Falling Stars (38 page)

"I
never said you were a whore," he spat.

"Then
what do you call what you are doing? Hmm?" I argued. "You don't want
to be alone? So what you climb in my bed to keep you company and think you can
climb into my pants because you're horny?"

"I'm
not trying to climb into your pants because I'm horny." Defensiveness
poured off him in waves.

"Oh
really...then what is this? Is it just –"

"Fuck,
Mia!" Before I could speak up again he continued. "What is this? I
don't know what the fuck this is!" He rolled onto his back and ran his
hand through his hair.

"I
sleep better than before, not like when you are there, but better. However, I
don't
want
to sleep without you. I don’t want you to be anywhere but
next to me. Why? I'm not sure…I can't…I don't know." He sighed heavily.

I
was too shocked to speak.
He doesn't want to sleep without me. He doesn’t
want me anywhere but next to him?

"Then
there's this weird connection with you. You have to feel it, fuck, please tell
me you feel this too and that I haven't totally lost my fucking mind!" His
head moved in my direction but I was still trying to process what he'd said.

He
rolled back over to my side and cupped my face again. There was the feeling he
was talking about.

"Please
tell me I'm not the only one that feels this?" His eyes were close enough
for me to see them and to see his was plea.

Before
I could even think of a response, his lips crashed down to mine and he pushed
his tongue into my mouth. I didn't stop him. Our tongues danced with each
other, battling for full exploration of the other's mouth. Christopher slid his
hand down my body and wrapped his hand around the back of my knee pulling my
leg up over his hip.

Our
bodies pressed firmly chest to chest. His erection against my leg only fed the
pulse increasing between my legs. Dampness pooled in my underwear and my lower
body was on fire. It was a fire that extinguishable only by Christopher.

Reality
set in again once his lips moved from mine and over my chin. My inner hooker
screamed in frustration and yanked on her hair. I'm pretty sure I heard her
scream
cock blocker
.

"Christopher,
I don’t’ think this is a good idea," I breathed out heavily.

His
grip tightened on me, but then softened. He sighed heavily against my neck.

"What's
going on?" I asked him, slightly annoyed but mostly sexually frustrated.

"I
just…I know you feel this
thing
between us. You have to." His voice
was as pleading as his eyes had been.

"I
don't know what it is between us, Christopher, but I don't think this is what
we should do," I barely got the words out as my body flamed in argument.

"So
you want to tell me what's really going on here?" I placed a hand on his
head. However, all I wanted to do was fist his hair, yank back his head and
attack his mouth.

"Nothing,"
he mumbled.

"Fine,"
I said, pulling my body away to roll over and get up. He gripped onto me not
allowing me move an inch.

"I
don't like other guys touching you," he mumbled quietly.

"Other
guys? What are you –?"

"At
the beach," he mumbled his response. I thought about it and remembered the
guys at the beach, friends in which I’d grown up.

"Oh
my god." I was yelling. "So this is about jealousy? You're all over
me because you're jealous of someone touching me?" I had to admit I was
flattered but mostly irritated. "Like I'm some new toy for you."

"No,"
he groaned. "Okay yes, a little." He huffed and removed his hand from
me to rub over his face. "I'm kind of…territorial…with you," he
whispered. "You don't belong to them or with them."

"Okay,
first, I'm not with them, and, second, who is it you think I belong to? You?"

He
stayed silent.

"So,
you think of me as some sort of possession of yours?"

"No!
Christ, Mia, that's not what I am saying," frustration filled his words. I
knew he was struggling with something, but just the mention of me 'belonging'
to someone was annoying as hell.

"So,
then you're saying you can claim me with sex or something?" My irritation
was unmistakably evident now.

"I
didn't plan anything," he spat, but moved in even closer to my body. "The
thing
, this feeling, just took over and I couldn't stop. I didn't want
to stop."

His
mouth was close to my skin again, his warm breath wafted over my skin. I didn't
know how to respond to what he was saying. I couldn't think straight with his
body pressed so close and his lips just millimeters from my skin. I shifted
away from him. He rolled onto his back, leaving an inch of space between us.

Waking
up the next morning, I wasn't surprised to find myself alone. However, I was a
little surprised at the way Christopher avoided me for the rest of the week at
our house. I had to admit I missed his presence, but if I was being honest I
was also pissed he would avoid me based off what happened. It was ridiculous. He
was ridiculous.

*
* * * *

Just
being close to her, made my chest lighter. Spending time with her and Ryan made
me remember the fun times spent with my mother. It was something I hadn't let
myself feel in a long time, something that would have been impossible to do –
until now.

All
the sand getting into everything is just damn annoying, hence my distaste for
the beach. Then watching those two guys paw all over Mia I now hate the beach.
When we got back that night, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Seeing her with
another guy touching her, consumed every thought.

Sitting
up after everyone went to bed, I couldn't let it go. The two dark skinned men
grabbing at her and throwing her into the water, their hands and arms around
her as they wrestled. Her sitting with her legs on their shoulders. The knot in
my stomach wouldn't loosen and the fiery pull of her strengthened.

When
I went to her room I didn't even think about how loud the door would shut when
I pushed it, all I could think about was her and the feeling intensifying the
closer I got to her. Forming a coherent thought into words was pointless. I
really didn't even know what I was going to do.

Once
I finally touched her, pressed my body and my mouth to her, it was as if a bomb
went off inside of me. The taste of her mouth and skin was astonishing. I'd
never experienced anything like it. Her scent intensified around me, soaking
into every part of me. Desire flooded every movement and thought. Everything
felt right.

