back. I looked over at my drug suit case. It had been so long since I had had some drugs, the great thing about abusing pain killers was that they also were pain killers.
I stretched a bit, and as I did he started to wake up, better to wake him up that way than for my squirming from pain to do it. My body was killing me, any natural pain killer my brain had been giving me over the last few hours as gone now. Time for the artificial shit.

Killian yawned and rubbed his head, his hair was all mussed up, he tried to flatten it down as he sat up. He still looked half asleep.

It looked kind of cute.
I grabbed my suit case and opening it on my lap. I started sifting through pill bottles, clear baggies and snorting paraphernalia. “How are you feeling?”
“Like everything is a dream,” Killian replied quietly, I looked over at him, he closed his eyes and shook his head like he was trying to clear it. “Everything seems so surreal, I keep waiting to wake up.”
“I know the feeling,” I said, I took out some powder, a sniffer and a razor blade. I grabbed a large tray from beside the couch. “This will help.”
Killian looked a bit taken aback. “What’s... what’s that?”
“Crushed up pain killers, it will make you feel better. You’ve never done them?” I looked at him a bit confused, I thought everyone had tried them. Heck, even Greyson and Leo had done them with me.
Killian shook his head, he looked a bit worried. “Aren’t they bad for you?”
Jesus, now I felt like I was corrupting the kid. This was probably what everyone had warned him about. Reaver the bad influence. It was just fucking pharmaceuticals, just in powder form and taken in the nose.
“Not any worse than normal pills,” I shrugged. I started making lines on the tray. He still looked a bit concerned, it did make me roll my eyes a bit in my head. Drugs were rampant in the greywastes and just a way we all coped. I would have gone nuts without them long ago. His mom was a bit of a goody goody bitch though, she probably drilled the horrors of addiction into his head over the years.
“I got some tylenol, want some of that instead?” I asked, feeling proud of myself for being so considerate. And they said I was a heartless beast.
Killian shook his head. “I want to do what you do.”
I looked at him strangely, he noticed this and looked at the floor. His face flushed a bit under my confused stare.

Chapter 14

Killian

I felt my face get even more red. I was such an idiot... waiting so long for him to just look at me and now I was looking away from him. I wanted to disappear, I wasn’t used to... being... here!
“What do you mean by that?”
I don’t know!!
My mind screamed. I could feel him staring at me, my face flushed with heat.

“I want to be like you,” I managed to mumble, trying to make my self as small as possible in his couch.
Who wouldn’t want to be like him? He was like a god. He was amazing... he had... he had saved me. He was powerful, brave, skilled, heroic, he was perfect... how could he not see this? He... he used himself as a human shield when the bomb went off. He protected me with his own body. Fuck... don’t think about that, not now.
I swallowed, trying to push the feelings of absolute terror deep into my subconscious. It kept sneaking its way into my thoughts.

It had taken me a few moments when I woke up to realize where I was. For a moment, I thought I was laying against one of the dead merchants; or his torso anyways. Thankfully, I hadn’t jumped. I didn’t want to worry Reaver, he had done so much for me I didn’t want him to have to worry about my stupid head. I was a pro at dealing with terrifying experiences, I would be okay.
I sighed, realizing I was terrible at dealing with terrifying experiences. I guess I was ready to go as far as to manipulate my own mind to convince myself I was okay.
Those drugs though, they had helped Dad cope. This one time maybe? I mean... one time isn’t what got you hooked it was doing it all the time; and I wouldn’t let that happen.
“You... why? Why would someone like you want to be someone like me?” Reaver raised an eyebrow and looked at me with both surprise and intrigue.
I felt frozen in his gaze, but I managed a shrug. I didn’t know what he meant by someone like me... a useless idiot probably. He was right, I could never be like him. I didn’t even know how to fire a gun properly... I didn’t know anything. How could I ever even hope to be as tough as him, I was weak and useless.
The more I talked the more I made an idiot out of myself. It was going so well until I decided to start talking.
I watched as Reaver took the cut up straw and did a couple lines of the drugs. I didn’t like drugs, my father had given me a pretty big aversion to them. But I understood what they did, and I understood how much they would help Reaver at that moment. And well, I knew they would help me too. My stomach twisted in anxious knots at the thought of them though.