I
relished it until she protested. She stopped me, but she didn't deny the
feeling between us, this connection. Still she stopped me and was irritated
with my behavior. She fell back to sleep and I stayed silent. I thought about
the night and still felt the overwhelming draw to her. She rejected me. She
didn't want me like that, the way I wanted her. Maybe I was crazy.

Leaving
before she woke up, I attempted to keep my distance from her the rest of the
time we were there. Not going to her room at night and not staying in the same,
room alone with her or too close to her became my new routine. I was avoiding
her, but if I didn't I would just grab her and pull her to me again. She didn't
want that, she didn't want me that way, so I was desperate to distance us.

Distant
is what we now were.

Chapter
Twenty

Everyone
was tired on the plane to Pittsburgh. Since it was June, Ryan accompanied us,
Una and Serena had hired Andrea, our new personal assistant and traveling
nanny. Andrea was a sweet girl. She'd been a personal shopper and assistant for
a semi famous model, a B list actress, and she had experience with children.
Andy had grown up the oldest of ten kids and worked for almost three years in a
daycare during college. It was a bonus that she was a fan. The fit seemed
perfect.

Christopher
still kept his distance, ignoring me for the most part. So, my pride put us
back into our original silent avoid and evade agreement. Regardless of the fact,
it hurt more than I wanted to admit.

In
Pittsburgh, we performed at an open-air amphitheater for two nights, then the
weekend before the Fourth of July at their river regatta, though the city was
already prepping for the annual event.

Having
free time between the events, we took Ryan out on some excursions.

The
Pittsburgh Zoo became our outing for Pittsburgh. It was extremely humid, but at
least we had a personal escort to minimize the crowds of people swarming us.
All of us, except for Chris, who chose not to come along. It was hard, but I
hid my undesired disappointment well.

Elliott
and I stopped at just about every place food was available. Everyone sat in a
private animal showing where Ry could get close enough to touch and feed
animals with the handler. It was great until they brought out the tarantula.
Once the fury eight-legged menace was before us, I shuddered.

"Oh
hell no!" Swinging my leg over the wooden bench, I ran to the back of the
wooded enclosure.

"What's
the matter, are you afraid of spiders Mia?" Jimmy taunted and made creepy
spider leg movements with his hands.

"Ones
the size of my face? Yes!"

"You
are such a girl." Elliott teased.

Pulling
at the collar of my t-shirt, I looked down.

"Well,
what do you know, I have boobs." I looked back at Serena and Elliott's
amused faces. "I guess that makes me a girl, huh?"

"Perhaps
I should thoroughly check other areas to be sure."

There
was a loud crack when Serena’s hand met his shoulder.

"Oww,
shit baby!" Elliott rubbed his arm and Serena glared at him. "I was
only joking." He whined.

"Well
joke like that when you aren't around my very impressionable child." She
turned back to Ryan, who was using his index finger to touch the spider. I
cringed.

"Isnot
dat bad An Mia." Ry looked up over the fuzzy creeping spider.

"You
just keep the creepy crawler over on that bench with you." The animal
handler chuckled at my behavior.

After
the long stay in Pittsburgh, we were off to New York. We pretty much had a week
to ourselves with the Fourth of July weekend. I spent most of my time with
Serena and Ryan. We took him to FAO Schwartz so he could see the large toy
store. Elliott bought him a couple of things much to Serena's displeasure. It
was nice to see Elliott bond with Ryan. We made sure visit Coney Island and the
Bronx Zoo as well.

The
days we weren't sightseeing with Ry, we were in a recording studio working on
upcoming projects. Nobil Records had acquired a New York location during a
merger with a small New York production company a few years ago. They kept the
studio after they closed the company's main office.

When
the Fourth finally arrived, we gathered to watch Macy's Fourth of July
Fireworks. It was amazing. Ryan's face brightly lit and his eyes were so wide.
He sat on Elliott's shoulders looking straight up into the sky with amazement all
over his face.

Christopher
remained distant and did everything he could to avoid me at all cost. I hated
that we'd returned to being so ignorant of each other. After everything that
happened, I never would of predicted we would slip back to this routine.

Soon
concert day arrived. We played in New York City, then Buffalo, and then hoped
on the buses, destination Springfield, MA. We took Ry to some beaches. It wasn't
as warm, since a storm front had moved in, but he still enjoyed the kite flying
and collecting seashells.

The
weeks and months began to roll by quickly. Traveling frequently from
Philadelphia, PA, to Charleston, WV, and then to Columbus and Youngstown, OH,
to Atlantic City, and Charlotte, NC. In between the concerts, there were early
morning phone calls into radio interviews at the butt crack of dawn.  Then
there were the quick flights to New York for morning television shows and
sometimes a late night show on the same day.

It
was at our stop in Richmond, VA, during the last week of August, I started to
feel the effects, my throat started to feel scratchy and sore, and then it
moved into my ear.

Una
convinced me to see a doctor when she started bringing up things like hearing
and voice damage. She arranged for a doctor to visit the hotel instead of me
trying to get into the office and causing a crowd of people to show up.

Surprisingly
enough Richard was instrumental in making connections with the doctor. They
were friends from college who still kept in touch. Richard had been following
us in person much more than I thought he would.

The
doctor came in and did the basics. Pulse, blood pressure, checked my ear, nose,
and throat. He took a culture of my throat, but could already see swelling in
my ear and tonsils. He called in a prescription and Andrea went to pick up the
antibiotics along with other medicines he wanted me to start.